Monday, August 10, 2009

SEX is as POETIC as a damn Maya Angelou poem.

"Everyone can be poetic about sex...."
Says My Love, as he rants about how slam poetry needs to be less about sex and more about life. Talking about sex brashly loses its appeal/shock value/originality after a time, is his argument.

Which got me thinking. We're poetic about sex because it's the only thing that taps into a private part of ourselves. It's the only thing that's "sacred." The thing we choose to share with someone, that if we hadn't made the choice would be undiscovered. It's the only thing we're taught to keep private, like it's a "bad" secret.

Talking about sex may not be unique, but the experience you have IS. It's the only thing that's vastly different from person to person, couple to couple. Sex is the one thing that where there's a variable and that's whoever you're with, where you are, how much pizza you've eaten pre-sex, etc.

AND the truth is; sex is poetic because it's beautiful.

It's beautiful in all forms. Even when it's fumbling, awkward, and contrived. Which at the beginning, is usually how it is.

I've been thinking a lot about how repressed we are sexually in America and it cuts me deeply to the core that we'd teach so many people that something SO NATURAL, something as natural as breathing, as the need to be fed, as the desire to hug your Mother, or tell your best friend you love them, that NATURAL quality is morphed. It's taboo. It's "sinful." It's inappropriate. It's "rocking the boat." It's the "we don't talk about that" or "God wouldn't approve." And frankly, the idea that this beautiful, PURE thing is wrong- is the thing that's wrong. Teaching someone that what's natural is actually sinful makes the beauty of it warped.

I understand if your religious beliefs differ from mine......but for me, the thought that you aren't able to touch, to run your fingers up someones back and watch as they develop goosebumps is tragically sad to me. The fact you aren't allowed to feel the anticipation as you clutch onto a new body, new shoulders and new weight. Or that the person you LOVE is "untouchable" until there's a wedding band and a signed piece of paper....that fact, makes me sad.

It doesn't make the love any LESS real if it isn't yet approved by God through law.

You learn through sexual experiences that our bodies, our desires, our needs are all different. You learn what you LIKE. You learn about the power of someone breathing gently on the nape of your neck, you learn what your definition of "soft" and "hard" actually means. And you eventually learn that with your life partner, but meanwhile, 27 years, 30 years, 24 years, whatever the number, you're missing out sexual GROWTH. On experience. On the beauty in those morning-afters where you have to learn to handle yourself with grace as you do the walk of shame into a Starbucks for a pick me up blueberry scone.

Sex IS POETIC. But for many people they're too afraid to express it. They're afraid to express that the thought of the person they love makes them clench their thighs and bite their lip. That the only pure moment they've ever had was when they lay in bed under the density of their love and felt the definition of BLISS. That they could picture every freckle and patch of hair because they were the definition of present the moment he/she pulled you in.

Sex is poetic because it's messy and raw. It's heartbeats and limbs. Mushy and bones. It's an experience that even words aren't worthy enough to define it.


Also, vote for my Tweet "Yoga. Because I'm one Zen son of a bitch." to become a Threadless shirt!


Pretty Unfamous said...

I think sex is definitely poetic. It can be angry, or romantic, loving, tender, or rushed, sloppy, passionate, all things that can describe moods of poetry. Ha. I'd like to think of some haikus that relate to some of my experiences. THAT would be interesting.

Dash said...

Sex is beautiful. This is totally coincidental but I watched a documentary on the HIstory Channel yesterday on the 7 deadly sins. Apparently, it was made up by a certain Pope George a couple of hundred years ago. So, Lust, the most taboo feeling in the world, is actually not so taboo.

Mademoiselle Deva said...

AND the truth is; sex is poetic because it's beautiful.

I totally agree! The saddest thing is that people think too much before, during and after sex. They don't take is as a natural and beautiful thing.
For some people one night stand can give a lot of pleasure and fun. for some people sex is just for their partners. both options are cool.

