Thursday, July 29, 2010

Wrestling my muse into submission is like fighting a RABID. DOG. A Rabid vampire dog, with nunchucks.


My muse is a nasty bitch sometimes.

She's a wrathful, intimidating, prying whirlwind of a "thing...." who both wants to scream her head off until her throat bleeds and just as stubbornly withholds inspiration from me. She's fickle and capricious....she has too much to say and a million different ways of saying it, but if I ignore her she gives me the cold shoulder and turns mute. She locks up every word, sentence, and solution and gives me the silent treatment, coquettishly shaking her head "no" at me and pursing her lips, until I very deliberately coax her out her unreasonable stance and into a more fluid, compromising position (that sounds sexual? Maybe it is, fuck.) At this point we're dating and I'm failing her, because I keep promising her that I'll let her shine; then she calls, she politely asks for some attention and I tell her I'm "busy."

What exactly am I BUSY doing? What have I been soooo busy doing the last couple years that's made any sort of a difference in my life that doesn't involve her?

"HER." My muse. My beautiful, volatile, attention hungry muse.
The moments of pure contentment, where I felt grateful- in tune and empowered in my life, "she" has been present for. The ones where I'm drowning a slow death in a swimming pool full of tar generally have her tssking in the lifeguard chair saying, "I told you so...how's that tar?!"

So, yes, I'm busy doing "work." You know why I'm so busy doing "work," because I'm trying to work from a place of urgency, I'm working from a place of "a means to an end" and I'm doing all of it on an empty stomach. It's urgent that I finish what I need to get done, so that I can begin to do what actually needs to get done to make me happy....to put me in a place where I THRIVE.

What if I just did all of that in reverse?

What if instead, I made it my priority to START with the thing(s) I'm working so hard to END UP with? Not end, but end up with, as in acquire through "busyness" and effort.

Working with your muse is like attending Thanksgiving dinner (with stretchy waistbands, no calories and an empty dinner table, this particular feast is just for you) - you're feasting on the succulence a perfectly juicy word, a replenishing gulp of "Aha!" You're sinking your teeth into the flesh of an idea that's been marinated in time and introspection, roasting on hot coils of doubt and scrutiny- taking your tiny hand, you lift the meatiest part to your lips and dig your teeth in, ripping the the fat from the bone and digesting it. You process. You fill yourself, you indulge and then with a full belly of material to pull from, you go to "work."
Can you imagine how much better you would do your job if you were already filled the brim with the things that fuel your passion?

Your muse should stay FED. She's the life of the party, she's the one that kicks off her shoes and gets low on the dance floor and takes a shot with your Grandma (maybe that's not your muse, whatever, whoever that is- she's awesome)- she's the line that your friend needed to HEAR in a moment of turmoil. She's the one who taps you on the shoulder and whispers, "create something incredible.....because you can." Then, not so subtly there's times when she grabs your shoulders, digs her nails in and looks you square in the eye, and says, "Stop fucking around.....if you want to live greatly, you're going to have to take me along for the ride. The things that will bring you your perfect definition of success all involve ME- if I'm not in tow, you shouldn't even bother attending."

Just like I said before, committing to yourself also means turning AWAY from the dead end you're staring at and looking for the window- usually it's right next to us, we're just too fixated on trying to laser through something that's impenetrable.

I know for certain my Muse is a vibrant creature who likes a solid, hearty FEAST. She wants a slice of everything, on one plate- she wants to wipe the corners of her mouth with a silk napkin and take a swig of whatever life has served up, in a bedazzled goblet.
By denying her a table full of worthy indulgences, I deny myself the very reason for waking up in the morning.....



WHAT DOES YOUR "MUSE" NEED?

19 comments:

Caroline said...

My muse needs coffee and lots of it!! I love the way you write!! xo!!

Doniree said...

CHILLS!!! This gives me chills. My muse needs a fucking break. She needs champagne and sunshine, barefeet, and beauty. That's what SHE needs, and yet I spend my time so hastily "moving forward" and she's waiting on a beach chair by the water, going "girl. settle the fuck down and dip your feet in the ocean already."

Jessica said...

My muse needs passion. She needs to open her senses, breath in the essence around her and needs me to stop putting her in a little box for later. She needs to be opened up, to be freed, she needs to be.

DShan said...

The imagery you command is magnificent.

My muse and I have a very subtly flirtatious relationship that's full of mystery. She needs...well...she needs the heartbeat of people and experience; she's not willing to accept recitation or shallow exploration of the world around me. She want that sip of cognac. She demands that the marinade be wiped clean with a fresh piece of warm bread.

Thanks...now I fucking starving. :)

Herding Cats said...

You always inspire me. Love the picture, by the way!

Phoenix said...

Amazing post, girl!

I think my muse needs a space where I'm not telling her to shut the hell up because I'm on the phone or "working". I really, really need space, and my personality is one that is terrified to ask for it for fear that it means that the people I love will leave me.

GaH.

Shannon said...

My muse needs a space where she can work!
And I need to give her the time of day instead of working 12 hour days.
I need to paint more. I have a painting that's almost done, but I haven't worked on it in 2 months...
*sad*

-Shannon

spleeness said...

I absolutely love the way you describe things, I can so clearly visualize them. My muse, head stubbornly cocked... I'm already inspired to maybe put her first instead of last. Thank you... yet again!

Robin said...

I think my muse would like to poke me in the eye right now with a sharp stick. Stop.Ignoring.Me.Bitch.
How.Do.You.Like.Me.Now?

Mike129 said...

Love you.

Sorry. i can;t help it.

Kelly said...

attention, a loving word and a caress on her olive skin. My muse is lovable and she is sweet but she has the temper of a hurricane. When I need her she is there when I dream of beautiful writing and poems she is there smiling sweetly at me and when I crave to find the words to express my longing she awaits with eager lips to kiss my own and I find my hunger satisfied. That is what my muse needs.

Chelsea said...

My muse needs to feel more inspired herself. She needs some freedom from worrying about small details and time to look at the big picture. She also needs to be surrounded by the creativity of others.

Inspiring post!

woodlandsblonde said...

Your writing is intense, but I love it!

I have been staring at a dead end - in and out of being too nice and then just getting pissed off at the situation, or...my ex. He won't leave me alone and it's too late. All his revelations.

My muse needs a little bit of liquor, good friends, sleep - probably most of all...which I didn't get last night.

Lola said...

Every time I read your blog I'm like - YES! :) My muse needs to stretch her limbs, stare up into the sunshine with fruity rum laced drink in head, and scream at the top of her lungs until everyone hears her and sees her for who she is. My muse has been kept silent, covered, and behind walls for entirely too long...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Dshan- like I said, your comments are mini blogs- I love them, wee. Yes I doo.

Robin- oh girl, your muse and my muse must be friends?

Mike- welll thank you! :)

Emily said...

My muse needs no distractions and I always always provide it with plenty of them.

SeeSea said...

I just started following you...and you're absolutely phenomenal.

SeeSea said...

OH, and my Muse needs a plethora of tea, a rustling wind, and the after rain smell..... (and chocolate, music, pretty patterns, buttons, shoes, fabric, fleeting eye contact from passer by's, red wine, and a garden to grow.)

Rackmount Monitor said...

You are way too hard on yourself! Everybody needs a break! Now go watch some trashy reality TV pop a bottle of wine and relax. I absolutely LOVED your post we’ll have to catch up again sometime soon.

 
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