Wednesday, December 1, 2010

You only felt sorry for yourself for 5 minutes today? VICTORY.


Oh helloooo little blog, I've missed you.

The last few weeks have been an amalgamation of bittersweet nostalgia, newness, celebrations, a birthday (yes, mine) holiday "cheer" and overall a journey of figuring out what I need and don't need in my life right now. I've been reintroducing myself to well, myself. Hi Self, remember how much you like Taco Bell and dancing? Yeah?! Do that. (I don't know what the point of the Taco Bell comment is other than I think it's delicious and I don't care what anyone says about it. Take that Boulder.)

You can only make excuses for why you're the human version of a wet mop (juxtaposed by the moments where you're a straight up frenetic, manic person who needs Valium) for so long.
I scrolled through old blog posts and thought. "EW. EW. EW. Hate her. (
me) put on your fucking cutest outfit and some sparkly lipstick with a dumb name like frosted sugarplum (which seems redundant), brush your goddamn hair and stop weeping all over the Internet for Christ sake, you're a bad ass bitch- start acting like it. Love always, Self."

I need to start speaking to my "Self" with the same intent as a bucket of cold water to the face. Snap out of it.

Considering my blog is in dire need of attention and needs to "get it together"- I decided that I'd put myself in bootcamp and participate in #reverb10- a month of daily prompts.

December 1 One Word.
"Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?"

My word: VICTORIOUS.

Ah Yes.... it has a nice ring of eminence, power, strength, bravery even....doesn't it?

If you've followed the blog the last 5 months you know that I basically felt like my life was set on fire and has been smoking, gigantic, dark, billowing clouds of hell smoke since then- but you know what? The ashes are settling and standing atop the rubble I feel proud and even though everything was burned to the ground, there's wide open land for miles....perfect for rebuilding. And we all know that I have an affinity for castles.

When you've been through the darkest moments every little thing feels like a victory;

For packing your bags and pulling your heels out of the mud, you have defeated the comfort of standing still, or staying stuck and you have been victorious.

For choosing love first and always, from the beginning, you have defeated the fear that you are; unlovable, undesirable, emotionally unavailable and you have come out....victorious, despite the ending.

The moment you started No Contact with the person who can imagine his life without you, you enforced the belief that SOMEONE out there won't be able to fathom a life that doesn't have you in it...you conquered the irrational fear of "alone forever"...you are victorious.

When you rolled into the center of the bed, erasing the outline of a body that isn't in bed with you....you conquered the ghost of him, you are victorious.
When you opened up a blank page and started writing a screenplay that's saving your life, you conquered the daunting task of making a dream come true and you BEGAN
- you are victorious.
When you stepped foot into dance class, when you spoke up, when you said what you MEANT, when you surrounded yourself with new people, when you stood by what you KNOW you want and need in your life, despite where that "fits" in society/your family/or your current lifestyle....you conquered the fear that you wouldn't be accepted perfectly as you are-
.... you my dear, are victorious.

For each time that little voice inside wanted to stop cheer leading your way to the finish line, or telling you "you can do this brave one..." for each time she cheered you on despite her enthusiasm- you conquered the little monsters that prefer you all dark and twisty. You are victorious, you fiery little thing.


My word for 2011...... Accomplished.




What's your "WORD" for 2010?










54 comments:

Habbala said...

I basically just want to print this out repeatedly until I can fashion a dress or shield or something equally BAD ASS out of it.

You're amazing.

bellerenee said...

I dig this post. A lot a lot.

My 2010 word was FORWARD. Because, dammit, I moved on with my life.

hellotaylor said...

Ooooh Chels. You ARE victorious and I'm so glad you realize it!!

You're an inspiration to all of us that have gone through relationship HELL.

Jessie said...

BLESSED would be my word. I had a baby this year, my step-daughter moved in with us and i already had a 9 year old son. I found out that I have some truely awesome friends and family.

Shannon said...

You.
Are Awesome.

My word for 2010 is either growth or change.

Mama Kat said...

Damn.

I can't think of a word that would out do yours so I'm not going to try.

I think that makes me COWARDLY?

Either way, this was awesome! I'd love to help you get your shit together. Lip gloss and stilettos are the makings for a good time.

I'M IN!

Barbara said...

My word...swagger, because I feel like I finally found mine.

Hillary said...

Love this! You've chosen a lovely word.

I think my word for 2010 is transformation because holy fuck, 2010 has been a year of change and adapting and wtf-ness. Transformation sounds prettier than "drowning" or "lost."

Katie said...

I love this post. Yay for taco Bell. And cheers to conquering the ghost of him.

Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...

Wahooooooooooo its about time! Go you!

Clare said...

Welcome back, gorgeous woman.

Lola said...

I just loved this post and wanted to scream "YES!" at the top of my lungs after reading it. I haven't been posting much either because most of the shit I write lately is whiney drivel, so this was a post I needed to read today.

