Commitment is scary.
Even committing to calling commitment scary, scares me. Is it scary? Or should I commit to another equally intense and daunting adjective? hm.
I just saw Julie & Julia (if you haven't seen it, you should AND, I'd like to know your thoughts) as a blogger, I was obviously inspired. Inspired by the fact that this whole blog world really DOES have the power to change your life, in ways beyond your imagination and also inspired by the COMMITMENT. Blogging is like signing a lease, an unofficial agreement- that you will work through and share your life- you will commit to a community and to your MIND and that you will give it a platform to release it's mind-y thoughts on. And in turn, you'll lessen your crazy by becoming your own personal therapist through each blog post and you will possibly, just maybe, put yourself in the position to have something fucking GREAT happen to you. I.E. Julie Powell. She committed. She committed to her beef bourguignon and her blogspot and BAM she's got a damn movie.
When we DECIDE TO COMMIT we aren't allowed to have the option of quiting. Committing is when you're tested by "free will" but you push through anyway- mind over matter. Which is precisely why it stresses me out to the point of breaking into hives. Oh yes, I'm suddenly itching just thinking about it. Even my earlobes itch.
Commitment and I are like Victoria Beckham and smiling. They just don't fit.
I use pencils with sufficient erasers and words like, "maybe", or "I'm pretty sure I can make it...." simply because I want to KNOW that I have the option of changing my mind. That I have the option of canceling if I decide that I want to give myself an at-home pedicure and eat pickles instead.
I have always been a strong believer in "IF IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY, DON'T DO IT." which sometimes, is just a fucking cop out. Because sometimes, if you don't work through it, when whatever it is seems excruciating and impossible- you'll never know that you COULD, even at the worst moments, suck it up, put on your big girl panties and make fucking lemon merigue pie out of rotten lemons.
If you quit before you try hard enough you'll never get a movie. Or a book. Or a promotion. Or a well deserved tap on the back. Or a cheesy "congrats" card from your Aunt Millie.
....and mostly, you'll never get the glory of telling yourself that you stuck it out. You followed through all the way until the goal was met, and you got there wearing pumps. Or- at least I would.....and they'd be metallic.
To me this whole movie was really an example of COMMITTING TO WHAT YOU LOVE.
Because even when you love something, it isn't going to be easy......
You know what's easy? Quitting. Quitting is easy because it comes with no rewards, no bonus, no fucking cherry on top, just a brief sigh of relief until the next thing, that will ALSO be too tough at some point.
Commitment is scary because it's a promise you make to yourself to continue. And there's no better reward than that we receive from the fruits of our own fortitude.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITTING???