Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Smack Talking Holiday Post... Where's the spiked eggnog?


Oh hello little sugarplums.

...Ah, take a sip of that eggnog and just soak it in, eh?

I know some of you are caught up in a frenzy of travel plans, ribbon curling and Figgy Pudding concocting- while #reverbing and 2011 planning- perhaps you've even created an E-card and Elfed yourself and your family members doing a kickline to La Cucaracha. Oh yes, I'm aware that all of this is occurring... I've sipped that Kool-Aid. Spiked with a little glee.

But fear not, while there's a large number of you last-minute Christmas shopping and over-nighting that "perfect personalized Etsy" find for your best friend, there are others...there are "thee others" so to speak, the ones who are eating a tube of raw cookie dough and watching reruns of Snapped instead of actually baking and mouthing along to every line in The Christmas Story. Don't worry, "others" I gotchu.

With the end of the year always comes transition; some of you are celebrating the accomplishments of 2010, while others are lamenting it and hoping for a better "redo." Some of you are falling in love, forging new relationships and pouring foundations together, while others are not-so-patiently twiddling your thumbs and hoping that perhaps under that mighty Evergreen there's indeed a special present for you....someones heart and attention, with a bow on top, instead of a cherry.

Perhaps Mom's Christmas Village seems smaller this year and the sound of the automated 'Ho Ho Ho' from the toy Santa in your entry way is more irritating than it is jolly. Maybe this year those thick wool socks that you've pulled over your frostbitten toes are really looking for their woolly "better half" to find their way to each other under the anticipation of a throw blanket, a new romance and a hot toddy. The mistletoe may hang haphazardly in your doorway, while the 20pack of Christmas cards you intended to fill out remain unopened....but somewhere, somewhere in there that little Grinch has a heart that is more than two sizes too small.

....Why yes, in fact, the reason all this expectant merriment is really busting your chops is simply because; you KNOW that JOY is what you SHOULD feel, you're just heinously "off center" from actually feeling it.

You aren't Bitter Christmas Barbie the Millennial Edition because misery is a "fun" past time. You aren't sneering at children clutching onto candy canes with their sweaty childreny hands because you hate children and candy canes- no, no, you fucking LOVE candy canes- but you've been too caught up worrying about what brand of eco-friendly disinfectant wipes to buy, that you forgot that the delicious seasonal candy was even present at the damn party.

You aren't looking for ways to squash joy- joy is what you crave, what you DESIRE- what you NEED, it's the Pimp Juice of life- you aren't boycotting JOY, you've simply gotten too caught up in the Ghosts of Christmas Past and life's little Scrooges.

While you may be knee-deep in wrapping paper and slushy snow, or perhaps you're wading through a puddle of confusion, anticipation, fear and regret- here's my little holiday present to you;

This holiday I hope that every gift you open brings that extra glimmer across your face that only the best of gifts can bring- and while you may be opening a "thing," I hope that the gift you open with the most gusto is your HEART. I hope that while you're filling yourself with savory morsels and sweet treats that you're also feasting on the things that nourish and sustain your "most perfect life." While you sing along to carols in your toasty car and you draw hearts with your mitten hands on the foggy window- I hope you also whistle to your own little tune- pa rum pa pum. pum. For every old tradition, I wish you a new one. For every Dasher and Dancer, Prancer and Vixen- I wish you that spirit that shines like a light bulb, and for every Reindeer game you can't figure out how to play....I wish you a game that's all your own. For the "Elf's" and the Ernests', The Land of Misfits and the little rebels who are Home Alone, I wish you radical acceptance, even if it's only YOU who "gets it." For every Miracle on 34th Street, I wish you a miracle on whatever street, ocean, aircraft, spaceship you happen to be on.

...And for every lesson learned in 2010, every disappointment, every accomplishment- I wish you a new year full of just as many, "oh shit" moments, happy tears, sad tears, "FUCK YEAHS!" and visits to the drawing board- I wish you colorful lives, where they all may "even say you glow."



Like a light bulb.


42 comments:

Kitty said...

This was lovely and much needed.
I hope your upcoming year is brilliant. Thanks for always bringing such raw honesty to the table.
If everyone lived their lives with as much gusto, I believe we would all be a lot more awesome.
Cheers, and Merry Christmas.

Clare said...

Beautiful times three trillion.

Anonymous said...

I really needed this this morning. Thank you.

Courtney said...

Great post!

Thanks for the comment on my blog - glad I found yours!

{av} said...

oh my goodness. I needed this post so badly today! so happy you took the time to comment on my blog so I could find yours...here's to a fabulous 2011! xoxo {av}

vintch said...

"I hope that the gift you open with the most gusto is your HEART." love the simplicity and beauty in that statement. you have a lovely, lovely blog-so happy i found it:)

Mel said...

