Monday, June 28, 2010

I'm not dead....even though it feels like I am.



I know....I've fallen off the face of the Earth.

I've been in hiding....my heart has been beyond shattered.....and writing about it is literally like opening the wound of DEATH and reliving the trauma once again, which is why I've avoided it....there's just too much-it's still to fresh and bloody, a complete, disgusting, pathetic mess.

My live-in boyfriend of almost two years and I broke up about a week and a half ago. The man I called "my love," my best friend, my soul mate, the man I believed I'd MARRY....my HEART....a "part of me" broke up. It isn't just like deciding to part ways....in this specific situation it's like waking up one day and realizing, "OH SHIT....what do I do with the rest of my life now....when this person has been a part of ever detail that made up my EXISTENCE for two years....and beyond....every dream, every plan."

Let me just say when you have a "feeling" TRUST IT..... My Love and I had been fighting the last few weeks the way you do when you're a couple; he stopped coming home when he said he would, he stopped "showing up" emotionally, stopped making me feel valued...at all, started staying out till 3am....4am, without calling... there's only so much a "cool" girlfriend can do at that point and then she gets fucking angry..... we had a couple blow out fights, most of them he wasn't sober enough to probably remember and in all fairness, neither was I- because while I worried that he was out doing something heartbreaking and not giving a fuck, I was trying to convince myself otherwise with a glass (or 3) of pinot grigio. Everything about our relationship was a SOLID TEN; emotional, physical, sexual (hi, important!) moral, spiritual, family, dreams, EVERYTHING. We fought... but not like anything a "normal" couple doesn't experience... especially after two years of being together, living together and learning how to "coexist," work within each other's perimeter's and make the compromises necessary to sustain a relationship past the butterflies and the "getting to know each other phase."

We were beyond that phase- we were falling asleep without cuddling, peeing with the door open, admitting we liked the reruns of Full House and all that uncomfortable, slightly embarrassing stuff. The "stuff" that actually, inevitably, makes up the majority of a relationship...the"LIFE STUFF."

The day when I had "a feeling" that something wasn't right after a week of late nights and "distant eyes" (GIRLS, BEWARE OF THIS LOOK), ended up leading me to checking My Love's email- look, I wouldn't generally advise doing this, in fact, I'd never done it before- but I had a "FEELING" that I should.... and sure enough I found something he'd written about another woman, he deleted it before posting it.... but yet it remained all sordid and secretive in his "Trash." It stated some things like, "I wish I had you instead....I don't feel the way about you as I did about her..... you're magnificent...." etc. I mean, Honestly- I probably would have been happier walking in on them fucking like rabbits instead of reading this bullshit- there's no deeper betrayal, especially to a "word mincer" like I am to SAY, FEEL, AND THINK things that are EMOTIONALLY charged. Even though "nothing happened...." he said.

When I confronted him he denied it.... and when I showed evidence he cringed....he cringed because the truth is the woman he wrote about (who I happen to know) isn't NEARLY HALF of the woman I am, NOT BY A FUCKING LANDSLIDE....and in his drunken stupor he convinced himself to believe she was. And because truthfully, maybe I believe this, maybe foolishly....but I don't think he ACTUALLY meant it. I know he knows that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him.

What it comes down to... after a week of not speaking- after I kicked him out of our home... the home I still can't go back to because all that remains there are outlines of "US" and "HIM" is the fact that he got afraid. He got afraid of the (in his words) "marriage bound" relationship we were having....the one that HE suggested be marriage bound in the first place. He wants "freedom" and no one to answer to, late nights and recklessness. And in turn, he wants to lose me.

This is the same man that a month ago said he couldn't imagine his life without me.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO BLINDSIDED IN MY LIFE.

In fact, this blog probably makes hardly any sense because I'm paraphrasing for the sake of my own SOUL to not actually crumble under the devastation I've experienced the last week.....writing about it, talking about it, tweeting about it- answering anyone and telling them what happened is all too fucking much to even go through.

The hardest part is that I miss the person I was planning a life with.

I miss the man than rolled over in the morning and called me "precious." The man who told me I was like a "limb," and that he couldn't live without me- the man who knew how I liked my bacon, who knew how to calm me and protect me....who was spiritually aligned with me....who left the cabinets open, who liked to watch late night TV and leave his socks in the cushions of our couch, who never finished his toast, and who almost ALWAYS inevitably would lose the keys when we needed them. Who's family I adored, who's sister I was excited for my children to call "auntie," who knew my deepest, darkest secrets and fears and who let me into his too- the man who I know more about than anyone else in the entire world.

I miss the man who let me sing to him, who let me dream and be "unrealistic," because he believed everything would work out for us eventually- the man who my family loved, who called me "vibrant," who suggested names for our future children and who got misty when I held a newborn baby in my arms, imagining what ours would someday be like and insisted that someday he would teach our "kids" to be good with their hands....and who told me I dressed just like a Poppy; spirited, colorful, unique. Who taught me the best way to chop garlic, who killed the spiders that crawled up from the drain while I showered, who knew my "triggers" and my spots.....

I miss the man who woke up every morning for the last year next to me and told me it was a beautiful day.....and who toasted to our "overwhelming success" every time we sipped a drink, or celebrated just BEING.

I miss my best friend, my heart, my dreamer.....the man who I pictured at the end of my aisle one day.

I'm literally beyond devastated. CRUSHED INTO NOTHING. Waking up hurts.

I don't know what happened........

I haven't written because I honestly, am just trying to figure out how to BE; how to walk, how to stand, how to EAT... how to get out of bed and go about your day without your "other half." I'm trying to figure out how you take a vision that seemed to "right" and so perfect and change it.... My life with him was exactly what I wanted- he would be my co-creator, my muse.... the person that encouraged me to take it to the next level and who would be there to catch me when I failed, or rocketed into abundant success. I didn't feel tied down by him, I felt like I'd found my person that would make up the 80% percent when all I could give was 20...and we'd make up for what the other one lacked, because we wanted to be strong for each other. I didn't want to tie him down, or suffocate him and until about two weeks ago he didn't think I was....I want him to flourish and prosper....I just wanted us to be able to do it together.

A week and a half ago we were talking about the first home we'd d buy together, the way the garden would look- the spiral staircase to my office, the wine cellar and the wood floors- and today, I'm at my parents house, with no home- my clothing packed in the back of my car, my heart torn out of my chest....my entire 2010 year abolished (we had a band together...the shows are cancelled, the recordings I'm not a part of....) literally, everything is DUST.


The best thing I can do at this point is wake up. Beyond that I'm spent...




HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH HEARTBREAK???






198 comments:

andrew said...

One day at a time

Lizzie said...

I feel so so so deeply for you. I'm so sorry this has happened.

Kez said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. You deserved for it to end better than that. Don't wanna overload you with smug cliches but I truly do believe that with endings come new and better beginnings.
Hope you're OK - or on your way there anyhow.
xx

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

This really sucks...I'm so sorry. You're an awesome person, I'm sure you'll somehow get through this.

Cait said...

I saw some of your tweets and feared this was what they were about, but I didn't want to believe it.

I'm so terribly sorry about all of this. You don't deserve all the heartache this has caused you, absolutely not. I wish I had advice, but I've only been through one relationship and one amicable break-up. I can only agree with a previous commenter and tell you to take each day as it comes.

Lots of love and hugs your way, lovely. Keep your chin up.

Princess Pointful said...

I'm going to be honest, and say that the out of nowhere thing scares me to death. It seems crueler than anything. Predictability seems like such a luxury in times like this.

Trust me, though, it will make sense, one of these days. And you have to have utter faith that this is his mistake to make, not yours.

Just let yourself be raw for a while longer-- but without punishing yourself. Feel sad, but treat yourself as wonderfully as you possibly can.

TKTC said...

Oh Chels...I am so so incredibly sorry. There is nothing that stings like this. And I remember it stinging for a long time. I carried it with me for long after I'd moved on, foolishly internalizing it as a personal deficiency. It isn't on you like it wasn't on me but it takes so much longer than I wish it did to see that. It doesn't matter who she is...she is a Mad Lib blank. What matters is that he isn't who you thought he was. He wasn't ______enough to communicate honestly. Fill that blank with any number of things and the rest of the sentence remains.You on the other hand know better than to stick around for the encore. It doesn't feel that way now, but how lucky that he showed his stripes before you got farther. You got far enough to be crushed but you know this pain will dull, even if the possibility seems remote for now. To answer your question more directly, time...and Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine. You are loved.

littlemissjuicy said...

Dude, fucking kuttey ke bachey, these fucking guys are all the fucking same! What the fuck?! We give them our love and this is how they fucking repay us?!
Bloody chutias.
Go join kickboxing.
And ask your best friend to move in with you for a bit.
(Btw, I'm going through a break up right now and feel betrayed too, thus the abuses. The abuses are in my mother tongue so I won't really bother translating them).

JenRem said...

I'm so sorry Chelsea. I've been here and it hurts, it kills, but it will also pass. It took me about 6 months to get over it, but now that I have, I realize that it was for the best.
I pray for you lots of strength through this hard time.
ps- emotional cheating is way worse than sexual cheating :(

Cakes said...

i broke up with my boyfriend of two years broke up with me a month and a half ago. in a horrible way and dragged it out for three weeks. and my world colapsed. he has already started seeing someone else. i was lucky and dont live with him and hes far away in manchester so didnt have to see him.
but sometimes i think if another person tells me, itll get easier or everyones favourite "he doesnt deserve you" i think i might throw myself under a moving train. i know everyone will put their two cents in about how to move on. but all i can say is mourn it properly. be severly miserable and cry and get it done. then make you friends hang out with you 24/7. They have no say in the matter. take up knitting and have meaningless sex with underwear models. and delete him from facebook. ive finally stopped crying at gavin and stacey. so it must be possible. apparently
xxxxx

CuppyCakes said...

