The other day I got lost in a time warp reading back posts of Gwen Bell's blog. Gwen is fantastic, as I'm sure all you bloggers know; she's intelligent, creative, innovative and all those other things we strive for....plus, she lives in Colorado.
I sat there thinking; Fuck. I need to do more with myself- then she mentioned using the word fuck only weakens your writing, and I thought; FUCK. I should quit and learn to like kids (?? I don't know, cause it seems like it'd add harmony to my life, and maybe I'd cuss less.) The whole time, all I was doing (other being utterly in awe of her awesomeness) was comparing and contrasting; If she can be a blog goddess, who is up on all things social media, who practices yoga and blogs daily, travels, pursues, speaks, creates and is all around stellar; I should be doing that.
It's not that I don't believe I'm not doing enough, I am. I've been recording daily, writing music, enjoying new friends, socializing and leaving enough time in my day to take multiple trips to my pantry to browse its contents. It's just....am I doing ENOUGH....? Are the shoes I'm in a little too comfortable?
I was inspired by her ability to get things done; which is evident with the life she lives. The way she approaches the web, information, and all of her business ventures is the picture of: Think outside the box. Follow your passion. And DO IT. She's not a thumb twiddler. Not that I can sense anyway.
It isn't that I necessarily want to hijack Gwen's life (because that's creepy and let's face it, no one does "you" as well as you do, imitations are for Vegas....and crab) we're different people with different goals- but what I can do is throw myself, head first into the wealth of opportunities, options and aspirations that are in front of me now. Full out.
This isn't a dress rehearsal, this IS our life!
This is what you thought of when you were a kid, when you imagined getting out of your training bra and having "real boobs." (I never got them.) When you imagined your high heels clicking on marble floors as you walked into your "fancy" job. When you imagined staying up past your bed time, playing house and being taken seriously. Those times when we thought; when I'm "in my life" all be secure, totally confident and everything will be easy, grand and exactly. how. I. Imagined.....and I'll have stainless steel appliances. And drink martinis. Extra dirty. Like a real live adult. It'll be awesome.
Well, I still find myself saying these things, but the thing is- THIS IS IT. There isn't a later, or a matinee. Right now, where I am, in my twenties, physically able to stretch and kick and live in this body until I wear it out, like my favorite pair of jeans- faded and torn in the perfect mold of my hips and thighs, from staying out late, brushing past bodies going from place to place, rough housing and thriving, I should have no excuse to not be approaching everything with the reckless abandon of a Snookie backflip on the dance floor.
The thing is; figuring out where your time could be spent BEST. That's certainly not checking my Facebook 5-thousand-fucking-times.
Where are you the most valuable? Where do you FEEL the most validated? What makes you feel good?....weird. Sometimes it is just about generating good feelings, even when the source doesn't make "logical" sense. Our FEELING is the only indicator we get, unless you hear voices...and if you do, email me. I got questions for the Big Guy.
Wherever we feel GREAT is where we'll thrive, It's where we'll be the rock star of our own story.....so why do we spend so much time not feeling great?
The goal isn't to be Gwen, or Madonna, or have so-and-so's "cool life" but to be the BEST at what I do best.... Whatever it is that is MINE, that makes me feel aligned and fulfilled but still "hungry," that is an area that if neglected, I'm only denying myself the life I deserve. If I allow myself to thrive in my "best" the outcome can't be anything but fantastic.
...right now, I would say, though my day is full, the percentage of it wasted is just too damn much. And the places where I actually allow my energy to drift don't always deserve it. Whatever we feed our energy into is that which will blossom and it isn't just one-sided "goodness." Feeding monsters will sanction their growth just as intensely, and when something useless, negative, or unwanted is being fed your minds most powerful brain waves, it's a lot harder to reel the roaring beast back to shore. My monster is a sea creature. FYI.
So, where is my energy best??......if I pump a certain amount of fuel into my tank, or A tank, which tank "needs" it most, which car (if you will) is the one I want to drive the distance. Saying "the distance" makes me sound more dramatic and serious, or like I sing Bette Midler songs when no one's listening...but you get the idea.
The goals this week to funnel my energy in a better direction is:
1. Check emails only 3 times a day, 8am, 1 pm and 6pm. 2. Facebook twice a day, when I wake up and when I go to bed (if you see me online, I urge you to talk shit at me over FB chat. Thanks. Social responsibility people) 3. Do yoga when I wake up. Not at 4pm in my living room while I watch Oprah. 4. Write the IDEA down when it HAPPENS. Too often I let an idea; song, blog, business, etc. go and assume the inspiration will be there to pick up again when I decide to "get around to it...." well, that's not how it works. It just prolongs the creative process, or stalls it completely. AND 5. No TV (I waited until Tuesday, so I didn't miss The Bachelor....don't judge me. This was to lessen temptation.)
What do you need to "FEED YOUR ENERGY" to more often????