Things are looking up....
Things always "look up" if you're actually looking there. The other day I was meditating and while I was coming into a place of peace and serenity, the instant I started "RELAXING" I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be fucking horrible if I just had a seizure?...." uh. Yes, it would. but why, oh why, crazy brain would you think of such a thing....the seizure comment naturally brought up other negative emotions like counting my carbohydrate intake for the day, loathing the article I had to write, my dwindling bank account, and unwarranted fears of My Love sleeping with a cougar after an argument and night of whiskey drinking. Hi Negative Nancy, welcome to my meditation session, you hooker.
Life is sort of like riding a bike, if you're always looking at the ground you're bound to fall.
I don't want to be in a constant state of angst, fear, what next? Right now I'm overcompensating with planning and outlining, making lists for every little thing because I'm afraid everything won't just WORK. Yearning is not a lifestyle....and it's become mine. You can't be in a constant state of WANT, or you'll never actually have anything.
Within the wanting you often forget what it is you ACTUALLY want....and then you're hanging out there on a skinny branch and you've completely lost where the root of the desire came from. I'm getting back to THE ROOT. The root of the things that I love and rather than doing them thinking about what other people would want, or where it's going to get me, I'm going to create because I simply love singing a beautiful song. I simply love writing something that makes you FEEL something. Simply because I love these things I'm going to TRUST there's a reason for that...and remember that I love them, rather than letting my passion rear it's ugly head at me because I'm focusing so much on watering the tiny leafs of it's branches rather than the actual SOIL. The leafs and branches are part of the picture, but they aren't the whole thing.
I have somehow along the last two months lost sight of the fact that within me, if I trust it, there's a deep, overflowing well of SECURITY. Of safety. There's a thing that is bigger than desiring something, bigger than want, bigger than the little ruts and bumps....bigger than $20 dollars, or $100 dollars, bigger than right. this. second.
I'm not exactly where I WANT to be, but I have to TRUST that each little connection, diversion and misstep are part of the bigger plan and instead of jeering at the things I don't want, I can looking stead at the things I do....knowing that all that I need, all that I want and all that I have are ALREADY HERE....let the universe work out the rest. We are constantly evolving... Sometimes, I feel like if we saw the bigger picture, we would feel OKAY being all the things we WANT and love right now.
My "guru" says this...
"You can attract only that which you mentally become and feel yourself to be in reality." Ernest Holmes
Funny, how that's my Facebook quote on my page...and while I look at everyday and conceptually understand it all and believe it to my CORE, that I've still allowed myself to "feel in reality" things that are completely contradictory to want I want to become. Then, I'm all angry when I become shriveled up, uninspired, and The Queen of Darkness. FEEL IN REALITY WHAT YOU WANT TO BECOME.......
Looks like I've got a lot of feeling and looking to "readjust."
....I will manifest all the I see.... good reminder if you're seeing things unfavorably. Who says rose colored glasses aren't sexy?
Do you FEEL you ARE what you have WANTED to become??