Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I don't hate anything, except Sheryl Crow and suede.


Writing letters to body parts isn't conventional, but neither am I.

Dear stomach,

Yes, I'm talking to you- I know you're afraid I'm going to say something cruel because I talk shit to you constantly. Like it's my job. You're my verbal punching bag. So stop shielding yourself, I'm not going to hit you. This isn't easy, coming from one proud bitch but, I would like to apologize.

Today in yoga when I saw you sneak up and roll over my waistband, I was not happy. Not in the least. You made me look terribly bad in Triangle Pose, you made me less present. You insisted on being an attention stealer. You were testy when someone asked how my "gut" felt and you wouldn't give me an answer and that gave me more reason to curse at you. I've been angry....

But, what I really want to say is; I don't hate you.

Every time I see you, I say mean things. I tell you that you're ugly, that you're fat, that you "need work." I pinch you. Pinching just isn't nice, I learned that lesson long ago after second grade detention which requires scrawling out my actions and apology multiple times on a chalk board (that's not just in movies folks). I know better than to pinch. I also know better than to stick my tongue out at children, but I do that too.....I digress.....

Every time I say something terrible to you, you start believing it. My mind starts believing it and when you're there, working hard, digesting and hiding nicely under my Spanx like a good girl, I turn around and scream "please jiggle less when I'm having sex. THANKS." It's venom, pure venom that I send to you.

I don't hate you, because you house my inconsiderate food combinations, a pot of coffee, Thai food and grapefruits, and never complain like a little bitch who needs to take Tums. I'm sorry for starving you. For telling you, "you'll never go out in public if you don't tighten up" when you've kindly housed my fire, my instinct, and the results of foolish drinking habits and late night Taco Bell.

You're the future home of my hypothetical child. You get along nicely with my kidneys and uterus, you don't fight or try to get them kicked out. You play nice.

I realized today that the things I can't stand about my body are the things I curse at. The things that my eyes ferociously scower. They're the parts that I look at FIRST when my I see my reflection and where almost instantly, I send floods of hateful energy.

That energy BECOMES something. It becomes solid form. Or TRUTH.

I've created the things I hate by hating them in the first place, without reason.

The more I focus on hating my stomach the more "nothing" becomes "something" and all the more reason to continue hating. It's one bitchy cycle. I don't really hate my body. I don't really hate where I'm living, or my feeble bank account. I don't even dislike intensely half of the things I complain about, but by complaining I give myself reason to hate.

Happiness, is my own creation- so I will be happy with my stomach. And my life. At least until tomorrow when I return to being a walking contradiction, cause fuck- sometimes it's OK to throw a "I hate (fill in the blank)" tantrum.



Do you "HATE" anything? AND WHY?



70 comments:

Eidothia said...

Hahhaaa! Wow! Very original... Just when I was talking of freedom from skinny ;)

Well I hate my bottom cos I think it doesnt show any respect to the size 12 of THE LEVIS STRAUSS :) and also I HATE my door bell. Always rings at the wrong time

Lily G. said...

HAHAHA, I love this post. how creative!!

Ali said...

I hate my entire body sometimes, ESPECIALLY my stupid, short legs. UGH.

Ah, that felt kinda good.

Jen said...

Heh! My head, for givin' me migraines. Love this post.

Jess said...

I love your writing! Your posts are always so thought provoking. I generally tend to "hate" certain people...or dislike with a strong passion...that's something I need to work on.

Michelle said...

So amazing!!! I choose to 'hate' hate, xo.

Sarah Von said...

Fantastic, you! For a long time I struggled with my oddly shaped head - nigh-on dinosaur shaped. But recently I went to a hairdresser in Chinatown who felt moved to comment on it while she was washing my hair and told me that I was a smart, driven individual. She got all of that from my bumpy skull? Well, I'll take it!

daisychain said...

I love this post,

I WISH I could name one part of my body that I don't hate.

Herding Cats said...

Thank you for this post. As something who often writes hate letters to her own stomach, thighs, and hips, I completely relate.

Heather said...

Very funny - I too have a love/hate relationship with my body (especially my pesky inner thighs that REFUSE to tone up. Damn rebels) Great post!

ArabianMagic said...

Love this post. no, seriously

Olivia Rae said...

god i'm bookmarking this page to refer back to daily!! my stomach is verbal punching bag too.

Kyla Roma said...

Love this- I don't hate anything about my body, it's too much of a slippery slope for me to start down! Beautiful post.

Who? Me? said...

Ok I started to type a response but...it got lengthy. Pop over to my tumblr or my blog to check it out :) Great post btw.

http://kariknits.tumblr.com/

Sara said...

Hate is a strong word. Although I agree, I strongly dislike Sheryl Crow.

tmamone said...

