Thursday, July 9, 2009

REAL WOMEN, don't always shave their legs.


Woman the fuck up Chelsea. Woman up.

Chipped blue nail polish isn't cute anymore, you're not 14.

You're a grown ass woman who should wear eye cream, who has found the perfect department store moisturizer, and smells like lavender, and eucalyptus (I'm just guessing this is what a real woman smells like-it seems "spa" like and grown)....

.... It's really hard to take a woman seriously when she smells like a fucking baked good; sugar cookie, almond biscotti, etc. Even though, I love it.

This whole "needing to be more of a woman" thing started the other day, of course, while I was nearly naked- (since we always make rational decisions about ourselves when we're naked?) I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror; parading about my house in my torn, faded, 3-year-old? thong, my mess of untamed hair and split ends. Then, I looked at my hands, and my feet, a vision of a spa day, long, long ago. Big toe painted? Sure- what, you mean you paint all of your toenails? It all became clear....

I want to be the kind of woman who gravitates towards the Real Simple magazine at the grocery store. Who buys linens. I want to be the woman who showers everyday....and busts out the curling iron just because. Who doesn't think it's acceptable to wear sweatpants all day long...

The woman who knows how to pair meals with the perfect wine. Who gets out of bed before 9am and has a morning ritual that involves rose water and meditation. Who buys soy milk and nice purses.

I want to be the fucking Kardashians meets Giada De Laurentiis, meets Kate Hudson- so it looks like even though I'm put together, I'll still drive with all the windows down in the car and drink microbrews, not simultaneously.

I want to buy aprons with patterns of beachy landscapes, and kittens. No I'm not fucking joking. I want to have a proper teapot and make side dishes, instead of a measly pot of pasta with canned sauce (my Italian Grandmother is rolling over in her grave right now, "canned sauce!? THE BLASPHEMY!") I want to know how to make a special marinade and have the perfect substitution for when I'm out of vegetable oil.

I don't know if it's what happens when you're disgustingly in love- or when you're just a hormonal hot mess and all you can think about are fucking bundt cakes, but I want to be a person who would even OWNS a bundt cake pan??


The truth is, I think I want to be that kind of woman....but I'm NOT that woman.


Right now, I'm the woman who; wears a messy bun five out of seven days, doesn't always wash her face before she goes to bed, who forgets her Granny's birthday, and writes important information on gum wrappers. I'm the the woman who should change her sheets more often, doesn't know how to cook a decent piece of meat, and wears Dr. Pepper chapstick.

I'm the woman who can't keep her mouth shut, even when it's inappropriate to speak up. The woman who would rather cook together than alone, or just dine out for that matter. The woman who says vagina too often in public and gets distracted staring at people's asses in yoga class. I'm the woman who isn't afraid to do some ball busting, who has never watered or owned a plant and who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to rap to Biggie Smalls out loud, at the gym.

....could be worse I suppose....



What kind of woman are you????? Sorry men.


The blog one year ago today: Preservatif?














108 comments:

SassyLittleGinger said...

i actually do have on chipped blue nail polish right now, and my hair smells like cupcakes because my conditioner is vanilla scented. and i LOVE it!

what's wrong with that? cupcakes smell better than eucalyptus, and my blue nail polish is more kickass than a french manicure.

cavy said...

i'm sporting red chipped polish on my fingers and purple chipped polish on my toes. we're awesome.

and dr pepper chapstick OWNS ALL.

Mb said...

DrPepper chapstick? I think I love you. Please tell me it's lipsmackers/bonne bell.

I go through the similar routine of self-analysis in the morning. I have this internal struggle with perfume. To wear or not to wear. So much effort.

tmamone said...

I'll still drive with all the windows down in the car and drink microbrews.

Hopefully not at the same time!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

sassy- i FORGOT TO MENTION, I LOVE SMELLING LIKE A CUPCAKE SHOP. That's the whole point I suppose, i "think" I want to be the kind of person who wants a french manicure, but I ALMOST ALWAYS choose electric yellow....or something along those lines.

Cavy-double colors. love it.

mb- YES IT IS BONNEBELL :)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

tmamone- HA, you got me. lol. no, no, I'm not the drunk driving woman :)

bakingwithplath said...

