Life on the road- Oh Lord, I HAVEN'T HAD INTERNET SINCE I WROTE THE LAST POST, right? HELL. Horrible hell.
As many of your know, I'm on the road with my band, we're playing the shit out of Seattle and I'm writing via recording studio at the moment. Fancy tunes we're playing...fancy, fancy.
It's amazing when you force four people to be together 24/7 for nearly three weeks. There's been great moments, moments where I've had to exercise great restraint to not throw a few punches, a few unexpected tears and run-ins.
The moment finally came when I had to see the ex, after the last incident a little over a year ago, where I ended up crying so hard I hyperventilated and got mascara smeared all the way to my knees- which obviously means I was CRYING CURLED IN A BALL, which is just, pathetic. I did the BIG thing and went to his show here in Seattle to see parts of his dreams being realized, and genuinely, am happy that he's doing it. We were civil. It didn't make me want to run in front of a moving truck, on the highway- so, that's a good thing. Whether or not he'll return the same care and come to one of my shows, remains to be seen.....but why should I care right?......I do though. I want him to see me happy, flourishing, expressing. We're all human that way- we want to prove something when we haven't had the chance to.
ALSO, ran into the girl who he left me/left her for me for several times- that was a fantastic trip to Awkwardville. I get it, she had good hair. Girls with good hair always win. Though, I have to say- we were similar, I believe our closets probably look the same, we have the same taste in music, margaritas and men- so we can't be that much different. If anything, I have more compassion for her situation now than I did- now that I'm happy and in love. I hate her less- or, not at all actually- she probably cried just as much as I did curled into a little ball, her heart probably hurt just as much as mine did. So, we've at least got that much in common- not to mention the shared penis. But that goes without saying. I just like saying penis.
This entire trip has been a test in compassion really. Patience. A test in faith and confidence. The universe gives you those, "HOW MUCH DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS" moments and we have to act. decide. and toughen up. Even when you're playing to empty rooms and you're negative zero dollars since leaving home, and if you eat another fruit snack you'll fucking die.
We all do really interesting things when we're in a place of desperation. I'm learning to understand that about people......
Some of us like bagels in the morning, others need bacon. I'm learning I'm a snobby traveler- I like eating out, shopping, going to museums and spending money on sparkly drinks and appetizers with truffle oil. Some of us prefer to site see- others prefer to sleep. Some of us buckle under the pressure of MAKING THINGS HAPPEN, others thrive under it. Some of us act like CHILDREN when we're faced with adversity and some of us throw on our sunglasses and hide behind the facade of "bad ass." Either way.....we all DEAL differently.
I would also like to mention that while on the road, I lost one of my MAIN sources of income-How am I dealing? Well after I kicked some shit around and cried into my coffee cup- I said, must mean the World is giving way for something EVEN MORE FUCKING WONDERFUL. Like, Lady Gaga and I becoming friends and tripping on an oil well in my backyard.
.....More stories to come later.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH PRESSURE??......
DO YOU BUCKLE OR DO YOU RISE UP?
DO YOU BUCKLE OR DO YOU RISE UP?