Sunday, January 16, 2011

Because everyone loves a Love Story.....


Isn't it funny how the one photo booth photo you took together is always the picture that ends up being the eternal depiction of "when you were happy?" Four shots, 10 seconds of "happy." I found ours the other day, the one that matched almost identically to the strip of photos my parents took 23 years earlier.... It was uncanny, the similarity. The faces. The spontaneous choice of looking at each other, it was like we were walking in the footsteps of a Great Love Story...


I thought your brain was magic, because it worked differently than mine. I'd slip into your boxers, while you threw on a record. That first night, you read Flannery O'Conner to me and got nervous that you didn't read eloquently enough... from then on, I'd always read to you, then we'd talk about it, while we stared at the the two dollar bills on the ceiling that you wrote "1 million" on...a million each, to start. You softened me, I stared speaking gentler....touching more. We just liked existing side by side. I liked the smell of your beard and you liked the smell of my sleepy head.

We lingered in each other. The first time you said, "I love you.." I didn't think it was possible that you could. We loved fast. We hadn't even slept together by the time we made it official, but it didn't matter- you could've been terrible in bed, but you were perfect to me.... We made love like fireworks....the entire time. We wanted matching tattoos, somewhere visible, somewhere shameless and optimistic that we'd never have to hide them.

You liked the sound of me clicking away on my Blackberry in the morning and I knew I'd woken you up when I'd hear your sleepy voice say, "click, click, click, ...." imitating my speed. That was always good...but waking up to you playing your violin....or that loop that you worked on for months, with the chimes- waking up to that, was my favorite.

I liked watching you, when you'd grab your vein in your arm and play with it, I knew you were thinking something brilliant, probably something too brilliant for me to understand. You'd write it on a wall eventually and I'd stare at it, trying to solve the equation. It all made perfect sense to you. We were both big dreamers, maybe that's what created the gap between us eventually, there wasn't enough space for how massive our love was, when our dreams were equally as insurmountable.

There's other things I probably loved about you that I've forgotten now... the little things; like, I don't remember the way you looked when you yawned, but I know I probably loved it.

I always wonder how long you knew the relationship was over before I did. I wonder if you even know the moment. I hope it was just one moment, I hope you looked at me one day while I was grinding coffee beans or looking for stamps, while doing something mundane and that something just clicked like, "I don't love this woman anymore"... I hope you didn't know forever and that with every little annoying thing I did, your contempt for me grew into a mountain of dislike, easing your lack of want for me in slowly- no, I hope it was a singular moment, the way we learned to love each other; fast, is the way I hope you stopped.

Everything you started to fix you left broken; car stereos, light fixtures, you were a master of best intentions and everything you intended to make "better" you ended up leaving torn apart. I didn't care, I just hoped it was never me.

Your favorite adjectives for me were "vibrant" and "precious"you told me you loved me more times a day than I can count. You liked to nuzzle your nose in my ear when I was on my computer, trying to work, and I'd always act annoyed, but deep down I really loved how close you wanted to be to me all the time. You liked how bright my clothes were and how I'd play a song on repeat until you begged me to stop. You liked my body and peeking at me while I was washing my hair. You liked the way the way I "fake rapped" I didn't really know the words, but I liked to act like I did. You always told me you could "feel my energy"... And you could, because you always put your hands on the spots that were directly radiating the most intensely.
I fit into you, like puzzle pieces.

I was always worried when you'd walk out the door, if there were sirens two minutes later, I'd worry something tragic happened... I still wake up in the middle of the night afraid you didn't make it home okay. It wasn't that I didn't trust your ability to survive without me next to you, it was that I didn't trust mine. Perhaps because I knew eventually I'd have to and it terrified me.

The way you always described us to people was "like this" then you'd do this circular motion with your two index fingers, orbiting around each other-until they were twisted into one entangled knot. Orbiting still but this time, together. It's what you loved about us and I guess, eventually, came to hate. I know we needed more time apart, but you were my favorite person....and I was yours too.

You could always sense when I couldn't fall asleep and you start to tell me a story, you never just stopped when I drifted off- you continued until there was an ending; you've taken me everywhere; to sandy beaches in Puerto Rico, to mythical portals of time and space, with larger than life characters and secret doorways. You fascinated me. Every landscape was in detail, textures, lighting, the sound of our feet against the tundra of ice and the smell of the air.

