Thursday, February 25, 2010

TMI Thursday; Strippers and such. Sorry Dad.


Woo hoo, TMI Thursday!!!!! I've never done this before, I'm popping my TMI cherry....

....I feel it's only appropriate that I talk about cherries and popping and vagina's in a TMI post.

The lovely LiLu, A.K.A Liv it, Luv it started this brilliant weekly posting prompt and I thought that it was only appropriate that I jumped on the bandwagon, since I'm out of inspiration (and wine) after this little incident....so, here is goes, POP!

A couple months ago My Love and I were out for dinner and drinks, it was an average Wednesday night, I was still in my "work uniform"; 3 year old Juicy sweats and a rice-paper-thin T-shirt, no makeup, greasy hair....(why he still finds me sexy? I have no idea. I drug him. And have a great ass.) I very gently suggested something about a strip club, if you know me, you know that that happens anytime I haven't eaten enough for the day and have exceeded my standard 2 drinks and start channeling a porn star (ask Nicole is Better *who was as shit-classless-crazy-obliterated as I was because she offered to trade me underwear if I felt like entering the Amateur night, since the ones I was wearing didn't match up to my standards, or ask Mr. 5280, who witnessed the events, and bought me shots, and Corona's with lime...and potential death/embarrassment/etc....they know my tendencies...they have also seen me with the worst possible hangover known to man)...back to the story.....

...after my two drinks, I dropped the S-bomb. Which, if you possess a penis, you jump on that shit like Tiger Woods on a cocktail waitress. Or white on rice. Or witty anecdotes on Twitter. My Love threw down his credit card like Daddy Warbucks and off we were to Shotgun Willy's, oh how I wish that were a name I made up myself, it is not, but it is magic.

The giant neon sign flashed it's lusty, buxom, glowing cowgirl figure at us and it was ON. I was going to get a lap dance, and she was going to be hot; the hottest stripper known to man would magically be in Shotgun's, she would look like Meghan Fox, but blond, with bigger boobs, long legs, real hair (no extensions) and she would be mute. Talking just fucks it all up...call me a dude.

Stage 1. I pick the stage with the most seductive option and within seconds she b-lines for me....I'm thinking, "oh fuck, I'm not nearly drunk enough to not feel like a lesbian looking at her, SHOTS PLEASE." She starts making small talk, asking about My Love and I...and the next things I know, MY BOOBS ARE OUT OF MY SHIRT. Not only that, while this chick distracted me with her small talk about weather, undergarments and her retainer (she. had. a. retainer.) she has managed to reach down my shirt, take out my boobs- AND IS NOW LICKING MY NIPPLE. Is this even legal????? Before I can gasp, or cover myself up, or cry from public humiliation- she's on Stage 2. and I'm bare-titted in the middle of a strip club, with an empty shot glass in front of me and a slew of 40 year old men wearing John Deere hats looking in my direction, and salivating.

I recover from the trauma of the stripper with the retainer licking my nipples and decide to focus, hone in on the prize; finding the "hot one" for the Lap Dance of the Century. I do things in epic proportions, and this lap dance was going to be epic, simply because of the sheer fact that my "girl" would be supermodel hot. And I would drunk....and someone else would be paying for it. Cha-ching.

Stage 3. I think I find "my girl", her torso doesn't look like its going to eat her legs, and she isn't one of 5 girls wearing horrendous mesh body suits, (this should be a stripper felony, that and belly chains, WTF is this a 1998 teen movie?) I decide after a few impressive "Dances" to music by rappers that make me feel like I have an STD in my ears, that she's "the one".......UNTIL I SEE HER IN THE BATHROOM.... in all her stripper glory, platforms, tiny purse of dollar bills and lipgloss my potential lap dance, ASKS ME FOR A TAMPON. Then the light reveals a gaggle of stretch marks, zit scars, unwanted bikini hair and discoloration.....fuck, she is a real live girl after all. The fantasy is burning out quickly...sort of like the time I was 5 and realized no matter how hard I thought "happy things" I couldn't actually fly to Neverland.

