"If you can be 'closest' to the truth without hurting someone, then everything will be ok."
Sage advice from my Dad...or, adapted from Bon Jovi to my Dad. Something like that.
I've only lied to my parents once in my whole life, the lie; "No. I didn't drink seven Mike's Hard Lemonades and throw them (in complete disorientation) into a neighbors backyard when I thought I was throwing them in the ditch...." Obviously, I got caught. I got caught, and my dad CRIED.
He didn't cry because I was experimenting in underage wine cooler tastings, but because I had lied to him.....I had kept something so trivial, so silly hidden from him....afraid of what his reaction would be.
My daddy is a big man, a strong, tall, ex-football player, track star, bad ass.....teddy bear, kind of a man...but he couldn't handle the idea that I would be dishonest with him, for any reason- had they given me some inclination that they wouldn't accept me in ALL of my adolescent mishaps and "flaws"....?? That was heartbreaking to them. Their philosophy was;
You only lie if you aren't give then option of telling the truth.
You lie when you feel like you'll be judged, or someones idea of you will change. You lie to yourself, when you resisting acceptance from the truth, or the consequences of the reality.
....you lie when you're afraid of losing someone, or you're afraid of losing SOMETHING within yourself that is fed by the lie. Whether it's because it's easier to keep going "as is" because truth can be painful and denial is so much easier, or accepting the reality could mean certain circles around you change....and sometimes, nothing can be scarier that that.
From that moment forward, sitting on my parents couch at 14, with the taste of bad liquor still in my mouth, I decided I would never, ever lie to my family again.... there was nothing that could "shock" them. Not only did that our relationship get stronger, but it made me HONEST with myself too. The best person to keep me in check, was me....if I was being honest with myself.
My family has endured years of painfully honest confessions of insecurities, brutal self-loathing from time to time and telling my Dad in Jamba Juice at seventeen, that no, I was not a virgin. And in every moment even the ones that were "unfavorable", with open arms, my truths- were OKAY...and guided, lovingly, never held against me, never condemned.
Whether it's our friends, ourSELVES, or our families, we have to understand that one person's truth isn't necessarily going to work for US and that's OKAY. One person's religion isn't going to fit for another person, sexual orientation, spouse, fling, career path....whatever it may be, that they choose, OR YOU CHOOSE, is OKAY......Accept them, lovingly, warmly......
I'm doing my first giveaway..... leave a comment; CONFESS one lie you've told.....and one TRUTH you need to accept. The winner will be chosen at random from a drawing and win; this lovely necklace, a stick of Dove Deodorant (thanks to Dove), and a MIX CD from ME with songs about TRUTH. (5 runner-ups will receive Dove Visibly Smooth ;
So tell me, what LIE have you told????
[In the spirit of truths and lies, here's some full disclosure for you: This post is connected to the Athenos Two Truths and a Lie Party in Denver, where they're giving away lots of cool stuff, including a free trip to South Beach! I'm going, so if you're local, you love hummus, wine and trivia fun, come join us! Just RSVP here.]