When I had one water glass you always had seven- I think mostly because you forgot where you set the last three, four, and five down- you'd pace back and forth trying to remember why you got up in the first place and then you'd get inspired- you'd forget to eat, to drink, because your muse needed the attention now.

You always said you'd be an idiot to leave me and I wonder if you think are, now that you have.

Everyone thought we would never split, we were consumed by one another..it was that kind of love that walks down the street and makes people say, "aw...." The love the sits in the corner and doesn't see anyone else in the room. The love that slow dances...the cinematic kind.

You liked that I wanted to share ideas, that I wanted to explore and understand- that we were curious and impassioned by religion and politics, way of life and human nature. We both loved history and art, bigger than life characters and creating. We never ran out of things to talk about, we'd spend hours bouncing ideas and opinions off one another- sometimes, we'd stop and just look at each other, awe... Adoration to the deepest core you're capable of feeling it, then you'd say something like, "I love the shit out of you" and it was the most true thing you'd ever said- even though shit was in the sentence.

...Sometimes we'd take a picture, there's on of the side of my face, in New York City- the bar lights give me a sort of "Red Light Special" look- but bar, red lights and city aside- it was as pure as a moment gets..."I want to remember this forever" you said. I remember everything and sometimes I wish I didn't....because I remember how much I miss you, constantly.


I've let go, remember? I really am. I'll leave soon...to another city, create another adventure, and hopefully fall in love....I just can't imagine that it won't be with you, it really was a Great Love Story.


TELL ME....WHAT WAS/IS YOUR GREAT LOVE STORY??

92 comments:

LiLu said...

Oh, Chels.

I love you. (hugs)

doniree said...

What Rachael said. This is beautiful and eloquent, and I can only imagine what it must feel like to write and share these words. I love you, sister.

maggeygrace said...

Oh my goshhhhh. Would you be my best friend and sit criss cross apple sauce in our pjs on the floor and talk about boys with me? I want to be your best friend. I want you to read my writing and I want to read yours and be buddies. You write the way I wish I could talk. I love this SO much. I'm bookmarking this page. Thank you for writing this. It reminded me so much of MY greatest love story and heartbreak and why I love the boy I do the way I love him now.

Your writing is perfect. I would be your biggest fan and buy all your book, ten times over.

Ashalah said...

What Rachael and Doni said. This brought tears to my eyes, I can't imagine how you feel. Love and hugs.

JUST ME said...

It's such a truthful way to look at this. I respect that, mama.

As for me, I don't think my Great Lovestory has happened yet.

Micah said...

So amazing. And raw. And eloquent all at once. Fantastic post. Thanks for sharing, even though it must have been very hard.

pixie658 said...

<3

carolineinthecityblog said...

Beautiful post. I guess it wasn't my love story if only one of us was in love. But I'm still waiting for it! I have a good feeling about it.

Stephanie said...

I have felt my own version of these words.
Life is hard sometimes. Harder than we would like.
Love and hugs to you.

Dysfunction Junction said...

I've had the puzzle pieces feeling. I don't know where it went now because if I felt it then, wouldn't I still feel it even if we're not together?

I always wonder that.

Really, truly, lovely post.

Kez said...

What a story! I hope your life will be filled with more amazing memories - your next love story!

alishka babushka said...

i want to echo everyone else. this is truly beautiful. i've lurked around for a long time. i love the way you write. my own great love story just ended, but i know i can have another one. i don't think we're allowed only ONE great love story.

thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts with the world! loves.

Anonymous said...

There was only one person I loved like that. I thought she was the great love of my life because it was the most intense, all-consuming connection either of us had ever felt. Every day was perfection.

She left me after ten months. It took me years to fully get over her, or more accurately, over the disappointment of not being able to hold onto that feeling forever.

I was single and celibate for a long time, and then I met my husband. We never had that intense infatuation and obsession with each other: we have always loved in a balanced, emotionally healthy, non-codependent way. I used to miss the crazy mad love feeling until I realized that this new love was actually sustainable. We're four years in and love each other more every day. There is an almost tangible spark and energy between us, but it's not from 'you complete me', it's from 'I respect and admire you'. It's calmer than the love I knew before. But it's still full of passion and amazingly satisfying on every level.

It turns out that love like you describe is not forever. At least, I don't know anyone who's ever experienced that. But there is actually a superior love out there, a deeper love, and that love I know can last forever. I believe I've found that kind of love...and I believe you will, too. :-)

anna p of just me. said...

you always write so beautifully. even when its sad, its still beautiful.

i hope things get better for you soon.
hang in there.