I'm quickly losing my "sex buzz" and my tequila buzz...until I FIND THE HOLY GRAIL OF STRIPPERS ON STAGE 5. TWO. BLONDE. TWINS. (They weren't really twins, I'm not into that shit....but you get the idea) I decide that My Love and I will get a joint lap dance by the babes that resemble Playboy bunnies during Hef's "blond stage."
The girls kindly oblige squeeling that they "LOVE DANCING FOR GIRLS!!"....all is looking like peaches, until one trips over a stiletto on the way to the "lap dance area" and fumbles out a slurring sentence that I translated into, "hold on-I need to get some blow."

Listen, strippers, when I come to the strip club- it isn't Coffee Talk, I don't want to hear about your period, your drug habits, your affinity for Red Bull and vodka, or your insecurities (one girl whispered in my ear while dancing on the stage, "do you think I took my bra off too early...do I look OK?") I am here as a sexual being- do. not. attempt. bonding. with me, we are not friends, this is not Starbucks. mmkay? thanks.

We quickly get a "fill-in" stripper to take place of my once HOLY GRAIL DUO of strippers and we proceed with the lap dance....during our 3 minutes of what should be a sexual haze of body parts and heavy bass, my stripper told me her "real name," while making me feel her gigantically rock hard boobs, offered me a sip of her Kryptonite green cocktail...and by the end of the song, put her cell phone number in my phone, with a message that said, "Hey girl- it's Dani, call me!"

Needless to say My Love mourned the several years he'd spent going home with blue balls after a strip club visit, when all he really had to do was bring a chick with him and he'd get free nipple lickings and phone numbers. So men, next time- take your date...who knows, maybe you'll end up seeing her boobs too, before you even hit the sheets.


Sorry Mom. and Dad. And My Love's Christian family...and potential employers...I'm not a whore, I'm just awesome (new resume line perhaps?)


Any stripper stories out there???








95 comments:

Melissa Leeanne said...

Oh, the stripper story...

I'm a bartender by profession, sort of, I also teach art classes and work for nonprofits and generally save the world. But I also tend bar.

One night, near the end of the night, a rather absurd regular comes in with a woman who is fully clothed, but who announces that her career is a stripper (or maybe he did) and she must have a true love for her job because the clothes started coming off.

I decided that this was a good time to have a zillion more drinks and while playing music from the stripper's iPhone, the night turned shit-tastic and involved some boobs in my face, a body shot, and maybe I know what implants feel like.

The next day I took a bleach rag to the bar like crazy and I kind of wished they had bleach + antibiotics on the market.

Camels & Chocolate said...

HA. Even if I did (which, sadly, I don't...from the South, innocent, all that jazz, heh), nothing, NOTHING could compete with this. I wouldn't even try.

Jen said...

I have A stripper story, but it's nothing like this. By the end, I was cry-laughing. You're a gem in my Reader, as always. <3

Kelly said...

I have a stripper story. Well a lot of them. thanks to craigs list. You see craigs list hooked me up with a roommate who turned out to be a stripper. I thought I'd be open and fine with it - but theres just something I don't like about baking cookies in the kitchen while my roommate stands there eating the cookie dough in her plastic platforms and mesh top with her pierced nipples on display. Maybe I'm just not rockstar enough, but she turned me off of strip clubs forever.

Rebecca said...

Best.Story.Ever

Ben said...

She. LICKED. You????

Wow.

I just remember coming to in the front row of a Montreal strip club at three in the morning once, completely alone and no idea how to get back to my hotel. A guy was on stage doing the helicopter with his flaccid wang.

Flash-forward to my friend bursting in the door so quickly that his scarf is blowing in the breeze, his finger waving in a full, arm-length circle while shrieking, "Oh HELLLL no." and tearing me out of there.

hannahjustbreathe said...