Oh dude, I feel you. My nail polish is chipped blue, too. Only half of my toes are painted. I often forget to wash my face before bed and I ran out of perfume months ago and never got around to buying more. I am also wearing a baseball hat. FAILURE.

Eponine said...

I hear you... it's been months since I could afford a pedicure so my (..blue...) toenail polish is grown out... and forget my fingernails, they're just a mess. And my eyebrows?! Bleh.

It seems that chipped blue nailpolish is the way of the recessionista.

But how old are you? I wouldn't be rushing into housewife mode if you're still young enough to get away with quirky fun colors and scents.

Personally, I'm 25 with a pierced nose and I desperately wish beyond all else that my job would let me dye my hair hot pink (c'mon, it looked HOT in high school!). I want to grow down more then I'm interested in growing up, although I do want some grown up things... like a better ("real") job, and a nicer apartment and furniture.

Jess said...

I'm the kind of woman who WANTS to be classy and polished and have a house that's always prepared for unexpected guests. But instead I'm the kind of woman who wears jeans or casual dresses almost every day, usually has chlorine traces in her hair and dog hair on some of her clothing, rocks at her job to the detriment of several errands that always need to be run, and has a house that can be made guest-ready via ten minutes of frantic straightening.

Victoria said...

Sounds like I am pretty damn similar to you and frankly tired of feeling like I should be any different. At the ripe age of 46 I realize I will never be that other type of woman and for that reason will never feel like an official grown-up in the society we live in. Truth be told if those things really mattered to me, to my personal soul, (not just hypnotized into believing they should matter because I am female) then I would be that type of woman. Hell, none of it is rocket science. I say it's time to broaden the definition as to what a woman is.

Sarah said...

really? i don't think you should be that kind of woman. it would make for a pretty boring blog.

i'm the kind of woman who wears pink sparkle nail polish, rides her bike to the bar, likes to bake and smell like cupcakes, wears cuffed jeans and flip-flips 5 days a week and still dances around in her underwear while getting ready every morning.

i only appear to be an adult ;)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

bakingwithplath- as long as it isn't a Von Dutch hat we're good. lol.

Eponine- I had to make a couple changes in the blog just now, because what I really mean is I THINK I want to be that woman, but I'm not. So, I semi- desire being housewifeesqu and sometimes, it's a lot of fun to play that role.....but it's not me now, or any time in the near future.

Jess-I think that sounds like the fantastic woman- ten minutes for unexpected guess? that's just enough time.

Victoria- AMEN. AMEN.

brookem said...

i think a good balance of the real simple magazine woman and the bright blue nail polish woman would be the bees knees.
im the kind of woman who is currently rocking a french mani, a teal pedi, blue mascara (hello 1984!), messy windblown hair, who cleans her cat's litter box in her thong, and never arrives to work without lipgloss on..
OVER my dr. pepper chapstick.
(holla for bonnebell!)

lollygagger said...

this is fantastic b/c i think so many women can relate to it. there's always something more we want to do right?!

i would love to be able to look "put together" every day with a sweet ass outfit, etc. but then i get tired because it *does* take a lot of effort and i end up saying - oh who cares?

and the aprons. i'm with you. i seriously LOVE them even though I hate to cook.

denvermusicscene said...

You're perfect. Cupcakes OR lavender.

Herding Cats said...

I love this post. It's pretty close to how I feel everyday when I'm striving to "perfect" this image I have in my head of what I should be.

Instead:
I am a 26 year-old that could spend the whole day reading, wants to cook amazing meals but is too lazy, exercises half-heartedly, hates clutter, loves bad reality tv, and bites her nails when nervous.

Nerdy Girl said...

I'm the type of woman that has finally learned I can't compare myself to others because I will ALWAYS feel I am lesser than someone else. I think we always have a feeling there is some sort of "ideal" but in reality, we all have our flaws (even people who appear “perfect”) and being happy about it and accept ourselves is what makes a real woman! We can always improve ourselves, and we should try to better ourselves, but never try to be perfect. It's hard though. Yes, I always give my toenails a French manicure, even in winter, but my fingernails still look like crap (chewed off). Love your flaws, because you don't want to be a mindless zombie drone! My friend and I got into a conversation about wondering what "real ladies" talk about. We aren't the type to talk about fashion and such. We talked about c-section babies versus the ones that had to come out of vaginas. One's tougher but had to come out of their moms vagina, yet the other was born a more sophisticated way but couldn't have survived if they had been born years ago.