Anonymous said...

When you first started going through this I felt so sad for you-and then it happened to me and I could feel your every word. Today has been hell-I ate cake and hot chocolate and a snickers in the bath tub-it was horrible-and I read this today-and it speaks so much to me. I am writing this through tears that won't stop falling-you are such an inspiration-I just pray that I can be strong like you are.

San said...

Just wow.

And... I am so sorry.

▲my• said...

Reading this... this just fantastic tale.
Maybe it didn't end well, but it was told superbly.
Sometimes that's better.

Ugh. How many times can I say I love your blog? Well, I love your blog, and I love your writing.
The supreme honesty, and the beauty even in something so melancholy.

Brian Moon said...

This made me ache. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

You are one great writer!!! Just want to say that, you will get past this, and when you find the real"true love" of your life, fall for someone new, you may be angry at this guy. You didn't know that you deserved better ,at the time. You were intoxicated and lost your judgement.And, if your best friend had told you, of a relationship, such as this, you would have thought..WHAT? I say this, because I felt the way that you do, and it did take a long time, But,I can say, I have a true love now, and we both had been freshly out of relationships, gone bad, We laughed and goofed around,went everywhere together, and leaned on each other, and one day, six months later, we admitted that we were in love, with each other, and it made all "loves"of our pasts, seem shallow and immature,and our time together is so precious , we're deeply in love.We can tell each other anything, and we are happiest, at home, after work snuggling, eating dinner, drinking wine, planning for our baby,etc.We never forget how we made each other laugh, and we still do.We are soon to be a Forever Married Couple, with children<3.Best Luck to you, sweet lady..

Camels & Chocolate said...

I'm living mine...but man, this post makes me weepy and my heart hurts for you. Beautifully, maturely, eloquently put as always.

Shannon said...

I think so far, I'm living my great love story.

He's snoring next to me, and it's like music to my ears haha.

Je said...

I just read this three times in a row.

This is so sad. And so lovely at the same time.

There are people who never get to experience a love like this. Hold that close.

And then there are people who get to experience it twice. I think you're that kind. Hang in there.

Melanie said...

Chels,

I too am going through the heartbreak of a lifetime. I used to read your blog and want to reach put to you and make your pain go away. Now I love it daily myself. My husband left for another woman. And claimed that he never loved me. In an instant my love story shattered in to a zillion pieces. I have good and bad days, mostly bad, but I'm getting through. My blog is an inspiration. I'm only a month in to my mess. It's still all so awful. Keep writing.

peterdewolf said...

Sometimes there are days when I just want to stop reading blogs completely.

And then I read a post that makes me glad I didn't.

Most of the time I was the one who wrote those posts.

But today it was you.

Lauren said...

I LOVE your blog. I too am going through the worst heartbreak of my life.
Keep posting...you help me get through all of my tough days.
XO

Coco Coterie said...

Gets better. May not ever completely go away, but does get better, eventually. Certainly a painful sculpting process where you feel the best of you gets kicked off in a state of artisan despair. xox ~ Alexandra

Vanessa said...

Chelsea, i think you are so lucky to have experienced that kind of love, even if it didn't work out. I haven't - not even sure I have it in me to feel that much. Doesn't seem like I'll meet someone who reciprocates even for a couple of years. Saddens me to know that kind of connection didn't have longevity (like Blue Valentine).
Totally normal for you to still miss him and that relationship. Funny how after break ups we always remember the good and never the bad (self torture). Intense experiences make you a better artist - remember that. And let me know when you write a book. You have a gift.

dominique said...

beautiful, as always.

**hugs**

MDubs said...

Beautiful, sad, but beautiful.

ELLIE said...

Write a book Chelsea ...and make your million :)

Kristin said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE the shit out of this post. Beautiful!

Rachel said...

I view my marriage as something similar, a lifetime built on small things, but instead of everyone thinking we would never separate, always be happy, I feel like there are many people waiting for us to fail. For us to stop being cuddly and having those inside jokes.
It just shows that you are surrounded by good people that want you to be happy.
*hugs*

kendra.was.here said...

)': wow. no more words to say.

Type and curse said...

I've always loved your blog.. Then you went through your break up and my heart broke along with yours. Then, a few weeks later, I went through my own break up from hell. Reading this (and most of your posts) inspires me to keep going, to let go and to not forget. I hope to god we can love like that again.

