Tuesday, November 24, 2009

What AREN'T you thankful for? Me: motherfuckers that don't return emails.


I've written four separate blogs and deleted all of them. I have a feeling that it's the shitty one that stuck.

Not inspired. Not inspired. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Still feel like reading?!

It's almost Thanksgiving, it's also almost my birthday.... which just so happens to fall on Thanksgiving this year. Like, what the fuck is that? I'm not down with sharing the spotlight for thankfulness. I mean, gratitude and pilgrims definitely trump "Look at me it's my birthday!! Jazz hands!"

I have to bake two...three? (I should check up on that) pies tomorrow. I have 5 articles to finish. I'm waiting on four checks. I can barely fit yoga into my schedule, so my toxins are all fucking curled up into places they shouldnt be and they're derailing my CHI. Fuck.

I need a haircut. I need about 40 people to respond to my emails that aren't. I need 10 extra hours in my day. I need my scale to not tell me that it's physically possible to gain four pounds in a day when I've eaten virtually nothing but yogurt, powerbars and coffee. I need a new phone, a chill pill, a manicure and a pedicure, a new computer (did I ever mention that I have to use my sister's computer, since mine crashed on me a few months ago? AND I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY A NEW ONE??? Which in turn makes her feel like it's ok to go through my underwear drawer and borrow ones that apparently, "I don't ever wear", and undermine me by kindly giving me her old bras, since she's too busty to fit into them anymore. Holla tiny titties for me!)

OH, I know WAHHH me, there's people dying in Africa Chelsea stop crying. I get it. But let me stomp around a little bit before we get all McJudgey, I care about Africa too. Sometimes we're granted the right to throw a self-involved baby fit. Especially during my birthday week (boyfriend inserts, "AND DURING YOUR PMS....") k? k.

I went through old emails and deleted about 200 that I've sent out to potential freelancing opportunities, music opportunities, etc. in the last MONTH. 200 that haven't responded! grrrr. In my mind, I'm that person that gets whatever she wants, in reality, that's only true some of the time. But who I am in my head, is who I am. So fuck, Universe, work with me! Which is part of the problem....

There's days when I feel like throwing in the towel and then I get even more angry because I know I'll never do that.

I don't feel like opening another rejection letter. I don't feel like trying to find anymore openings through a tiny crack in some random window, hypothetically.

I can't focus today. I can't decide what I want. Other than a gigantic chocolate chip cookie, but lately, I've been losing weight. I mean rapidly and a lot of it. I'm a small person, in general, but when you start getting positive affirmation for "how thin" and "great" you look all of a sudden you start to think, well fuck, was I really Jabba the Hutt before or something? So then every fucking cookie you look at resembles old "fat you." Even though old you wasn't fat?

I'm thankful that tomorrow and Thanksgiving, I can just RE-FUCKING-LAX, because I won't have to refresh my inbox, or worry that I'm "missing something" because most everyone are sitting behind a big fat turkey, just like me.


I'm done throwing a fit now. Thanks.


What AREN'T you thankful for this THANKSGIVING?!








67 comments:

Kendall said...

I literally just hit publish on a post on what I am thankful for, which was so full of sap I think I may need to check myself for diabetes. After writing that, I'm too optimistic and "people-are-awesome" to really find things that annoy me.

However, happy (early) birthday dear.

Sometimes we all need a moment to pitch a fit. If only to remind ourselves that we matter too and that's OK.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Kendall- thanks for approving my fit. I think the past few weeks have just been.....listless? for me, when usually i'm all WEEEEEE LIIIIIFFFFFFFE. I needed to be ungrateful for a minute. And actually, now, i FEEL A LOT BETTER.


I'm all about the sap. Don't worry....I do have a thankful post coming too ;)

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

I looooove this post ! You are so right on the money, Chelsea :) about ALL of this !