Mishi said...

first of all - Dr. Pepper chapstick? Hahahahaha...that brings back my lipsmacker days. I was ALL about the Passion Fruit chapstick.

What kind of woman am I? Hmm...raging food snob meets wild inability to take care of the little things. Like always having extra toothpaste and toilet paper on hand. One of my goals is to be the girl who always has back-up toiletries, just because.

Jules said...

It's 3:15 and I'm sitting in a wife beater with no bra and flannel pj pants with my bangs in a barrette..... does that tell you anything?

But I don't do blue nail polish. And I do own a bundt pan.

notthelifeiordered said...

I've totally been rocking the chipped bright yellow toe nail polish for weeks now. I like to pretend people don't notice.

I often have the same feelings as you, wanting to be more put together I guess you could say.

La Petite Belle said...

i sound like what you want to be- but saying it sounds SO self absorbed!!

Who? Me? said...

I'm the kind of woman who wears chipped toenail polish, has a brazilian every three weeks (that's a new one), whose favorite color is pink, who has a tramp stamp but isn't a tramp, who's a total tomboy, but really enjoys dressing up. I'm a mess of contradictions!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

lollygagger- I'm glad I'm not the only one on the apron kick.

Denver music scene- Oh....you love me :) I love you too.

herdingcat-s we sound very similar. Bad reality tv included.

nerdy girl - i agree and I have to say that conversation with your friend sounds like a conversation I'd have.

mishi- OOOO Im adding that one to the list!

Jules- what kind of barrette? because lately I've been using the little kid pastel ones shaped like ducks that you see in babies hair.

notthelife- deny and deny. People usually dont really care about the chippy nails.

la petite belle- Not at all, it's who you are!!!

Who? mE?- But what a lovely mess of contradictions?!

RecoveringActor said...

but Dr. Pepper chapstick is awesome!! That's what my best friend (who is 25) wears... she's tried "big girl lipstick" but always goes back to the Bonne Belle Dr. Pepper.

And I'm the kind of woman who reads smut at least once a month. Right now? Vampire smut. Oh yeah.

Gina said...

Oh my god, I totally feel you! I am currently rocking a messy bun in order to hide my dark roots and split ends. My legs need to be shaved and my nail polish re-applied. And as for perfume and chapstick? Totally slacking in that department right now.

I was just thinking about all of this recently, how I feel the need to put more effort into my "womanly" appearance and talents. I think it has to do with just turning 24 and realizing more and more that I should really move on from the "College Girl" look.

Erin said...

I love this post.
I feel like this a lot of the time.

Jen said...

I'm reading your post whilst wearing sweatpants...that I've been wearing ALL day. You described me to a T, and I'm not talking about the type that you want to be. I'm ok with it. ;-)

ablogofherown.wordpress.com said...

Um, yes. Sign me up please.
I find that being That Woman requires Spending That Amount of Money and I would almost always rather get the Target dress and take a weekend trip than buy a fancy purse.
I'm the Woman who spends the afternoon in a sports bra watching Wife Swap after working out. I'm the woman who has shot rifles in skirts and baked cookies in combat boots. I'm the woman who really should brush her hair more and not spend half an hour in the morning staring into the closet and the fridge.

One Sassy Girl said...

Umm, we need to be friends. While we'll never commiserate over chipped nail polish (maintaining a decent manicure is a perverse goal of mine), we share a love for putting it all out there. So glad I found your blog!!
BTW, while we can all stand a little improvement, forget all that kittens-on-aprons shit and carry on being you. There are other kitten'ish aprons out there - sex kitten, I mean. Ones that you wear with your 3 year old thong for that special guy... buying one of those is money well spent.
http://www.hotpieceofsass.com/

ceecee said...

You stare at peoples' asses during yoga class?

Is that what I care about the most in this post? LOL, I think so! I'm so bad...

Your post was funny...and some things are true, i.e. the chipped nail polish. I did that once to myself, and right away I thought UNPROFESSIONAL (I said this about myself, not about others).

To be honest, I'm not that woman either...or YET. Perhaps when I have my own home, it'll change a little bit...

