So. I want nice things. There....I said it.
I want to be able to buy unnecessary items like Fig scented oils, and Gingerbread shaped baking tins. But more importantly, I want to be able to LIVE. Live my life, cross off lists, live bountifully not BLEAKLY. It also just so happens that my life plans involve more than one vacation to The Mediterranean and a full rhinestone bra.
So, shoot me, I didn't "live simply" was my middle name.
This past week, I was tested- hardcore. tested. Between jobs and people- yes and no. The Universe said, "Chelsea, how much do you want to be able to spend money at The Container Store....come on, how much? You want to buy a condo eventually- well, how bad do you want it?"
I've been given OPTIONS. But every option comes with a laundry list of pros and cons. Major con being, "give up your life- to potentially have a better one. Keyword- POTENTIALLY." Not, absolutely. Just, potentially.
...could be worse, I could have been given the Gout or a lifetime supply of Cheese Whiz, which would be terrible. After the first can was gone anyway. Cause really, who needs that?
Options; you can have everything or NOTHING- it just depends on what your personal, "everything" is. Someones 9-5, or family life- someones nomadic freedom, or DIY scheduling. Someones "place of their own", or Tuesday night book club. Someones one-day-at-a-time, or someones paycheck-to-paycheck. Someones brand new Honda Civic, or someones Employee of the month. All of these things, to SOMEONE, mean EVERYTHING and to someone else, mean nothing at all. It's defining your everything- without the influence of everyone around you, societal standards included- that's the hard part. And how long are you willing to search until you find it? Without deciding that someone's Everything, should be yours too....when it isn't.
It's easy to get gold dust in your eyes when you don't know all the components. With every "perfect" man, "perfect" job, there's a price. It's easy to think, everything would be better IF....
So, I've had to look at myself- at my life- What is my EVERYTHING? Is it really direct deposit to spend on baking tins?....
Freedom. Family. Love. Kicking my Dad's ass at Monopoly (which rarely happens.) Being creative. Not knowing, I actually LIKE not knowing what's going to happen next year, or next month- because for me, that means change. Change= growth, stories, opportunity to stretch and fall and try something new, possibly even check off some of that growing "life list." Everything to me is; having someone to call anytime of the night or day, being able to say NO, or YES- because I want to, not because I SHOULD. A life without guidelines. Using my VOICE- writing it, singing it, screaming with it. Being able to say FUCK really loud- without anyone around me giving a fuck. Navigating through Rachel Ray books and accomplishing a 30-minute meal in 40 minutes (what? I'm not a chef.) Everything to me is being able to say, with my entire soul- that I have EVERYTHING I want and all of the rest, is just a few steps away....
...so do I need to take this potentially glittery opportunity? I haven't decided yet. Maybe I'm much simpler than I thought- at least for now. All I know is that, no matter what- I have everything. I'm already creating my happiness- and "sticking to my fucking guns," doing what I love- in my time. Whether it's NOW, or tomorrow. What I NEED and desire- is already mine.
WHAT'S YOUR "EVERYTHING"???