Ahhhhhhh-mazing!!! Love it. And, I'm guessing our girl Live It, Love It is going to pop something out of excitement that you've hopped on the TMI bandwagon! :)

Christopher said...

A stripper in a well-lit bathroom? That sounds terrifying.

BigSis said...

Wow - that is a GREAT story.

I only have two strip club stories and the second was that I went to the club with co-workers. Turns out I was pregnant (but didn't know it yet.) That's a great one - pregnant in the strip club. Pretty sure I'll get Mom of the year out of that.

floreta said...

wow. i didn't know strippers made patrons naked in front of everyone too. i've never been to a strip club.. i'm kind of afraid to.

Johana Hill said...

My husband fears I'd leave him for another woman so I think strip club is off the list. Plus my boobies are my weakest link!

This post is of soft porn material...because it did actually make me wet...I'm not a whore either...just hungry I guess...

Way to go Chelsea! ;p

Assertive Wit said...

I have a strip club story but it doesn't compete with this at all hahahhahahaha this was great!

RecoveringActor said...

This right here is why I love you. HAHAHA! I WISH I had a stripper story, but alas... I have never been to a strip club. I'd love to go to one, but the boy dated three girls who were really lesbians, so he's a little insecure about taking girls to strip clubs.

Tara said...

This was the best strip club story ever. Like others have said, I've been to a few strip clubs, but no stories that could even come close to this.

Tia said...

Oh. my. GOD!! I would shit myself if I ever found myself in a strip club with a strippers tongue circling my nip! That is NOT okay!!

Kay said...

No good stripper stories... but I did start learning to pole dance yesterday!

Grace said...

oh my! I've never been to a strip club. I am now blushing profusely.

Travis said...

Holy shit. You just picked up a new follower, and not only that, but a follower with an erection.

She licked your nipple?!

That shit is EPIC.

Where the hell were you when I wanted to get married?!

Matt said...

HAHA... I felt bad for your phone that night.

The Boob Nazi said...

She licked your nipple?!?!?

LiLu said...

"I recover from the trauma of the stripper with the retainer licking my nipples..."

No, you didn't. And you never, ever will.

Best. TMIT. EVER!!!

Heather said...

I spent 6 months on a military base in Germany that was surrounded by 8 strip clubs in a 5 mile radius. You bet your ass I have stripper stories.

There was one place called Stars and they literally laid me on the stage and a girl with HUGE tits gave me a lap dance and shoved her giant boobies in my face in front of everyone. It was fantastic. The best part: I too was on a date. :)

They didn't use dollar bills there either, you would trade your bills in for fake bills. They were dollar bill looking things with naked ladies in the middle instead of presidents. We need our real money like that.

Passionista said...

I have a few stripper stories, but let me tell you if the strip club is called Shotgun Willy's or if you go to any club on a night other than Fri or Sat, there's a good chance you won't get the prettiest girls of the bunch.

Impressions Of My Life At The Moment said...

That was an excellent stripper tale! I loved it!

Shelley Malone said...

Well, I used to THINK I had a stripper story, but my front-row seat to see Breezy the electric-blue-leather-jumpsuit clad peeler just doesn't come anywhere near your tale of sheer awesomeness.

I think I want to be you when I grow up.

Mike129 said...

Wow!! This is a GREAT story.

That I should NOT have read at work.

Excuse me, but I think I'll just sit here for a while now....

Nikki said...

Oh my God. I laughed so hard. Guys should take notes on how to get your boobs out of shirt that quick.

I get what you're saying. I'd want sensual too. And not someone rubbing up on me when their on the rag.

Happy TMI Thursday!

Herding Cats said...

That is the funniest thing I've ever read. I swear. You win TMITs! Keep posting them!

Sarah Nicole said...