Well there are the usual things: war, nuclear weapons, political corruption, poverty, injustice, scorching hot August weather. You know, the basic stuff.

I try hard not to hate people, though. Us Jesus Freaks have that whole "love thy neighbor" thing. But it can be hard sometimes when you've got really annoying neighbors, y'know?

Sarah said...

Great post.
After having 2 kids, I hate my stomach. I'm thinking I must be nucking-futs to even consider having a 3rd baby. Then I guess I'll *really* hate my belly.
The darn thing peeps from my pants and slithers out from under shirts. It is just plain sneaky and annoying.
It 'needs work' and I'm trying to whip it into shape. ;)

Jill Pilgrim said...

I hate Mystery from VH1's The Pickup Artist. Oh, and Rush Limbaugh. And Ann Coulter. I think the reasons are obvious on all counts.

Jill Pilgrim said...

Oh, and a boby part that I hate? My ovaries. Damn being a woman, with the menstration b.s.

jax said...

if you don't mind, i am going to read this letter to my arse. it needs a confidence boost

tmamone said...

As far as body parts go, I wish I had better feet. Mine are flat and crooked. When I wear Birks, the big toes sit on top of that thing that's supposed to separate the big toes from the rest.

Nerdy Girl said...

LOL! I love this post. I hate my cankles. I don't get it. I'm not over weight-not even chubby. It's like nature forgot ankles. It's calf fused to foot. From the front it has the appearance of a normal calf-ankle-foot relationship, but as soon as I turn or you see me from the back, you know better.

Ace said...

I'm actually pretty ok with my body, don't freak out and hate me please. There are days when I don't like certain things, being pale for instance can sometimes be a bit disheartening when miss hawaii tropic on the train is showing off her 8 mile cocoa brown legs, but all the same I like my porcelain skin and little freckles. I try and focus on the things I love, like my ass is bangin, even if sometimes there's a bit of cellulite. I have a tiny bit of a pooch under my belly button but I love it, it's a little cushion and it's ok with me. I admit some days I hate my whole body, thanks period, but for the most part I'm pretty happy. After all, we're in our 20's and we are bangin hot, enjoy it!

Rachael said...

I'm with you on the stomach-hating. It just sticks out, no matter how skinny the rest of me is. I don't get it!

Taylor said...

Your blog really is the best one out there. It always motivates me or inspires me or just makes me happy. Thank you so much for another beautiful post. It's so true.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Jill- Yes, obviously indeed- I AGREE.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

AND ACTUALLY- I should add that the title is a bit of a lie, because- I hate many a politician. OR DISLIKE INSTENSELY? i.e. sarah palin and her foolish followers. But that's much too long to write in a title.

Graygrrrl said...

I have to say my stomach has let me down far too many times to count. How can it be the only fat thing on me? Why does it love curry but hate biscuits? Why are girdles not in fashion anymore?

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I hate my stomach too. Though I haven't been doing my yoga lately, probably why.

But, did you know there is a new country song out now, revolving and swinging and dancing and singing about..."Rockin the beer gut" it's halarious, gross, and well, I'm conflicted about it, but I think it means that we all aught to love ourselves even if we rock the beer gut, or even the tiny gut that just started poking up over the top of my jeans when I sit down and I poke at it because I know its there and it bugs me and I look at it and stare at it...

Oh wait, excuse me, I was saying we shouldn't dwell on it. I got carried away...

Lindsay said...

Will you be my life coach? I'm serious, you're so good at articulating how I feel about things and offering up advice on your blog. I'm going to try to stop hating on myself, too.

just me said...

I gotta say, Sheryl Crow is totally on my hate list too.

For no real reason. Just because.

hilary said...

This was the most entertaining post. I hate people who think they know me...when they've only met me once.
xoxo

Phoenix said...

kick ass post, as usual. I'm trying to think of what I hate, drawing a blank...oooh, can I say I hate religious hypocrites? Which, ironically enough, makes me one? Lol!

Also, don't know why, Sheryl Crow kind of annoys me too. hmmmm...

LiLu said...

Ha! You are much kinder to your stomach than I. I will never apologize... TOUGH LOVE is the only way to go! :-)

•¦Amy¦• said...

Awesome post! I love how you just let things out. Gives me a little courage to do the same :)

I'm not too fond of my lower half it always seems not right in some way. I too yell at my body...and my bottom and thighs get the worst of it.
I also hate the over conventional...

floreta said...

i hate my stomach too. cute post! :)

teresa said...

"...i've created the things i hate just by hating them in the first place..."

that is revelatory, indeed.

Andee Layne said...

i dont think we should HATE anything or anyone. You can strongly dis like :)Great blog! Please check out my fashion and lifestyle blog at www.andeelayne.blogspot.com follow mine as i will yours! xo

Felisa said...