Chelsea said...

in a blog world full of wedding plans and adorable dates and cute photos, this post is so refreshing to me.

my own "great love story" ended in may.... he has already started dating the one person that would bother me the most (an ex interest) and i get upset at myself for still being upset about it months later.

even though deep down, i KNOW i will find another love story, i can't even imagine that it will begin to be the same. none of my "real life" friends seem to get that feeling so it's nice to see that you (and a lot of the ladies in the comments) have/are feeling the same way!

thanks for posting this <3 it's beautiful!

Bella said...

My great love was an accident of the universal design- it was a heartbeat, a quiet reach across a diner table when he grabbed my hand and a soft nudge with my toes underneath that led to an all night footsie game. It was intense- an atom bomb in each of our lives- one uptown girl, one blue collar guy & no one understood why!

It was over 5 years of off & on until we finally gave up- after we'd destroyed every piece of each other because we couldn't take being apart & wanted to hoard all the best parts to ourselves. It wasn't like he died- it was like I died- over & over again every time I missed him or thought of him or thought maybe I saw him & then realized I wanted to. It took 3 years to really recover, to wake up & realize I wasn't dead without him, to realize how unhealthy it all was, to love myself again, to look at the world with trust & love in my heart.

I've dated since, even had a serious relationship or 2 but it's never the same & I'll compare every relationship to that one for forever. Because when I was happy, it was beyond holy glorious overwhelming life changing joy!!! But when things went bad, it was worse than I imagine Hades could ever be. It gets better. I don't think anyone that hasn't had that kind of insanity in their lives can imagine it though, lol!!

suki @ [Super Duper Fantastic] said...

Sometimes I sit there and wonder when the love story ends. Is that depressing or what?

And all the while the story that seems to unfold becomes more vibrant and beautiful, I don't want it to end.

Becky said...

All I can say is Wow. I am just touched.
I want a love like this, even if I can only have it a short time. I thought I found my soul mate. I believed I had. He told me he believed it too.
But 4 years in, we break up and make up every single year. (we are currently "broke up") The roller coaster has to stop some time. Right?

Rolerkite said...

"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

it's so true, but so hard to grasp when you are at the "lost" end.

I love that you wrote this and that you are sooo brave to share your feelings! xoxo

michelle said...

you have an amazing way with words. this post is so heartfelt and heartbreaking. i'm living my great love story, and i don't doubt that you will have another. you are simply amazing, too amazing for just one great love

Brandy said...

wow. I was completely enthralled with that piece. I hope I love like that someday, even if it's not forever.

Nikki said...

Beautiful words. What a great adventure and as much as it hurts to have had it, you are one lucky woman. Someday it will all make sense.

magdalena viktoria said...

Really beautiful writing.
I felt it. I did.
<3

Hope Ava said...

Your writing is so powerful and your vulnerability and openness is awe inspiring. The way you talk about your need for him is how I feel everyday about my husband...I am very very lucky to be married to my best friend and to be his best friend in return. I hope you find your forever best friend love some day when you are ready.

Big hug,
Hope Ava

JenBetweenDots said...

I haven't been lucky enough to have my Great Love and when I do I hope I can be as poetic as you. And appreciate every moment.

I just know you will have another Great Love, you deserve it

boycottamericanwomen said...

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should boycott American women

http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

Shannon said...

I kind of want to slap that "boycott american women" guy...

grow a pair buddy.

Liz in... said...

Beautiful and well done. Anyone who's had a Great Love Story and reads this can't help but go back.

That being said, I'm lucky. I had a Great Love Story and it ended, and like you say at the end of yours, I got to have another one (after a couple years of being stupid with my heart and trying to force love when there really was none). Just remember that you'll get your next Great Love Story. And it'll be even better than before.

Until then, keep writing!

David said...

That was exceptionally well written!

I used to say "I heart the shit out of you," because I couldn't bring myself to say the scary L-word to her just yet. So I feel you on that one.

I'm sure you have another love story in you. All you have to do is write it.

Maxie said...

I wish you lived here so we could sit on the couch and cry together.

or drink... either one.

love you

xo

Cait said...

This? This is beautiful and so raw. Thank you for sharing. <3

Homeslice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Homeslice said...

Wow...the love, the hurt, I could taste it all, brilliant.

My greatest love story was the classic tale of the one that got away. I was too determined, too self-assured, too scared to follow him to another state when he went away to follow his dream...simply because I had not yet found my own dream.

