Monday, April 12, 2010

I'm a RUNAWAY BLOGGER... who's back for love and crack money.


I've been avoiding you.

...yes you, I've been acting like I could get away with being moody and having writers block forever, I even tried to drive to Kansas on a whim (Kansas of all places...) and ended up getting a flat tire (Thank you Universe, nice to see you're not working on "my plan" to visit Dorothy and avoid reality) I put in that much effort to avoid looking at a blank screen and wanting to just CRY, dry tears from an empty well of creativity and inspiration. God, how emo of me I just should go sing "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia and take a bath, while singing into a loofa and laugh/crying. Laaame.

I'm a bad blogger
.. and I've MISSED YOU ALL..I leave without letting you all where I'm going and don't check in...I'm that kid that stays out 6 hours past curfew and doesn't call, only to leave you all thinking I've wound up in an alley somewhere, or passed out after playing too much beer pong. ...No worries my gems, the first week, I was in Maui, the second week...I've uh.......been sleeping in a lot? Eating Blow Pops for breakfast, at noon and conjuring up ways I can get an Airstream Trailer, asap and "get the fuck outta' this biaaaatch."

While I was daydreaming and feeling sorry for myself....one day went by....I couldn't write, two days, three days...by day four I could barely form a coherent sentence, the lack of Internet speak started taking a toll on my motor skills, communication? And I thought about just pulling a "vanisher" act until I could tell you all that my life has gotten exponentially more awesome and I'd buy you all Smart Cars and licorice dispensers.

Avoiding reality hasn't helped. And it certainly hasn't changed anything.

It was time to return (though very reluctantly) by the end of week one, after drinking bottomless Mai Tai's and sunbathing, I was thisclose to dropping $200 on a pair of white skinny jeans, so OBVIOUSLY someone was feeling a little delusional and by week two, I'd gained two pounds....I know this because I'm neurotic.

This second week hasn't been all sunshiney. You know when you feel like you've FINALLY caught up with the gigantic ship that has all these amazing things on board; abundance, excitement, peace, a lot of shrimp cocktail and dancing girls? You get the gist. So you finally catch up....then all of a sudden, you feel your feet come out from under you....the next thing you know you're ass up in the middle of the Ocean like, fuck, how did I get here? A minute ago I was basking in shrimp cocktail and dancing girls, while getting an amazing tan.

Yeaaaaa....that's how I feel.

My whole goal on my vacation was to reconnect with myself, my peace... find alignment, strength and that brilliant "shine" that we all forget to fan from time to time. And yes, even during my month of crossing things off the "Life List" and getting out of my comfort zone, I've been feeling disoriented...like I'm either one step behind the beat, a page behind, or certain faucets of creativity, peace, and contentment are clogged.

Like the faucet is dripping and you know if you could just turn that knob a little harder it'd be a flood....a brilliant, powerful, thirst-quenching flood.

I simply can't keep up ....when you can't keep up you lose sight of where you were going, because you're trying so hard to just see what's right in front of you.....but maybe that's the realization I need to have:

Focus on where you are RIGHT NOW and you'll get where you're going. Even if you can only see a faint footprint of where to step next.

Someone said today, "it's like you're in the Sea of Love and you're drinking from a thimble....GET A BIGGER GLASS!" IN the sea? Doesn't that mean all we REALLY need to do is wake up?!

Right now, I'm nurturing the parts of me that need to be "woken up," re-engergized, shaken...stirred furiously with a spoon, to see things differently when it all settles. I am taking yoga (raising money for a YOGATHON to teach yoga/wellness in schools), reading good books, sweating, running, laying in the grass, getting out and allowing myself to breathe through this awkward "blah" transition....just one foot in front of the other.



How do you "WAKE YOURSELF UP" out of a "RUT?"



Oh and ....I've really missed you guys.






70 comments:

Jen said...

I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we've missed you too! Glad to have you back. :-)

Holly Renee said...

Meditation. Breathing. Painting. Writing. All of these things help me truly wake up.

You are on the right track, it just doesn't seem like it while you feel all awkward. My friend and I were talking this morning and we agreed that the times in our lives when we thought we had it all together we were the MOST lost. Whenever we can admit that we have no effing clue what we are doing, we have usually been doing the best and are right on track.

Sounds like you are becoming more conscious of yourself and present every day. That's all you need to do. Just breathe and be in the moment. You don't need to see the footprints in front of you, just feel your feet on the ground as you go.

PS- We missed you too!

littlemissjuicy said...

Missed you and your posts like hell!

