"I want a life where I stay in the Presidential Suite and call on people to bring me chocolate covered gummy bears and champagne. And, I'll wear a silk robe all day long. And take bubble baths....and wear false eyelashes to bed."
Those words came out of my mouth.
Very seriously in fact, while I was lusting over my girlfriend Kim Kardashian. I mean, fuck, I want a reason to go to "hair and makeup"...and have a traveling stylist on hand in case something is puckering weird, or I forgot to bring Spanx. Or when I'm feeling fat and need someone to throw me in something that looks like a trash bag, but sexy. The Kardashians and I have kindred spirits, if you hate them, well then- you hate me too. They're a little crazy pants and wear entirely too much makeup and say inappropriate things in public and tell their mom to fuck off, then tackle her to the ground and rub their boobs in her face, until it's all copacetic. Yep, sounds like my household.
I've always wanted to be famous, since I was a little tot singing Annie while running around naked with nothing but a muff and Pearl earrings on. For a long time I felt bad for saying that? Not the naked part. I felt like it made me a bad person, for openly admitting that "yes, I want fame." The reason for wanting to be famous is actually much more complex, more than wanting to buy vintage Cocoa Chanel dresses and having people draw creepy pencil sketches of your face... (if this ever happens I'm retiring) it has much more to do with it than that- I want to be acknowledged for doing what I love, in the biggest most grand way possible. And not only that, but I want to do it ALL. Every little. tiny. dream. I want to accomplish. The big ones are no brainers....but I want the resources to do them all, in the most grandiose way imaginable.
I've come to realize, the people we love BEST, don't apologize for who they are.
You can't win your way into peoples heart by apologizing.
Whether you're writing a blog, or strutting down a red carpet. Whether you're at a dinner table and you're voicing your opinion, you're standing your ground in an argument, or you're out on a date just hoping that they'll "like you" enough to see you again. Or you have this burning desire to create a rock band and sing Native American songs translated into French, while wearing band uniforms and pink eyeliner. Whatever's clever. So often we're forced to be chameleons so we don't rock the boat too hard, or make people uncomfortable. We just want to be "liked...." we want people to call us and think we're cool. Everyone wants their own "Cheers" bar, of "Friends", we all want to BELONG somewhere.
The memo we so often miss is the one that says, "you'll find your place by being yourself." So we put ourselves through this roundabout of flaming hoops, (or sororities? depending on who you are) to try and just fit.
Sometimes the idea of being unabashedly who you are is scary....because if people don't like it, then they essentially, don't like you....but IF THEY DO, then they're loving the spirit, the heart, and the mind that is YOUR OWN. They're connecting with your soul.....and that's so much fucking better.
I won't apologize for who I am....for the flaws and the quirks, and the awkward things I say, or how sometimes I linger a little too long in a conversation because I don't know how to get out of it. Or how sometimes I talk too much about penises in front of strangers. Or that I want to be famous and see my name in lights and do VIP shit...with private jets...and umbrella holders....(too much?) Things of that nature...
I certainly won't apologize for the things I say on this blog....now, or in the past. And I hope that none of you lovely bloggers out there will either- this is our space, to scream or cry, whine or act crazy. This is the soap box we get to stand on, and if I feel like standing proud and screaming pure gibberish, or scatting, or singing Alanis Morisette's "Jagged Little Pill" album on repeat, or saying fuck until my face turns blue- then I WILL.
This is for the freaks, the Lady Gagas, the Kim Kardashians, the lovers, the fighters, the people who dare to wake up in the morning and put on their face, and be shamelessly, messily, and BRILLIANTLY who they are.
Wear every shade of your dysfunction proudly, we will love you in all of your unkempt, delirious, SPLENDOR.
This is for YOU, whoever it is that you are..... Shine brightly.
In the meantime I'm gonna go put on more lipstick.
Three adjectives that describe YOU____________????