Life goes on, you find new loves...but it's never quite as sweet, as pure, as real or as raw as it was with the "one that got away." I wish I would have had the balls to fearlessly follow him assured that love was enough. Maybe in the next life...

Anonymous said...

Love your story, made me cry.

My great love, the one I will probably never get over and the one I should have never had, lasted in reality 9 days, but was in the making 11 years. We were in high school, friends. We had one day in the mountains, it was raining and we kissed passionately in his truck while waiting for the rain to stop. That was it...the end. We graduated went away to different places, lived different lives, loved different people. Then 11 years later we ran into eachother...both back in our home town. He lived there, I was visiting...we said hello in passing and the obvious "find me on Facebook". We did, friended eachother, shared a few emails over the course of 6 months. Then I came back to my home town for an 10 day stay. I was supposed to be in Hawaii with my boyfriend of 3 yrs...but I wasn't in love and ended the realtionship a few weeks prior to my return home. I thought why not, it would be good to see an old friend. I shot my "highschool kiss in the rain" an email to announce my arrival. We made plans to catch up...met for drinks. Then we made more plans. We spent the most magical day of my life in the mountains hiking, soaking in the hot springs, laughing, talking and reconnecting. I wanted to stay there with him forever. Then he kissed me and it was all over from there. The next 10 days were a whirlwind of a love bubble. We spent every minute we could together, kissing, touching, laughing and falling. We even went to the spot of our first kiss 11 yrs prior and relived a memory. I don't know if it was the intoxicating possibility of a great love story or his deep blue eyes, but I was gone..diving head first. I remember thinking to myself...oh girl you are in for it...this one's gonna hurt. And it DID! It still does. We tried to keep the magic going, but it was never the same. There it was, our moment, forever frozen in time, in the mountains where I fell in love that day. I don't know if it ever meant as much to him as it did to me, I like to believe it did, I like to believe he will always cherish our magic time. I know I will never forget it. I guess it's like they say, old flames never really die. Mine almost killed my heart. We tried endlessly for 5 months after that week. In the end the whole thing ended terribly, I was completely heart broken...but I will never tell him that...that is my secret forever. I am recovering, moving on and loving again. I just can't wait for the day when I can barely remeber his smile...oh his smile, and his laugh. He made me laugh with every fiber of my being and made smile with every part of my soul...for 9 days.

Anonymous said...

Love your story, made me cry.

My great love, the one I will probably never get over and the one I should have never had, lasted in reality 9 days, but was in the making 11 years. We were in high school, friends. We had one day in the mountains, it was raining and we kissed passionately in his truck while waiting for the rain to stop. That was it...the end. We graduated went away to different places, lived different lives, loved different people. Then 11 years later we ran into eachother...both back in our home town. He lived there, I was visiting...we said hello in passing and the obvious "find me on Facebook". We did, friended eachother, shared a few emails over the course of 6 months. Then I came back to my home town for an 10 day stay. I was supposed to be in Hawaii with my boyfriend of 3 yrs...but I wasn't in love and ended the realtionship a few weeks prior to my return home. I thought why not, it would be good to see an old friend. I shot my "highschool kiss in the rain" an email to announce my arrival. We made plans to catch up...met for drinks. Then we made more plans. We spent the most magical day of my life in the mountains hiking, soaking in the hot springs, laughing, talking and reconnecting. I wanted to stay there with him forever. Then he kissed me and it was all over from there. The next 10 days were a whirlwind of a love bubble. We spent every minute we could together, kissing, touching, laughing and falling. We even went to the spot of our first kiss 11 yrs prior and relived a memory. I don't know if it was the intoxicating possibility of a great love story or his deep blue eyes, but I was gone..diving head first. I remember thinking to myself...oh girl you are in for it...this one's gonna hurt. And it DID! It still does. We tried to keep the magic going, but it was never the same. There it was, our moment, forever frozen in time, in the mountains where I fell in love that day. I don't know if it ever meant as much to him as it did to me, I like to believe it did, I like to believe he will always cherish our magic time. I know I will never forget it. I guess it's like they say, old flames never really die. Mine almost killed my heart. We tried endlessly for 5 months after that week. In the end the whole thing ended terribly, I was completely heart broken...but I will never tell him that...that is my secret forever. I am recovering, moving on and loving again. I just can't wait for the day when I can barely remeber his smile...oh his smile, and his laugh. He made me laugh with every fiber of my being and made smile with every part of my soul...for 9 days.

Anonymous said...

Love your story, made me cry.