With every partner we learn sex from the beginning and that's amazing coz we discover it once again.

SEX is definitely POETIC and BEAUTIFUL!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more with you! Lust is one of the most natural instincts we as human beings have. And forcing yourself not to take part in this completely normal act because you think you'll go to hell is awful. Plus, sex reveals so much to you about your partner and I really think it can make or break the relationship in the end. I really love this post :)

Ellie said...

everyone should have it! as often as possible (:
...oh well, actually, everyone should have it if they are in love, they are humans beings, and after age 16.

Anonymous said...

Well I'm not really experienced, but I do believe that sex is a beautiful and poetic union between two bodies and souls. In fact, many Evangelicals are now openly talking about sex as being beautiful and poetic. We still think it should be within marriage, but at least it's not as in the closest as it used to be.

Of course sex can be abused, as we've seen countless times in modern society. From sexual violence to marketing ploys, I think a lot of the beauty and sacredness have been removed from sex. For some, sex is only about getting some cheap thrill and nothing else. It's like people have forgotten what sex really is, y'know?

But like I said, I don't have much bedroom experience, so I might just be talking gibberish.

miss. chief said...

i'm with you!! :) i grew up in a home where talking about sex was rather taboo, and still once in a while find myself flustered about things. which, in turn, frustrates me because i know deep down that i'm being an idiot.

it's so weird how a person's upbringing can affect everything

Erin said...

I think sex is absolutely beautiful and poetic. I also feel the most "in the moment" when I am in the act. It is the only time where I can easily focus on just one thing and tune out all other thoughts.

JUST ME said...

Sex can be every adjective there is.

Just stay away from coconut oil lube... It adds the word "painful" to the end of it.

Aurora said...

*stands up and applauds* I couldn't agree more.

Your post reminds me of a quote by E.L. Doctorow:
“You can't remember sex. You can remember the fact of it, and recall the setting, and even the details, but the sex of the sex cannot be remembered, the substantive truth of it, it is by nature self-erasing, you can remember its anatomy and be left with a judgment as to the degree of your liking of it, but whatever it is as a splurge of being, as a loss, as a charge of the conviction of love stopping your heart like your execution, there is no memory of it in the brain, only the deduction that it happened and that time passed, leaving you with a silhouette that you want to fill in again.”

Sebastian Anthony said...

You're a new country. Religion runs rife with young and disadvantaged souls alike. Opportunism is all that matters in the 'new world'.

Give it a few hundred years and you'll mellow out and be more 'European' about it all :)

kage said...

The idea of sex in north america has become so distorted because it has always been "taboo"...and when young people are growing up they're not supposed to know about it or talk about it so it becomes this naughty, secret thing when they're older. The girls that I went to school with who came from strict households (think lots of sexual repression) turned out to be the ones who went wild and slutty and out of control but still aren't comfortable with looking at sex as poetic or beautiful or talking about it (I'm not generalizing here...just speaking from my personal experience with these specific people). The ones who were allowed to learn about this kind of stuff and embrace it and be open about it turned out to have healthy, sexual relationships where they can talk about sex in a normal way and enjoy it.

Liz said...

I love everything about sex. Talking about it, fantasizing about it, having it. Lol. I'm with you on the fact that it's totally lame how it's considered inappropriate to talk about openly. My solution to that notion is to say fuck it and do it anyway. I'm always the one in my group of friends who is completely comfortable talking about anything & everything sex related. It's nice because I think it makes others around me feel more comfortable about it too when they see someone like me who doesn't make a big deal out of it.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

tmamone- I hear ya, i think sex can be abused or cheapened in the media, etc. I do think that value should be taught on the importance of sex, but sometimes it's not that complicated.....sometimes, you just want it.

Dash- ooo I wouldve like to see that!!

Deva- beautifully put and true

Taylor- absolutely, it's one of the deepest ways to connect...i can't imagine never having been with my man before marrying him. ah!