I'm glad that you decided to wake up and smell the coffee. Focusing on the present WILL take us forward. Even if it's step by step.
I read inspirational quotes, or stories to wake myself up.

Cara Smith said...

I think a good idea would be to take a little time out of each day just to watch and listen.

Open yourself to seeing life around you rather than focusing so much energy on making your life happen (which you still should do), just let it happen from time to time.

Sid said...

Missed you too.

I've been feeling all "boring/unfunny/uninteresting". And hope that travel to foreign lands will inspire me. Or skydiving. Or some other adventure sport. Right now I'm enjoying surfing. It's cheaper than a plane ticket and I still get the adrenalin rush.

daisychain said...

welcome back x

April Elizabeth said...

I love blow pops for breakfast. Its the only way to start the day.

Shannon said...

A good cup of coffee. No, seriously. And we missed you, too!

The Non-Student said...

I have SO missed your posts! Glad you're back.

Therapy helps me wake up.

Caro said...

To answer your question...I dont know I am still sleeping.

Matt said...

I usually use coffee to wake me up.

LiLu said...

Don't ever leave me again.

*shivers*

So... cold...

Sarah said...

Second line, top, right-hand side of your blog says, "ass fondue recipes."
That made me giggle.

That one girl said...

White skinny jeans... there was one day in my life I thought I could pull them off so you must do it instead sister.

And, bummer you didn't make it to Kansas, there is a cute boutique I would of sent you too.

Don't apologize for being absent... you can do whatever you want!

Margarita said...

First, do something completely unlike yourself. Go out for dinner at a place you'd never go, dance somewhere you would never dance, go to the beach - just go somewhere you never really would experience or ever wanted to.

Then continue with your life. Step by step. And everyday smile at someone. Say hello to a stranger.

Eventually the rut will fix itself.
Good luck.

http://www.margaritareczek.com

ps. Missed you :)

Herding Cats said...

Ah, I've missed your posts for sure! If I need to get out of a writing rut, I read books by authors that I find irresistible: David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, Emily Bronte (yes she's the odd one out here). Anyways, they all inspire me on some level. I also tend to take lots of walks to "find myself".....hope it helps!

Trish said...

Bottomless Mai Tai's and sunbathing = HEAVEN! Hang in there, remember, baby steps.

Glad you're back, thinking of you!

V. said...

Welcome back!

When I'm lacking motivation, I find the best thing to do is to get started on something, anything. Usually once I get back into working, I can get myself back on track. But there was one time when I veered off the bandwagon for a good 3 months . . . that was no good.

Juliana said...

Missed you!

Liz said...

I have seen a lot of this going around in the bloggersphere lately--people taking blogging breaks. For whatever reason, we've all been there and not only do I think its okay, I think its necessary. We all need to unplug for awhile and just focus on real life and ourselves. Only then can we be successful at sharing in our little corners of the web anyway.

Glad you're back :)

T said...

Squeallllllllllllllllllllllllll

You are back and so am I.

The internet Gods are having a field day today.

How did I get out of my couple week long funk?

Hardcore, vagina bruising sex.

Rolerkite said...

I feel ya. I've been in the same, empty-like stage of boring for a week or so too. I think it's the seasons changing and our bodies saying, "what the fuck just happened?" while trying to catch up and spark some creativity and get excited about SOMETHING...ANYTHING..

Amanda Blair said...

I think you just need to let yourself hang out in this feeling for a second. Stop pushing and just RELAX. Maybe your mind just wants a second to just be without having to be something great. You are doing amazing things and in an amazing place in your life, just enjoy it. Enjoy it because these are the moments, these are the days...sappy but true. We missed you too, so glad you;re back!

Jen said...

Missed you too, Chels!

To get myself out of a rut, I do what you're doing sorta; I shake up my schedule. I start dreaming. I switch up my exericse routine. I focus on nutrition. I take a nap. Most of all though, I listen to myself, what I need, and I try to do it.

Erin said...

SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!! p.s. what is wrong w/ kansas? I live there, u could've come over!

p.p.s. I am in a rut, too. I don't know how to get out.

p.p.p.s. we honeymooned in Maui and it was DA BOMB. did you do the road to Hana?

JUST ME said...

I've been feeling it too. Maybe April is national BLAH month. Quite possible.

Working out, combined with ice cream sundaes. That's how I roll.

Rasha said...

missed you, and ugh, do we have to wake up from relaity.

Emily Jane said...

Missed your posts!! I think we all have to wake up to "reality" sometimes but it's what we fill that reality with that determines our outlook on life. When I'm in a rut I try and make a list of the things I absolutely LOVE in my life, even if it is just music and kittens. Then I think of things I'd like to do that maybe I haven't had time for, or I've been too scared to - and then make a point of diving headfirst into it. Doing something new and brave fills me with a sense of accomplishment and energy. Especially if accompanied by very loud awesome music. :)

Larissa said...