Haha that was too funny. I hate my stomach too. I mean, not HATE but strongly dislike. I suppose I should love it too because it's pretty good to me but it really needs to behave and tighten up too...

Doniree said...

I also hate Sheryl Crow.

Becca said...

Pema Chodron writes that "the way to stop a war is to stop hating the enemy." All that yoga is finally sinking in and here you are, a Buddhist philosopher!! Loved this post -- and happy for you (and your tummy).

Amy said...

i hate my thighs most of the time. no matter how hard i work, fuckers stay the same size. unfair. i hate that my calves are short, giving the illusion of being stumpy. i hate my left foot right now, because it's buggered and i haven't been able to run for three days.

Joy @ BigTimeFancy said...

I hate Sheryl Crow's cover of "The First Cut Is The Deepest."

And girls with hair that never gets frizzy - but that's really more of a jealousy thing.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

becca- i LOVE PEMA CHODRON, I've been reading her books for probably 5 years, I highlight the parts I love, she's perfect.

and p.s. to my commenters I'm so glad I'm not the only crow with the Sheryl Crow disdain.

Melissa Blake said...

LOVE THIS POST!!! :)

oliviakate. said...

A great "accept yourself" post, written without some cheesy overtone.

I hate acne. But really, who embraces it?

SimplyValorie said...

Hahaha, this is probably the most creative post I've read in a long time! Way to go, girl!

As for "hating" things -- I "hate" school work when it interferes with the non-existent plans I have on Friday nights. I too sometimes I hate my stomach, but mostly my thighs. THEY'RE STUPID AND DON'T GET ANY MORE IN SHAPE, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN I WORK OUT.

That felt good; I hate them a little less now because I feel bad. Thanks! :]

Organic Meatbag said...

I hate my ass...my ass used to be a point of pride for me, and despite the fact that I was repugnant in high school, girls still smacked my ass...they loved that ass!
Now my ass looks like a plate of mashed potatoes that a clown shoved his face in...so depressing...

KLaw said...

Great post!!!! Yes, I hate my upper arms. I know, most girls do, but this is a sure fire trouble spot. Blech!

Adorably Distracted... said...

i hate my brain somedays... it thinks to much, finds something wrong allll the time. I constantly tell it to chill out and just go with the flow...

ahh yes... and the fact that my ass and stomach are not the same pants size! it would help in the shopping department if they could just agree on a size. preferably the smaller one.

That one girl said...

Oh man, I get so pissed when my body is too big for those damn yoga poses! I mean, who really came up with crazy twisting leg pose standing on one foot and squating. REALLY, my legs are too large to cooperate, but WHATEVER!

We (me and another CO blogger) were just talking about you and Matt! WHat the heck happened to Mr. 5280?! I was told we were all going for a drink and when people start messing with my drinking plans I get testy! :)

hiphophippie.com said...

HO-LEEEE crap! I love you!!! Genius. And btw, I stick my tongue out at kids too. I just can't help it.

Wine and Words said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog Miss Smack. Love that sharp tongue of yours, so if you've now made friends with the stomach, you can point that fire at me...just for the joy of reading. Thoroughly enjoyed this and loved your description on your profile. I like you already.

American in Norway said...

Awesome post... super blog...
Oh, there are so many things i dislike about my body...but oh..well..I have had a lot of good times in this ol'body & am still having a great life.. so I can't really complain...

Off to read more of your posts... : )

CamilleH said...

I hate pessimistic people! The ones always harshin' the mellow... You TRY to make lemonade from a freakin' lemon for them, but they're feelin' more on the idea of a margarita.


had to get that out my system :D

Maggie May said...

You are SO good at this!!!!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

That one girl- LET'S DO IT!

hiphophippie-ah, i love you! yay!

wine andwords- thank you so much for coming by MY blog, :)

american in norway- I'm glad you enjoyed what you've read, AND HEY, I hope ot go to Norway one day!

camille- the way you described it was just oh s perfect lol.

maggie- thanks dear!

life according to celia... said...

i agree with daisy chain! it's a constant struggle and it sucks. and the worst part about it, is that there really is nothing to HATE and i'm just being a stupid baby. and then, i hate myself for being a stupid baby. see what i mean? i do have nice skin, though...

Anonymous said...

I hate people

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

life according to celia- you can never udnerestimate the power of GOOD SKIN!

anonymous- oh man.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE SHERYL CROW!!! SHE COULD SING WAY BETTER THAN YOU EVER COULD!!! I BET YOUR JUST SOME DYKE WHO SITS AT THE COMPUTER ALL DAY AND WHINES THAT SHE CAN'T BE AS GOOD AS SHERYL CROW!!!! LOSSSSSEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!1

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