Thursday, September 10, 2009

Time is a stingy whore.


Time is escaping me. Completely running through my fingertips like powdered sugar. MMM....sugar.

Time is running away from me like I'm a butcher knife wielding mad man, with it's heels on fire. You get the idea... it's been 10 days! 10 days since my last post and the past 10 days are a blur of apartment hunting, rehearsal, entirely too much fucking coffee, sparkling conversations, scheduling and finalizing, budgeting and spending, then.... a little bit of weed and beer. Hey, it was a long weekend? It's semi-excusable....

"Babe, our youth is just evading us...." My Love says as we stumble into Starbucks for a scone to soak up the lingering alcohol swimming in our Labor less tummies. Is it escaping us, or are we using it the way we should? We stay up. We do exercise. We pack hour-to-hour FULL until we feel like crying because we're so swamped, simply because we still have ENERGY to. We take life by the horns and shake it like a baby. We rough stuff up. We bruise and caffeinate and run on empty. We overbook and under eat. We say "yes" and sacrifice our sleep.

.... I pack EVERYDAY with as much as possible and it still isn't enough time.

I get a hair cut, then my bangs have grown out. I take an extra hour to rest and the alarm is accosting me. I give myself two weeks and need three. We're talking about Halloween and November, January and Spring break vacations. All of a sudden there just isn't a NOW, there's only a later....

Yesterday I was wide eyed and limitless, no strings attached, weightless and completely full of TIME. Time to explore, time to get on track with "the timeline" naturally after I wore myself into the pavement with stories in my pockets and holes in the soles of my shoes. The thing is, I just didn't realize that I'd be there at the natural timeline, NOW.

I have plans now. I'm booked. There's an itinirary and there's expectations....there's goals with dates attached to them and a heart that's invested too. Plans become a lot more fucking important when your hearts involved.

Just for today, I don't want TIME to control me. I want to be in the time that I have so that I don't wonder where it went when it's gone.

No watches, no deadlines. I want to let go of the "have-to-dos" and tell everything to just SLOW DOWN.....or wait for me. To let it all "pan out." Be the way it will be, without my knuckles turning white from my tight grip on the reigns of my "Life Car" going a million miles an hour, in a convertible (things seem faster in convertibles no?)

I want time to finish my coffee, to read my book, to stay in bed with My Love. To check off everything on my list. to To get there without feeling rushed. To walk in the grass. To make new friends. TO DO IT ALL. To research and learn. To write and let creativity come naturally. To decide without pressure. To eat meals in courses. To make a cheesecake. To enjoy the process instead of getting intimidated by it. To digest and to meditate. To BREATHE. Annnnnd.... to pluck my eyebrows in a magnifying mirror.



WHAT DO YOU WANT TIME FOR???


60 comments:

Sid said...

Time to take photographs, to notice beauty in strange places, to watch/observe ...

Jules said...

A vacation. Sleep. Rest. Wait, I also want money for that!

Olivia Rae said...

i admire your ambition... i am so busy too but always find a few hours to relax...even if it means putting off an obligation.

staying in bed drinking coffee with my love is my favorite thing of the day! you definitely need to do it more. beautiful writing as always!

tmamone said...

I'd like more time to get all my crap at work done, instead of just having piles of half-finished projects around my desk.

Unfortunately the old say is true, "Time waits for no (hu)man." Just got to do what you can do, I guess.

just me said...

I actually would like time to speed the fuck up.

It's crawling over here...

Nerdy Girl said...

Wow, I always feel the same way! Seriously, I think we need more hours in the day and more days in the week (but still only 5 for working, thank you). I never want to waste my time so I try to do as much as I can as far as filming, studying, reading, blogging, and just having fun. I like working and brushing up on my web design skills, learning spanish, trying to boost my film career,work out, write, and still have fun time with loved ones. I forget I actually just need a day here and there to chill. 7 days a week I am up at 5 (or earlier) and sometimes work until 9 or 10 pm. I'm going to crash soon!

nicoleantoinette said...

To be happy; to figure out what I really want.

omchelsea said...

to get rid of all my CLUTTER. Seriously, I;m buying a roll of garbags and calling the charity truck to do a pickup run these holidays.

Erin said...

I need time to figure things out, but like you it seems like I never have enough.

hannahjustbreathe said...

Ohh, this post sooo reminds me of my dear friend, Mr. J. Alfred Prufrock and his lines:

"Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea."