Passive Aggressive blog posts. I feel I am allowed to do this becuase he gave me Mono as a parting gift.
I hope you don't get left with Mono.

Jen said...

There is no better thing that I can say other than what the first commenter left you with. One day at a time. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it WILL get better. And you, being the awesome woman that you are, WILL get over this. With every door that closes, another one opens. And one last cheesy cliche that I wholeheartedly believe in: everything happens for a reason. You are amazing and you are loved. Take time to heal yourself and come out better than before. <3 <3 <3

Rebecca said...

I've been following for a few months, so I don't really know the entire history for this relationship, but I do know about heartbreak.

All I can say is turn inward...do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane. In doing that, you will find your happiness again. I know you miss that guy, but you have to remember that he's not that guy anymore. He changed the moment he let someone else into his heart. That space is not to be shared...it was yours...he let someone else in and that is the most hurtful thing he could do. The guy you loved wouldn't do something that hurtful. The guy he became would...and did.

Hang in there and try to remember that everything happens for a reason. I know it sounds cliche and you're probably telling me to fuck off in your head, but you never see the reasons until after the fact...trust me...they're there.

Monster Girl said...

I feel like I wrote this and knowing someone else is going through this too helps just a little. I don't know what to say because I know nothing could have helped me. I wish he could feel how stupid this is, to let you go.

Desiree Love said...

"I miss my best friend, my heart, my dreamer..."

Dealing with heartbreak, possibly the worst thing to try to overcome, because in all truth your heart will never totally heal.

Though your wound is still fresh, cleanse it and do not expose it to the air, for it may be come infected and you may lose a vital organ.

The heart and head work hand in hand, which is why it seems you cannot do anything or it is hard to carry out daily activities.

YOU CAN DO IT...

Asking other people how they deal with heartbreak may give you insight, but only you know how you will cope.

YOU CAN DO IT...

Feeling sorry for yourself and finding fault and flaws in your own doings are only natural

YOU CAN DO IT...

Looking back at the good times and questioning whether they outweigh the bad times will hurt and heal your heart

YOU CAN DO IT...

Dealing with heart break is not easy, but everybody does it and we aall have our own ways of doing so, just hang in there and as Andrew said earlier..

"One Day At A Time"

Peace and Love from Desiree Love

lilydeelove.blogspot.com

Caro said...

Like Andrew said, one day at a time and lots of chocolate.

Leland said...

Oh Chelsea, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's an awful transition to deal with now, and one you must take at your own pace. I'm sure I couldn't offer any advice to make it easier, but let me just remind you -- before him, you were exploring the world, magnificent, on your own. Let that part of you -- the adventurous, resilient, strong, part of you -- guide you to the next chapter of your life. <3

kat said...

This hurt to read. I'm sorry, Chelsea. Like everyone else on here, I've been there. It's awful.

As for dealing with the heartbreak: take happiness where you can get it, even if it's imperfect and incremental. Friends, food, yoga, bourbon, videos of puppies on YouTube... whatever lets you regain your center and makes you feel good. If there was something you had to compromise to be with him, even if it was just a little thing, rediscover it and revel in it.

Also, this: "My life with him was exactly what I wanted." This is a trap. Don't fall into it. The right guy for you -- the "exactly what you want" guy -- will not have to be talked into a future with you. He'll run toward it with open arms. He won't be a coward, and this guy is a coward. As much as it hurts, it's better that you found out now.

Barbara said...

It's going to be hard. I know from experience. Surround yourself with friends, take one day a time and realize that it's ok to break down a cry some days. You'll get through this and be stronger than ever.

hannahjustbreathe said...

Ohhhh, Chelsea...

I am sending the biggest, tightest hug and the biggest, fullest handle o' wine your way.

Also? Read the poem "I shall go back again" by Edna St. Vincent Millay. I have carried it with me as my glue in times of heartbreak.

And remember---you are stronger, much stronger, than you think you are. You'll get through this.

Melly said...

You've gotten a lot of good advice so far - and I agree with the indulging in your favorites, surrounding yourself with friends, and not giving up an ounce of who you are in the process.

Be prepared. If he wises up, if he tries to come crawling back - have a plan. Keep your anger with you, and know that whatever you permit will happen again.

This SUCKS, and there is no happy ending in the near future. Kick, scream, rage, wallow, cry, hide -and then return- smiling, skipping, laughing, creating, seeking. Don't lose you.

L.L. said...

Mourn in. Grieve it. You have to let yourself deal with the pain, and if it takes a while, so be it. If you try to throw yourself back into life you will do things that will hurt yourself even more (flings, binge drinking, etc).

I promise you this, you will heal. You will feel better. Life will carry on. But take all the time you need to put yourself back together.

Lindsey said...

Chelsea, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know nothing I can say will help, but I wanted to make sure you know that you truly are all those things he thought of you, and there are hundreds of us out here who believe you are too. We love you, and we are here for me.

Hope said...

I am so sorry to hear about this loss. And I've been there too. The way I dealt with it was to cry, cry, cry. Talk, talk, talk. And then pick myself up and find myself again. Always mindful that despite the end, The Universe sent this person into my life for a good reason and took him out of my life for a good reason.

Sending you tight hugs!

The Non-Student said...

Oh God, girl, I was in this place in March. It is fucking horrible. All I can say is keep processing--I found blogging to be really helpful. Take naps. Be kind to yourself.

Larissa said...

I don't know you, but I know this kind of pain, and I am so sorry you are going through this. You have a wonderful blog, made wonderful by how warm your heart is, and you are really talented. You will survive this, even though it feels like it might be a better option not to. Hang in there. Give yourself permission to be in pain and feel this heartbreak. It's food for your art.
All the best, hoping you do feel better- or at least inspired- soon.
Larissa

~*~Lilly~*~ said...

Oh hunny, I know exactly where you are...i have been there & even though it doesn't seem like it now - - you will slowly heal. (& i know those words don't even help one fucking bit)

After following you over the last i believe 2 years...you are a strong and amazing lady. Take this time to hurt & do what you need to do. Men i have learned can be worse then women. They are largely insecure & strange creatures.....Maybe he meant it, maybe he didn't. I find when they are backed into a corner & don't know how to get out they too would probably chew off there arm just to get out even if they really don't mean it. (meaning i doubt he means what he said)

Be strong lady & take it one day at a time...your heart will slowly start to heal. I promise.

Stacey Paradise said...

Absolutely nothing any of us say can possibly make you feel better. But I'll try anyway. You're amazing and beautiful and wonderful and any man on Earth would be lucky to have you. He doesn't deserve you, if he let his fear of a future push you away. I'm so sorry you had to find out the way you did. I'd be just as crushed as you. Take it one minute at a time, and move at your own pace. You don't owe anyone anything - explanations, joy when you can't honestly feel it, energy you don't have. Do what feels comfortable for you. And if you want some cookies or some other sweets, send me your address and I'll rush some over! Sugar always helps me xoxo

That one girl said...

Ugh, that is terrible! I'm soooo bummed you are going through this. All I can say is you will meet the guy that blows this guy away and one day you will be sooo freakin' happy this one broke your heart giving you the opportunity to meet someone way better.

Until then, being sad is a totally healthy thing. Drink wine, drink water, exercise and be lazy. Do everything, do nothing, do whatever the hell you feel like doing because these things will help you heal!

Lora said...

I just wait it out.

And it's horribly awful, but it's the only thing that works.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I don't really have good advice for heartbreak. My friend is going through the same thing right now and I don't know what I can say to make things better.

Talk it out with friends, blog about your feelings (like you did) if you need to. Realize that you spent x number of years without your ex and lived without him so you can do it again.

The first part after a break up is so difficult. You are just so comfortable and used to someone that you can't imagine your life with anyone else. I have been there and I can tell you that it does get better. It just takes time.

Heather said...

Maybe it's something in the air. My also live in boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me and is now dating his ex, who has a baby (not his). I also thought I was going to marry this man. However, despite everything I knew I wasn't being completely honest with myself. It hurts, and it's going to keep hurting for quite some time, but know that there will be someone else who actually DESERVES you. Go through the motions, do what you have to do, and stay strong!

E said...

Girl, that fucking sucks.

Drink juice--in crisis I lose all appetite, and your "EAT" lends me to believe you get the same way... drink juices, the sugars will do your brain and body much good.

Get away, if you can. Go somewhere else. Email a friend in New York, Portland, Seattle, Atlanta. Email a blog friend? Who fucking cares? Drive yourself to those gorgeous Colorado mountains and go camping (Southern Utah is also a beautiful spot). Even if its just for a weekend. Don't feel guilty if you want a change of scenery. It's not running away. It's not cowardly.
I believe in travel, in the clarity it brings, in the detachment from your self as you are in the places you form the habits of day-to-day being. Traveling brings me ambition, sheds light, inspires, and, new sights are easy on the eyes. Take a journal, some sunglasses, a few jersey cotton dresses that are easy to pack and take a breather.

linda said...

the worst break up I've ever experienced was 2005. 2005 is still the worst and best year of my life. best because of all that unwanted work I had to do for myself and worst because i've never hurt that much before. to answer your question here's how i dealt with heart break


1. read and reread It's Called a Breakup because it's Broken. It's funny and it's good consoling and good reprogramming and it keeps you busy.

2. keep busy. i went sky diving, ate at countless new restaurants, shot lots of guns, shopped, did my hair, and um, don't judge but I kept a movie log and got a movie past at Blockbuster. i saw over 80 movies that summer.