This story literally had me laughing out loud. I loved it. I unfortunately don't have any stripper stories but you make me want to have one!

Liz said...

Wow your strippers sound like they are real live versions of the ones in Grand Theft Auto lol. I went to the strip club for the first time EVER when I visited Boulder. It was hilarious. My stripper smelled like cotton candy and she was lovely.

ChasingParadise said...

I'm with you. How is that legal?! She straight up pulled out your "ladies" and licked them?! WTF?!!!!!

THIS is why your man loves you. You are ballsy and spontaneous!

Chelsea said...

haha, I made the mistake of going through my google reader in the library. I LOLed at this and got the stink eye from at least 8 people.

The818 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The818 said...

Is it weird that some of my favorite posts I've written have been about my vagina?

And um...omg to the stripper with the retainer licking your nipple.

And also...I left you a little award-type-thing on my blog today. Come say hi!

The818 said...

OMG and how could I forget my stripper story!?!

For my 18th birthday a bunch of my girl friends and I chipped in to hire a male stripper to come to my house while my parents were out of town.

What we ended up with were two fully naked eastern european men drinking all our tequila and crying about how "no one wants to be stripper's girlfriend" for two hours straight. Suffice it to say: worst stripper party ever.

stephanie said...

this made my day...hilarious, definitely tmi but i loved every minute of it.

schmittastic said...

Wow. This is a very intimidating first TMI. I might have to wait until next week to pop my TMI cherry. Awesome story. Simply awesome.

Just A Girl said...

Fact - Shotgun Willy's has some hot strippers. Also a fact, holy baby jesus, I would CRY if they pulled my boobs out. Maybe. Depends on how drunk I was. At least you didn't get straight up crotch in your face. Last time I was at The Oasis (which is ghetto as fuck but fun anyway), this chick just WHAM! Busted out her naked vagina. In my face.

Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...

I have only been to a strip club three times (wait, maybe thats a lot of visits). But my fave was the most recent when I went to the bathroom only to find both stalls occupied- each one was holding a stripper- both pooping. They were talking about it and one finally came out with a joint pressed in between her lips!

Juliana said...

Um--wow...

I am thinking you need to join my friends for pole dancing classes. Forget the book club! ha ha

I have not been to Shot Guns...but I did go to a strip club in college. The guys were dressed in Stars wars uniforms, I was scared. Then the manager asked me if my boobs were real and when I told tem they were he handed me an application.

d said...

OMFG.

Spearmint Rhino (yes) in Vegas.

Lap dance paid for by random dudes, the girl was GORGEOUS, real hair AND boobs, just like SO pretty and perfect and what happens? Half way through the lap dance, she ends up talking about hair products with me and then 30 minutes later, comes out dressed in her street clothes and wants to hang out with us for the rest of the night.

WTF. You are not my friend, you are a stripper. This is Vegas. Have some self respect.

Lucy said...

OMG! I don't have a stripper story and after this not wanting one (LOL)

missy. said...

oh wowza.. what a story! you are one hell of a girl chelsea! i don't think i could EVER do what you did. call it the christian little girl inside me who has been brainwashed to think that kind of stuff is bad.

i can't believe she licked you!

Kara said...

Most. Epic. Stripper Story. Ever.

The only thing I've got is a stripper molested herself with my BFF's ID and then the bouncer at the next club handled it not knowing the fact that it probably had some strain of an STD on it.

ClevelandPoet said...

Glad you joined the cult er the tmi posters.

probably the best stripper story ever!

mine ends with her leaving with us to go to a party at a friends house and her leaving bite marks on my neck. I sort of forgot she was at the party and next thing I know she's biting my neck from behind!

Ryan (or, "my Love") said...

The best thing about chelsea talks smack tmi thursdays is that they will generally also contain TMI about Ryan, who would like to take this opportunity to warn people about the risks involved in dating a blogger.

Brittany said...

