Monday, May 3, 2010

The Sun'll come OUUUUT....I always did want to play Annie on Broadway. Too bad I'm not a ginger.


Things are looking up....

Things always "look up" if you're actually looking there. The other day I was meditating and while I was coming into a place of peace and serenity, the instant I started "RELAXING" I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be fucking horrible if I just had a seizure?...." uh. Yes, it would. but why, oh why, crazy brain would you think of such a thing....the seizure comment naturally brought up other negative emotions like counting my carbohydrate intake for the day, loathing the article I had to write, my dwindling bank account, and unwarranted fears of My Love sleeping with a cougar after an argument and night of whiskey drinking. Hi Negative Nancy, welcome to my meditation session, you hooker.

Life is sort of like riding a bike, if you're always looking at the ground you're bound to fall.

I don't want to be in a constant state of angst, fear, what next? Right now I'm overcompensating with planning and outlining, making lists for every little thing because I'm afraid everything won't just WORK. Yearning is not a lifestyle....and it's become mine. You can't be in a constant state of WANT, or you'll never actually have anything.

Within the wanting you often forget what it is you ACTUALLY want....and then you're hanging out there on a skinny branch and you've completely lost where the root of the desire came from. I'm getting back to THE ROOT. The root of the things that I love and rather than doing them thinking about what other people would want, or where it's going to get me, I'm going to create because I simply love singing a beautiful song. I simply love writing something that makes you FEEL something. Simply because I love these things I'm going to TRUST there's a reason for that...and remember that I love them, rather than letting my passion rear it's ugly head at me because I'm focusing so much on watering the tiny leafs of it's branches rather than the actual SOIL. The leafs and branches are part of the picture, but they aren't the whole thing.

I have somehow along the last two months lost sight of the fact that within me, if I trust it, there's a deep, overflowing well of SECURITY. Of safety. There's a thing that is bigger than desiring something, bigger than want, bigger than the little ruts and bumps....bigger than $20 dollars, or $100 dollars, bigger than right. this. second.

I'm not exactly where I WANT to be, but I have to TRUST that each little connection, diversion and misstep are part of the bigger plan and instead of jeering at the things I don't want, I can looking stead at the things I do....knowing that all that I need, all that I want and all that I have are ALREADY HERE....let the universe work out the rest. We are constantly evolving... Sometimes, I feel like if we saw the bigger picture, we would feel OKAY being all the things we WANT and love right now.


My "guru" says this...

"You can attract only that which you mentally become and feel yourself to be in reality." Ernest Holmes

Funny, how that's my Facebook quote on my page...and while I look at everyday and conceptually understand it all and believe it to my CORE, that I've still allowed myself to "feel in reality" things that are completely contradictory to want I want to become. Then, I'm all angry when I become shriveled up, uninspired, and The Queen of Darkness. FEEL IN REALITY WHAT YOU WANT TO BECOME.......

Looks like I've got a lot of feeling and looking to "readjust."

....I will manifest all the I see.... good reminder if you're seeing things unfavorably. Who says rose colored glasses aren't sexy?


Do you FEEL you ARE what you have WANTED to become??













49 comments:

dancednvr said...

you're perfect. because your Mom says so. love you and all of your brilliance. xoxo

Doniree said...

You shine here, love. Absolutely shine. And I love watching you come out of the darkness and into the light that you are, that you always are, even when you can't see it. I JUST re-read some of the first (root!) chakra affirmations that we were given after that workshop, and when I was in a place of insecurity and fear, I kept reminding myself of these things that you said so well. Here are the ones that stuck with me:

- It is safe for me to be here.

- The earth supports me and meets my needs.

- I love my body and trust its wisdom.

- I am immersed in abundance.

Elizabeth Marie said...

Thank you for being Annie for me yesterday...I needed that convo at that very moment and so even when I feel a little helpless, things like that make me remember that the universe is good...and listening. love your pretty face.

TKTC said...

I love that you and Doni are talking about all the things I've been thinking. I've been extra escapist lately, not just in actual travel (though there's been plenty) but day to day avoiding dealing with things that need to be dealt with. So much good to come but I'm going to need to think through the path I want it to take in order to get anywhere.

