Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Remember that time you got ARRESTED? God, this screams CLASSY.


"What do you mean you don't know where he is??"

"Well, we were recording and he just never came back........we think he got arrested."

I don't generally wake up thinking, where is my boyfriend? Who got arrested? and I wonder if this outfit is appropriate for jail visits? It usually goes something like, yogurt or cereal and do I feel skinny today?

The past 48 hours have been pure madness. I wake up to find a Facebook status update from my boyfriends roommate that says, "blah blah, arrested? blah." Since these men have absolutely no way of knowing how to communicate, no one called to fill me in?! that there was a possibility I now had a boyfriend who was an INMATE? WHAT. THE. FUCK. is my life.

At around 3am, my classy man left the recording to studio to run and grab some beer and cigarettes, you know in true rockstar form you don't drink Yerba Matte mid-recording session. 2 minutes out into the drive, he sees the sirens- OH HERE WE GO.........

To say that My Love isn't "good" at remembering "little details" like; court dates, not leaving the house without a cell phone, closing cabinets, or what he's supposed to do for the day- is a massive understatement. He's the definition of, if-my-head-wasn't-screwed-on-I'd-be-headless, he's that guy.

Since The Man is not generally a fan of poor people (us artists, or ahem, delinquents?) My Love hasn't been able to fix this pesky tail light that almost ALWAYS gets him pulled over, but that's just minor- he also hasn't been able to pay his car insurance (insert note where readers start making judgements like, "Girl you better get yo'self a man who has his finances straight." Then you start singing Bills, Bills, Bills. Here here, don't mention it-separate blog entirely)....fast forward, beerless boyfriend is getting thrown in the clinker for missing a previous court date that involved driving without proof of insurance.

I had no knowledge of any of this when I woke up, so Chelsea Talks Smack i.e. Sherlock Holmes drove around looking down ally ways for dead bodies (since, we didn't know for sure if he was arrested or just missing) simultaneously calling jails, "Um, hi- did you arrest a Ryan.....no not Brian, RYAN,.....No not B, RRRRR....the computer crashed? You don't know? What do you mean you don't know? HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO IS IN CUSTODY?" The entire time thinking; I don't do this. This isn't my life. I go to champagne bars.

Not only did I learn that we have an incredibly inefficient system-what the fuck is this, computers crashing? your "One phone calls" not going through? One minute he's shown as an inmate in custody, the next, there's NO SIGN OF HIM!? Ridiculous. We have iPhones that can do everything but bake a cake and vacuum, but we don't have adequate computer systems in detention facilities?! And we make people call COLLECT? It's jail, it isn't the Stone Age.

After talking to about 60 people, running around in my pajamas through various courthouses, Sheriffs offices and jails, avoiding eye contact with the sketchy folks (who could kick my ass) and wondering if I shouldn't have been "repping" blue or red- all the while wearing my NYPD HOODIE from the night before (IRONIC) and getting asked multiple times for my Cadet badge. (I told you I'm a bad ass. Or look like a lesbian. Or a boy.) I found him.

I waited for his trial curled on the bench, all twitchy, shaky and WHY THE FUCK AM I SITTING IN A COURT ROOMy, all I want is a flippin' latte and a boyfriend who pays his bills. The line up looked like this; Wife beater. Robber. Illegal. Definitely on drugs. Drunk Guy. WTF is that sweet innocent baby face doing up there. Another drunk guy. Runaway. Wife Beater. Prostitute. Wife Beater/Shoplifter.

Sweet innocent Love gets up, pleads his case; the outcome- FOUR MORE NIGHTS IN JAIL and a second trial, with a maximum of a year in jail and fines, unless he posts bail. THIS is where I begin to... LOSE MY SHIT COMPLETELY!!!! Long story short....I find myself calling his brother in a panic, sobbing, naturally, since there always has to be one crying person in court rooms, haven't you seen tv? ....the next thing I know, fast forward nearly 10 hours- we're in a bail bonds office.

My bail bondsmen???? DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTERS SISTER. No lie. True-fucking-story. To make it even better, I call my Granny to tell her what's going on and she says, "OHHHHH,.....I know Dog....I used to be his bartender." CLASSIC. Classic. Only I would have a one degree separation from a bail bondsmen.