Hilarious story!! Always a great time reading about strip clubs lol

meleah rebeccah said...

What a GREAT TMI! Way to pop your cherry with a Stripper Story!

Rolerkite said...

that story calls for some anti bacterial hand wash. Love it.

Tia said...

that's awesome.

i always feel like one of the ONLY GIRLS ON THE PLANET who doesn't mind her man going to a strip club on occassion.

strippers are nothing if not interesting blog fodder.

JUST ME said...

I've always wanted to get my ass to a strip club. The naked nipple thing doesn't so totally fun though, especially when we think about RETAINERS.

Phoenix said...

Holy shite. I don't think of anything more horrific than a stripper with a retainer. I think all delusions of sexiness just crashed to a dead stop with that one image.

My eyes, my eyes...

PS Michael Bay TOTALLY needs to turn this story into a film. WITH Megan Fox.

gingermandy said...

i don't have any exciting stripper stories, but this has got to be the greatest one i've ever heard. i would have never expected this to happen. however, i've had a few stripper friends, and the whole "stretch marks, zit scars, hair" concept does not surprise me. strip clubs are GOOD with lighting. VERY good.

Lil Miss Butterbean said...

that.was.awesome!

I have a stripper story, but it pales in comparison. Bottom line, my friends and I got drunk and blew an ass load of cash on dancers, while our husbands and boyfriends sat in the corner watching football.

Slightly Undone said...

I can only wish I had a stripper story. Never been to a strip club.

My only real-life boob story has to do with a chick who had given birth not but 4 months prior.

And yes, the thought did cross my mind that milk would squirt out.

Rachel said...

LMAOOO!!! oh you kill meee!!
i would never feel comfortable taking my man to a strip club, i'd probably be insecure and/or jealous.
i am constantly impressed with your awesome confidence! you go girl.

Randi Lee said...

hahaha, in my pre-mom days... the strip club was mine and Alex's 4th or 5th date. I had never been! I wanted to go... so we gathered some friends and went!

It was fun, just don't tell my daughter that... k, thanks!

FoggyDew said...

Bravo! Bravo!

Author! Author!

They say you always remember your first time. From an old TMI hand, well done!

indigotangerine said...

you.are.so.awesome. I feel like I should be appalled reading this but it's just too good. Stripper with a retainer? probably the opposite of sexy
-indigo

indigotangerine said...

you.are.so.awesome. I feel like I should be appalled reading this but it's just too good. Stripper with a retainer? probably the opposite of sexy
-indigo

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Welcome to the TMI club. I think you'll fit in just fine here.

Chicken said...

The best stripper story I ever heard was from my husband...nice to have an honest marriage :) When he was 20 he went to a place called Jiggles (awesome). Their stripper had giant real boobs. They were sitting watching her dance and she apparently liked the attention that all of these young bucks were giving her. She jumps off the stage in her best cat woman impression. She squeezes her tit and shoots breast milk all over one of hubby's posse. Hits the poor dude in the FACE! I guess we know that she was only dancing to support her kids.

Jen said...

LMAO! This might be the BEST TMI Thursday post I've ever read! I think it's hysterical that just because you were a girl in a strip club who bared her breasts that you were instantly their best friend! Awesome. I'm so on the fence about strip clubs; I want to go, but then I think about how nasty most of the girls probably are. This story makes me want to go, just to observe the sheer craziness of it all!

Alyx....er, someone who frequents lilu's blog said...

Ok ready?