Michelle- yea over 16 is wise. lol.

miff chief- I've had many people close to me grow up in the same situation and it's really interesting to see what it does to their thoughts on sex, they almost have to untrain themselves and teach themselves that its OK.

Erin- exactly!

ust me- cocunut lube?!?! OUCH and then you just smell like you fucked a coconut?

arabianmagic- AH! What an incredible quite, I LOVE IT. Thank you so much for posting it!

sebastian- you definitely have a good point. Europeans have it right..

Kage- ABSOLUTELY, I've had SO many people that I've known/know have the xact same experience.

Liz-yes, it's definitely difficult if the people around you dont share your beliefs on it.

rachaelgking said...

I always think about that Sex and the City where the Catholic guy Miranda's boning always has to take a shower afterwards. INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE. Sex is fantastic! Just wrap it up. ;-)

Doniree said...

LOVE this post, girl. Sex is poetic. It's FUN. You're right about the new partner thing too - figuring each other out is amazing. Learning what you like, what they like, what gives you goosebumps... what gives THEM goosebumps.

I've been having a conversation about this lately with someone, and it's awesome to not be taboo about the whole thing. To be like "I like THIS," and then to keep up a dialogue that then translates into even MORE poetry...

This post gave me goosebumps. I love it.

Kimberly said...

Definitely poetic.

Stevie said...

"Sex is poetic because it's messy and raw". That hits the nail on the head. The idea that sex/sexuality is somehow not pure is ridiculous. Sex is the most pure act we can engage in. It's at the core of our beings. It's basically what drives us. Excellent post!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

lilu- ah that was the best episode lol!

lilyspeak-thank you :) DIALOGUE IS SUPER IMPORTANT.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Stevie- thanks so much :) the messiness I suppose makes it beautiful

Lindsay said...

I agree, sex is beyond the realm of words. I completely understand if people are waiting for marriage or whatever but it's one of those life experiences that helps you discover new things about yourself. If life is about self-discovery and making the most of the time we have, sex is something that should be cherished rather than shunned.

Phoenix said...

I think sex is poetic because sex is always gonna be a's going to mean something more than just two bodies intertwined, something romantic, or something passionate, or something about control. But it's never plain, or boring, and is never to underestimated. And of course it is beautiful...and the fact that we grew up in a nation that is ashamed of it is tragic.

Just read your Who the Hell is this Chick blog and I am dying in laughter and can't wait to read more of your stories :)

Jenni said...

As always, fabulous post! I love how your describe sex in its many forms.

Sex is beautiful. Sex is wonderful. Sex is about learning and having fun. Sex is messy yet cleansing at the same time. Sex is sex - and well I love it!

You couldn't have said it better here: "It's an experience that even words aren't worthy enough to define it."

Anonymous said...

I never would have thought that sex was taboo in America ....I didn't think ANYTHING was taboo there, tbh!

Except maybe voting Republican...

ANYWAY! Hmmmm, I'm quite conservative about sex in the way I don't agree with one-night-stands or giving it up after a couple of decent dates. I don't want to experience that with just anybody, so I do wait and so far I've been right to do so!
Boyfriend 1, I held out for a couple of months on ACTUAL sex (don't think I left him completely unsatisfied!) and just as I was like Hmmm maybe, I found out that Boyfriend 1 was prowling elsewhere good choice there.
Boyfriend 2, again I waited (for even more reasons than my intial wanting it to be special) and he pushed and pushed and pushed and told me I had to stop seeing me and sex as too different things and other such bullshit Psych 101 lines. We decided to part ways for the college summer, and on our last night I got VERY drunk and gave it up to him. I was ...ok ...about it ...but soon after I realised he had been lining up a new girlfriend during our last few weeks together.
Boyfriend 3 (AKA The Boy) ...I didn't want to wait ...but due to various factors such as his year abroad and not wanting to just do it cos we were alone, we did have to wait a while, but it was DEFINITELY worth it! He was worth it.
I just really wish I hadn't that first slip with Bastard 2's something I'm never going to get completely over.
So yes sex and sex-related stuff can be beautiful as well as downright dirty, lol!