I have my own sense of style, and that doesn't include wearing high heels 24/7. I only wear them when it's a special occasion. I don't spend hours putting on make up, trying to look better than what I look now. The closest to make up I wear is eye shadow and a bit of lip gloss...I do wash my face every day though, and shower every day.

But I'm definitely no where near the woman you described, and partly because I'm lazy and the other is because of my fiance. He loves me for what and who I am, and I don't need to try super hard.

Just be you.

just me said...

I'm an Italian woman who doesn't go all ITALIAN when she says "prosciutto"

I'm looking at you, Giada.

Erica said...

CTS-
Thanks for making me feel a bit normal. Sometimes I see other ppl/read other blogs and think Maannnn why can't I be that 'put together'?! Since my bf and I bought our house in October I've been thrown into grownuphood/trying to fake being a domestic diva and it SUCKS! I hate cooking real food and doing my hair and picking out a real outfit and cleaning... Ugh. I guess for some ppl it comes natural and for others it's an acquired taste (hopefully I'll acquire it some day?!)

Children of the 90s said...

I think I'd rather smell like biscotti and Dr. Pepper chapstick any day. I still have my old Bonne Bell soda flavored lipsmackers around here somewhere.

I would also love to be that kind of woman, but I live in relative poverty and usually have to choose between food and pedicures.

Abra said...

I'm the kind of woman who's JUST LIKE YOU wow. I was starting to get depressed because I too want to be a mixture of the perfect woman (conscientious, organized, beautiful, sexy, and STILL carefree and fun), and lately I've become a bit lazy (not always washing my face before I sleep - TERRIBLE!) and uninspired.

Your post reminded me that everyone goes through periods like this, though, and I can totally be whatever type of woman I want to be. Same with you! :)

Jaime said...

this is so me i <3 it! i wanna be that woman but i'm too damn lazy/broke.

Rosie said...

Chelsea I've been reading a long while, cos you're funny and smart and all, but today, wow -- you've officially become a heroine! I love you. I can't begin to say how much!

Katelin said...

right now i'm the woman who feels like i'm playing dress up when i put on make up and heels. and side dishes? what are those!?

yeah i really can't wait to be the kind of woman that does stuff like you talk about. but i feel like it's okay if i take a while to get there.

Ali said...

Oh I am SO more the woman you are than "that" other woman.

Love it.

Kristin said...

I'm the kind of woman who sometimes forgets to wash her hands after changing a poopy diaper. Sleep deprivation is a biotch.

Felisa said...

Can I just say that I LOVE your blog? I mean, I know I've been commenting here for awhile now but I have about a million unread items in my google reader but I tend to gravitate towards yours even though your name isn't alphabetically at the top of my subscriptions. You make me feel stable. Or at the very least, you make me feel like I'm not the only crazy person in the world. But you make crazy look good!

I painted my toenails a few days ago and less than 30 minutes later, I put socks on. Now I have chipped red toenails with fuzz all over them from the socks.

I suppose I wish I were more of a classy, calm and collected woman who can have people over for a dinner party, wear a little black dress and not get sauce all over it and wear a white glove on my hand which I'll use to fan my laughter when I laugh like a classy woman. But I'm the girl who invites people over for dinner and greet them with a towel on my head, with a plain white shirt and running shorts. At least the food is good... that is, once I finish cooking 30 mins after the guests arrive.

Bayjb said...

I love not shaving my legs and blue nail polish, I don't care. I still wear chipped nail polish and write notes on my hand because I can't f*cking remember stuff sometimes.

I'm a nice mix of masculine/feminine.

Meeks said...

Dude. Get out of my brain! I was just saying that I wish I were one of those women who get up at 6am, go to the gym, shower and arrive at work impossibly fresh. And then still look together for after-work cocktails.
I roll out of bed ten minutes before I'm supposed to be at work, shower with my eyes closed, arrive 14 minutes late every goddamn day, and spend the evening on the couch, dressed in my gym clothes but never actually making it.
Sigh.

Susan said...

Not one of my nails are the exact same length because I'm the type of woman that bites her nails when she gets stressed - which is often. My lips are frequently stained with red wine, usually a shiraz, and even though I was never the type of girl to even think about things like weddings, I secretly can't wait to plan one and no, I'm not engaged.

sid said...

I'm the girl who stores stilettos in the boot of her car just IN CASE. I'm the girl who has miracle eye cream in her bag. I'm the girl who has dark circles under her eyes. I'm the girl who hasn't had a good night's sleep in ages.

Kathryn said...

well, my chipped nail polish is white. People asked me whether i was a)wearing correction fluid on my nails or b) had lost circulation to the ends of my fingers.
Don't change, you're far more interesting with chipped blue nail polish than you would be with a perfect manicure :D

Shannon said...

I'm struggling to find the balance between my mental maturity (I seriously am a 40 year old woman trapped in a 24 year olds body) and the inner child that lives in my heart that just wants to burst out and run back to the days of the 90's.

floreta said...

i love your writing voice! and hahaha i chuckled about getting distracted by asses in yoga class. that'd be me too :D i'm a woman who doesn't shave my legs, but shaves everything else..

i'm a woman who can't cook worth beans and eats out more often than i should because of it..

Michelle said...

I've always wanted an apron!


...I'm 23 and I eat PB&J for lunch 3 times a week.

rachel said...

right now, i'm sitting at my desk with chipped pink nail polish on all but three of my toes. i haven't brushed my hair because it was perfectly messy this morning, in a way probably only an olsen twin can pull of... but i'm rocking it anyway. i use tinted moisturizer instead of foundation and i wear too much eyeliner during the day. i'm the girl that throws caution to the wind, spends money she doesn't have and goes on "vacation" for 20 hours. i own more flip flops than actual shoes and prefer to drink my wine straight out of the bottle. oh, and i like to say vagina. a lot. i'm sure people judge me, but i wouldn't have it any other way.

xo

Grace said...

This is so great, like cleansing, as I sit here in my second hand terry cloth robe at 10:00am eating peanut butter out of the jar with my three and five year old boys.

longredcape said...

I am writing a post on this right now. Hope you don't mind! I am linking to you in it.

Alanna said...

I'm the kind of woman who wears flannel PJ's with duckies on them to bed when I own about a dozen much sexier silky lacy numbers. I'm also the kind of woman who doesn't smell like anything nice (and by nice I mean biscotti and Dr. Pepper) because I'd rather have an extra 20 minutes of sleep than get up and shower before work. And I haven broken out my curling iron since high school graduation... good god, I'm a wreck.

Wonderful said...

I like wearing an apron while I cook because I feel like a 1950s housewife, but in reality, I love my sweats and flip flops, I hate getting up early so I never will be that girl who gets up an hour early just to fix her makeup and curl her hair. Nope, I'm more of the "I have 10 minutes before I have to get out of the house so I'd better put on some lip gloss and mascara and call it good" type of woman.

kage said...

Every time I try to buy proper perfume I always come home with cotton candy body spray...and then I spray it in my hair. And my aunts still give me the hairy eyeball when they see my hideously chipped nail polish...they might be convinced that I paint it on that way. My fiance's brother's wife bakes pies, grows herbs and sews things....I only eat pies, I smoke herb and I can't even sew on a button. I'm still waiting for my magical transformation into a real woman...I turn 25 on Sunday, maybe it'll happen then?

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Thank. You.

And the kind of woman you thought you wanted to be? I've wanted to be that kind of woman, too. But I've got to say-- I've MET that kind of woman. And underneath all that California cool, she is one uptight son of a bitch.

Gabbi said...

I'm sort of stuck in the middle between the woman you want to be a little of the woman you are :) I like the woman you are more than the one you want to be though, to be honest, it's more fun.

shine said...

I do own three aprons. And I love to cook.

But right now, I am an almost 30-year-old woman whose hair is in braided pigtails. I would rather wear flip-flops than heels, and if they still had that Hello Kitty hair dryer at Target it would totally be mine.

Ivy :: Fusionbox said...

You'll get there. It's something that happens gradually and then suddenly you wake up one day and it just is. And then you miss not having to have a leather purse, not knowing how to iron a man's shirts, not always saying the right things at parties, and not being able to wear orange nail polish.

miss. chief said...

i think you sound pretty great right now, you should try and combine the woman you are now with the other one in some way where you retain your bad-ass self :)

me? i'm the kind of woman who can't justify buying a new pair of shoes but can justify thousands of dollars of tattoos. i'm the kind of woman who wears sports bras because they're comfortable. i'm the type of woman who has clothing with monsters on it. like...a lot. including a dress with frankenstein on it. i'm the kind of woman who doesn't wear jewelry that isn't semi-permanent haha
i could go on and on :)
this post was fun to read

E said...