I'm new to your blog (and to blogging). I just read "Feminism doesn't mean Lesbianism" and left my comment there, it's a really awesome post.
I'm glad you're back, I'm really enjoying your writing!

As for waking up, I like gardening and then using those herbs to cook with.


xxx
Larissa

J-Diggety said...

I've done the disappearing act, too... it happens!

I've been trying to "wake up", too... sometimes the things that wake me up can be dramatic... fights with friends or fam, break ups... but sometimes it's a movie or piece of art that inspires me to shake myself out of my rut.

Elizabeth Marie said...

Yeah...same place, same everything. I've missed you my love and can't wait to talk.

meleah rebeccah said...

Glad You're Back! We've missed you!

"How do you "WAKE YOURSELF UP" out of a "RUT?"

running, reading and generally forcing myself to do the things I dont want to do!

Kristin said...

Unplugging and spending time with my loved ones has definitely helped me in the past! Welcome back lady. : )

Feeling Just Right said...

Thank You for missing us. Glad you're back! How do i wake up? I keep planning, see it all fail and re-plan, eventually cry and re-plan with a firm decisiveness to do good. Hope this stays. For a while. Phew.

Brittany said...

Glad to see you decided to come back :-) Your posts are always so entertaining!

Katelin said...

aw welcome back and i think we all need a vacation like that every now and then, even if we do get flat tires along the way, haha.

KK said...

I havent been blogging long, but I did the same thing recently. I didnt post anything for about a month. And then I realized I missed it. I found things, everyday things to post about and then I got into the swing of things again. I just tried to post as often as I could till it came back.

I just started reading your blog but I love it. Honestly it was your shotgun willy's post that I loved. I totally feel you! :)

MrsDixon said...

Welcome back! Surely, blow pops for breakfast are a surefire way to get back into the swing of things!

teacherwoman said...

When I want to get out of a rut, I go for a run! :) welcome back!

Ellen said...

Hrm, good question. Sometimes it's yoga, sometimes vodka. And ice cream. And watching the British Office reruns. All depends on what kind of RUT I'm in.

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/

lady lee said...

For me it's getting outside my self and experiencing other people's suffering/stories/joy/etc.

Also helping people in need. It helps put things in perspective.

Don't feel guilty for taking a break girl, you'll be feeling yourself in no time.

CuppyCakes said...

I go home. I guess, not home in the sense of what it normally means. I go to my childhood home by the beach. All my major decisions have been made there, specifically because being there gives me the clarity I need to make them.

Doniree said...

Friends, family, wine, cheese, honey meade, Jason Mraz, and talking it out with girlfriends usually does it for me. Oh wait.

I LOVE YOU. :)

spleeness said...

missed you too!

How do I come back from beyond? First I need enough down time. If I don't get my fill (regularly) then I drop off the radar. And it takes a week or two before I ease back into my regular pace.

Do whatever makes your heart sing and we'll be here when you get back. Just promise you'll share the secret when you find it! :)

woodlandsblonde said...

Happy hours, pilates, trying new places, kayaking, brush your teeth with your left hand, listen to different music for a day, listen to a sermon, call my family, go make new friends, get some sun, play golf.

Random...but changing something little can change your life :)

Smile more!

Ashalah said...

The best way for me to get out of a rut is to do something I've never done before, something outside of my comfort zone. Or to just take a nice long walk out in the middle of the woods, just me and the wind.

I know how you feel though, been going through a bit of that myself!!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

larissa- AH! Thank you so much...that's an old post, I'm glad you found it :) and found me!

cara smith- ahhhh listening...yes, thats something i'm not too good at.... :/

that one girl- i CAN do whatever i want huh?! sometime we need that reminder!

herding cats- I LOVE ALL OF THOSE AUTHORS

T-....that's a really good idea. lol.

amanda blair- yes, I need to embrace it huh? Thank you for the reminder....you're awesome.

Erin- when i finally make it I will come say hi!

rasha- GOOD POINT

emily jane- I think i'm happiest when there's lOUD MUSIC accompanying me...so I FELL YA

KK- AH! thank you, i'm crass what can I say?!

DONIREEE- EEEEEEK, I WAS THERE FOR THAT!

Woodlandsblonde- i LOVE ALL of these things....im gonna go brush my teeth with my right hand right now.

ashalah- I need to take advantage of "walks"....sigh.

Scott Teel said...