Many moons ago when I was but a lass younger than yourself, my best friend stripped at a world famous nude club in Tampa called the Mons Venus.
Until that point I was like many here who think all strippers are gross and have STD's and are skeevy. And I was jealous of them and thought they want to steal boyfriends.
And then I spent a couple of years hanging around with her at the Mons and realized IT IS WORK, LADIES. WORK. MONEY. and just like regular people you work with, some are more suited to their jobs, some are lushes, some are just doing it to get by, and some are fucking incredibly sexy.
Then my best friend got killed in a car accident. Bummer, I know. I have to move on. Can't dwell.
So I was a very poor single mom of a toddler at this time, and very insecure about myself. Now my friend, her name was Wisper, had done her best to convinced me that I was just as pretty as any other girls and if I lost the baby weight I could dance too. So after she died I decided that in her memory I would try my hardest to lose the rest of the weight and make myself some money so I could have a car and other things that not poor people had like more than one pair of jeans.
I did it! except I worked at a topless bar, and my oh, my look whose attracted to women. So here's my sexy stripper story:

I am the stripper. and this Megan Fox look alike brunette with green eyes and all y'alls legs comes in with her boyfriend one night.
Well of course the boyfriend wants "take out" and he picks this coce addled blonde, who gets paid up front, beckons for them to follow, in their car, and then promptly speeds away with their dough and prolly heads to her deal/boyfriend's house.
Is this too long? I'm getting to the part where fate bestows happiness on me.
They come back in the bar, and since she and I had chatted earlier in the night, she comes right up to me, upset, and tells me what happened. Then she tells me she didn't want to do it in the first place, its his thing. Then she says he's gonna be pissed all night and would I come home with them instead? because she would feel okay about it with me.
Cue tires squealing as I haul ass out of the bar after making him pay my tip-out. So yeah I had to endure a couple of minutes with him, but most of the night was spent discovering my true calling as a woman. Whew damn it's still just as hot 14 years later. Lllllliiiiissssaaaa.
Also me and my wife have been together 5 years now :)Yay fate and life's curve balls.

the "L" spot said...

I have a stripper story. In mexico. Its pretty awesome but its too TMI for me!

Love your story wow! it was the best. I think my Brian would even enjoy it!!

Big Red said...

That story is great! Especially because I think I have a picture of that club!!! Drove by it a year and a half ago while in CO for a wedding. Is this it?

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3272/2866314541_6707930ae2.jpg

Would be so funny if it is!!

jessalyn said...

so i have been stalking you for a while, and this is the post that has made me come out of lurkmode.
ready for this. i have yet to convince a dude to take me to a female strip club. what.is.up.with.that. i have been to a male strip club, and had a male stripper at a party (and that was super ew. stepped out of the 70s and into my dorm room, smelling like he had just "taken care of himself" if you get my drift), but never been to a female one.
first of all, i am concerned i am now getting too old to get away with it.
second of all, this story made me realize it isn't as glamorous as it all seems.
le sigh.

Tina said...

Holy crap. I have GOT to start going to strip clubs.

Eponine said...

I didn't read all of the comments, so forgive me if someone said this already...

But, don't be too grossed out about the girl asking for a tampon. She may not have been on the rag-- strippers usually wear tampons all the time, with the strings cut off. It helps reduce embarrassing queefing during lapdances.

I don't have a stripper story, but I know someone who got crabs from a no-contact lap dance. Very uncool.

Dominick Bonny said...

Holy crap that's a shit ton of comments. Good post. I just started doing the TMI Thursdays thing too. Cool blog, I'll be coming back soon.

Barbara said...

This story is fucking EPIC.

Mila said...

So I've got a bit of a stripper story. Well, it's a bit more like a saga, with chapters. Not real chapters, mind you, but you could imagine them.

But anyway, it's way too long for a comment, but it does involve darning fishnet stockings and a missing copy of Ratatouille. If you want to check it out, click my name to visit my site - the link will take you straight to the sordid tale. :)

Kristin Quinn said...

I've only been to a strip club once and it was definitely not as exciting as this story. This blog post made my night! Next time I go to a strip club I'll make sure I request the girl with a retainer!

nic said...

Oh man. Yup. And to add to that, if that's even possible?

Three words: Stripper. Butt. Make-up.

(FYI: permanently stains all fabrics)

Diane said...