3. i only allowed myself to cry at night.

4. delete number.

5. journal a lot. in marker if you have to. just spill out ache/words. doesn't even have to be complete sentences.

rachel said...

dear sweet jesus. i love you chels, so fucking much and i wish i could come out there, take out out with doni and party the night away to help you forget this hurt.

i've been there, i have. the breakups where you have a LIFE together? they are the worst. i've had to sleep at my mom's for a week before I could get up the guts to go even get a change of clothes from the house that we shared together. sigh.

time makes it easier, but it never goes away. but you know something? i came out on the other side of it and so will you. there's going to be a man that deserves you, that knocks you on your ass, that sweeps you up... it's going to happen again. there are no great loves without great heartbreak.

hang in there, eat ice cream, drink a bottle of wine... and then pick yourself up and SHINE.

Brittany said...

Oh how I wish I could give you a hug right now. My heart is hurting so bad for you! Reading this made me tear up. I am so sorry this happened to you. Honestly, men can be COMPLETE idiots!! He may think this is what he wants right now, but in a few weeks when you aren't there for him and the parties over, he's going to shit his pants and be like, what the hell did I do? I just let the best thing that ever happen to me walk out the door for what? A hangover and a few fun memories? He's going to regret it. I hope you show him that you are a STRONG and independent girl. Take it one day at a time. That's all you can do. I'm not sure if this is permanent, you probably don't know either, but I hope that things turn out the way that YOU want them to. Don't shut down - hang out with friends and family. Stay busy to keep your mind off of things. Keep your head up and smile :-)

xoxo!

Joanne said...

Read these comments. Understand how loved you are - and valued by people who don't even know you.

Take your time, feel sad, process everything you can. Do what you need.

Then? Stand, walk, eat, and keep on keepin' on.

rondamarie said...

I am so, so, sorry. I could say I've been there but I know when its your heart thats breaking you are sure no one else's has ever broken quite like yours is breaking.

Don't make the mistake I did. Ask for help, ask for hugs, ask for people to be there for you. Keep your heart open, don't shut down and become so depressed that you can't find your way out.

And no matter what anyone says, you are allowed to take as much time as it takes for you to get better.

The only way out is through.
– Robert Frost

Erin said...

I'm so, so sorry. I have been blindsided before and I made bad decisions because I was hurt. All I can say is be kind to yourself. Don't play the what if game.

Sarah said...

ohman, getting your heart ripped out by surprise. i've had it happen to me and i'll tell ya, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. take it one day at a time or probably for now, one hour at a time. do anything and everything that brings you even the tiniest bit of joy. and find something new to focus on - for me it was circus class. on with the show ;)

Alexis said...

I couldn't finish reading because I've been going through something so similar. It got hard to breathe there, I know how you feel, I really do. It doesn't feel real.

I love you, know I'm here for you if you want or need anything...fuck, let's you & I get married & run away from all this.

JUST ME said...

Feel whatever you need to feel, baby, for as long as you need to feel it.

Laura said...

I'm so sorry for your heartache. Take it one day at a time. Be angry. Be pissed. You've earned it and DO NOT put up with anymore of his bullshit!

Time heals. I know it cliche but it's true. Sending cyber hugs your way... hang in there girl!

Kt said...

Ugh. I literally could feel my heart aching as I read your post. The one time I felt the heartache you describe is when my boyfriend (who is now my husband) and I broke up after we'd been together for a year. I, too, felt blindsided. We ended up getting back together within a couple weeks (although there were no wandering eyes in our situation). I literally just had to force myself to get up everyday, eat, and make plans with friends nonstop to stay busy. But no matter how busy I was, night time when I was going to sleep was the hardest. I cried and cried until finally I got angry. That anger helped me keep moving forward, and helped remind me of who I was, who I had been before, and who I could be without him.

Mel-Rox said...

Oh Chelsea. A few years ago, my heart was ripped from my chest and stomped on like grapes in a barrell. It was all I could do to breathe.

I agree with Andrew and so many others that have commented. It's one day at a time. Start finding yourself again. Make new memories. Find new things to do alone. Never be afraid to cry to make yoursel feel better and simply trust in yourself to know that you will rise above the heartache.

I know that so many people say "it will get better" and where you are right now, your heart and mind cannot comprehend the better part.

Keep your head up. Even if it is just to tread water at times. You will heal. You will better yourself and you will meet a man that will make you look back at this one and wonder how you ever let yourself believe he was your forever.

I will keep you in my thoughts and hope and pray for an enlightening road to recovery.

Clare said...

One day at a time will become a week, which will become a month, which will become half a year. Half a year will become two years, etc. It hurts like hell now and will for awhile but you are a beautiful and resilient woman who deserves far better.

I'm in Boulder if you want to get away from it all - wine, movies, hikes. <3

Lola said...

I wish I had some words of wisdom or something I could say to make you feel better. Your post was heartbreaking. All I can say is keep breathing. Cry when you need to cry, drink when you need to drink, be a bitch when you need to be a bitch. Do whatever you have to do to get through that first deep, deathly heartbreak. And then put on your big girl panties and realize you're fucking awesome and there are better things for you out there then some guy who may have been perfect once but couldn't man up when things got too close. Someone out there won't be scared of the amazing life you're going to have.

BeckEye said...

Ugh, so sorry to hear about this. Sorry that I have no good advice to give either, but everyone can give you all the advice you could possibly stand all day long and it doesn't really matter. How people deal with heartbreak and how long it takes to get over is a totally personal thing and there's no "right" way to do it or no "normal" time length it takes to start feeling better. But here's hoping you're feeling better soon.

J. said...

Reading this breaks my heart... I went through a similar experience in late March. My Love broke up with me out of the same fear you spoke of, after two years together.
I refused to deal with my emotions. I put on a very brave face, insisted I was fine and immediately jumped back in the dating pool... I didn't allow myself to just feel for awhile- and it finally caught up with me in the form of a semi-nervous breakdown.
Make sure you stay true to your feelings- don't ignore them or try to stifle them. Take all time you need to deal with this loss. And always, ALWAYS hold on to the fact that you WILL overcome this.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." -Hemingway

Nikki said...

You write so beautifully, even in heart break.

You cry and cry until there is nothing left. Then you fill yourself with new dreams, and goals. And things that he didn't want to do that you did and didn't get the chance.

Time heals and you will know yourself better once you're through it all.

Brooke said...

Oh Honey, I am so sorry :(

I can completely relate to this. In January, my own Love was telling me how he couldn't wait for our own wedding. A week later, he was telling me that I didn't fit into his life anymore. They're always the ones to bring up marriage first, talk about kids first, make you feel secure, and then they pull shit like this.

Here's the thing: everything does happen for a reason. I knew it then, but I didn't know the reasons and all I wanted to do was fast-forward 3 months to get out of the "absolute-complete-misery" stage. 5 months later, and I'm in the best place in my life. All my plans and my heart were shattered, and I was forced to rebuild everything I had planned in my life (I'm a planner just like you!!). Looking back, I realize that this allowed me to start from scratch. Daunting then, but completely liberating now. It will be tough and the coming months will sometimes be painful.

But remember that you had The Feeling, and something was not right. He was not right for you. There will be light and blue skies and unicorns shitting rainbows at the end of the tunnel. Keep trucking and soon you'll get to that place. Stay positive and continue to trust your gut during this time. Oh, and eat some damn food. I know you're not hungry and want to barf, but take care of yourself, k?

The Boob Nazi said...

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't really help, but now that there are people out here who care, even if it is over the internet.

Miss Alle said...

I'm so sorry. I can't even tell you how much this situation parallels something I went through not too long ago. And honestly? The wounds STILL hurt. They always will. But we move on, we learn, we love again. I promise. You are amazing and full of potential, and as cliche as it sounds, YOU DESERVE BETTER. It is his loss, and he will be kicking himself in the ass for it for the rest of his life.

woodlandsblonde said...

Well shit. I went through a break-up around November of last year. I thought he was the guy I was going to marry too. I trusted my instincts much like you did and found out via email as well. He denied the whole thing, even when I gave him proof - he just shifted the blame on me.

He slept with someone 2 weeks later - the girl he always said was his best friend, that she was like a sister. It was such bullshit. I let him back in to my life but nothing changed. He still calls and texts me - I think he will inevitably do this to everyone he dates - hence all of his failed relationships.

There are relationships out there that exist without infidelity and dishonesty. I'm looking for one of those.

I think what we must realize is how important WE are. Women almost always put others before themselves. I started focusing on myself and my health - in all areas of my life and kept busy.

I'm so sorry he did this to you - I was blind-sided too and there's nothing that can erase what he did. Trust is like a mirror - you can put it together after it's broken, but you'll always see the cracks.

kharlamovaa said...

You deal with heartbreak slowly. You force yourself to notice the sunshine. You commit to doing something every single day like it's a chore, but makes you calm. You hurt before you heal, and that's what you're going to do too. Best of luck, and it's a shame this had to happen to you...

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

it takes a lot of work to feel like you can survive or go on. i know. nothing i can say will make it better. not a damn thing. just know that people out here really care about you and hope that you find your smile again soon.

Herding Cats said...

You have every right to feel sad and angry and completely heartbroken. I've been there, and it fucking SUCKS. This was so hard for me to read because I have read your blog for almost 2 years, and I remember reading about your man, and thinking, "He sounds great for her." The thing is though, people change in devastating ways. My advice is to just stay busy and hang out with family and friends as much as you can. I'll be thinking of you - you are awesome, and you can get through this!

Julie said...

Oh Chelsea..I am so sorry. You can do this!