I have an obsession with the covers of Martha Stewart magazines. I want my life to be like one of those. It's not.

I still call my mom about everything. If a button falls off my favorite sweater? I Call mom. How the hell long do I bake a potato? Call mom. How do I know if eggs are going bad? Call mom. Stains? Call mom. ETC.

Melissa said...

Great blog you've got here!

That one girl said...

I'm the type of girl that isn't ready to get prego again because I like getting wasted too much?

Oops.

Jenni said...

I'm glad that you, and myself, are not that type of woman. Being yourself is so much more fun and exciting. If we all were a copy of the Kardashians meets Giada De Laurentiis meets Kate Hudson then what fun would that be?

Now for me? I'm the type of girl that so desire to find a good man, yet too stubborn to settle for just any man; I hate being alone, yet I'll suffer so I don't have to suffer in a bad relationship just to not feel lonely. I'm the type of girl that wears gym clothes just as much as I do 3 inch stilettos. And I'm the type of girl that still bites her nails everyday even though I want nothing more than to have pretty nails like all the other girls.

Ah, your post are always so refreshing.

Elizabeth Marie said...

I'm the kind of woman who pays for extensions and then wears a bun most days.

Dr pepper chapstick is a gift from baby jesus. And I never want to buy linens k thx.

Rebekah said...

I'm the type of woman who has grown-up things like a mortgage and really wants to just go back to apartment living so someone else will mow the lawn and fix the water heater. I'm the type of woman who loves blue polish but wears it on her toes so it doesn't look trampy at work.

nicoleantoinette said...

I want all the same things you want- but I'm no where near there yet. I keep thinking it's just going to HAPPEN, but recently, I've realized that I have to MAKE it happen.

Meghan said...

Being THAT woman sounds exhausting. I bet she takes a lot of Paxil and drinks mimosas out of perfect glasses to 'deal with the day'. I'd rather paint my chipped tootsies while chugging diet coke and eating bagel bites any day.

Ace said...

I want the opposite. I am that woman, I have a moisturizer, I own a pie plate and a cake tray. I have aprons and I scrub the floors and can bake and cook and have a pantry. I use a french press to make good coffee and I bake muffins. I have a boyfriend of 2 years with whom I share a beautiful, painted, decorated apartment and three charming animals. I remember birthdays, I have a date book,I tweeze my eyebrows and shower every day. I am completely and totally put together. And I effing hate it.

Moving to New York made me realize I am not a housewife nor do I want to be. I am a musician, I have chipped red nails, I never dry my hair, I only ever wear eye liner and yes, Dr Pepper Chapstick every day. I don't do my laundry, I run around naked on Brooklyn roofs, I write music and sometimes I sleep all day, I don't always have money, in fact I almost never do, I drink 40's and I'm ok with it. I never wear perfume and my dresses are always a bit too short. And you know what? I'm so much happier. Don't try and be something you aren't, you don't have to be june cleaver to be happy or sexy or wonderful. It does have a lot to do with being in a relationship and feeling this pull towards settling down, but if it isn't you then that's not only fine, it's fantastic.

thegirlin3k said...

Being someone you aren't is sooo exhausting. Your post made me really think about the kind of woman I am and inspired a post on my own blog. Thanks, Chelsea!

Jeanine said...

i'm the woman who knows how to do all those things but gets to start fresh at age 34 and feel your age. i'm the new single woman. the woman that goes to garage and estate sales on weekends and buys vintage avocado and butter-colored pyrex dishes and retro radio clocks and old turquoise bottles to fill with orange gerber daisies, i'm the woman that shops at the healthfood store and buys lemongrass hand soap and yes, i do smell like a spa, but i'm also the woman with tangled hair and unshaved legs, i'm the woman who owns a yoga mat that is filthy from walking outside barefeet (in the city), i'm the woman that talks loud and laughs loud, i am the woman that makes a mean puttanesca sauce but can't fry a decent egg to save her life, i'm the woman with chipped black nailpolish on all her toes.