I am currently living through what you just went through recently. But during the holidays. My husband left and I'm all alone for Christmas with the words "I never loved you, and I'm in love with someone else" to keep me warm at night. I'm trying to get in the Christmas spirit but it's just not happening. So I snarl at candy canes and bah humbug because my heart is shatterd in to a million pieces and Christmas (was) my favorite holiday. I don't even have a tree or presents or anything in the spirit. Except the damned snow.

BUT I digress. Your post is amazing as always and I will read it a thousand times to try to take it all in. I will go back and read your words of wisdom as well.

JennAventures said...

This is awesome. I wish you some "Fuck Yeahs" as well. Huzzah!

Ashley said...

i love your writing style! so funny!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Mel- Oh, oh oh my sweet darling....I'm so sorry to hear that your heart is going through a painful time and FUCK, that's a nce way of putting it- I know that things feel like theyre in shambles right now and the timing is just wicked- even though it'll take some time, trust that your heart will be okay....I promise.

Kimbirdy said...

this post is perfect! fuck yeah!!

Luna said...

Thank you :)
Much needed. Perfect timing. Happy Holidays and here's to a kick ass new year!

Garnet said...

Sometimes you feel it...and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you radiate every little thing Christmas, and sometimes you are just in a funk....and that's OK. Thank you for reminding everyone it's ok, to embrace it and believe next year will be better.

Beautiful post, per usual :)

Merry Christmas Chelsea!

Michelle said...

Omg this blog cracks me up!! This line is perfect: I wish you radical acceptance, even if it's only YOU who "gets it."

Have a fantastic holiday!!!

Elle Sees said...

Thanks for commenting on my lil ole blog; it made my day!
my 2009-10 suck asssssz but next year will be brillz.
i know it. and same to your as well.!

teresa said...

Here, here!

Suyinsays said...

hello! this is amazing!
thank you very much for dropping by my humble little blog - i hope to see ya again soon!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


www.suyinsays-suyinloves.blogspot.com

tammy said...

sooo lovely to find your blog. thanks for leaving a comment on mine so i could find yours!

cheers!

Meri said...

A hefty dose of Christmas reality- yet I'm left wonderfully optimistic.
You have a gift!
Thanks for stopping by my blog too!
Meri

Caroline said...

I absolutely LOVE your writing!! And, Love this space of yours!! I look forward to reading your posts each morning. XO!

Nikolina said...

THANK YOU! :) xx

nikolinasaid.blogspot.com

Jenny said...

Great post! Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting!

Summer said...

I love your website!!! Thanks for your comment :) I hope you come back soon! I'm a new follower!

www.passportsandprada.com

xoxo Summer

Hillary said...

Love this post.
I have felt like a major failure this year because the Christmas spirit is eluding me. I'm hiding under the covers until January, I think. But come January? Watch out world.

Cool Gal said...

What a fantastic post.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season.

Cheers!

Chelsea Lane said...

ooh, this is lovely <3 Christmas is my favorite time of year for the happy + giving mood it puts me in!

xoxo

Katie said...

LOVE this post!

Deanna Pai said...

If this is your smack talk, I LOVE YOUR SMACK TALK (and your blog, consequently). Plus, I kind of needed this post, especially the "Pimp Juice of life." I cracked up.

Isabel said...

this was a great xmas and end of year post. loved it.

Meghan said...

My lord Chelsea, you know how to tug at the heartstrings and make my grinchy eyes tear up. I hope you have a great Christmas and 2011 brings you everything your open heart desires.

Indian Sarees said...

Awesome post.. realy informative post..thanks for sharing..

Josie said...

I'm constantly astounded by your ability to write in a way which is both beautiful and hysterical! This is fabulous, my dear, and exactly what we all need sometimes. Wishing you a very happy holiday, my dear!
xo Josie
http://winksmilestyle.blogspot.com

Leia said...

Really awesome post :)

Leia

KY said...

Umm..pardon my French but your blog is FUCKING AMAZING! So glad I found you from 20sb...looking forward to following your writings

Talli Roland said...

Colorful lives are the best. Beige is just wrong, on so many levels.

Miss Caitlin S. said...

You're brilliant and this was so needed (although, it would have helped me to read it a few days ago!) xoxo love your words.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

deanna pai- PIMP JUICE OF LIFE, IT'S MUCH NEEDED! :)

KY- Ah, so glad you found me from 20sb- that's my original community, I have great, great, love for it :)

Talli- AH HA! aint that the truth!

Miss Caitlin- thank you darlin :)

Jess said...

Right back at ya girl!! Happy New Year!

Miss Woman said...

Love this post!

Fizzgig said...

aw loved it!

Rio said...

This blog is epic, and I love this post! :) Hope you have an awesome New Year! :)
(http://showersofsunflowers.blogspot.com)

Bre said...

I love this candid and refreshing post! Thanks for stopping by. Hope you had a great Christmas and you're gearing up for an ever better NYE. Now about that spiked eggnog...

 
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