...I always make a batch of brownies and eat all the batter with a spoon.

hellotaylor said...

Ooooh, honey. I'm so sorry. If you want to talk or vent or anything, email me. Seriously. *HUGEST HUG* I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but time really does heal everything. Take care of yourself and remember that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Stay strong, baby.

Tia said...

Wow Chelsea, thats rough. I am so sorry for your heartache, and I hope it doesn't affect the your awesomeness or talent, and that you stay on your path to doing big things. Each day will get a little better, and then one day you'll wake up and be over it. And then you'll find someone who is truly deserving of you, and who will appreciate you every day for the strong, confident woman that you are.

Super Careo said...

Oh Chelsea ... I'm so sorry. Breaking up sucks and it hurts even more when it comes out of nowhere (I know, I've been there more times that I would like to be able to admit).

I deal with heartbreak about as well as anyone. I have "grief days" when I am allowed to wallow. Other days I force myself out of bed and try to do at least one thing that is fun or will help to take my mind off of what's happening. Also, lots of sleeping. Sometimes with the help of Nyquil (desperate times call for desperate measures).

Rolerkite said...

you are a STRONG, beautiful woman and this is only a test of your strength. Drink lots of wine and surround yourself with people that make you laugh. You have so much to look forward to..

Rasha said...

I'm not sure where to start. I live with my boyfriend and I couldn't imagine this happening. He does help me walk and breath and much much more... so I can tell I would be feeling like you....

The best thing to do is just breath, remember WHO you were BEFORE him. Try to find that girl, search long and hard, and take it one day at a time.

xoo, Im here if you need to talk!

Jen said...

I know exactly what you're going through. I know the physical hurt of losing someone and the difficulty of waking up every morning and getting out of bed.

What the first commenter said is so true: One day at a time. It's all you can do. Wake up, drink some coffee, make a list of things to accomplish and Go. Do. Them. The longer you sit around and sulk (although I know it's the only thing you feel like doing. I know!), the longer you're going to feel this pain.

Thinking about you, because I'm going through it too. You'll make it! You're stronger than he is.

kayla*marie said...

I'm SO sorry to hear this. I would have never predicted this. You seemed perfect for each other. A model couple. I know you don't know who I am and I never comment but I read your writing. I love your writing. I only wish I could express myself the way you do. You are so talented and beautiful you deserve the best and I guarantee you'll find that. You'll look back on this post one day and say "hah, I found even BETTER than that." I've been through heartache like this. Only time heals wounds. It's so hard to live with this void but it will make you a stronger person. Good luck. xo

Chelsea said...

i feel like you took the words right out of my mouth.

i just broke up with my boyfriend of 2+ years about a month ago. It's awful. i also felt blindsided because other than right before we broke up, he was the sweetest, best boyfriend ever.

i just try to remember that even though it hurts, i made the best possible decision for myself, even though the choices were shitty (stay in an unhappy relationship, leave a relationship that you put so much time and work into).

i think it will just take a lot of time.

heizusan said...

Many years ago, I had almost the exact same thing happen. Some of the details were different, but the general story was almost a verbatim match for yours - the expected union, her second thoughts, and emotional wanderings to another, and a split-up that left me rudderless... for years.

I feel your pain. It's in many ways worse than the death of a loved one - because they're still out there, to remind us of what we had. But it does pass, like any grief. It just takes time.

San said...

I don't even know what to say.... :(

{{hugs}}

P.S. delurking...

Kim said...

I'm so sorry...I wish I knew something that would help, but only time will help. and unfortunately you can't speed that up.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

I suck at getting over heartbreak, but your post made me cry huge, sloppy tears, so I had to come over here and leave you a little love.

I think the biggest thing I want to tell you is to continue to believe in yourself, your worth, your talent, your beauty... because even though your heart might literally be broken you have to refuse to let your spirit break!

Sending you love and positive thoughts.

Mindy said...

I lurk here, and I comment very infrequently, but this deserved a note.

::HUGS::

It's cliche, and cliches suck right now, I know it, but taking each day as it comes is about all you can really do. Yes, you can try to distract yourself as best as possible, you can cut ties, you can bash him repeatedly, you can break things, etc. etc., but those are temporary, momentary fixes - little things to ease the pain that instant. In the long run, it's just time though...

Who? Me? said...

Wow. I'm so sorry. There's no way to deal with heartbreak except day by day. It does get easier, even if you can't imagine it right now.

subjectverbagreement said...

pardon me. i'm going to buck the crowd now and ask a terribly inappropriate question. it is this:

what the fuck are you doing to get him back?

your post says a lot about how you feel, but i can't tell what he feels - is he miserable like you? is he no longer in love with you? did he choose the other girl? where does he stand? what makes this all so final?

because fuck it. fuck pride. fuck pain. fuck principle. if you love this man the way you say you do, then making a grand fucking gesture is what you need to do. for two reasons:

1. there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, because people are dumb. inevitably, someone will fuck up big, and you will have to decide how big is too big for you to handle. and if it's not too big, then how trust can be repaired. how you both can heal the relationship and make it stronger. like a broken limb. [your metaphor, remember?] if you love something, let yourself go and see if it comes back to you.

2. if you make this grand gesture and it doesn't come back to you, then you will have said to the world, "i value this relationship above all else. i want to be a part of it forever. and i was willing to fight for it. i did what i could do, and that is all i can do."

a grand gesture will suck all of the remaining energy you have left in your being. if it fails, you will feel completely and utterly expended. empty. and final. you will have reached the end of the line on what is possible for this relationship - you will have full knowledge of where exactly you stand with it. then you can accept and mourn it completely. and eventually, you can start to move on.

whatever you do, don't stop writing. pick up the pen and write through the pain. it's your outlet and your way of understanding how you fit into this world. there is no better time to write than when you are confused and destroyed. because writing reveals clarity in the chaos. but you already know that.

love & light to you, chelsea.

Misery said...

by writing about it. and I'm sure that, even though you said you can't really write, tweet and etc about it - I am sure that writing this post was somehow relieving - because is does help, you know. the whole different thing is that - after you wrote this, after you got it off your chest, don't dwell on it too much - just try to focus on something else. creating something, maybe. as far as I'm concerned, I try to keep myself really busy, even if that means cleaning the house - the more thing to do I have, the less I have to think.

But you know what? you'll be fine? one thing I've learnt from your blog is that you're incredibly strong person, Chelsea. And now, I'm sure that soon there will be a post from you about how you overcame it, and it'll be as motivating and amazing as only you can write.

Stay strong, girl! :)

bellerenee said...

Goddamn, girl. Fuck this feeling. And fuck all of us who are so quick to tell you "Time heals the wounds" and "It wasn't meant to be" and "You'll find love someday." Fuck that. You're hurt. Feel hurt. You're mad. Feel mad. You're at the end of your rope. Fucking fly off the handle. Ride out the emotions til you're nutty and then make peace. With yourself. And fuck the rest of 'em.

Prippy Handbook said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prippy Handbook said...

Keep breathing. Life will keep moving you forward... like it or not, and when you're ready, you'll start moving forward on your own.

flipflopsintherain said...

A very similar circumstance happened to a friend I love and appreciate more than life itself, and what it came down to was this -- he was scared that he found the perfect person and that he would eventually fuck it up. So he fucked it up prematurely -- after they had spent four years creating a beautiful life together -- because of fear. A fear that is all too common.

You, Chelsea, are an incredibly intelligent, passionate and beautiful person. You remind me a lot of my friend. Only two months later, she is strong, lively and, most importantly, HAPPY that things came crashing to an end. And I know you will eventually shine even brighter. Until then, cry, scream, kick, hate. You've got a huge network of people here to help you get back to life when you're ready.

tgwiy2 said...

I'm so sorry to read this is happening.
You're amazing and creative and smart. Take one day at a time. Remember to breathe.

You'll be okay.

-Shannon

Jan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jan said...

As is clearly shown from all the comments, you and your writing have touched so many people's hearts. You are so much more than just a life together with another man. You are a whole person by yourself and another man should only just amplify you, not complete you. I know that its hard to think about right now but just know that it is amazing that you were able to feel so much, to love so much and you will again. you have the capacity to!

I just went through a tough breakup recently as well and even though I know I am the best thing that will ever happen to him, I still can't help but twinge in pain whenever I think about our happy past and what we won't have together in the future. As a fellow writer, though, I find the beauty in written words to heal so much.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours in the first place."

"Breakups are an opportunity to trade up and breakdowns are breakthroughs"

I'll be praying for ya.

jessica maria said...

So sorry this happened - I can imagine the pain, and I hope you're wading through it knowing that you're, firstly, a much better person and better off without him, and that time really does heal all wounds. For the time being, vent, wallow, and cry. Soon: pick yourself back up, because you know you rule, and somebody you'll love somebody who deserves you.

Amy --- Just A Titch said...

Chels, I am so sorry that this is going on. You are such an amazing, lovely, STRONG girl and I have no doubts that you'll recover and shine brighter than ever after this. I can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to let you go, love. You're amazing. Hang in there.

Phoenix said...

Oh, Chelsea... I'm so sorry. I divorced last January and it was (needless to say) the worst breakup of my life. And that was with the divorce being completely amicable and mature - the failed ashes of it still drove me to the brink daily.

I swallowed my pride and I asked my friends to take care of me. I leaned on them harder than I'd ever let myself lean on anyone before because I am NOT a leaner - I am the rock that everyone else leans on - and I asked most of my friends to come over at some point during the first two weeks and cook me dinner because I literally could not get out of bed or feed myself. They did so, gladly, because friends want to help and be there for you. LET THEM. Don't be proud, wallow in it and let people take care of you for a little bit before you get up on your own feet and show the world how strong you are.

