"Chels, this is what you asked for....be grateful."
I sprawled myself out on the couch and whined like a little bitch about being "too busy" while I kicked my little black boots in the air and shook my dangled earrings in childlike fury. I didn't want to look at the 7,000 emails that were piled up and the cell phone that I didn't have for three weeks (thanks to a little spilt milk in the tracking ball) wasn't missed either. I didn't want another text, or a phone call- I didn't want to feel the pressure, of "immediate response" when your Blackberry starts buzzing and people are on the other end waiting on your answer. I didn't want another social obligation, or event that needed to be "fit in..."
...all I wanted to do was lay down, on my cozy couch- and breathe. Maybe fall in and out of naps while watching reruns of Property Virgins and drinking orange juice from the carton.
I was feeling the strain of needing to be a "yes" person all the time, so much so that I was HOPING for a cold, or the stomach flu, or a funeral- yeah, (I'm morbid and horrible, I know)- so I wouldn't have to come up with an excuse as to why I couldn't "make it", or why an assignment was late, or why I didn't have enough energy to squeeze in a rehearsal....my stock phrases were; I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed, I'm too busy...and fuck, I'm gonna die. Using certain phrases consistently, over a period of time- no matter what it is, will eventually make that belief TRUE.
All the things I was saying about my circumstances could easily be turned into a positive phrase, if I changed my perspective.
My Love said, "You asked for ABUNDANCE....and that is what you're getting." I could look at everything as "overwhelming" or I could simply start saying "thank you."I could get off the couch, check the emails, head out the door with a fucking smile on my face or I could sit there and loathe an event that hasn't even occurred yet, which is useless. Receiving my abundance with gratitude makes it so much easier to get through the moments where you feel like there's "too much" and that "too much" is so much better defined as living a FULL life. Even though it's hard to do...shouldn't that be the goal?
Sure, there's gonna be times when we need to reevaluate, say "no" when we're bending before we break, or our priorities aren't lining up with the end goals....or, we simply don't want to sit through another pointless fucking phone call, lunch date or distant-cousins-softball match. But the for most part, BUSY IS GOOD. BUSY MEANS YOU'RE IN DEMAND.
... I started thinking about my life, my priorities, and all those times when I felt like everything was stagnant- when I was living in the stark reality of waiting for life to happen to me, rather than being a conscious creator in life happening because I'm engaged in it and dictating its direction. I think when there wasn't enough work, or creativity- when I felt like I was scraping from the bottom of an empty well....and now, that well is overflowing, I'm complaining that the water is running my shoes. Or something like that.
Fuck the shoes, and the flood....we want a flood! We want to fill FULFILLED and overwhelmed and FULL...and more is better than nothing at all. Bring on the rain and all that soppy goodness.
Right now is when we should be worn out, we should be packed and crowded- active and present. Reminding ourselves that everyday, we spend bemoaning ourselves, our lovers, our home or our circumstances we're wasting vital time where we could A. change it, or B. be grateful, for everything is fleeting, good and bad.
Saying "I'm stressed" just reinforces that into a reality.... so instead I'll be; engulfed, overcome, submerged in prosperity. AHHH, that feels so much better.
How do you react when you're "overwhelmed?"