Nearly 48 hours have gone by and My Love is finally out of the CAN. By the end of the day I had an entire new GARDEN OF STRESS ZITS, the guards knew me and were calling me "Baby" and "Honey Love" which was oddly comforting and I had enough empty I.O.U.'S for My Love to fill out he could make a fucking Bible, in which I would star as the Jesus character, but her name would be, "Best Fucking Woman on the Planet, she will live in a land of getting eternal foot massages without asking."

Needless to say, Jail doesn't look good on me. I mean, I wear floral prints, I have enough glitter eyeliner to paint Colorado and babies smile at me. Strangely enough that makes me sound like a hooker, but on the contrary, jail is not my scene. Or My Love's- he looked like a puppy who got kicked in the face......not cute. Sad. and never happening again.

Now I can say; Remember that time you got thrown in jail? Or, Remember when we went to that bail bonds office and they had a bucket of Tootsie Rolls? Or, Remember when you were in lockdown? Or, At least (insert horrible situation here, i.e. flaming diarhhea or being out of Garlic) isn't as bad as the slammer. Or, baby I kinda wish I left you in the pen.




Any jail stories worth sharing? Bail....or no bail....?!













71 comments:

Modern Tuba said...

Are we allowed to make fun of him about this while still being sympathetic to you yet? or is it still too fresh?

Kez said...

Wow, your life certainly ain't boring!
At least now you have a lifetime's ammunition against your man!
I'd milk it every chance I had!

Ellie said...

no bail.

chicknamedhermia said...

That is INSANE!

Although I do have to take the side of "Wouldn't you be better with a boy who can pay his basic bills, or at least doesn't break the law when he can't?"

Although again, if you're the kinda gal who is broke and also unable to pay basic bills, then it's probably unfair for you to look for someone who can bail you out.

And now I've kinda confused myself.

Uhm ....yeah.

Jules said...

No jail stories, but Hubby has had to go and visit a friend who was in jail for drugs back in the day....Hubby learned quite a bit from it!

CRAZY! Hope it all calms down for you!!

Eve said...

I laughed but also cringed because my Husband is "That guy" too... thought I can't figure out how because he's got a high profile complicated busy job...which he seems to pull of well. But ask him anything about anything ELSE. No clue.

We've often had the bailiff's at our door and I'm still surprised he hasn't been to jail yet.

Also, I know I say this every time, but i love your writing. Love it. When you publish or get a colum I am so subscribing ;)

CuppyCakes said...

WOW. And I thought the last 48 hours of MY life was all random and up in the air and screwy.

Was it like something out of America's Toughest Prisons? Did people make weapons from carving toothbrushes into sharp points?

Shibby said...

That's crazy. Love your writing though :) My bf's similar though he's never been to jail as of yet but unless you tell him like a million times he forgets everything he's always just in his own world tis annoying but that's just part of him :)
Glad you're both ok now :)

Genie of the Shell said...

Hey, no biggie. I come from a place where all the dudes end up in jail now and then!

Jail story #1:
My brother-in-law spent a goodly portion of his young adulthood in jail for unpaid traffic tickets and missed court dates. Now he owns a construction company and sits around his mansion in a wifebeater and ratty shorts, drinking King Cobra and yelling, "IDOWHATIWANT!" Happily ever after.

Jail story #2:
My husband's BFF (our roommate now) spent a lot of his teen years in jail and did his last two-week stint just a couple years ago. He was often wanted by the police for fleeing from scenes where he was illegally skateboarding, and a couple of times, for beating up people who tried to mug him so badly that they put the mugger in the hospital and Friend-o in jail. "It's cool," he says. "I read like twelve books the last time I was in! When does anyone have time to do that?" Also: "My ear gauges are exactly big enough for jail toothpaste caps to fit in them now." So, you know, he's all set for next time. Whenever our buddy doesn't show up on time for something, we start calling the local jails. He's extremely recognizable, so if there's a warrant for his arrest, he will generally get picked up and hauled off the next time he goes to the gas station for a cigarette.

Jail story #3:
Another friendo went to PRISON for over four years for having a pot plant in his house. He could never afford to go to college, but in prison, he got to go for free! He completed a bachelor's degree, read many books, painted a bazillion oil paintings which are often mistaken for Matisses (some hang in our house! Yay jail art!), got out of jail, married an artist, and is now self-employed taking wedding photos and renovating homes.