Happy birthday :)

subjectverbagreement said...

i swear. this is, like, the 6th blog post i've read of yours where i've thought:

"i don't remember writing this perfectly accurate depiction of my thoughts. i remember >thinking< those thoughts, but i don't remember writing them. so, how the hell did they get here?... i need to stop drinking."

know that you aren't alone in your frustrations, sister. we are talented and hard-working gals, and we deserve to be treated accordingly. and we will be. soon. keep your head up, and have a lovely birthday. and take comfort in knowing that your birth will be on the top of your loved ones' "thankful" list.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

aritza- thanks sister!

subectverbagreement- maybe i'm channeling you?! Who knew?! thanks for the positive affirmation, cheers to being talented hard working chicks :)

Kyla Roma said...

I approve your spinning out, I spun out on Monday attempted to blow it over today- but that is brutal.

Good luck & I hope you get a little peace this weekend!

Jenni said...

Woo Hoo! Now this is a Thanksgiving post I can get behind! ;) Why am I being such a crank-pot lately?

I love your post though, especially when you state (and I quote)
"In my mind, I'm that person that gets whatever she wants, in reality, that's only true some of the time. But who I am in my head, is who I am. So fuck, Universe, work with me!"

This is exactly how I feel today and just about everyday these past couple week. What the heck is wrong with the universe? Don't they see that we deserve what we want? ;)

ps- Happy, Happy, Happy early Birthday! :) Rock it out and have some fun.
And I feel you on the not liking to share it. Mine falls on Mother's Day every couple years and it makes me uber angry. I think a birthday is my day, not a day to share with all. Ha! Talk about selfish...

FrivolousFlapper said...

LMAO!!!!! I sooo relate (I especially love the "what was I, Jabba?" bit).

Happy so-to-be birthday, doll

Miss Angie said...

Hugs! If it makes you feel any better, I left you a blog award on my blog!

http://agofish.blogspot.com/2009/11/new-award.html

Katelin said...

people not returning emails is so incredibly frustrating, matt and i have been going through the same thing lately and it's just ridiculous and irritating and i hope people shape it up soon, grrrr.

Phoenix said...

....crazy stupid LA drivers?

Have a happy Thanksgiving girl...it'll get better. It usually does.

Gina said...

First of all...

Happy Birthday Week!

You are fully entitled to throwing a fit. Hell, even if it's not your birthday week, you are still entitled. Because every once in awhile everything in our lives tends to pile up and we just need to VENT about it. And that's totally okay.

Randi Lee said...

Self-indlgent fits are cool. They're called for some times!!

By the way, if you're really looking for a fabulous cookie, try the mint chocolate chip break and bakes. They're not super fancy or homemade, or gourmet, but they taste fantastic!

the "L" spot said...

I am not thankful for busy schedules and stupid corporation that do not return voice mails!!!

Please indulge in your angryness, as it is funny to read!

Happy early birthday!
My bf proposed on my birthday so now its our day...OUR day! How lame is that!!!

Conquer The Monkey said...

I am impressed that you gained 4 lbs in one day yet are losing weight rapidly, hmmmm, that is hard to do!

I'm thankful for your funny ass blog, how bout that?

also thanks for stopping by mine!

Melissa said...

I love this! I love that you are bitching. I, like Kendall, posted a "thankful post" and it's nice to see that what I'm REALLY thinking, you have the balls to say!

I'm not thankful for having to drive all over hell and creation to spend forced "family time" together.

Mandy said...

I get annoyed by people who cant return emails as well. Its so frustrating.

But, have a very happy birthday!!

Nahl said...

Haha i love the word McJudgey.
I'm not thankful for being awake at six o clock in the morning when I should be in the middle of my sleeping pattern. what's all that about?

Nahl said...

Oh and HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D Have a wonderful time.. *mwuah*

Emily Jane said...

As lovely as it's been to see all these "thankful for" posts this week, this is kind of a breath of fresh air!! I hope it all calms down though and you have a great birthday and people email you back. If not, email me, and I'll send you back five :)

Vanessa said...

I am not thankful for being in Canada during Thanksgiving. No day off and I'm writing term papers while my family conference calls me to detail all the delicious food their eating. Sometimes, I wish Canada would get with the program and move Thanksgiving to it's rightful place - in November.