Anonymous said...

You say people are missing out on sexual growth...Do you believe that is true for someone who is not necessarily waiting for marriage but just for the right person?

Deborah said...

My parents just celebrated their
67th anniversary. For 88 and 86 years they have known no other. Until Daddy got sick a few years ago, they were still making "mad love"...I know this because Mommy brags about it! I think the most romantic thing that I have ever heard was my Daddy, as he was in the process of struggling between dying and living this past winter, say to Mommy, "I know every inch of you". He did not die. It was probably the thought of making mad love with my Mommy again that kept him going! **blows kisses** Deborah

Christina (sassysoles) said...

I so agree! What a great way to express the beauty of sex and all that it means. I so enjoy your writing!

FawkesFire said...

that certainly was a thoughtful blog and I'm still rereading it, trying to take it all in. as for the final question...I guess I'm a old fashioned girl....

Sex is a experience between two people who have decided to trust each other enough to make themselves vulnerable to one another. You show who you are both physically and mentally to another human being in that experience and it's not to be taken lightly. And its a beautiful, wonderful thing that words will never fully describe.....

ceecee said...

I enjoy sex. I'm very happy that the one person who I have been having sex with is my fiancé. That's right, people. That has been and will continue to be the only person who I have sex with.

Sex is fun - romantic - rough - steamy... poetic!

The Professional Bridesmaid said...

Hi! New to your blog. Love this post. Like you said. sex is pure. sex is beautiful. it's a time we can truly be ourselves.

Anonymous said...

Sex is fucking awesome.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...


Phoenix- Ah! I'm glad you read it, now you a little bit of information behind why I'm totally insane.

JENNI- thank you!!! :) You did a great job at defining it also

Chicknamedhermia- I definitly think many of us have had moments like that. I've known of a bastard two, for sure. and had experiences with them. lol. and I think what matters if you felt the FEELING of having the RIGHT one.

anonymous- No, I think think waiting for the right person, especially if its your first time, IS PERFECT. AND YOU SHOULD. And I'm not saying a person sould go about whoring themselves out.....every person, even if theyre a relationship that doesnt end up in marriage should be someoneone that feels "right." There's NOTHING wrong with waiting for the right person.

Deborah- AH, thats the sweetest thing i've ever heard.

sassysoles- THANK YOU DEAR!!

fawkesfire- I think connecting mentally is ABOLSUTELY important.

ceecee- and that is beautiful!!! I think it doesnt matter HOW MANY partners you have,as long as you have the one that makes you feel all of those poetic feelings.

professional bridesmaid- thank you so much for coming by!!!! :) CHEERS!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

meeks- GIRL. You're awesome.

Felisa said...

I know someone who waited until marriage and now? More than a few months into the marriage? She hasn't err... climaxed. EVER.

I mean, being Christian and all, I feel like I should be all for waiting till marriage. To a certain extent, I understand why someone would want to wait. But the only waiting I'm willing to do is for someone who I want rather than someone who just so happened to be available when I want it. I'm too impatient and I like all things poetic... And sex is definitely poetic.

Michelle said...

This was amazing. Especially since you hit such a taboo subject, which is often thought as dirty, in such a passionate, non-cheesy way. Basically, I can say I don't feel too pervy haha. Good job! xo.

Jill Pilgrim said...

Yeah, I think sex is pretty awesome most of the time. But, I think that sex can also be a weapon, an expression of violence, or dominance, or even self-loathing. Not to be a total Debbie Downer, but I've volunteered at a Rape Crisis Center for years and I think that, no, sex is not always poetic and beautiful. Now love? Love is poetic. Love is beautiful. Sex can be, but certainly isn't always.