Don't feel too bad about the boyfriend spending a few days in the slammer. Everybody's doing it!

...Disclaimer: I might be jaded, coming from Michigan, where pretty much everyone goes to jail.

Emily Jane said...

Holy!! I hope everything calms down a bit! My ex got arrested on the street after a Halloween party one year and I had to spend half the night in there waiting to see if they'd let him out, then got tired, went home and back again in the morning to take him clothes, since he'd spent the night in there in a spiderman costume. The cops were totally loving the irony too. Yeah he wasn't good news....

McSass said...

Ok I KNOW this is your life and I shouldn't feel like this, but this post was like the best episode of my fave tv show rolled into one.

That's insane that you guys had dog's SISTER! I'm obsessed Dog's show.

I don't have any stories nearly like this. But one night I got home around 1am to a message on my answering machine (yrs ago) and it was my dad whispering asking me to come bail him out of jail. He was whispering as to not wake my mother...whom he's divorced from for many years, but....if you're whispering not to wake HER up, don't you think I WOULDN'T hear it either? LOL

Doniree said...

Still. UNREAL. I'm glad things worked out ok, and I'm glad there was a bar across the street! You're right - you go to champagne bars and sparkle. Let's keep it that way.

Hal said...

My college boyfriend got busted buying booze with a fake id one night. He was in jail all night and I woke up to a phone call from one of his frat brothers (who didn't even bother to call me till the next morning!) saying that they had been dealing with the police all night and they were finally going to pick him up and post bail. I was so pissed cause I had been calling him all night, figured he had gotten stuck at some frat thing, and he was in jail!

He was such a puppy dog when he finally got out. puppy is a great way to describe it. I couldn't even be mad at him b/c he looked so sad.

The Odd Duck said...

My jail story isn't funny.

Long story short, was walking back to the dorm room 3 years ago with two friends of mine. Idiot tries to mug us while pointing a gun at me and making innuendo about what he wants to do to my friends. I don't react well. His arm is snapped in 3 places. I had to go with the cops to explain what happened. Thankfully this was Florida which has wonderfully defined self defense laws.

Hope things calm down there for you dear. He really is going to owe you for life. I laugh at the fact your grandma was The Dog's bartender.

Anonymous said...

so true about the frustration- remember that time that i got pulled over the second i left a bar because the manager had called them before i left, angry that i had danced with a black guy- that's bama! no DUI, just open container- had to spend at WEEKEND in the slammer because THE COURT WAS CLOSED and i don't clean my car?
BUT the worse part is that the judicial system moves efficiently like constipation. frustrating.
i don't understand the harsh penalty for your boyfriend, however. seems over the top when people stack dead neighbors in their closet,after already having been to the REAL slammer (which randomly lets people out just for asking), and get away with it for YEARS.
municipal courts are usually just embezzling machines.
question: you wanna go to jail?
answer: NO
question: just tell me if there's ANYTHING that you haven't told me, cuz i'm on your side.
answer: well..... there's an old beer can under my seat, can't even smell it- my exboyfriend did it over a year ago.
question: Shut up bitch, putchyer hands behind your back......

Ben said...

I often say that you can get through everything knowing that there's a laugh on the other end. You know...that it's all worth it as long as there's a blog post waiting for you?

I don't know that this was. For you anyway. It was TOTALLY worth it for me. You'll have to report back when you've recovered.

Aritza Goddess said...

Hahahahah ! Oh my god, when I saw your tweets before you posted this .. I thought you were SURELY kidding ! WOW, I can't believe this .. and I bet you couldn't either! LOL

Anywho, glad he's out and you've got endless foot massages coming your way :)

Matt said...

HAHAHA.

Im glad brashmans ok. So what was Dog's sister like? Arent they in commerce city? what the fuck were you doing in a commerce city courthouse?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

modern tuba- yes, you are allowed to make fun of him

mr5280- NO WE WERE RIGHT BEHIND THE ART MUSEUM, GOLDEN TRIANGLE. You know where all those little houses with the neon BAIL BONDS SIGNS ARE?! Yep, that's where we were. She was actually a sweet lady, ......reminded me of my Granny. lol. She was sitting there munching tootsie rolls watching the Joy Behar show. HA!

Herding Cats said...

This is ridiculous! It's funny though....and everything worked out in the end. A great story to tell the grandkids? A good chapter to your memoir?