My word for this year is probably Learning because it's been full of of so many damn learning experiences I can hardly stand it, but next year I'm shooting for Being. Because I'm frankly tired of searching, analyzing, regretting, wondering, worrying, and yada yada yada. Next year I just want to Be.

suki @ [Super Duper Fantastic] said...

That is the perfect word! :) The word I picked was "home." Not as exciting as "victorious," but meaningful just the same. :)

Michelle said...

I really love your writing style. Like, a lot.

My word for this year? It's "pervenire", which is latin for "to come through to". I reached a few personal goals this year, and came through some stuff to get to them.

Victorious. You are victorious. Like at the end of a Mortal Kombat match.

Kez said...

My word for 2010 would be "brave". I went through a LOT. Facing the unknown. Making unconventional decisions and realising that what others think does not matter (for me that is BRAVE). Realising my dreams weren't going to happen and then being brave enough to change them :)

I hope my 2011 word will be "settled" or "content".

K said...

Im so glad to finally read this. You have made it. Ive been in those shoes and its amazing to finally get there. Congratulations... you earned it. You are worthy, you are loveable and you will have that person that cant fathom thier life without you. Be proud of yourself.

flipflopsintherain said...

You are a bad ass, Chelsea. Thank you for writing this -- every single one of us needs the reminder that we are and always will be (NO MATTER WHAT THAT JACKASS DOUCHEBAG SAYS) lovable.

pixie658 said...

Love. :D

Caroline in the City said...

My word is BOLD. I want people to admire my cojones. I don't want to look back on my year with regret or "what if"s. I am going to go after what I want!

sharlyn emily said...

i am SO HAPPY you've found yourself again. LOVE this post. LOVE your word choice. LOVE your blog. LOVE yourself;D

my word would be SURVIVING. because, honestly? this year i felt like i was just getting by. and i am just now really finding myself again. hopefully my next year will be FEARLESS.

Stevie said...

So proud of you! I can practically feel the victory through your words.

P.S. One of the Taco Bells in Boulder (not sure which one) is supposedly the busiest in the country so you're not alone in your love for Taco Bell! The 7-layer burrito is my fave.

gnomesque said...

This is amazing. THE BEST.

hklover86 said...

Hmm I think I would choose your 2011 word (accomplished) as my 2010 word!

I passed a huge exam (career related), got a new, better paying, better-all-around job.

Now if I can just have some form of a social life with some type of romantic moments life would be great!

Kaci Johanna said...

Amazing. I, like Renee, DIG this post.

mmbizon said...

I love this, girl! Keep kicking ass! Now, I've just got to figure out what to write for mine eeek! I think I'm going to go with strength, perhaps?

JUST ME said...

My word? Joy.

I can't wait to experience the true-ness of that emotion.

...I was going to go with "Hot Men Who Love Me" but that's more a phrase...

mn said...

ACCOMPLISHED. I'm over the growth and change and learning. I'm ready to go high and stay there. By 2011, I will have ARRIVED. I want to be on top of my game next year. Best of Luck Chelsea. Hmm, lipstick and makeup in general is always a good way to get me out of my funk. (I have my eyes on Up the Amp by MAC) I say put on the sparkly lipstick and get on with it.

asplenia said...

Oh damn. I want it to be victorious. I don't know that I am but you know what, I'm still standing, and I'm improving... so maybe that is a type of victory afterall? Damn girl, you are amazing. Thank you for all these wonderful perspectives that come at just the right time.

LovelyAnomaly said...

"Hi, my name is Chelsea and I kick ass in life." Seriously.

Love this post. Love those words. Love your determination.

I chose "More" for 2010 and "Shine" for 2011.

Anna said...

You go girl (yup I said it).

I'm right there with you with the No Contact thing. The best part of all of this is looking back and seeing how far you've come.

My word is improvement.

Kelly Leigh said...

This is an awesome post! I'm so happy you found ur swagger again (Love Barabara's word in the comments!)

My word for this year would have to be Adapt. Adapting to a new country, a new house, a life sans friends and family near, a new husband, and unemployment.

CuppyCakes said...

I have three words for 2011.
Don't Fall Down.

Because it works on many levels.

Stereo said...

Sooooo glad you're back, Chelsea, you most definitely have been missed. We all knew you would come out of this victorious; I'm just glad that you see it now too.

My word: Epic

And I may hop on the bandwagon and do this reverb10 thing too.

PS. Did I mention how good it was to have you back?

hannahjustbreathe said...

Ohhhh, Chelsea. Yay, yay, YAY. I so loved this post. What a trying year you've had---and to give it a stamp of "victorious" just further proves what a kick ass and fabulous woman you really are.

I'm so happy you're doing this challenge, too! I can't wait to check in with you every day. :)

Kara said...

