The other day I spent my last dollar on an icecream cone from McDonald's....
...this was right after My Love gave his last dollar to a homeless man on the corner, literally making the man on the street richer than he was.
Collectively we were both down to zero. Literally, all together- ZERO. As in, no savings, no jar of "spare change,"....)we've cleaned that out for condoms and Ramen, since babies are more expensive) We had nothing worth selling, not even plasma. In fact, the debt that we have is more like negative $$$(fill in horrific college loans, and the Paris fund that I started when I decided charging champagne and tarts was "totally worth it." I still stand by the choice. A couple grand later, a couple drunk Parisian escapades and 2 pounds worth of pastry dough still in my belly.)
So, if you all you have is a dollar, why not roll down your windows, enjoy a Vanilla cone and drive in the sunshine- on fumes, back to your basement apartment?
I want to be comfortable in ZERO...but I don't want to be there forever, it's just being able to embrace the present ZERO and know that it's only temporary. At least that's the goal. Or I'm going to start directing porn. Hi, Mom. This poverty couldn't possibly be my fate, because I'm too damn awesome/motivated/creative to stay in this situation, plus "starving artist" is so cliche. I only like cliches on Holidays, where there's candy with cute sayings involved.
Recently, I was talking with one of my friends about "Unexpected Income" not necessarily in a $$ amount, but in the form of something that is discounted, free, etc. I.E. When your grandma brings you cookies, you don't have to buy your own cookies (unless you're cookie monster, or....you're cookie-exclusive and chocolate chip simply won't serve you/you're an asshole) or your friend bought you a drink at the bar, someone let you borrow a book you were thinking about buying, and so on. These are all things that you would have BOUGHT anyway....so you have to think of it as a "credit" to your empty bank account. It's the Universe throwing you a bone...and rather than going home and bitching about how fucking broke you are, you can say, "Why thank you, tonight was +20 bucks I didn't have."
It's a form of showing GRATITUDE to a rather unfavorable situation.
...once you start recognizing the "unexpected income" in your life, it's a lot easier to realize how ABUNDANT your life actually is.
I talked about Abundance of Heart as my goal for 2010 (along with meeting Jay-Z, which will happen) and I haven't been out traveling the world like I did in 2008, I haven't been living in a fancy place like I did in L.A, I haven't been crossing as much of the Life List as I'd like to, I haven't spent money on gratuitous items like new nail polish and colored tights-but I am comfortably flourishing where I'm planted. And all I need is a little sunshine, and an icecream cone every once in awhile. ...even if I have to pay with that cone in nickels and dimes.
We are not defined by the amount in our bank account, but we are defined by how we LIVE...
...And the manner, the intention and the enthusiasm you LIVE with should come from something deeper than a paycheck. Via Facebook chat tonight, I lamented to Doniree over writers block and blah blah blah...and told her that I wrote the word "Enthusiasm" on my mirror, because I like to say cheesy things to people I love...and I should probably be on an episode of Glee, but also because, "having enthusiasm reminds you to presently enjoy the PROCESS, or action of what you're doing. Or the stillness. Because you're excited to be THERE." Yes. That's me, quoting me? (this is where you'd hashtag LAME on Twitter.)
...We're always curious about how people "live," that's why we blog, tweet, invite people into our homes, snoop through peoples medicine cabinets.....oh? what? The point is, when someone wonders, "What does she LIVE like..." I don't want to live in the confines of zero, or 10 million. Though there would be a varying degree of yacht travel, and canned peas in there....I want my MANNER and LIFE APPROACH to stay the same;
Fucking enthusiastic. Icecream cone enthusiastic. And yes, ice cream should be one word. Icecream.
At the core of everything we are, we have an energy that we approach the day with- I'm not talking about the day where you have to go to the Gyno, or your boyfriend smoked a cigarette in the house while you were sleeping and ashed in your yummy fig candle-I'm talking, run-of-the-mill coffee, routine, day. How do you LIVE....? What energy are you giving out....
So, whether you're at $0 or $100.....what do you "LIVE" LIKE?