Not Ruairi said...

You are terrifying to me :|

Awesome Sara said...

oh shit. i guess im not a lady then. at then moment i have no nail polish, i hate the smell of euchaluptus (or howwver the fuck u spell it) i smell of baby lotion. i must say if i were a dude i would try to get into my pants too.

LiLu said...

That's why we invented the phrase "hot mess," right??? <--- things I tell myself

reederscorner said...

Amen Sister! I'm def. the girl with the nail polish that is chipped and the messy bun

Melissa said...

Most of those woman are wishing to be you with the messy bun and sleeping past 9:30 deep down. They'll certainly never admit it though.

P.S I think the same exact thing at least 4 times a year. And then write something I fall in love with and get over it.

Jill said...

You sound like the perfect kind of woman...a real woman!

The Fab Gal said...

Ever since I had a child and got married, I have been battling this sterotype of what I should be now. Screw that, bring on the sweatpants and take out!

bluntdelivery said...

1. i SO have chipped blue nail polish right now. forreal.

2. thanks for the linkage... i shall addeth you as well.

3. we are soulmates

Stalker v1.5 said...

I have chipped black nail polish, I never (repeat: never) wash my face before bed and my purse is a Tootsie Roll lunchbox, the old school metal kind.

Loved your post.

allerson said...

get out of my head! im this way too. im not sure i want to be a real woman all the time... but it sounds nice if i were capable of it. as it is, im pretty much the most immature person (my age) i know of. that goes for clothes i wear AND personality, haha.

i still have dr pepper chapstick too! and i still lick it off after i put it on, haha.

Sasi said...

Gosh, your posts are so interesting, love the way you write.

Totally feel you about this post:)

Thanks a lot for your comment.

Gaia said...

Good question...I still don't know and wondering who I'd like to be...
Iknow that I can be a drama queen for stupid things...

I'll let you know who am I when i'll discover it!

justatitch said...

I'm the woman who has the bundt cake pan, a subscription to Real Simple and can cook/bake just about anything---but still likes to dance in the car to "Boom Boom POW!" and dance like an asshat around my apartment in my paint-stained PINK sweatpants. I am a walking contradiction, I suppose, but I'm learning to be OK with that.

Organic Meatbag said...

I'm the kind of guy that let's rip with fart goodness in public, that wears his Blue Velvet "Don't you fuckin' look at me!" T-shirt out in a restaurant, that doesn't freak out about wearing a navy blue shirt with black pants, that doesn't care what people think about my neckbeard, and still opens doors for my wife because I really am a gentleman at heart...

Cee said...

OMG. I just randomly fell on your blog and I think I have a crush on you. I'm supposed to be working yet reading all your old posts. You're hilarious, and what you say is so true.

liadaniele said...

Are you my long lost identical twin?

sarah marie p said...

Oh dang, I don't think I'll ever be that perfect woman. Right now I'm sporting chipped red nail polish and three-day old messy hair. And mascara on only my top eyelashes (I was applying it while driving to work.) Oops, and I need to shave my legs.

I'd like to be the woman with a clean house who loves to cook, etc. etc. but yeahhhhh don't think that's going to happen. And maybe it's OK. But I still want to buy cute aprons ... for when I make muffins out of a box!

Caroline said...

I like wearing cocoa butter by Palmers cos it makes me smell like white chocolate/Milky Bars.

And you've one up on me already - you actually make it to yoga classes!

Lisa-Marie said...

Dude, get the teapot, because it make tea even more awesome, and maybe paint your nails every week or so, becuase it's fun, but screw the rest! Life is WAY to short for being someone you aren't!

Also, boys think cupcake smell is attractive, they must, because mine married me!

Anonymous said...

You have a post called LET'S NERD IT OUT! Awkward Nerd Photos... Unless you want to continue looking like an idiot, you should remove the picture of the legendary Jimmy Slyde from the section called Nerds Tap Too. Calling Jimmy Slyde a nerd shows your ignorance about tap dance and makes the joke on you.

MsCadiGirl (such a fkn lady) said...

