When everything is "new" again you find yourself describing, defining, and storytelling about "who you are" on a rather consistent basis.
You package yourself into a few nice paragraphs that you've let "define you" up to a point, that are milestones in your life's story or quirky anecdotes- you say a lot of, "I've done this...I do this...I would never....I have never...." and so on....
Each yes, or no statement- each label, each sentence that's said with absolute conviction, to better convey your "TRUTH" carves out a nice little nook for you to fit in. You burrow yourself in it and with your narrative you build up various walls, some stronger, thicker, sturdier than others- then of course, some have their loop holes and trap doors that are more malleable. Every declaration we make about ourselves is shaping your experiences, the lack of them, the abundance- the direction, the energy, etc. The story we tell ourselves and the people around us is what we're allowing ourselves to BECOME....and stay being.
Over the last two weeks with new jobs, new circles, new everything I've done a lot of storytelling- a lot of selling, "This is me, this is what I do, this is who I am, this is what I stand for and this is what I desire." The thing about all of that is, you can tell a story a million and one times, but are you okay with the truth that it conveys, are you HAPPY with the story you're letting define you???
You can also say "I'm a (FILL IN THE BLANKS) kind of person..." and the next thing you know you've flipped your world around and you're doing all of the things you thought you never would. Or maybe hadn't thought about period.
My past, my future goals- all of that IS a part of me, it's a PART of me...it isn't everything. Who you've been is a part of who you are and who you are in real time, presently, daily is defined by how you're actually living....and all of it is a part of an ever evolving "story."
So far I've been a shocker even to myself- those things that externally defined who I was, "I am a girl with a band and a boyfriend and I work from home, I'm a freelancer, I live in Denver." Those are gone now, now I'm a girl who may or may not have said I would do the OPPOSITE of all of this; works at a startup, lives at the bottom of a mountain (certain heels have had to retire, I know, sad day), crushing on someone who ISN'T a musician, hosting parties and packing my social calendar to the brim (my default mode is generally "hermit"), I go on dates (OK, I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF, I DON'T ACTUALLY DO THIS....but I project it happening....OPTIMISM is a part of my story damnit.)
I am a girl who now has enough strength not to Facebook stalk, call, or text my ex-even when I want to, I've revoked the privilege of him getting to know "how I'm doing"...because even if I were to tell him, his insensitivity and lack of care and respect for me as a human being will always be more than I should settle for. I am a girl who, three months ago saw my whole life accompanied with this person by my side...and now I'm a girl who unpacks her things that still smell of that "together life" and throws them in the washer, takes a deep breathe, and despite feeling raw and unsure, exposed and totally unforgiving, I decide that I am a girl who, despite when the lip starts to quiver with the indication of a tear, listens to that little voice that pops up and says, "You're doin' good Chelsea-Belle."
I'm a girl who said I'd never have a roommate again, I'd never open my heart again, I'd never have a job with a desk (which I've decorated charmingly, btw) and here I'm a girl who's doing all of those things.
I'm a girl who's trying to get better about writing Thank You notes and not leave wet towels on my floor. I'm a girl who still wears Welch's Grape Chapstick and basically orgasms every time I stumble across a beautifully bound vintage book, flavored licorice, or a really good cover tune.
....And you know what's exciting??........ I'm pretty sure just about ALL of this will change.......
What's your "STORY?" and do you like the way it sounds??