My boyfriend went to jail before I knew him. He was a delinquent 16 year old that got TWO DUIs in one year! Needless to say, he didn't drive until he was 19 and suffered through a lot of shame. But now he never drinks and drives and his record is spotless. Men...they have to learn the hard way, right?

Julie Q said...

LOL boys are meatballs when it comes to that stuff. hubs was on a biz trip when he called and asked me to call the courthouse cos he was not going to be able to make his 'speeding ticket appeal'. after calling and talking to them for 20 minutes, we realized it was the wrong town all together. Grrrrrrrr.

Ashley said...

Wow you deserve the girlfriend of the CENTURY award for that. I have no jail stories and hope to never have to either, from the sounds of it jail wouldn't suit me either.

Although now you can get your way all the time and he can't say anything because he went to jail and you saved his ass.

lifeintheleftlane said...

That is pretty intense punishment for not having proof of insurance.

Sounds like a super stressful time, but you definitely win the girlfriend of the year award. And you met a sort of celeb to boot. Haha!

JUST ME said...

I have a boyfriend who doesn't pay things on time either. This has yet to result in jail time, but I think that's only because he's already SPENT TIME IN JAIL and does not want to repeat it.

Our mothers would be proud.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

WHOA!!

i was anticipating this blog post for DAYS. i'm glad to know that nothing toooooooooooo serious happened.

i mean, jail IS serious but not murder serious. haha.

glad everything is ok lady

ashley said...

Holy DRAMA batman! LOVE IT!

I had a similar situation happen to me a couple years back. My then-boyfriend and I were engaged the night before Valentines Day in another town about 7 hours away from home. Valentines Day, we were driving home, newly-engaged, happy as clams, with the top down in his brand-new Porsche. (Woo fucking hoo) He had quite a few run-in's with the law as far as speeding & traffic tickets. 3 hours into the trip, he gets pulled over for going 100 in a 60. That $400 ticket would make his license suspended AGAIN. Needless to say he was pissed! So pissed, in fact, that he decided to continue speeding. 1 hour after that first ticket, we see flashing lights behind us AGAIN! He thought if he pulled over, he would definitely be going to jail, so he decided he could OUT-RUN the police!!!!! WTF! Turns out he couldn't & we BOTH were forced out of the car by gun-point. I didn't get in trouble, but he was arrested for "Fleeing to Elude", a FELONY. I couldn't drive his car because it was a stick, so I had to call a tow-truck, a bail bondsman, etc. Totally traumatizing!

Erin said...

Unfortunately almost all of my boyfriends have had run-ins with the law in varying degrees. I had to bail out my worst ex from numerous DUIs. Not fun, not fun at all. I requested his father to repay me because I knew the BF wasn't good for it.

Just A Girl said...

Most of my sister's friends have been in jail. Prison, actually. One of her friends was in and out for a few years on a domestic violence charge (which sucked because his girlfriend used to kick the shit out of him, but he's the only one who got arrested) but when he lost his job, that was a parole violation.

A few others have been in on drug charges, mostly dealing. I'm just shocked my sister's never been in jail, or at least juvie. If you saw her record, you'd think she would have been.

Julie said...

1. I have never had a boyfriend who hasn't been arrested at least once. And they were ALL alcohol related arrests.
2. One time, my boyfriend was in ANOTHER STATE, and his teammates called me at 2 in the morning. I had been drinking wine, so I immediately assume they're calling to tell me he went home with some skank. So they tell me, 'we just haven't seen him in a while and were wondering when the last time you chatted was..."
I had talked to him about an hour beforehand, and he too was drunk as a freaking skunk. Fast forward another half hour, and I get another call from the team..."uhhh...we think he got arrested..."
I'M IN ANOTHER STATE.
I have to call the jail, figure out if they have him in custody, figure out WHY, and figure out how to get his ass out.....most awful night...ever, So i feel your pain girl...and DON'T even get me started on the time I was in night court for a friend and thought I was getting a gun pulled on me, when the guy really just had a newspaper down his pants....

CDP said...

Holy cow. No, no jail stories, but like you, I'd be spotted immediately as the one most likely to be made someone's bitch.

Margarita said...

Are we dating the same guy?? My bf was also pulled over for having his front license plate stolen, then they found out he didn't pay some court fines/didn't show up to court for some fines... Anyway, he was sent to jail. For 2 days. Amazing.