I'm not sure I've ever commented on your blog before but I thought you should know that I love it. You have such a way of writing that is real and beautiful and powerful, that is completely relatable and inspirational, and it makes people like me, complete strangers, (Hi! Hello!) rooting for you. Rock on girl, you are SUCH a bad ass!

freckledk said...

The moment you started No Contact with the person who can imagine his life without you, you enforced the belief that SOMEONE out there won't be able to fathom a life that doesn't have you in it...you conquered the irrational fear of "alone forever"...you are victorious.

AMEN. AMEN infinity.

Rachael said...

Welcome back, in all your victorious, bad-ass glory!! :)

happygolucky said...

I <3 you, Chelsea.

My word: GROWTH

Fizzgig said...

thats an awesome word for your story! The best moment in my life came when I realized I didn't like the person I was, and i changed it with much hard work and dedication.

That girl was miserable and self concious.

But most importantly, it made me realize that yes, people can and do change, because I CHANGED! And has opened my eyes to so many wonderful things as a result!

And I've sat here forever changing my word, so I can't commit to one right now!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Ah you guys are all making me feel so welcomed back! :) And even more amped up about my "word" :)

Thank you for your continuous support always, hearts and kisses.

Lovelyanomaly: Ahh yes, there's a reason I have the word "shine" tattooed on my wrist ;)

IT'S A GREAT WORD.

Stereo- THANK YOU I'M BAAAACCCCKKKKK

barbara- OOOO "SWAGGER" I may have to steal that ;)

Jennifer B said...

You're pretty fucking amusing :) I'm a new follower!

melifaif said...

My new word for 2011 is FOCUS. My word for your 2010 is PROUD! I am so glad you are where you now are, you bad ass bitch, you!! Now get out there and rock the world. Love, Meli

DC Princess said...

God I love you and your words.

Ashalah said...

You are amazing Chelsea and your word couldn't be more fitting. You're one of the strongest people I know and I cannot wait to see what 2011 is going to bring.

Oh, and I'm taking you out for your birthday since I missed the shenanagins last weekend. Just an FYI.

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Meagan Kate said...

You are amazing!

My word is -- STRONG. I feel strong. THANK YOU GIRL. You are amazing!

L.L. said...

I think you can also describe this year and next as KICK ASS. You can, you will, and you do!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Ashalah- OOO SISTER, I'm totally letting you take me out ;) We need to have a shindig together soon anyway, sorry about your couch drama darlin!

Homeslice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Homeslice said...

I wish to goodness that I could trace the random Facebook status update that guided me to your blog back when, because I want more of that business...
 
Going to take a queue from you and not give an eff what anyone is going to think about what I"m writing -  because inside I really  think I'm way too old to be exposing myself by staring a blog (mid-thirties) - so thank you for that gift.

So, here we go...balls on the table...
For 2010, the word is "survive"
- I survived the birth of my first child
- My child did not survive
- I survived the death of my child
- My husband and I survived our marriage. A situation that should have  statistically (and yes, I am now a statistic) torn us apart, left us with a new definition of strength, love and faith...
- I survived a round of gynormous layoffs at work during a very delicate time.

For 2011, the first word that came to mind was "achieve." the second word that came to mind was "inspire," because if I could do anything in life, it would be to inspire.

Then, I had an "a-ha" moment this morning in Starbucks of all places.  En route to work while waiting for my latte, I looked at all of the people dressed & ready to go to work.  I was reminded of a time when I didn't have a job & I would look at all of the people dressed for work thinking "if I only I could be one of them...dressed to go to work.  That's all I want is a  job, them I will be complete." Now, I AM one of them. 

Then, I though about how I live in one of the largest metropolitan cities in the country, work for one of the largest media companies, have an amazing title, AND I can wear jeans to work.  I have it....I've achieved it...I'm accomplished...and hopefully, I've inspired along the way.

All of the sudden, "achieve" felt incredibly empty. 

My word for 2011?   CONTENT.  No matter what I achieve throughout the year, whether it is an even greater job, a better home, or having a child....I want to feel CONTENT with whatever state I'm in.

ChristopherSpiewak said...

Love this one! Rock-On Chelsea!

For me 2010 = Humbled, grateful, inspired... and unstoppable!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Homeslice- My word for you: brave, wise, strong. Thank you for sharing your story with me and the rest of us reading...

Jessticles said...

"he moment you started No Contact with the person who can imagine his life without you, you enforced the belief that SOMEONE out there won't be able to fathom a life that doesn't have you in it...you conquered the irrational fear of "alone forever"...you are victorious.

When you rolled into the center of the bed, erasing the outline of a body that isn't in bed with you....you conquered the ghost of him, you are victorious."

^^ I had to quote this because it was so perfect and succint that it made me tear up. It's exactly how I could have summed up the past 5 months of my life. Hard, sad, emotionally draining but yes, victorious.

Thank you.

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