My great love, the one I will probably never get over and the one I should have never had, lasted in reality 9 days, but was in the making 11 years. We were in high school, friends. We had one day in the mountains, it was raining and we kissed passionately in his truck while waiting for the rain to stop. That was it...the end. We graduated went away to different places, lived different lives, loved different people. Then 11 years later we ran into eachother...both back in our home town. He lived there, I was visiting...we said hello in passing and the obvious "find me on Facebook". We did, friended eachother, shared a few emails over the course of 6 months. Then I came back to my home town for an 10 day stay. I was supposed to be in Hawaii with my boyfriend of 3 yrs...but I wasn't in love and ended the realtionship a few weeks prior to my return home. I thought why not, it would be good to see an old friend. I shot my "highschool kiss in the rain" an email to announce my arrival. We made plans to catch up...met for drinks. Then we made more plans. We spent the most magical day of my life in the mountains hiking, soaking in the hot springs, laughing, talking and reconnecting. I wanted to stay there with him forever. Then he kissed me and it was all over from there. The next 10 days were a whirlwind of a love bubble. We spent every minute we could together, kissing, touching, laughing and falling. We even went to the spot of our first kiss 11 yrs prior and relived a memory. I don't know if it was the intoxicating possibility of a great love story or his deep blue eyes, but I was gone..diving head first. I remember thinking to myself...oh girl you are in for it...this one's gonna hurt. And it DID! It still does. We tried to keep the magic going, but it was never the same. There it was, our moment, forever frozen in time, in the mountains where I fell in love that day. I don't know if it ever meant as much to him as it did to me, I like to believe it did, I like to believe he will always cherish our magic time. I know I will never forget it. I guess it's like they say, old flames never really die. Mine almost killed my heart. We tried endlessly for 5 months after that week. In the end the whole thing ended terribly, I was completely heart broken...but I will never tell him that...that is my secret forever. I am recovering, moving on and loving again. I just can't wait for the day when I can barely remeber his smile...oh his smile, and his laugh. He made me laugh with every fiber of my being and made smile with every part of my soul...for 9 days.

Felisa said...

Not that you need to hear it again but this is written so incredibly well. You are very brave for posting it. I have about 10 drafts trying so hard to go through MY story which has haunted me to the point of making me unable to write a post about anything else. But I can't finish them because the roller coaster of feelings I go through when typing them out? They're all too much. Your writing makes me, someone who's familiar with this situation, nod at just about every other word. It was like being pulled back in time into my own story. It's like seeing a nostalgic montage of our story. It's like tasting, feeling and savoring every moment all over again. EVERY moment was unbelievable with him too. Like I always imagined that if I stepped out of my body to watch us in any given moment that we were together, we'd have an aura about us. He'd have his crooked smile and his knowing look on his face which I adored and I'd probably be blushing and looking at him trying to match the intensity of his gaze. At least, those were the happy days...

Can't deny I feel a little bit heartbroken after reading this because I know that your story -- and mine as well -- are in the past now. I used to love reading your posts about the two of you. I was at work when I read your post saying it was over and I had to take my lunch then and sit in the lobby just thinking about it (Is that creepy because for the most part I've just been a lurker? Probably...) but it's just that it so happened that your love story started right before mine did and ended right after mine did. It felt like the end of an era.

But I also feel a spark of hope that things will be okay. You're soldiering on and I am too. You're a brilliant person. If you at all subscribe to the idea of THE ONE, you can believe what I believe which is that of the 6 billion people in the world, it won't be easy to find him. But it will happen. Then you won't just have A Great Love Story, it will be THE Great Love Story of your life. And again, thank you for writing this :)

Anna said...

This reminded me so much of how I felt when my last epic relationship ended. It brought back all of those achingly beautiful feelings.

I think my great love story is still going on. I'm finding out more about them every day. I have to say, it's pretty fantastic. PS. my great love story is the one I have with myself. This is the only one that is going to last forever :)

Monster Girl said...

I'd tell you mine, but even though it was over a year ago and he turned out to be a scumlord, it's still too hard.

Fizzgig said...

I love love. Mine was beautiful and amazing, and also ended abruptly...to me it was abrupt, to him hed been thinking about it. I always knew wed be together, and eventually he did realize he messed up, half a year later. and now we are trying to move forward with things. I never gave up on love inside, on the outside i let people think I was fine, but inside as much as i tried, i couldnt let it go.

Hopefully this time doesn't end tragically too, but at least we will have tried.

hugs.

Clare said...