I'm so proud of him. We MUST be dating brothers or something. Insane.

~*~Lilly~*~ said...

Classy story - After i broke up with my bf (now my hubby)I for some reason went out of my mind & started to date this guy i met through myspace. (yes - i know, i told you this was a classy story!) his name was Barron (that should have been my first clue to run) he was very kind, smart, interesting to talk to & was very into me. (not willing to not get into my pants asap[that's a whole different story])

After dating for about a month he had came clean about how he made a living earlier in his life, was busted & came out to start over & get his education (warning sign #2 lol) But i thought - Hey - ppl f-up & i'm not one to judge. needless to say the day after halloween he was nowhere to be found & not answering his cell (weird - he always kept plans) 3 days later a parole office (oh yes HIS Parole Officer I knew nothing about) called me to tell me Mr. Barron was in Rikers (NYC's big ass bad jail.)for some sorted "incident" that he was clearly not "guilty" of. (ya right) It was requested i go that night after work out for visiting hours & i was given instructions who to do so.

Let me tell you - I am NOT that girl. I left my financial job in midtown that evening to ride a bus for 2 hrs to Rikers, to go through humiliating circumstances with an "interesting" crowd of other visiting men/women. (to say i stuck out like popcorn in bucket of jelly beans is putting it lightly.) after over an hour of being scared shitless, ready to cry & just generally being scared for what i was seeing (& i'm a tough rugby playing white girl)i finally got into the visiting room.
What a F'ing idiot - seems old habits die hard -& lying is even easier when you think your smooth. AFTER he asked me to deposit 30 dollars in his commissary account (do i look like your momma?) Being begged by his family to continue to visit - i RAN as fast as i could from that HOT MESS! 2 visits to Rikers & having them tell me repeatedly that the bus was a safe zone (i.e. drugs left on it once we got off would be overlooked and they would not prosecute the carrier.) & asked if i had anything illegal stuffed up my lady cave - was 2 to many times for me!!!
P.S. did i also mention that there turned out to be 2 others girls getting these same calls??? What a piece of trash.

michelle said...

wow thats insane! glad you were able to get him out.

ive never been involved in a jail situation... but ive spoken to many an officer for doing silly things

J said...

Holy crap. Best story ever.

•¦Amy¦• said...

Wow. That's a crazy way to spend a few days.
Stories for the grandchildren... did I tell you?

Haha no jail stories, but my cousin did almost get arrested when he and his best friend fake kidnapped his best friends little brother. They threw him the the back of their van with a bag over his head as a prank. Little did they know that there was a real kidnapping taking place that day that involved a van not unlike theirs. The were pulled over at gunpoint and asked many a question about the "young boy" in their trunk, but after some explaining they were let go, and told never to play these pranks again. lol.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

lilly- WOWWWW....thank jesus you ran!

eve- lets hope he never goes!

cuppycakes- oH GOD, I HOPE NOT. NO SHANKING. NO SKANNNNKIN!

GENIE- oh thank you so much for sharing those stories, HEY, it's humbling-this shit can happen to anyone!

emily jane- ok, now that is awesome

mcsass- WHISPERING! lol love that

hal- exactly, my bf was just all wounded looking ha.

the odd duck-omg! that is an insane story, I don't react that qyickyl in situation, my ass woulda been robbed and beat- i'm sure of it.

anonymous- true thaat.

ben- no its definitly worth a laugh now, FOR SURE.

aritza- HAHA nope, no joke! lol

herding cats- oh hell yeah, I'll tell the grandkids hahah

julie q- oh that would definitely happen to me lol

ashley- YES I DOOO

ashley- OMG, NOW THAT IS A STORY!

Erin- oh geez, us ladies....why do we have to deal with this shiz?!

just a girl- oh yes, i have several dealing friends. Just another thing to add to my classy record

just me- high fuve to us

alexa- thanks sister! everything is all groovy now

julie- thank god i haven't had to deal with the drunk ones yet.....or hopefully ever. Thats' definitly happened to my uncles though lol

margartia- oh lord, if we are they are never allowed to meet because that would be a disaster haha!

The Socialite said...

oh wow! What a story! No jail stories for me as of yet! (knock on wood!)