Me? I want time to sleep 8 hours every night.

p.s. Um, I love your blog.

Beth Dunn said...

Time--more of it with my family. Less so I don't worry so much. You sound busy. xoxo

Jaime said...

Found your blog through another blog- like this post! I wish I had more time to not be stressed out to go to the gym, look for jobs (I am employed but seeking a new job), and spend time just being. It's hard when you have so much to do and so little time.

Jaime
laviejaime.blogspot.com

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Argh, just reading your post, I can feel how exhausted you must be. I wish I had time for myself, time to heal from my heartbreak and time to cry. Maybe it's better this way though .. no crying :)

rachel is a dreamer said...

ok i just read your about me and we are officially best friends. i mean as long as thats cool with you. :)
peace & love!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

jules- oh yes, the money part!

just me- oh no..... i know that feeling too

hannahjustbreathe- I LOVE THAT

rachel is a dreamer- OK! PERFECT!

Kelley said...

"All of a sudden there just isn't a NOW, there's only a later...."

You said it perfect!!

I want more time to just go out and have fun. No worries about college classes.
And more time with family!

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

I want more time to enjoy life, I want to live to work instead of working to live!

I'm tired of running around like a maniac trying to fit in the things that really matter, seems so ass backwards!

Emily said...

I want more time with my family - they are so amazing! Also, I want time to find my love because I know he is out there, but I haven't met him yet and I am worried that time will run out before I do.

Abbie said...

It's like you have read my mind. :)

Summer said...

Well put, Girl. So well put. I see my three boys growing up so fast in the midst of such an amazingly busy and demanding schedule. I don't know where the time is going. I try to hold onto as much as possible, hoping that I don't forget a single thing. I wish everything would just slow down so I could enjoy them being this small.

Stop. You're gonna make my cry!! ;) Really good post though.

Kristin said...

I want time to sloooooow down so my little bambino stops growing up so darn fast!

Jules said...

I want time to be with my thoughts and read a book and just lay in bed if I want in the afternoon sun and listen to the bellbirds outside, without feeling the push to get up and "do something constructive"

Wine and Words said...

I want time to recover from reading this post. I feel completely exhausted!

Kara Witham said...

Hi Chelsea,
First off, thanks for stopping by my blog.

I would like more time to take photos, watch What Not to Wear, and snuggle with my husband.



Enjoy your weekend,
Kara

basiabanana said...

Haha@ the last part of your post..when I was in school, that's how we knew it was exam time: we were all sleepy-eyed and bushy-browed! I'd love more time to write, travel and run around the house in my underwear.

nifer said...

Great post! Well said! I am so trying to slllooooow down and just LIVE!

I try to remind myself that it's ok if the house goes two weeks without being cleaned so that I can catch up on my (blog) reading, spend time with friends and just relax.

I want to hit up Barnes & Noble, spend my myriad of gift certificates on the "books I'll read someday" and then sit in the sun and read them! I want to sit in Starbucks and enjoy a delicious coffee while perusing friends' Facebook pages. I want to take my dog for a two-mile walk.

The list goes on and on... but you get the hint!

~ Jen

tiffany said...

Time to meditate, time to go to yoga class, time to do absolutely NOTHING at all but think random thoughts ...

Paulina said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my page! Now I have found your incredibly intelligent, witty blog!

PS: Time is definitely a stingy whore. Couldn't agree more.

Hillary said...

I want time to sleep. Just fucking ... sleep. Oh that would be lovely.

Katelin said...

i want more time for everything. i swear i've been so busy that i haven't had time to do simple things like grab dinner or drinks with friends or go to the zoo or something silly. i need more time!

sarah said...

Time is a sonofabitch and the older I get the faster it seems to go.

alissa said...

ugh what a huge question. i want time to feel like im giving everything - and everyone - around me 100%. you spread so thin that you're giving everyone 90% and i think sometimes they can tell, your work, your body etc it shows. it needs 100

Lilee said...

cool picture!

Ali said...

Time is a bitch. A sneaky little bitch. I want time for seeing the world, time for making myself happy, time for all the crap I can't think of right now because I don't have tiiiime!

Moorea Seal said...

darling girl. lets be friends. i look forward to meeting you in Seattle!

Nicole Leigh said...

I want time to be creative.
I want time to slowww and appreciate my life.
The only place I want time to hurry up is in the job search department!

NYer in NZ said...