I am a serial worry-er and this line: "It wasn't that I didn't trust your ability to survive without me next to you, it was that I didn't trust mine" plays my ribcage like a guitar.

Stunning.

Homeslice said...

PS: This entire entry should be a song. I would want to hear that song over and over. Or it should be a movie. I would want to watch that movie over and over...

spleeness said...

I've been very nostalgic lately, dipping into the more dreamy and sentimental memories and wow, your post hits like a ton of bricks. Beautiful bricks though, that sing songs as they land in your gut. I'm also touched by Anonymous's story just above, about 9 days of passion. Gawd. Now I feel like I was there in TWO love stories, not just one. I'm not ready to write about mine yet but I've been trying, haltingly, in the midnight hours.

Ms. Lollygagger said...

so sad yet so awesome at the same time. I've felt pain like that too, but I could never put it in to words. Thank you for doing that.

Jamie said...

I read this post a few days ago and I needed time to let it sink in. It's amazing. I want to ever feel this way, so that I could write a post like this.

Rebecca said...

I haven't had my great love story yet, but I'd give nearly anything to have a week's worth of what you had. Beautiful post.

Kaci Johanna said...

I think that, even if I weren't in the middle of some seriously heart-breaking business of my own, this would have broken my heart right in two. So beautifully written.

Phoenix said...

"God breaks your heart until it stays open." Yep. This post was so incredibly open-hearted and gorgeous. Your strength is so inspiring, and your heart shines so brightly.

mn said...

chelsea, you have your whole life ahead of you to find love. don't spend it on what will one day feel like a smaller part of your life. it's hard to accept that, but someday you will. i still regret eating my way through my depression after heartbreak gaining ten pounds, for what, for him to act like i didn't even exist after i found him on fb after all these years. seriously, y ou think ppl are great and they will always think of your love the same way you did, but they don't. ppl change. i suggest you love yourself, and remember you are your best companion. don't be in such a rush to find love that you forget to enjoy the journey of your life. a broken heart is tough. i know it bc when i fell in love, i fell hard. took a long time for me to get over. but you will be a-ok! i love what Anonymous wrote, there is a greater love deeper than the stars exploding kind of love. and that love has to do with mutual admiration, respect, and ultimately finding a friend who always has your back. who cherishes you and supports you. you'll find that, but seriously, love life. you never know when our last day on earth is.

Kelly L said...

Wow... this is beautiful and brilliant and heartbreaking and all sorts of other adjectives that are totally escaping me.

As for me? My Great Love Story hasn't been written yet. I sometimes wonder if it will ever make its way to a page. Maybe it never will. Who knows.

Until then, I shall just live through others.

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful. But you're only remembering the good parts. Maybe if you go back you'll see all the bad parts too. The reasons it wasn't meant to be. And then you might feel better. Yes, I believe that is paraphrased from 500 Days of Summer. But still. It is a beautiful love story. You're lucky to have had it!

TaraMetBlog said...

wow, that was powerful. I have those photos from the past and ones now, I hope this time, I don't look back and remember a time of happiness that no longer is.

hannahjustbreathe said...

Wow... This post is incredible. So brutally, beautifully honest. A truly great love story indeed.

But I have, no doubt, you have even greater ones ahead.

Monkey said...

We hadn’t seen each other in 4 years and one day there she was on the train.
You were limping you had just stubbed your toe, you had horrid vision and you could barley hear me.. the blind deaf and limping girl was my first email to you. And you were as beautiful as when i would see you early morning at high school, we didn’t really know each other then.
I wonder since time has passed whether I would even know you now. I’d never played with magic that had presented itself so strongly to me as when she entered my life.
I haven’t erased a single message from her even though we haven’t been together in almost 2 years. The 3rd picture of thousands in my phone is of the army toy men we found on the street, squaring off with my gnome Winnie the pooh keychain. That night although you had not met my friends till then, they loved you and all the girls wore white and the guys wore black and it was a half moon night, and no one had planned anything.
And a few months ago, Never having drunk texts before and actually having you meet up with me only to have you tell me that, what we had was wonderful and how much my hair had grown and when would I cut it and perhaps best to leave things be, to be simple, that that was or had been my/ our issue. How complicated it had gotten, that we argued all the time. What would have happened if we always agreed? Maybe it was the moving in with each other after six months, maybe it was my having a son, maybe it was you’re objecting to my smoking. Whatever it had been we were better now, weren’t we? That’s what I got from it and that sad poem that you sent me on my birthday.
And I miss you
I miss not having someone finish my sentences and read my mind, texting at the same moment. How I couldn’t appreciate the loss of not finding you sleeping on the couch every night when I got home and sliding up next to you and kissing you awake, until you were away. Because I learned neurolinguistics, I can hypnotize people and yet i still can’t program myself to get over this. Because I’ve been to many places and told our story to see if someone out there had an answer. Because I loved how only you could understand my ideas and way of thinking and rightfully challenge them. I would have never admit it, but i always felt you where smarter than me, maybe that’s why I read so much, it was to just keep up with you. I was worried you would see through me. that I wasn’t strong enough to be with you. I know you have someone now, so do i, and i hate thinking that i would leave one person for someone else, but...there it is. . Because I don’t want to wake up one day and find I’ve grayed and I’ve spent my life comparing everyone to you. Because I write this hoping somehow it reaches you.
In any manner, I love you.
That’s my love story