BUT you got him out and you have an official crazy story that I'm sure in a few years you'll laugh about. Few years, years later - you get my point!

L.L. said...

No jail stories - but dammed if this wasn't the most entertaining blog I've read in a long time - I know it's probably not funny to you - but the glitter eyeliner and champagne bar stuff is so good. I hope it's all good now hun...

Michelle said...

This is magnificent/awful, but I strangely love it! Good job on being supportive, i.e. running around and looking, not what most people would do, xo.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

the socialite- hopefully you never have one!

ll- well it was certainly entertaining to write...right when I thought I was out of inspiration! lol

michelle- Like I said, i deserve GF of the year award :)

TKTC said...

I just knew this was going to be a good one. I KNEW. As another romantic partner to a "creative" (I used to include myself in this category but my head remains attached at least 70% of the time and I am thus discounted from the category apparently), it's frustrating but never dull. Plus, think of what this will do for your street cred!

Liz said...

Okay, I think you are hilarious and I love the way you write.

Katelin said...

oh yikes woman, i was wondering what was going on with all of your tweets. glad he's out but yeah that's def a story you won't forget.

tee said...

I've never been to jail, just a few run ins with cops for underaged drinking. But who hasn't been there?

One thing I totally feel you on is how shitty the establishment is. A friend of mine, sweetest girl in the world, just landed in jail on a really lol-worthy technicality. Long story short, she went to go pick up her baby cousin from a friend's house after he called. Turns out he was fleeing the scene of a crime?? ANYWAY, she was in there for hours in the middle of the night (like from 11PM-4AM), parents going crazy, but the booking system is so whacked up that when her relatives called around police stations looking for her, she was never on record. Even though they harassed the shit out of her taking photos, fingerprints, all of her stuff, etc. Smh.

Anywho, glad to hear everything is okay. Fuck the police! Haha.

Miss Caitlin S. said...

hahah, aww that's such a crazy story! Glad you all came out at the other end.

http://candyflosspersie.blogspot.com/

Lace said...

HO-LY SHIT, Woman. You are just like Jesus...srsly. I would have beat someone.

My best friend was once arrested while wearing a Dorothy costume...and she totally smiled in the picture. We got the mugshot and made tees for everyone. Classic.

nicoleantoinette said...

Remember when I was in an airport security line and you were texting me about this? Dude. Dude. I'm STILL all wtf about it.

hannahjustbreathe said...

Shit on a stick, that is one hell of a story, girl!!

Gotta love the U.S. judicial system---they'll throw a guy in the slammer for FOUR NIGHTS for not paying CAR INSURANCE, and yet we don't even bother to arrest rapists, child molesters, and wife beaters. I love my country, I love my country...

Actually, I love you for posting this insane story. And your boyfriend should DEFINITELY give you lots of lovin' for saving his sorry ass!

Becky (aka Ms Batman) said...

Funny you should ask. 18 months ago I spent 2 weeks in jail. You can read the whole story here. http://msbatman.com/?page_id=954

LiLu said...

I uploaded this to my facebook just so I could share it with you: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=128464&id=1746010002

birdykins said...

Bahhhahah fantastically comical record of what was probably a shit scary situation.

Alicia said...

OMG!! hahaaa!!!!! so crazy!!! but hey, never a dull moment!! best post of the day, by far!

Phoenix said...

Thank God you have a blog, or you'd need to get one after that jail incident.

I hope everything turns out alright... and your guy owes you so many damn brownies it ain't even funny.

Rebekah J said...

Oh holy Baby Jesus.

That is all.

Mishi said...

Oh, WOW. I can't believe that even happened! That must have been so stressful...and yet, it made me giggle.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

lilu- AHHHH! thank you so much for putting that up LOL! Love it! THAT IS THE MOST FABULOUS COSTUME EVER....funny enough, my parents were dog and his wife for Halloween too ha.

Kandace said...

Let's see... our jail stories. My husband had parents who would pay alway all his troubles, so he took a while to learn when he was young. On my 19th birthday he called me at 3am (my first birthday call) to tell me he was getting arrested and he wanted me to know and then I hear some deep man voice in the background and thunk thud beep beep beep. I was Not happy. He was in another country so I wouldnt' have found out unles someone else called me to tell me. His parents hated me then so they wouldnt' have. But at least I didn't have to wonder where he was and why he didn't call. Otherwise I'd have assumed we were broken up, not that he was locked up.