Jen said...

I am so 50-50 on this. I feel, personally, I'm where I want to be, who I want to be, but professionally I'm far from it. And it could be the self-fulfilling prophecy that I've secrety harbored about not amounting to anything. You are absolutely right, and I hope start envisioning yourself where you actually want to be so you can move in that direction.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Yes and no. I am happy with where I am in terms of major life events. I have traveled a lot, I love my husband, I love my dog, I love my friends and family. However, I am not happy with where I live (something that I am trying to change) and where I work (another thing I am working on). Sometimes I think that work-wise, I will never be completely happy.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Momma bear- I LOVE YOU

Doni- i love these affirmations, beautiful and perfect and exactly what I need. Thank you for being there through even the dark times my friend.

Elizabeth- anytime, next time i'll sing it, full out, belting, broadway style.

tktc-good to see i'm not alone in that arena...haha....phew, no more escaping!

Jen-Amen, I hear ya....I guess that 50-50 is part of the journey..

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

non sequiter chica- ah my dear....I think that you can be happy in work..I will think that for you, I believe you can have it.

JUST ME said...

Positive thinking, my love, REAL POSITIVE THINKING, where you're peacefully aware that the Universe senses your goodness and will provide what you want...works WONDERS.

See you tommorrroowww! Where you wanna eat lovey??

Johana Hill said...

You can't be in a constant state of WANT, or you'll never actually have anything.

I love this sentence. I'm not where I want to be but I'm where I need to be. Over the course of the past 10 years, I've learned that what I want is not necessarily good for me. I try to be positive but sometimes, my brain gets clouded with negative thoughts and I lose track of the path that'll take me to that happy place.

One thing I'm sure of, though, is I'll get there. Someday.

You wrote a great post! Love it. bad.

Ben said...

This is just. so. yes.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

just me- EEK! I dont know?!

johana- we all do that, thats part of the process I suppose, is not letting your brain get the best of you...for too long of a time anyway?

ben- thank you love ;)

hellotaylor said...

"Life is sort of like riding a bike, if you're always looking at the ground you're bound to fall."

This is perfect, I'm stealing it and putting it on my facebook quotes.

This post inspired me, thank you :)

Anonymous said...

All I can say is "I think you are amazing and beautiful. A bit critical of yourself,because you could be a perfectionist".
I have been who I wanted to be, for some time now. I have ,at last , decided that i am a good person, and sometimes I'm quite funny.,and I am very wise, because my way of getting there was trying almost everything, and a lot of the things I've tried, have hurt me mentally,and physically and in many ways.
But, now I know who I am, and instead of allowing people to treat me as if I am not there,I just feel sorry ,for they could know some one very special,in a multitude of ways.You are getting there too, just be patient.: )And, if you need someone who would die for you,I'm your gal.

Nahl said...

You're officially my favourite writer.

"Who says rose coloured glasses aren't sexy?". Aye aye, captain!

tonyadesigns said...

I don't feel like I've achieved that exactly. I visualize the kind of person I want to be but I don't think it quit matches how I feel yet. I like if I had to describe a way of being, it would be like a Jack Johnson song. I'm closer to it than I used to be, but not quite there yet.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

hello taylor- well thank you dear, i love that!

nahl-thank you so much, that's incredibly sweet of you. xo.

Aunt Becky said...

Yes. I do. I really do. And what's more is I will. I know it in my bones and in my soul and the days when I feel like I might be floundering, I let the lightness and air fill me up until I'm nearly weightless and floating.

I need to learn more about meditation, though.

Colleen said...

Great post. I am in much the same place. I try to be positive and live the life I dream of, but man oh man when I get negative . . .

J-Diggety said...

Working on it... :)

Herding Cats said...

I saw a good quote today, "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning how to dance in the rain."

I think it applies nicely to your post :)

Rasha said...

Great post.

Rachel @ MWF Seeking BFF said...