Hugs, sweetie. You will get through this. My life has been nothing short of amazing after I lost everything I thought I would never survive losing. There is a purity to setting your life on fire and such strength that comes with it. I promise you - it's gonna be okay.

Stevie said...

Heartbreak is the worst possibly pain one can ever experience. I'm SO sorry you're going through this. I've been there, I know what it's like to feel so lost and so empty. And honestly? There's nothing you can do except move on, move forward, feel the pain, and know that with time that pain will disappear.

In the mean time, cry, get angry, surround yourself with friends, hide away by yourself when you can't deal with it, and drink lots of wine.

We're all here for you.

Lara said...

I am so sorry Chelsea! just don't be afraid to trust someone again! And don't be afraid to FEEL the pain! Live it, heal from it, and move on stronger.

Lindsay said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You are such an amazing, talented, creative person. The fact that you were able to love so fully is really inspiring to me. I know this are just awful right now, but I have faith that you will come through this even more incredible than before.

Anonymous said...

I can only say that I feel your pain, and there is nothing that can be said, to unbreak your heart. I had hoped that you would never have to go through the deep kind of pain that can only come from the loss of your true love.Or so you feel, at the time.But, trust me, the day will come ,when you meet THE REAL LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.It won't even be expected,and, maybe it will be a very dear "friend" that you overlooked, because he just loved you too much, when you only "loved" his sweetness, or his dependability, or his love of kids, or his funny family,or .....Anyway, one day, I don't know when, but, for me, I was still cryin' 5 yrs. later, so no one coulda been more pathetic....One day, this man ,who had been there, for me, after the last few months, as my pal, smiled, and my heart jumped!!!!And that man turned out to be THE ONE!I didn't think I could ever fall in love again, not the same, anyway...And, it happened, and the other one pales, next to my real man! This one does back flips to see my smile, or remembers to give me the first rose of summer, for the last ? yrs! Smile gorgeous, your real husband will make you see your own beauty and talents,again, and will concentrate on them first!!!!Need I say more?And, you will try to console a friend, in this same way, and she won't believe that you loved as much as she does...and lost, what ,is now, nothing to you.Smile beautiful, and share your light, with the world! It's too big for one who can't see the Forest, for the trees!

Mike129 said...

:(

I'm sorry for your pain, but you do deserve better. Lots better.

Katie said...

This is my worst nightmare.

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I would give you advice, but seriously? Anything I'd have to offer would be trite and not enough.

This is just awful. Completely. And totally. AWFUL.

Kyla Roma said...

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm sure that you have far too many comments to read through, but honestly distraction is so helpful. Podcasts + books and anything immersive and positive that you can find that will drown out your internal monologue.

And pay attention to your heart, I know that no matter how awful things are I can't physically sustain feeling bottomed out for more than five days in a row. As small as that knowledge is it's pulled me through some hard things. <3

madelyn said...

I'm so so so so sorry for your loss. Heartbreak is one of those things that obviously hurts so much. I know it definitely doesn't compare, but I was seeing someone a couple of months ago, and I fell head over heels for him. He acted like he was ready to give me the world. One day I decided to google him, (obviously, in this day and age why WOULDN'T you, right) and sure enough I found his loving wife on facebook. I was crushed, and it took so much to never speak to him again. But he knew that I knew... even though I didn't say anything. It's like my walls came down and everyone around me could label me as they wished. I felt exposed, cheated, and so hurt. It felt like someone had tied me to a pole, naked, in the middle of the city. It was just awful. Even though I haven't gone through the amount of pain that you're experiencing, I completely understand what it's like having your world ripped from under you. I wish you nothing but the best, and you will come back from this and live and love life, just as you did before this happened.

leannebehrns said...

*big hug*

I deal with heartbreak with tequila. It's neither healthy nor a good idea.

Trouble.Thinks said...

Let yourself experience the pain. It takes time to heal and that pain is yours. Take all the time you need. Eventually, things will start to make sense again, and you can move forward. I think this could be a good time for a road trip! Take a weekend for yourself, do something fun, spoil yourself! This has helped me in the past.

Margarita said...

o m g. I say this in hushed silence because although I've never reached out to you personally, I've followed your blog for about a year and have always thought of your relationship as whimsical and fun and I could read in between the lines and see how much you guys were in love.

I'm so sorry.

Take it one day at a time.

Read. Eat. Take some time. And then pull it all together. Be the woman you know you can be, even if it's without another half, that 'limb' you lost does not complete you, it was just an addition to you - you are whole as you are. It's just difficult to see it when your heart feels like it's collapsing on itself.

Windsor Grace said...

Hi there. I could'nt read the whole thing because, last night, the person I thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life with told me he's too selfish and isn't willing to treat me like I deserve to be treated and we wants to break up. Hang in there. Right now just sucks.

melifaif said...

Chelsea. Wow. I am so sorry. I will pray for you. And you? You just take it one day at a time. This doesn't mean you or your relationship with him is completely over. Take some time to reevaluate. And then proceed. You deserve the best, but sometimes things like this transpire for you to really learn what path is best for you....keep your chin up lady!

Meg said...

I'm pretty much in the same boat right now. Good friend called me last night to ask how I was doing. "Well, other than my life being totally shattered right now, I'm actually doing ok...now." "Wow, when you put it that way, it sounds pretty harsh." "I fake my way through the day."
So, I'm faking it. The first few days, two weeks, month, were the hardest, becuase we we were still living together. And now? I'm living with my parents again for awhile, while I try to collect the little pieces of my life and put them into some sort of order again.

sarah marie p said...

I'm so sorry, Chelsea.
Thinking about you.
xoxo

Katelin said...

chelsea i am so so sorry. this is awful and ack i don't even have the words right now. you deserve so much more and you are one kick ass woman and the fact that he didn't know that is his loss entirely.

sending lots of love and hugs and drinking wine for you!!

heart you lady!!

Shannon said...

What ^ they all said. I'm so sorry, Chels. Big bear hug.

Tara said...

so so so sorry to hear this! you deserve to be treated way better than that. keep your head up, take it one day at a time, i'm sure it will all work out for the best! xo.

Robin said...

The truth is that you will never completely recover from this heartbreak. I am sorry to tell you that. It would be easier if you understood it to get past it. Because you don't, it will make it harder. I'm not saying that you would get over it 100% if you understood it, but it would help. The deal is that it will hurt forever... just not this much. As time goes on it will hurt less. The bigger the love, the longer it will take. Yeah, I know that was more bad news because it sounds like this was big love with a huge emotional investment. The most important thing is to not throw yourself into another relationship to try and drown the pain of this one. Odds are really high, that you will choose unwisely in the guy. Or, worse yet, wisely but you won't be emotionally ready and ruin something with potential. Give yourself a long time-out and let yourself grieve. This is a death and you have to treat it like one. I feel your pain. I have been there. The good news is that it doesn't kill you. I probably should have led with that.

Anonymous said...

My heart was breaking as I was reading this :( I was in the same position in the Spring. I guzzled down Nyquil because it was better to sleep than to feel and to be aware of how much things had changed and to know they were never going to be the same. I was constantly trying to write a blog post but how the fuck do you write about how your ENTIRE life had just come undone?

But you know what? Wallow. Scream. Cry. Ask to be held. Do over. It won't fix it all in one sitting but you have to let yourself go through it all. I'm still healing so I'm not going to be all "Life will be peachy in no time!" I mean I know you WILL be fine but goddammit I got so sick of listening to people forcing me to dismiss how shattered I felt at that moment. You know what helps? To know that it hurts so fucking much. It's a kind of pain that can't be dismissed. And while you WILL heal and be okay, it has to hurt for now. But one day when you've run out of tears to cry, pull yourself together and conquer the world with your usual Chelsea-zeal.

You're smart, beautiful, talented, amazing, inspiring. When I was depressed, I treated your blog like the Book of Life. Your search engine thing here? I put that thing to damn good use. I looked up confidence, self-esteem, family, friends, love... And it all helped immensely. So thank you. You're amazing and you deserve to be with someone equally amazing who will ALWAYS know your worth.

-Felisa-

Heidi said...

cry. cry a lot. listen to music. wallow a little more. begin to smile. appreciate the little things that make you smile again. drink wine. get angry. feel defeated. do yoga. feel better. little by little.

things will get better. i'm sending you tons of hugs and lots of love. breakups are never easy but as the other commenters have said...one day at a time. xox

hklover86 said...

wow Chelsea that sucks :(
I know you will get through this! Keep you chin up girl.

Sophia said...

I'm so, so sorry. I hope you feel better, but that comes in time. I recently lost my best friend of two years who I shared every day with to another girl, but I know that it can't nearly compare with what you are feeling having lost your almost husband. It's cheesy but I believe it to be true that everything happens for a reason. I hope you find that reason soon, and regain happiness. Remember that there is a reason out there for you to wake up everyday, so don't lose faith.

xo, Sophia

Adrian said...

This post made my stomach hurt.

Last time I got my heart broken, I forgot to shower for awhile. Don't forget to shower, ok? It really doesn't help anything...

Take care of yourself. Take care of you heart.

Andrea said...

Oh, Chelsea. I completely understand because I have also been completely blindsided in the same way. Just know that you'll be okay and the days are going to get easier. And remember that all the dreams you had with him in them? They're YOUR dreams. And you can have them on your own, without him. Or with someone else. Or with him, if he grows up.

You are a strong, beautiful woman. You were before him and you will be after him. I know you will get through this. All this probably won't help you hurt less right now, but I just want you to know that I've been there, and you'll be okay.