Hope you have a fabulous birthday!

back to the nest said...

Believe it or not, this post actually made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, in an ironic sorta way. There's nothing wrong with venting. At all.

Just found your blog...and it's fucking incredible.

Doniree said...

ONE - EAT MORE COOKIES. Or cupcakes or cheese or pasta or all of it. WITH ME. Because lord knows I need someone to eat all that with me!

Two - I am not thankful for RUDE DRIVERS. I'm not a road rage person, but I CAN NOT HANDLE people who are rude. On the road or otherwise.

I miss you already.

bananas. said...

girrrl, you just had a bitch fit and that one should go down in history. round of applause lady. and fuck those fuckers who don't return emails...hella annoying!

in other news, it's your birthday so let's celebrate :)

molly YEH! said...

i'm not thankful for being jabba the hut, and then losing fitty pounds, and then gaining it all back and being jabba the hut again and then some. but then again i'm thankful about not being obsessive about what i eat anymore. i don't know whats better... being not jabba the hut? or eating a chipotle burrito today?

Clairebear said...

Happy birthday my dear!
Does that make you a scorpio too, or have we lapsed into sagitarius territory already?

buuuut, back to the question. This thanksgiving I am not thankful for the fact that we don't have a holiday here that is even remotely like thanksgiving, and Ill have to wait another MONTH for any kind of holidy cheer.
Also, that I have recently discovered my new patch of the country is fairly musically dry and bare. boo to that.

Julie said...

I'm SO glad I read your post, I threw a shit fit today, and now I don't feel like such a Debbie Downer! Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

JUST ME said...

I am not thankful for freelancers who DON'T PAY.

Because there's a lot of them.
Fuckers.

nicoleantoinette said...

People who play games. Us not living in the same house.

Mostly that last one though.

HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY BABY!

Lexie said...

i am NOT thankful for bosses who unreasonably schedule workers through the holiday season.

nifer said...

Never apologize for venting your feelings! You need to get them out to acknowledge them and move forward.

Have a wonderful birthday... despite it being Thanksgiving! Pretend the turkey is just for you... for your birthday!

~ Jen

Nicole Renee said...

Happy early birthday! Thanks for stopping by my little blog. " )

Elizabeth Marie said...

OMFG. I love this. Life is a bitch right now. It'll get better but thank god for honesty. This is why I adore your face.

Elizabeth Marie said...

And Happy Birthday darlin!

Manju said...

uuughhhh i feel you!
i've been sending out my cv to look for a job,and it annoys me so much when ppl don't even bother to acknowledge receipt of it.
i hope things get be5tter. relzax and have an amazing birthday!
xx

aDeLiNe said...

Oh so happy I found your blog (thanks for your comment on mine btw). What a great post! You sure know how to write.
I don't give a shit about Thanksgiving 'cause it's not part of my culture ha! But I'm certainly not thankful for *him playing with my nerves *that shitty weather.
I'll be back for more!
xxx

DesBisoux said...

it's not gonna make you feel ANY better but i do share your current mood and view on life.
life's a bitch sometimes...
and that's why alcohol has been created. that's my theory anyway...

DesBisoux said...

ooops! happy birthday!

chelsina said...

I hate emails. why don't you send actual mail instead???? It could prove to be more effective.

Anyway, it's a holiday, so chipper up and try to relax. :)

Mishi said...

DUDE - don't hate on chocolate chip cookies! That just makes me feel sad inside.

Happy Thanksgiving/birthday (almost)!

OMYWORD! said...

Delicious rant. I am working allllll day on Thanksgiving. So, I guess I should be thankful I have a job but all I want is a big-ass turkey and wobbly cranberry sauce and gravy. But noooooooooo. I'm teaching international marketing. woohoo! I will come home and slather some cheese on a croissant and go to bed. Then this weekend, I'll pick up a turkey with its head and neck and scraggly claw feet and all and test out my new oven. Et voila!