I got to go to jail for a Month because of him not too long after(waiting on court to dismiss everything was cheaper than paying rent to stay in town). The girls in there were Proud of how many times they'd been there and wanted their cell named after them. Just One More Time!!! Yay!! They thought i'd be scared of them as a nice girl first timer. they tried to control everything, including the TV and lights. Sorry Biatch, i don't care about american idol but I WILL read my book with the light On. Ya, it was a war over TV or reading. I made them watch their show with the light ON. it was funny watching her be confused that I wasn't afraid of her badass self.

Then there was the time my husband Almost got arrested for a DUI (was home out of the truck but that Jerk had been driving). I was so mad I stood on the front porch 8 months pregnant and just ceremoniously poured out every beer he had left in our fridge while he just stood there and had to watch. He was talking to the cops, couldn't come stop me. 17 bottles of beer were poured on our front lawn that night. it was very freeing. he almsot went to jail anyway, but they took pity on my huge pregnant self and didn't make me go through getting him Out of jail. They just gave him a ticket that he had to pay our of his beer money.

Randi Lee said...

haha, no crazy jail stories. I have a crazy "my bf of 6 years cheated on me and got a 16 year old pregnant... then she pursued a restraining order so that I could no longer go visit my ex's family..." story. That was many years and a few ex boyfriends ago. Status: no restraining order, no relationship with the former 16 year old or the ex. I would almost prefer a jail story...

Anonymous said...

Everything comes if a man will only wait........................................

EP said...

Oh my goodness! Glad y'all got him out of there!

... I once dated a guy who got in a fight with his brother at Mardi Gras. Obviously, they were both drunk. When he came to, he was handcuffed to a BED in the sketchiest NOLA hospital. His parents had to send money to bail them out. ... Classy. And to think we dated for SIX MONTHS. *sigh*

Anonymous said...

成人視訊,色情影片,台灣無限貼圖,美女交友,成人,6k聊天室,ut聊天室,免費視訊,免費視訊,台灣美女貼圖區,免費交友,正妹視訊,成人視訊,正妹星球,情色視訊,dudu 嘟嘟貼圖區,18成人,美女交友,85cc成人片,成人影片,免費視訊,f 罩杯美女圖片,美女交友,成人文學,aqaq 視訊聊天室,av貼圖,美女交友,ut聊天室,080視訊聊天室,視訊聊天室,ut男同志聊天室,免費交友,免費視訊聊天,成人動畫,人之初貼圖區,免費視訊,同志聊天室,ut聊天室,成人視訊,交友聊天室,尼克成人,成人動漫,交友戀愛小站,免費交友

freckledk said...

This isn't my life. I go to champagne bars.

Believe it or not, I've actually uttered that line before, in a situation that also involved the police.

Glad to hear your fella is out of the pokey.

the "L" spot said...

well that makes for a great story at least!

no jail stories for me!

eda said...

按摩棒電動按摩棒飛機杯自慰套自慰套情趣內衣
角色扮演情趣,情趣用品跳蛋情趣跳蛋

G點性感丁字褲吊帶襪丁字褲無線跳蛋

衣蝶
情趣按摩棒
潤滑液SM內衣性感內衣自慰器充氣娃娃AV情趣情趣用品

Sarah Nicole said...

Oh my! What a crazy day! I wish I had a story to share with you..but unfortunately I do not. Thanks for sharing your story!

Micaela said...

OMG i love you for sharing this! because it happens...

Eternal Blast said...

A garden of stress zits?!!!!
I am still rolling on the floor!!!
I know I shouldn't, but my tummy hurt I laughed so hard...

Lex Louie said...

you commented on my sorry excuse for a blog and now I think it's only appropriate to comment on your legit blog. wtf is up with boyfriends not paying their car insurance? and wtf is up with us gfs never knowing about it till too late? I've been in the same EXACT sitch. be strong, they're all dumb.

Jenny DB said...

oh my gosh. ROFL. yes i have jail stories. can't tell em like that though. was in court recently and umm, you are so right on your lineup. good times. glad i found your blog

Cuddleslut said...

"This isn't my life. I go to champagne bars."

That line made my day.

Attractive said...

Very good share ~ message support..................................

 
ss_blog_claim=1c43e45eb4927c96edea5f154138fe95