This post is so funny, I love it! And I love the fact that you're bold enough to say it here! I'll definitely think about this if I go to a strip club! :))

have a fun day

kiss

Jess2Impress said...

So glad I found your blog... You just made my day. SO FUNNY!

Karen said...

What an awesome, awkward, TMI story!

owl and peacock : melina said...

BAHAHA, you went to Shotgun Willy's?!?!! I had lived in Denver for 6 years and never made it there... But at least you didn't go to the East Colfax strip clubs, oh my, they're tragic.
I did meet a stripper from SW's not long ago, she was actually really sweet and virginal-seeming, which I adored.

Amanda West said...

Oh my goshness! That was insane.

Insane but hilarious!

But no, I don't have any wild, crazy stripper stories to reveal.

im_anewsoul said...

I remember awhile ago a friend of mine was a severe man hating feminist. She would immerse herself into books about third world politics and feminism and went so far as planning for grad school. I stopped hearing from her until I found out that she was working and living with her new boyfriend. I stopped by to see her only to find that she started hugging me and then her hands would move to my jeans zipper. Out of the blue she asked me "Do you want a threesome with me and my boyfriend?" I ran out of there only to learn later that she started stripping to earn extra cash and now she's confused over her sexuality. But she's still a feminist though. What are the odds?

Alyxmyself said...

Hey Chelsea-Since I pretty much rudely hijacked your blog with my comment, i decided pehaps i should just get over myself and get my own damn blog. Thanks for allowing to have an epiphany on your time. Come see me sometime :)

Cheryl said...

How come all strippers have rock hard boobs? Is it just a stripper thing? Cause I'm pretty sure my boobs aren't rock hard- at all.

nicole antoinette said...

God. I find myself frequently saying, "REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WE CLOSED DOWN A STRIP CLUB AND WERE BASICALLY ASKED TO LEAVE?"

But you're not there and no one else gets it. Sigh.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MrsDixon said...

This was too funny!!! Very entertaining!

chloe said...

your stories are amazing, forget a book, you should make a tv series, or even a movie out of them!
i love it!!!

Raven said...

Girls are the best stripper bait, hands down!

Also, TOTALLY AGREE on seeing them in the bathroom. That shit is whack. There should be a separate bathroom so that the illusion of hot is not wrecked.

I've been on stage as a bachelorette in a strip club, it's too long of a story for this box, and the next day I was left trying to figure out how to get stripper make-up out of the crotch of my pants. How do you explain that at the dry cleaners? Haha.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Wow i never heard of anyone actually going to Shotgun Willys. I will probably not be visiting there any time soon.

Ellen said...

Your story is better than anything I could even make up. I was standing outside of Score's one time in NYC and the bouncer told me to get come in to "get out of the cold." Right, I bet he's used that line once or twice.

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/

Sebastian said...

Wow... that was pretty epic, Chelsea, and a fantastic way to lose your TMI cherry!

It does make me wonder just how many stories like this you have up your sleeve, tho'. It kind of THROWS INTO DOUBT your other tales.

Maybe there's ALWAYS a stripper scene like this at the end of your stories that you cut out...

You wild thing.

Anonymous said...

That story made me crap my pants a little.

Vee said...

The last time I went to a strip club...

Wait, I can't tell this story right now. I'm at work. CRAP!

LOVE your blog =)

Anonymous said...

You are really full of yourself and it is slightly hard to stomach

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mc said...

You know I love ya Chelsea, but most of us stripper bloggers talk shit (rather smack!) amongst ourselves about the "tourist reports" of people recounting strip club stories. If you want some real stereotype-bashing sex worker reading, check out Titsandsass.com, but alas, I know as one of those bad girls, most prefer to play along with the negative stereotypes :( Which is why we are forced to lead double lives, laugh along with the "dead hooker in the Vegas desert" jokes but also get to reap lots of profits off the myth of monogamy.

 
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