I was just talking today about how what I say I want and what I am are so different. It's so frustrating, especially because I want to walk the walk, but it's no always easy to resolve one with the other. At least you were able to get yourself to meditate. You're walking the walk, even if your brain wanders, you're doing what you set out to do. That's more than I can say sometimes!

Living to tell It said...

Right now I feel I'm so unsure of things but I know I'm not where I want to me right now. Nobody wants to be in this darkness.

Caz said...

It's so comforting to know that somewhere, out there, you and a bunch of other 20-somethings are going through, dealing with, and living all the same things I am.

Love it!

Ashley Stone said...

love this post, a great reminder to look on the bright side!

Anna said...

Love this post. It's inspiring and just pure greatness.

PS. I'm getting there :)

CuppyCakes said...

I'm well on my way to being what I wanted to become, but I'm not there yet. There's still some work to be done.

ChasingParadise said...

You always make my brain explode with thoughts! I am trying to put this into practice into my life more and more...starting slowly, of course. I wanted to go to the BiSC meet-up, but my head kept trying to come up with excuses not to go. And then I just went with it. I want to start exploring life and becoming the person I want to be (courageous, open, full of self-trust) and do the things I want to do without being my own obstacle. I think this is all the beginning of something for me.

P.S. So stoked to meet you, so soon!

Feeling Just Right said...

No i don't. There's a long way ahead. But i'm feeling it. I'm getting there. Soon.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Herding Cats- I adore that quote...

Diane said...

Very inspirational, as always! ANd yes, things are looking great for me lately!! :D

kiss

carissa said...

I love this!!! I can really relate right now..at least in where I want to be.. and letting the universe just show me the way.. I sometimes get too caught up in my head and I've got to learn to relax. Thanks for writing yet another inspirational post Chelsea!

Emily Jane said...

Absolutely love this. If all you see and bring to the world is negativity how are you ever going to attract anything positive? This time last year I kind of came to that realisation - instead of whining and sitting on my arse wondering WHY things weren't going the way I wanted to, I was going to change my attitude and actually be active in SHAPING it. The power of positive thinking is an incredible thing!!

Amanda Blair said...

I love that quote and I am going to focus on that. It's so true that we have all we need but we never look inside ourselves which is why we end up unhappy. Your blog is like my life coach!

Gwen said...

Working on it!

Rolerkite said...

I think the more you grow the more you change and "what you want to become" changes and adapts as well. It's a a part of the continual growth process and if you are perfectly content with who you are now, then what is there to strive for? Keep growing and Keep dreaming!

Jo said...

Thank you for this reminder to trust that what I need is already here. Thank you for reminding me that the universe provides.
xox

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

rolerkite- I absolutly love and believe in that philosophy ;)

Kristin said...

I feel like I'm a work in progress...but I'm a whole lot more content with myself than I was in my 20s. I guess that's a benefit of gettin' old. HA!

Ellen said...

Wow, I'm pretty certain I need to dig a little deeper with this feeling and looking stuff. I'm not what I WANTED to become...yet. But my fear is that once I do, it won't be so great and I will have wasted so much time wanting something that doesn't even matter. Damn, life is confusing!

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/

hannahkaty.com said...

I love your blog more than anything.. It always comes with the best wisdom packed in each post! I have been thinking about this a lot lately, about looking up and really going places as a result... I am sending out positive signals to the world and good things are coming back to me.

Best,

Hannah Katy

Sarah Ward said...

I just stumbled across your blog the other day and absolutely love it. It's nice to know that we all go through these things!

And by the way, Negative Nancy IS a hooker. Saw her down on the corner the other day...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

hannah and sarah- your ladies comments made my day, absolutely. LOVE LOVE. xo.

Jenny DB said...

good things rarely come from whiskey drinking :)

and on the positive side, at least your not a ginger!!!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

jenny db- WOOT WOOT!

Sophia said...

I love the way you put a lot of things into perspective. It makes me think quite a lot.

Angie said...

This post was exactly what I needed to hear, it's something I have been feeling but haven't been able to put into practice. Perhaps it's time to feel the reality of who I want to be and not what others have put on to me.

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