Carmen said...

this is seriously one of the most beautiful blog posts I have *EVER* read.

d said...

I love this post. Truly love it.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Felisa- ah...yeah that's a problem.

michelle- yay i'm glad I didn't make you feel pervy lol

jill- thanks for your comment and I DON'T IN ANYWAY want to come across as not understanding that, CLEARLY there are horrible ways in which sex has been used against people. I completely understand and didn't mean to come across and ignorant to that fact. or insensitive. Love you're right, is poetic and when I'm talking about sex in the post, specifically, it's the kind that's consensual.

la petie and d- THANK YOU ;)

Jenny @ Words on Wendhurst said...

Sex is beautiful, and a wonderful, intimate thing. I agree that we have a skewed view of it. While I have my own "religious" view of sex, I agree that it is made out to be something BAD instead of simply a gift from God.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

jenny- ah absolutely!

Anonymous said...

Wow. That was a fab blog. Love the tinglies. Could not agree with you more. :)

Jeanna said...

I love this Chelsea! You have such a way of putting things - it's such a gift.
I am a very sexual person. I also think it's sad that groups of people think they have to wait until they're married, and then are stuck with one person, without experimenting, without seeing different types of lovers and learning different techniques and FUN differences in each.
Sex is amazing and lovely...and I've enjoyed (almost) every minute of every sexual experience I've had from 16 to 27! Okay, actually maybe 19 to 27. Lol.

Rachael said...

I love the way you lay this out. I was raised religious. Raised to be modest, to "save myself" for my husband, to hide my body. I learned to hate myself and my body because of this. I can't help but be a sensual person and eventually had no choice but to throw of the shameful idea of sexuality. I think that sex in america is distorted beyond imagination. Kids are doing it, just to do it, which i don't necessary think is a good thing. I think that sex can be shared, and it should definitely be a shared experience, between people of a certain maturity level, whether they are legally bound to each other in marriage or not.

Little Red said...

Funny that I should read this today, because only this morning was I laying in bed with my sex GOD, and thinking 'Wow, those who wait until after marriage to have sex are really missing out.' Because, there ain't nothin' better than starting your day with him saying 'Hello...' in the dim light of dawn and proceeding to make you feel amazing, physically and emotionally - there really ain't.

ashleeey :) said...

OK, so, first,
i LOVE your blog !
just wanted to get that out there.. :)

Second,i dont COMPLETELY agree with this post, but for the most part, i do.
I'm 14, and even in my Sex.Ed classes @ school, sex is tabooed. The girls all giggle, and the boys act like they're some crazy, super-experianced sex gods (even though more than 3/4s of them are virgins.)
For me personally, i grew up hard & fast. My parents divorced when i was young, my dad wasnt really there, and my mom found a new man before her stuff was all moved out. So, in my house, sex was made out to be this horrible, tabooed, dirty little secret that no one could talk about, and i guess that's why i made the choices i did.
No, i didnt go around being a whore and sleeping with the first guy who hit on me- im a virgin. In fact, i did the exact opposite.
I decided my parents were right. I decided that sex was bad, and wrong, and immoral and stuff, and i basically became that good little christian girl, with a purity ring and a bible. (although, i never owned a bible)That was at 12.
Now, just 2 years later, im thinking about my choices, and im starting to wonder if i made the right choice.
I sort of believe i did,
because i want my first time to be special, but now im thinking about it, and i think that it doesnt matter whether your a virgin or not, because if your with the right person, ofCOURSE it will be special. Im thinking now that, maybe the person who i THOUGHT was 'the one' wont BE the one. I look at my biological parents, and i see the proof of that sentence. My mom thought my dad ws 'the one', and he ended up being an alcoholic deadbeat.

I KNOW this is INCREDIBLY long, but i just wanted to share my opinion,
because im so tired of people whispering the word sex or the word virginity.


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