GIRL YOU FKN ROCK. I WISH I KNEW A CHICK LIKE YOU AROUND MY WAY...A REAL WOMAN IS JUST THAT...A WOMAN...she doesnt need to rock tight clothing to prove shes sexy or feminine, she doesnt have to rock paint and glossy lips to prove shes a lady, she doesnt need a closet full of 3-4inch stilettos to prove shes all woman..because a real woman doesnt need much to showcase shes all woman. Thank GOD for that, LITERALLY...lol...AND THANK GOD FOR CHICKS LIKE ME AND YOU CHELSEA...YOU FKN ROCK MAMA!!!!! stay cool and down.

MsCadiGirl (such a fkn lady) said...

Omgosh this blog fkn rocks, I thought I was the only chick in the world that does 90% of what all the fly ladies on your blog are sayin...from smokin herb to rockin chipped nail polish to being able to cook only "certain" dishes and not caring to wash her face before she goes to bed and so forth...LOL...such fkn ladies we are...I LOVE YOUR BLOG.

MsCadiGirl (such a fkn lady) said...

Oh and BTW im only 24 and a soon to be married young mama and is fortunate and blessed to have such a fkn man that Loves me regardless of my imperfections and my messy lil miss lazy self...lol...he loves me simply for me. so ladies dont ever feel the need to be the chick in music videos or in magazines because I guarantee ya its alot of men out here that Loves a real woman vs a made up one. No need to be materialistic and so concerned about "VANITY" because in the real world all a real man want and need is a real woman.

MsCadiGirl (such a fkn lady) said...

CHELSEA DONT CHANGE YOU MAMA. TRUST ME IF YOU HAVENT GOT ONE ALREADY THERES A MAN OUT HERE AWAITING A CHIK JUST LIKE YOU ;-)

ANYWAYS..IM that type of woman that forgets to wash off her bronzer before she goes to bed, loves rockin her sexy.....sneaks. lol and cute flats. HATE HEELS and tight hooker clothing..im that type of chick that will go about a month with chipped polish or until it all disppears on its on...LOL...im that type of chick that will drink champagne str8 out of the bottle..and kill a 40oz of beer all on her own..LOL...Im that type of chick that will cruise through the streets at night in my BIG BODY LAC FLEETWOOD bumpin Janis Joplin or some Nas smoking a blunt without gettin noticed or seeming obvious..I barely like to shave my underpits let alone my legs UNLESS I need too..im that type of chick that will curse anywhere I plz and pass gas at any given second including standin in a line at your nearest grocery store......LMAO...yes im that type of chick thats a fkn rock star and far from your average "PRISSY" girl. yet that girl that loves pink and perfume, watchin breakfast at tiffanys to moves like hoodlum, cookin same ol meals and throwin on my cutest to darling outfits. such a unlady like diva yet a diva when the time calls for it.

LOVE ME OR HATE BUT I AM "SUCH A FKN LADY."

Anonymous said...

Your all nasty bitches if you don't shave your legs or shower. Women SHOULD ABSOLUTELY shave their legs you dirty whores. You say women up, I say stop being lazy as fuck. sheesh. I would never go out with hairy legs, fuckin nasty.

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...

I can't be defined. There is beauty in everyone, and I only wish for others to realize this within themselves and to realize how loved they are. I try not to put too much value into the lesser important things in life, and I try to focus on the mission at hand, the goal of humanity, which is to form a greater unity, where it is no longer a world filled with selfish desires and superficial fantasies.
As the glorious women that we are, we must be able to truly give ourselves to the world and find the truth which is that we are all connected, and we are all divine. The people who are helping others are the one's moving forward. Women have far more potential than they realize, so instead of being caught up in a cycle of false images and self-gratification, there is a greater calling.
We need to be vessels of the truth which will happen by listening to the voice within. We must walk through this world without fear and not be distracted by evil.
Everyone needs your help. You have to decide whether or not to care. With your open heart and gentle kindness flowing, you will heal the world with ribbons of radiant light.
We as women need to stop competing with each other, stop being bitchy, keep our cool, and spend less time in the bathroom and more time outside. We need to communicate with each other in a true and heartfelt way to realize that we are a family and we are not alone. You are the love of the world.

Anonymous said...

Chelsea you are very passionate about you place in society and I love that. I know I will never be any other type of women than the one that like to lay around the house all day in my casual dresses or maybe even sweatpants. I am passed the age of wanting to stay out all night wearing name brand clothes so I guess we are very similar you and I.

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