Anonymous said...

oh chelsea, i feel your pain. My husband of 1.5 months walked out a month ago after a relationship of 7 years. Crazily i've been doing better than I ever would have imagined.

1. CRY, CRY A LOT
2. FLIRT, again, a lot
3. Reach out to friends, they will be even more supportive than you would have thought.
4. Cry, even when you think you have none left and it creeps back in. Just let it out. Every time I cry, I get a little stronger afterwards.
5. Drink tons of water - all that crying will give you a nasty headache otherwise ;)

I am so sorry for your loss - but know this. You will be ok, you will be great, and he will pine away for the rest of his life.

<3

Berlin Redd said...

I hope that you can get to where you need to be (whether that be numb, better, happy, etc) as soon as possible.

Take care of yourself, above all.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry, Chelsea. :( I know exactly what it feels like to be blindsided and feel crushed to dust. It was hard and the best I could do was one day, one hour at a time. Waking up and breathing in and out are accomplishments.

I found writing about it very cathartic and that is when I found message boards for the first time.

You ARE amazing and he sounds like he's just not ready to grow up. So disappointing. I remember feeling like everything had to be a lie and questioning if he ever REALLY loved me if he could throw it all away like that. So painful. But I survived and so will you. Keep breathing. Big hugs.

Lacey Bean said...

I'm so sorry hun!! It really just takes one day at a time to get better...

LiLu said...

I don't even know what to say. I want to jump on a plane and come hug you more than anything in the world.

Even if you don't know it right now, WE do... and what we know is that you are stronger than you know, and not only will you get through this, you'll do it in style.

Start by listening to Nelly Furtado's Maneater.

LOVE YOU.

Brown Girl said...

I'm so very very very sorry. Sometimes the people we least expect let us down in ways that are unthinkable. I don't know what else to say other than take it day by day and do what's best for you. YOU are the number one person that matters and don't forget that.

Anna said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hate saying this and I hated hearing it but the only thing that makes it better is time. You're doing good by going somewhere safe to heal and regroup. Just continue waking up and occasionally get out of bed. Take it one day at a time. It's going to such for a very long time. When you're past the "I just want to stay in this bed forever and meld my hair grease with the sheets," fake it until you feel it. It will be better eventually.

your wishcake. said...

I don't even know what to tell you, Chels. (Can I give you a nickname even though that may be awkward? Well, there you go. Chels.)

Anyway, you are an incredible person - and I'm that you still realize that, despite this heartbreak you're going through. He is obviously the one who is going to regret this and realize what he's lost due to his immaturity.

My heart aches for you and I only wish you lived next door so I could bring over some wine and you could tell me anything and everything you need to.

*virtual hug and girl spoonage*

Stay strong, lovely girl.

imerika said...

you don't deal with heartbreak.

every night, you cry yourself to sleep and hope it's just a terrible nightmare and you wish everything will go back to normal in the morning. You wake up in the morning and realize this is your reality. Your heart still aches. You push your two feet out of bed and brush your teeth (because not brushing your teeth is gross). And you repeat this cycle for as long as it takes...until you no longer cry yourself to sleep, until you no longer wish you wouldn't wake up...until the pain starts to subside and you feel that maybe living...maybe life, isn't so bad after all...

big hugs to you.

Meredith Travels said...

mhhh, hugs!

I've been through this before. It's devastating. And I had no idea how I was going to put my life back together. The person I was at the time was completely based on him (the cheating bastard) and I had no idea how to be me and just me. Slowly, one day at a time, one minute at a time I started to find me again. Find my life again.

Now, 4 years later I don't even really remember what it was ever like to be with him.

You can make it. Friends and family are vital. They love you and they'll be there for you.

Stay strong love. stay strong

Jessica said...

This post just completely echoed my current life. I am so, SO sorry you're in this place. The fact that you recognize you're better than this other chick is a step thouhg! Get mad. Get sad. Get happy again. We can get through it - I will if you will.

Love from the North.

kendra.was.here said...

Honestly, I think he'll come back to you, but when he does you probably won't even want him anymore. You're going to think of what he did to you, and you're never going to want to have that feeling of heartbreak again.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

I'm so sorry...

You wait it out. Nothing is going to heal you but time. XO

Katie said...

Breakups are worse than death. Death you get some sort of closure because the person isn't coming back. With a breakup, they "probably" aren't coming back but that possibility is body numbing.

Allow yourself to mourn, girl. Cry it out. Start the "No contact" rule immediately. Delete from Facebook, delete from phone, answer no communication, nothing. It sucks. It's horrible, but it's the only way to break the habit.

You're so used to living with him, that now you have to get used to living without him. (Harsh, hard, yucky.)

Read: "It's Called a Breakup Because Its Broken"

You're amazing, and any man that doesn't get that and want to spend their life with you and only you is a waste of your time.

ML said...

My heart breaks just reading this. I went through a similar breakup back in November, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I know there's nothing I can say or do to stop the pain, but just remember that every day is better than the last.

Even though you don't know me personally, if you ever need to talk/vent/etc. I AM HERE.

-Madeline

DShan said...

I will try to connect with you via back channels, but I just want you to know that you're one of the most captivating and beautiful women on the internet. You will rock this, and your life is not over. It's beginning.

Much love.

Ellen@FirednFabulous said...

I'm so sorry! This royally sucks. I tend to let disgusting amounts of ice cream and pizza medicate my blues, but I wouldn't suggest that. Hmm, I dunno...time I guess. You're strong, I know you'll get through it!

Hillary said...

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Life can be a motherfucker sometimes.

J-Diggety said...

Oh my dear. No words anyone says is going to make the pain go away, but let yourself be open to everyone's love and support. Only time will heal. I know that sucks to hear. I have been in this exact place in my own journey, and it's horrible, awful... no words really do it just justice. Just be. Just let yourself be, one moment at a time... whether its raging, numb, sadder than sad, anything and everything...

Sizzle said...

God damn it! I'm so sad for you. I really thought you two were a great couple. I'm so sorry, C. Big love from Seattle to you.

Katie said...

ugh, damn girl. im sorry you're going through such a hard time. it'll get better. chin up.

Elly said...

How do you deal with heartbreak??? Oh miss . . . you don't. When the idea of moving forward through the next day, hour, even MINUTE is so dire and hard . . . you can't deal with it, so don't. It's okay to be broken, to miss him and to grieve. Make decisions that feel right to you (even the stupid ones), and try take each moment as it comes. Hit anyone who talks about time and being better upside the head (honestly, just do it. Saying it doesn't help if they can't tell you how to feeling better right this second). I'm sorry you hurt, hey. I really really am. I was where you were about 9 months ago, and the heartbreak is written all over my blog. I can kind of get where you are, with the pain, and misery and despair. That everything hurts, and everythings changed. If you need another stranger to vent to, I'm here, hey.

Karisa Tells All said...

I'm really sorry about this, Chelsea! I was wondering what ever became of this, and this post made me so sad! There's really nothing I can say to try to make you feel better, except that at least you have built yourself such a supportive community of readers! You'll pull through this; we're all rooting for you!

myuncensoredlife said...

I wanted to cry reading this because the same exact thing happened to me a few months ago.

It's hard and it's going to be hard for a while. It does get better though I promise!

Iva said...

What can I say Chelsea. I'm not even sure where to being. I don't know you very much. If even at all. But my heart breaks for you and I am truly sorry. There really aren't any words that I could say to make this right, or even to easy the pain any. I could say all the cliche things like, time will heel, everything will be ok, and you are better off without him....and while YES as cliche as that might sound, it is so very true. You are loved by so many people. We are all here to listen, be there, and support. One day at a time, try and just be in the moment. Don't look back, and don't for A SECOND think this has anything at all to do with you. The moments might seem forever these days, but in them you will find yourself again. Everything will shine again, bigger and brighter then they every did.

Molly said...

How do I deal with heartbreak? A lot of walking, crying, talking to besties, leaning on family and continuing to put one foot in front of the other. So very sorry.

Anonymous said...

You always blog about what a free loving strong unique individual you are. don't let that identity leave you with the boy. shit sucks but its not what happens in your life that defines you but how you react to those actions.

moments like these. define who you are.

eemusings said...

Oh Chelsea. My heart aches for you. I know how full you live your life and how fully you must be feeling the pain right now.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

my heart hurts for you.

but i don't want this comment to be me saying how sorry i feel for your situation (i do, but i don't want to dwell on the negative here)

everything happens for a reason (how many times have you heard that recently?) and it's a true statement.

you are worth 100 times more than a man who drunkenly emails inappropriate things to a woman that can't even compare to your awesomeness.

that's where the lies start and i promise you, sadly, it would have gotten worse. it's best that you confronted this now, no matter how horrible it feels...

time heals.

truth.

::hug::

Sarah said...

I know exactly where you are and the feelings you are feeling. I was there a year ago, pretty much to the day.

The BF I was living with fro 1.5 years decided one day that I just wasn't enough for him. We were cleaning up from dinner and he turned to me and said "do you even like me? Can I do anything right?" But lets be honest here, he checked out of our relationship months before we even broke up. My bad feelings started when he didn't even buy me a card for my birthday... we even helped his friends move (I HATE MOVING) on my b-day. He may have been there physically but he wasn't in our relationship mentally.

A few days after we broke up I moved back to MD and living with my Mom. I wasn't even out of the state yet and he was sleeping with a girl he works with. It infurates me just thinking about it but I really am way better a year later.

It's hard to see the forest through the trees, I know but you really have to take it one day at a time... one fork-full of food, one foot in front of the other. The pain will go away and you will find yourself filling the time you used to spend with him doing things that make you happy :) Happy hour is always a good place to start. If it wasn't for my family I would have been up shits creek but they kept me occupied and then I occupied myself.