Matt said...

Happy Birthday Chels. It was epic seeing you and your love last weekend.

And Jabba the hutt? HA. yeah right.

Allison Blass said...

I hate when people don't return my emails. I mean, hello??

But I'm equally bad, mostly because I read emails on my phone and then I'm like "Oh, I'll write back later." And then I don't.

:-(

I fail.

Super Careo said...

I know that all things considered we have a lot to be thankful for, but sometimes you just need to take a minute and be whiny.

Personally, I am not thankful for my living situation. I love my parents and I love that they let me live with them rent free but I HATE getting yelled at when I don't do the dishes just the way they want me too. It makes me feel like I'm 16 again (including the desire to scream "I hate you!" and lock myself in my bedroom - ugh).

Jenni said...

Hey there lil' lady. Thought I'd drop you a quick like to tell you that I quoted you in my most recent blog post. Sure hope you don't mind...
It's just that the way you say things are much better than the way I would :)

Jaime said...

So NOT thankful for my shitty job....but I am thankful for a paycheck.

Happy thanksgiving!

Miss Caitlin S. said...

hahahah this made me laugh out loud. Thanks for coming to my blog, the real pleasure of that is mine since now I found yours!

http://candyflosspersie.blogspot.com/

مى said...

Happy early birthday!! :)

AND happy thanksgiving as well x

Chessa! said...

I am not thankful for busy schedules and time going too fast. I'm also not thankful for feeling fat but being unable to stop eating....
but I am thankful for you and your smack talking. The word fuck is totally underrated. thanks for posting what I feel.

Hillary said...

I am not thankful that I am Canadian and therefore do not get Thanksgiving again until next October.

Sebastian said...

I thought you were cute with a little more flesh on your bones...!

walkingonsunshine18 said...

You're too funny!!! Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Birthday! :)

Hiding Myself From Me said...

Your soooo funny. Happy Holidays.

money said...

..........................................................

Martin said...

That was quite the rant. I like it.

Suzanne said...

haha! that's awesome!
(not your problems, just the blog-rant in general)
hope things start looking up for you soon and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! have a cookie :)

Katie said...

I am NOT thankful for Glee. The TV Show. I don't like it.

Also Happy Birthday, lovely lady!

erinuncensored said...

HAPPY BIRTHDay!

Amy said...

Thanks for this... really, I appreciate the honesty! I'm NOT THANKFUL for counting on something happening (something that would kinda be a big break), only to find out it fell through... and having to wait, again. (So I guess, I'm not thankful for waiting!) Hope your turkey day was Re FUCKING laxing!

Jill said...

You truly are a breath of much needed, fresh, crisp, and slightly polluted air for me! I love love love the shit out of your blog! Thanks for always putting a smile on me mug!

Lilly said...

Just found you're blog and I'm looking forward to reading more. Hahaha, you already amuse me 46x more than most blogs do.

Evie Stewart said...

Let's see -- so many things I'm not thankful for...

I'm not thankful for people who say, "don't worry it'll all work out" (Come on, at least acknowledge my worry) or "I know JUST how you feel" (yeah, right, because it's happening to you not me - uh huh.) or "Just give the guy a chance (If I know he's the wrong guy, why do I need to waste his time and mine? Next...)

xo/
@EvieStewart

Being Me said...

Rant away ,.. it's good for the soul.. . Be happy.
BM

Melissa Blake said...

OMFG! I feel the same way -- I do all this work, send out all these emails and NOTHING! But you know what I say? Their loss!

Meghan said...

I am late on this, but Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoyed the day, ate lots of pie and gave the bird to everyone who didn't respond to your e-mails! Eff them, I say. It's one of my biggest pet peeves, too!

Clau! said...

Happy B-day! My birthday is also nov 26th ;)

Saludos,
Clau!

mn said...

i'm not thankful that it's been two yrs and i dont' have a permanent job. lot of temp. work. that's no way to live or raise a family. sigh. but i am still healthi-ish-...kinda, ha.

 
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