Ruts are getoutofable? Has this been confirmed? I dunno about that...this rut's so deep I'm into the earth's magma layer now. Maybe there are some ruts that are just inescapable.

Tarable said...

I think this time of year is actually perfect for taking a deep breath and rediscovering your mojo. Birds are chirping, green is sprouting and all of Mother Nature is waking up. Tap into that and you're golden.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

scott- so I guess if thats the case, we may as well learn how to like it and feel comfortable in the ditch?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

tarable- YES....I think it is absolutely connected with this time of year....NATURE, I need more of that in my life. Ahem, Boulder.

Johana Hill said...

I'm glad you're back! I missed you! ;p

Cinnamon said...

I left you an award on my blog, nbd but its there if you want :)

Scott Teel said...

Well, let's not be too hasty...pissing and moaning about it is another option I wouldn't count out just yet. If WE don't complain about our lives, who will? And if you're not complaining, how will anyone know you exist? Happy people get to be happy but quiet. Complainy people get to be unhappy but well-known for it.

Van Gogh was absolutely miserable...and everyone remembers him today. But remember that guy who was always happy, you know, whatsisname? Didn't think so.

Yeah, it's a weak argument. But at least we rut-bounders get something out of it.

DalenaVintage said...

It sounds like you're on the right track. I recently went through (or shall I say am going through) a similar period in my life. I picked up, packed up and moved from Texas to Washington. Reading, long walks, working from home, writing letters via post, cooking, enjoying me basically. For me, I can't speak for anyone else, but I need a lot alot alot of alone time especially when things like overload how the hell did i end up here i feel like i'm drowing feelings start up. So anyway. To sum it up. Lots of thinking time. Lots of exercise. Lots of library and craft time. That's how I deal.

DalenaVintage said...

Oh am I'm scheming for an AirStream too!

{gypsycab} said...

I've been M.I.A from blogging as well (not that anyone notices but me) good to have you back talking smack...we wouldn't have it any other way!

ThiliBlooms said...

once I heard Dalai Lama saying that it`s better to take ant little steps than flee giant steps, it will take you longer to get there but the path will be worth it :) take your time and focus on today, if today`s to hard, focus on moments.. gosh I hope this can help u, it helped me a lot! Take care :)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

scott- you've got a good point my friend. I also happen to love Van Gogh, so nice example. I think i would have hated him in real life...but the idea is nice, and tortured.

There's always that silent happy character in the corner, but I know a few LOUD happy characters too? They're mostly my gay dancer friends. Or taking speed. Can we jsut find a happy medium? ;) ahhh , i kid i kid.

I think there TRULY is a way to have both and complaining IS GOOD, It's good to let it out there, go through it, internalize it, work it out...and then...move on?

Kyla Roma said...

Honestly, for me it's avoiding my internal monologue like the plague! lol I lose myself in podcasts and books, and just kind of drift until I can come back refreshed and ready to tackle the things in my life, with a more brave, more energized version of who I am =)

Kim said...

sometimes one step in the right direction is all you need to start that running leap

Shayna said...

So happy to see you back :-)

Out of a rut... Not much of an expert on that one, but I would say the first step is recognizing that you've fallen into one (check) - the clawing-your-way-back-to-society-and-civilization usually starts with a new haircut, breaking up with any deadbeat romantic partners, and either painting your bedroom a bright color you'll hate in a week or throwing out half of your wardrobe...

Anna said...

I'm so glad you are back!!

I'm the worst person to ask about getting out of a rut. I usually stay in my rut until something forces me out.

Her said...

When I'm in a rut, I move--impulsively. That's how we ended up in Cambridge, and I couldn't be happier about it. It's an expensive habit, so we'll limit our next move to another apartment in July, and work on other ways of de-rutting in between.

Welcome back!

The Book of Right-On said...

Hello!! just to let you know we have just added you to our blog roll because your texts crack us up and we want to share it with everyone :)

Margaux + Ele from BoRO Xx

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

the book of right on- well thank you oh sooo much! I appreciate the sweet words!

Fish Nat!on said...

I just found this.

THANK you.

repliderium.com said...

When I'm in a rut I drink. Or walk my dogs more. Sometimes I drink beer while I walk the dogs.

blunt delivery said...

i'm the WORST blogger in the history of blogs.

no worries.

glad you're back ;)

Ria said...

Welcome back!
So I wake myself by making me angry.In a good way.By watching movies: I see some people who are in the same situation and do nothing.And lose.So I yell at them(I know it sounds stupid but it works) and then I yell at my self(in my head) and poof!I'm up!
By the way I'm your 1000th follower!!! :)

 
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