Things happen for a reason. Go be awesome and fabulous!!!

Sebastian said...

Doh! I saw your tweet and hoped this wasn't the case :(

Still -- and I know this is bad form and all -- but... now WE can get it on!

Maybe you should come over to England and try our balmy, lovely green summers on for size.

Jessica said...

Oh hun, I'm so sorry to read this. It's terrible. I know all the "that doesn't kill you will make you stronger" and "in time you'll be okay" doesn't feel remotely possible and may even want to make you jam your fingers in your feels while simultaneously flipping off the world. On those days just remember that your an amazing person full of life and adventure and just be. That's the best advice I can give. Good luck.

David said...

I know you are angry and hurt by this. And rightfully so. But instead of dwelling on those painful feelings or pining for the happier times spent with him, instead ask yourself...

Why do I want someone that doesn't want me? Where is the logic in that? And why do I want someone who isn't willing to work as hard at this relationship as me? Where is the love in that?

So he’s no longer the leading man in your fairytale. So what. I know it hurts, BAD! But you square those shoulders up and stand tall. This is not the end of your life. It’s merely a new beginning.

A beautiful heart deserves a beautiful story. So turn the page on a new chapter and start writing yours.

You are strong. You can and will get through this. Repeat 5 times.

(Big hug and forehead kiss for you.)

Michelle said...

Chelsea, you've got me crying in the office. My heart goes out to you times 500. If there's no silver lining to be seen at least you know you've helped one girl to put things in perspective, and as a result she will NOT go home tonight and argue about petty things with her boyfriend. I think that we-never-fight-and-are-so-happy, and we-fight-about-the-little-things-constantly relationships can both be sustained and wonderful, if both people are invested. Maybe you both still are and maybe you both are not, but in any case just know that you gave it all you could.

alliecakes said...

I'm really sorry :( The best advice I can offer is to take it one day at a time, lean on your friends and just try to find happiness in the small things.

The thing that heals a broken heart the most? Time.

Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog-I found it while I was living with my boyfriend in Europe for the year. It kept me sane and happy and gave great advice. I cried when I read this because it SCARES me. I worry that the same will happen to me and I won't be able to write about it, i won't be able to explain my anguish, but you give hope that you can begin to heal. I have read your posts about how you feel about this man, and it makes my heart so sad to see the pain in your writing. We have never met, but you have touched my life, and I send you lots of drinks and hugs. Thank you for writing-it is a most wonderful gift you share with all of us.

mn said...

aww man. it's 2 a.m., and i'm reading this. and i'm feeling so sad right now. only bc i know that feeling all too well. once, a lost love, second time, a broken home. believe in destiny. believe in love and don't let this moment in your life stop you from moving forward as hard as it seems. as someone said, one day at a time. just don't find comfort in donuts or things that make you gain wt bc no guy is worth that! hugs babe. you're worth it. all girls are.

mn said...

PS: if we never experience a broken heart, we never know the significance of a greater love when we find it.

Kristin Quinn said...

This is horrible and I'm sorry and you are so brave for sharing it with us. Sometimes all you can do is cry and drink red wine.

carissajade said...

Ah man, I'm so sorry to hear about this! I know it's hard but in due time it will get easier. You'll find a good reason that it all happened and though you may not ever completely get over him, it will all make more sense.

Ayesha said...

So sorry Chelsea. I know what it's like to be broken. Just by reading your blog I can tell you are SO incredibly strong & resilient. Time heals, as awfully cliche as that is. But when it does, you know you'll be stronger, wiser, and more gorgeous than ever. Good luck.

freckledk said...

You don't deal with it. You allow it to consume you until it has had its fill and allows you larger pieces of yourself back. I know that sounds awful, but you have to really feel it in order to get through it. Hopefully you can do so while in the company of friends with fully stocked liquor cabinets.

I'm so sorry, Chelsea. I don't know you personally, but I do know that you are the best thing that could happen to any guy, and your guy is a fucking twat for blowing it. If you need to vent more privately, you can always email me - even if you just want to babble and type out strings of curse words. xoxo

Camille said...

your blog always cheers me up ;) you're funny, smart, and damn pretty!!! his loss. also I wish the best for you, as in, I hope you become rich and famous so you can rub your rich and famous self in your ex's face. :) and hopefully meet someone who looks like Cristiano Ronaldo and treats you like a Queen in the process ;D

Jill said...

I'm soooo sorry to hear that :/
It was a great post though because it came from your heart.
I've never been through a breakup so I don't have any tips :/ I have only felt like I was losing someone before, but we got through it.
Hang in there, try to remember everything happens for a reason and it will make you stronger!

Anonymous said...

How do you get over heartache?

You don't. The heart is the only instrument which operates while broken.

I really mean that you DO get over heartbreak, but really, when you're in the middle of it, can you even possibly believe that? You can't, and so the answer is that you eke through your days slowly, and be kind to yourself. You have to split yourself into two people now, one to be like your best friend, and give yourself water and make yourself exercise when you don't feel like it, just so someone is taking care of you. And the other will be the broken part of you inside, that will allow herself to be loved and hugged and held and just be broken for now.

I say this because I'm going through the same thing. It's awful.

There are no words.

me said...

Also I wanted to say that it's like you have a stab wound in your heart. If you actually had one, however long it would take to heal, it would take. Your parents house is like the hospital, and your flesh would knit slowly, too slowly for your comfort. You would cry often, be frustrated at the slow progress, fight bewilderment and cycle through all the stages of grief all over again multiple times. That's part of it.

Music - listen to whatever makes you feel good. I used to play a game where I'd switch through the stations and write down one line from each song playing and see if there was any random wisdom in the total message for me. Yeah, stupid, I know, but I needed to occupy myself.

Write - write letters you won't send. The messages will air on silent wings anyway.

Know that he will miss you and want you back someday. Hopefully you won't want him anymore when that happens, but it WILL happen. For me, it happened 6 years later. I didn't want him anymore. But damn, it felt good to hear the "I shoulda married you afterall, it was the biggest mistake of my life" line.

Stretch your body, if nothing else. Stretching is good for you.

Cry as much as you need to. And lean on us. We love you.

xoxoxoxo

spleeness said...

An article in Oprah recently said when suffering from heartache, to see a psychic. Even if you don't believe and won't believe, because it will give you hope and hope is priceless.

spleeness said...

One last thing:

How to get over a breakup

That article helped me. I'm not affliated with them. Just sayin'. xo

Anonymous said...

Fuck Chels, I am so sorry!!! I felt EXACTLY how you do 2 years ago. I started reading your blog and fell in love with your confident and independant lifestyle. You were (still are) an inspiration to me. I was actually disappointed when I learn of Your Love as I was using your lifestyle as an example of how to recover from my DEEP heartache. I just wanted to say... remember who you were before you met him. You were AWESOME and AMAZING then and you STILL are!! Oh, and read "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken" REALLY!

Robin said...

Every Thursday I do dedications on my blog. I call it HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY. You got one this week. Normally, I don't do any explaining, but I will give you some heads up on yours. The old lady in the clip is God. I hope that gives it context so that it makes sense. I chose it because it speaks directly to what you're talking about here. ((hugs))

gettingoveru said...

Remind yourself that it's his loss. It happened because you're going to find someone better.
And then look at how many comments you got on this, and think about how many people are cheering you on.

Courtney said...

Oh Chelsea, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Really the only thing that helps me get over a break up is TIME.


I hope that after you've gone through this process you go back to singing. You are so talented, please don't give up!

Erin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erin said...

I'm so sorry....

I have to say though you are incredibly lucky that you've experienced all that magic with another person. My best friend just ended a 3 year relationship, and all I've been syaing to her is give yourself TIME. Time to become human again, time to plan, time to cry, time to watch countless hours of mindless television.

Anger takes up mro eenergy than any other emotion, so move past the anger:)

Hang in there...you are a strong woman!

Erin said...

P.S. - Dont Look Back - By: She & Him... good tune to listen to

MDubs said...

There's no real easy way to deal with it - I went through the same thing about two years ago. After five years, I found an email, then I found more, then I found text messages. He couldn't marry me, he didn't want that for his life. He couldn't be without me, but he couldn't be with me either. So I drank a lot. I cried a lot. I obsessed a lot. I faked a smile more times than I care to admit. I hooked up with some seriously "not going to even acknowledge that one" guys, was empty, and had nothing to give. And then one day, I woke up, and I was okay. I don't know how long it took. I don't know why it took so long. But I do know, I woke up one day, and I was okay. And you will too - it just takes a little time...perhaps a little too much time. But it will happen.

Good luck my fellow blogger. "This too shall pass."

Big hugs and love from DC.

brookem said...

oh chelsea. i am so incredibly sorry. i just kept uttering, "fuck!" as i was reading this. it's not fair. my heart is aching for you. im sending lots of positive vibes and love your way.

straightforward sally said...

Wow... I feel like I just read my story. That is almost exactly what happened to me about 6 years ago. It is painful and it does hurt like hell and it will take some time to get over...a lot of time... hopefully you will get over it more quickly than I did. The best thing to do is NO CONTACT and start dating again as soon as you can. It is easier said than done but just do it. It only hurts more if you keep in contact or try to get the last word... just know you are better than that and move on. Good luck! My thoughts are with you.

Ashli said...

I'm so sorry.

I went through the same thing a year ago (to the day almost). I had been with the guy for almost 3 years.

Everything was peachy, the next thing I knew I was packing a suitcase, leaving my dog behind and going back to my hometown with a one way ticket HE bought because he wanted me gone.

If its any consolation he realized he made a mistake. I wouldn't get back together, but know that there is hope.