Brunches! And writing! And traveling the world! And meticulously cataloguing my iTunes music the way I label them! And creating photo albums of my trips and good times to relive when I'm too exhausted to live them. And to read blogs, of course :)

Doniree said...

I want time to accomplish things. Instead of half-finishing everything, I want to really ACCOMPLISH a few awesome things.

Rebecca said...

i'm so taking back time in two weeks...we just decided last night to take 10 days and drive to the northwest. our friends have a cabin and we plan on sitting, drinking wine, and chilling the f@%k out!

Rose Red said...

Time to finish my projects, read, homework, and travel.

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

totally love your blog. So happy you found me! Snarkiness is too hard to come by these days.

•¦Amy¦• said...

Time is truly the one thing we can never get back, and we never have enough of to begin with...

I want time enough to be able to waste time more. Is that terrible? I want to have some free time...but there's no such thing is there?

Amelia said...

I love that picture! This was really interesting to read. I'm loving the slow pace of time that I'm having right now, but also sort of looking forward to the pick up of pace that I'll have once school starts.

Jenni said...

HaHa, your post always make me smile.

Live it up woman while you are young. One day you will have this time you speak of to do everything you mentioned in your last paragraph and more, and by then you'll be blogging about the past days of the time when you had no time.

Although it's nice to have a completed to do list or an extra 20 minutes to just sit and drink your coffee, life only happens once so soak up all the craziness while you can.

Amanda K said...

Time always seem to fly by especially now that I'm older.

this wheel's on fire said...

So many things! Sleep currently.

camilleh. said...

the weekend. before monday comes!

skinnylove said...

"To enjoy the process instead of getting intimidated by it."

Love that! This is exactly my problem with finishing/committing to things. If its not easy... Im not doing it. But Im changing that! Because the reward is so so good. =)

Absolutly love reading your blogs. xo.

mn said...

i have time. i just want a job so i can pay bills and travel and take my kids on crazy adventurous trips to africa or the middle east. without money, life is nothing and time doesn't matter. and get eyebrows done right.

Living and Loving In L.A. said...

Hi Chelsea! I've given you an award on my blog! You'll find it here: http://livingandlovinginla.blogspot.com/2009/09/id-like-to-thank-academy.html
Hope you're having a lovely weekend! XO!

iheartkiwi said...

i hear you sister.

kiwi and i just realized our wedding that seemed like it was light years away is just around the corner. where did a year go? i swear a blinked and it was gone.

i wish i had more time for us to be boyfriend and girlfriend... to just take it easy and go on sushi and movie dates or to stay up late watch lost and eating ice cream.

to say that things are going to be crazy for the next two months is the understatement of the year. husband and wife here we come ready or not!

iheartkiwi said...

p.s. i might be a little obsessed with your blog. it's pretty awesome.

Sara said...

I want time enough to enjoy the life I am living. To actually savor every moment..

LiLu said...

I'm with Jules. It's more finances holding me back than time...

kage said...

I want time to watch 2 more seasons of How I Met Your Mother before the 5th season starts.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

living and loving in la- thank you! I'm gonna come get it you're awesome!

i heartkiwi- that must be such an incredibly exciting time, I can't wait to do that someday! and thank you for liking the blog lovely lady!

mn- i don't think without money life is NOTHING. though i understand what you're saying....I think having ENOUGH money and making life something. I also hear you on wanting to have the money to have the adventure....hm...this comment could go on and on....

skinnylove- thank you so much!

jenni- ah, yes, very true point.

katelin- i TOTALLY HEAR ya there, I NEVER EVER see my friends if they're not directly connected with my music life, which is my 3d life full time right now.

jules- right "do something constructive" I hate that term!

wine and words- SORRY! lol

kara- and thank you for stopping by dear!

tiffany- isn't it funny how when you DO have tiem to meditate, all you can think of whle meditating is trying to quiet the thoughts of all teh things you need to get done?!

paulina- thank you dear and thank you for stopping by mine, cheers!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

lilu- ABSOLUTELY. That is a major factor indeed.

Missy said...

I'd love some time to just STOP! i usually juggle about 300 different things at once! great blog x

Missy
For all things fashion:
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

Thunderroad79 said...

Time to write...time to create...time to just enjoy being alive...my eyebrows could use a good plucking as well!

bohemiangirl said...

time to bake an apple pie, cook a comfort stew, lay on the couch and watch a movie, take photographs and write.

 
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