Breathing and living is hard now, but it WILL get better. A year later I am healthier and happier than I have ever been.

Vittoria said...

oh chelsea. i have no words. just support, lots and lots of support.

Sarai said...

Oh Chelsea, I'm so sorry. No matter who, when or how, it always hurts like a bitch when things come to a premature end.

It's worth remembering that before him you were a talented, articulate, intelligent, strong, independent woman and when you've dealt with it, you will be more than that.

My thoughts are with you, for as long as you need them.

Anonymous said...

one day lovie... you'll get out of bed, pick up your broken bits, and cast them aside. You'll throw open the curtains, close your eyes to the sun warming your eyelids, and that day, you'll breathe without reminding yourself.
I'm sorry that you are here doll, but here is having made it through. you've made it through.
xx

Minus75 said...

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

marino said...

sorry about your broken heart -
it sux except for the fact that to be truly alive and appreciative we have to experience all of the peaks and valleys with totality -
this too shall pass and you will be on your way to a new crest as life works on so many levels at once -
here is something that have studied for years but even a partial understanding of can assuage some of the pain -

1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

as you can see through all of the loving comments there are many people sending positive karma your way -

Best of luck Kiddo - mm

Candice said...

I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you.

One day at a time is great advice.

It will get better. I promise.

SassyGirl said...

I am so, so sorry. I've been heartbroken by my soulmate, muse, other half, and it is not fun, and I don't wish it on anyone, especially not someone as full as life as you. But you'll get through it, I know you will.

The great thing is, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. You can talk about anything you want, things that have nothing to do with anything, and we'll still be here to listen.

mn said...

how you doing kiddo? just checking in.

The Non-Student said...

Wondering how you're doing. Left you something on my blog.

Becky said...

Chelsea- I just read this. I am SO SO SO sorry. I got this huge lump in my throat when I read your post.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. That every thought is of him. Trying to figure out what happened. Wondering why he said something just the other day when this happened today. Trying to make sense of it all.

Please just know that you are not alone. Take your time to grieve and be sad. Cliche as it is... time will heal all your wounds. Just try to take it a day at a time.

Cinnamon said...

I had a very similar thing happen to me, he wanted to go off and be reckless even though we had a good thing going and he BROKE my heart, left me alone, friendless (I gave everything to him, and had nothing for anyone else) and devastated. I tried to fight for what we had and eventually was given some of the best advice I've ever had and something that won't help now but may in the future...let go. Wash your hands of the whole thing, go out and do things, stop thinking about it, write it all down get it out, fold up the paper, put it away and then let it go cause for now it's done. That may not be forever but for now focus on you and if he is your soul mate or you're meant to be he'll come back to you. So I did, I washed my hands of the whole thing, I let go and moved on, and sure enough he came back, years later, told me that he had made the biggest mistake of his life, he had grown up and he loved me, but I had moved on and was happier than I had ever been with him and I was on my own, I didn't need him anymore. I never thought I would have ever gotten to that point, and it takes time. Keep yourself busy and you're mind off of it and one day you'll wake up and you won't think about him first thing anymore. I look back on that time so glad that it ended, and now I'm engaged to a great man, who I love and we have a relationship that was really meant to be as opposed to what I thought I had with him. I would erase what you had for now (put all the pics in a box and get rid of everything else), it's too hard, just let it go. I know it's hard, but it'll be ok :)

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

I indulge myself with my favorite things : friends, family, cupcakes, fireworks, babies, pets, nature, exercise, etc.

Thinking of you ! xoxo HUGS xoxo

Nina Amelia said...

I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I probably can't give you better advise than anyone else has but you and yourself need to build YOU up again. And that takes time. And it's painful. Surround yourself which the things/people/activities that represent YOU and that you can bear.
I hope everything turns out for the better and that you can begin to see a little sunshine again soon.
YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY. And you will be happy again.
Big hugs

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

I want to respond to every single of one of you individually- but for this I just want you all to know that every single comment, thought, quote, all of it has absolutely helped the healing process- you are all amazing and my gratitude is beyond words. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE AND SUNSHINE. THANK YOU.

Jenny DB said...

Hi Chels,

First, I am so sorry!! That is really hard, and there is nothing else to say except that freaking blows. My livein boyfriend of 2 years and I are going through a rough patch right now and I have really appreciated reading this. TWICE. I know it sounds inane but I have a great book recommendation for you - it's not your average relationship self-help book - it's VERY smart.. called Why Men Marry Bitches. yes, the cover is embarrassing... you can always put a book jacket on it and pretend you're reading Emerson. Or whatever. But I truly believe it's a must read for women trying to navigate this world with men in it. Even with our men who we think we're going to marry, and who we think (and did) want to marry us... anyway, I'm rambling now. But please, check it out. It's well worth it.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

This is exactly how my 9 year relationship (and 5 year marriage) ended 2 years ago.

It sucks. Your heart breaks. You question yourself. You think you heal. You think you move on. You realize you didn't really get over it and feel shitty again.

Then guess what? Life gets better...better than it ever was with this cheating bastard. You'll be thankful he broke your heart & made you a stronger person. You'll be more appreciative of wonderful people that come into your life. Life will eventually be awesome & the heartache you're going through will actually seem worth it (although that's impossible to imagine right now).

So pour some wine and realize that things will get better - but don't force it to happen overnight.

EP said...

Oh, Chelsea. I am so, so sorry this happened, and I hope you're doing OK and just taking it one day at a time. Major hugs, lady.

Little Flapper said...

"Heart, we will forget him!
You an I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you're lagging.
I may remember him!"-Emily Dickinson

Juggling Thoughts @ One Fine Wire said...

Hang in there girl!

curly su said...

Oh, god - this is the hardest thing. Ever.

I know it sounds so stupid and cliche, but time does heal.

Meanwhile - just get up. That's all you can do? Just do that. One day soon you'll be able to do a little more, and then you'll do that.

Email if you need a friend.

Kelly L said...

Shit, dude. This sucks beyond words. I can't even think of what would maybe be the right thing to say, because it always seems like everything is the wrong thing, no matter how well-intentioned it might be. So I'm just going to offer you a huge e-hug and all the moral support I can telepathically beam your way. You are one strong chick and I know you will get through this, one way or another. Xoxo.

apocalypstick said...

I HATE when men suddenly "get afraid" and fuck everything up. They're not HORSES, they're not allowed to get SPOOKED and trot off.

Yes, I understand what you're going through.

Anonymous said...

this has always helped me haha...
Lady Gaga said "WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, I FEEL JUST LIKE ANY OTHER INSECURE 24 YEAR OLD GIRL. THEN I SAY, 'BITCH, YOUR LADY GAGA, YOU GET UP AND WALK THE WALK TODAY"

just be like "bitch your chelsea, you get up and walk the walk today"

everything takes time- try not to push yourself into indifference. Overtime your heart will become less fragile to your thoughts about him

Ms. Co-dependent said...

What is this? I leave Blogger for a while and come back to find everyone's relationships in shambles. I am so sorry. I can't imagine what that must have felt like to read that. Just take one day at a time. It's gonna be hard, but life doesn't like to make things easy for anyone. It's those challenges it throws at us that make us stronger. When you finally get through all of this emotional turmoil, you will be one strong, fierce woman. I will seriously be scared of you. Haha. Chin up. Things will get better. Have fun. Read this: http://thedumbestsmartgirlyouknow.blogspot.com/2010/06/was-melba-on-blogging-vacay.html Maybe it will help. Take care hun. Smile.

Ms. Co-dependent said...

P.S. I totally suck at HTML...Just read The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know's blog: Was Melba on blogging vacay?

P.P.S. You made me cry. :'(

bluntdelivery said...

oh man.

do i ever know this feeling.

what's worse than THAT blindside, is when you take him back one more time, cus you want SO BADLY to believe that what you had was real.

and your heart gets broken all over again.

don't do it. trust me.

gleenn said...

Oh God, I've been there and it's horrible. The process is very scary and traumatic. That last break up I had was the worst painful and embarrassing thing every happened to me but the close friends who lend their shoulders for me to lean on had helped.

But guess what? That worst break up I ever had gave way for me to meet the man that I am marrying.

Some good things don't last because there's still something best.

But all in all, just pray for strenght, girl. It's only God that can heal you and make you whole. Hugs :)

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Little J said...

I just started reading your blog, and saw this post from your recap of the year. I hope to continue reading and find that you are doing much better, but I just had to offer support. I went through the same situation (except my ex had 2 "other" women) about 2 1/2 years ago. In hindsight, I can safely say it was the best thing to ever happen to me, but I feel your pain, and hope you are getting out ahead of things!

nicole addison said...

hmm where to start. i know this was written two years ago, i'd love to know how these past years have gone. i love your "these are the ways you love yourself" post and have been reading random entries today. i stumbled on this one and now see why i was lead to this blog today. my boyfriend... well "guy i dated"...i never had him enough to call him my boyfriend. ended things about two weeks ago. even though it was only a year it's been the most devestating thing i've had to endure. and ive endured an engagement ending, my fathers stroke.. why is it that boys can affect us so much. im still waiting for the heartbreak and overwhelming pain to leave. but reading this, if anything lets me see im not alone in any of this. that other amazing people have their heartbroken and genuinly deserve more than some asshole guy who decides to move on when our hearts are so entangled in them. what is it that can change from one day to another. things are going good and bam something just.. changes. the thing i hold onto the most is that that thing is god. god throwing a rock into the pond because this isnt the path we're supposed to be leading. anyways, i hope and pray more than anything that you are doing well and that youve finally realized the "everything happens for a reason". sending hugs and happy thoughts your way, sweetie.

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