Jessica said...

Without experiencing a live like that...you'll never be able to see what is possible with whoever The One is...because live with The One is all that you describe. Plus forever and ever amen.

It will happen. For you.

And I'm not far from Boulder. Just FYI.

hellodove said...

holycrap, you are a great and talented writer.

excuse me while I go cry for you lol

-Color
http://hellomydove.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just discovered your blog and read this three times, my heart aching. You are a fantastic writer and this is heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time. You are so brave to write it so eloquently and honestly.

And selfishly, thank you. I really needed to read this right now.

Emily Jane said...

Oh love, this was so, so amazingly beautiful and heart-wrenching all at once. Brilliant post, even though it must have been incredibly hard to write. I had one of those stories too. One where I'd loved so hard we'd gotten engaged after a couple of months and matching tattoos a few months later. One where we'd dream big and he'd sing me songs and we'd talk about everything until the wee hours of the morning. He left, too. But you know what? As hard as it is to see the reason why, just trust that it was meant to happen, and something even more right and wonderful still lies ahead.

<3

bluntdelivery said...

aaaaaaaaaah yes. i could almost copy this story verbatim and i would too, describe it as my great love.

but then again, perhaps not. since it ended. isn't the great love supposed to be the one that doesn't end?

hmm. i don't know.

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

Mine was the last one. The one that ended so quickly I couldn't breathe. The hardest part now is missing all the little things and feeling like I'm never going to get them back.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Sometimes I read a post and see that there are something like 80 comments and say "forget it, I'm not leaving one..." but not now. Not with this post.

My GLS (Great Love Story, obvi) was just over a decade ago and -- can I say this out loud? -- it took having a baby with my now-husband for me to (mostly) truly move on from the boy I loved at 18.

I used to tell myself that the universe wanted 18 and I to end up back together. I used to blame God -- because I was the one who ended things, thinking he wasn't The One, back when I believed there was just ONE The One -- and I stuffed the 10 years after 18 with meaningless sex, loveless relationships, food, and self-loathing.

Don't do that.

Sometimes, I want to play "what if?" and I have to stop myself. Sometimes I picture us both at 70 years old and widow-y and running into each others arms again.

I always contact him once a year, at least. Sometimes he responds, sometimes he doesn't. It's been a year since I saw his blue eyes -- across a table for coffee. When our knees bumped and we locked eyes I wanted to throw my wedding ring across Starbucks. When we hugged goodbye I wanted to run to his truck and kiss him on the mouth. I wanted to be brave enough to file for divorce without knowing whether or not 18 would take me back.

Then, a few months later, I got pregnant and I had to start thinking of 18 as a pipe dream.

I'll never love my husband the way I loved 18. 18 was my GLS and I wouldn't have it any other way. There are moments that I have sort of loved the pain of not being with him, enjoyed the longing and the tragedy of it all. I try to write about "us" but no words do it justice.

I still wouldn't trade the despair for anything... I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Slightly Undone said...

I feel so insanely lucky to have read this...thank you xoxo

jaclyn @ thelateafternoon said...

your writing is amazingly beautiful and so was this story. my favorite line was "We were both big dreamers....when our dreams were equally as insurmountable."

EricaOGrady said...

Truth: Everybody Loves a Love Story.

What I love about yours - is that it could have been mine. I've been in desperate love like that. Breathless love. It's wonderful while it lasts. But the thing about desperate love is that it's so fierce and fiery that it's also volatile.

Desperate love forces us to grow and learn. To be vulnerable and honest in ways we never imagined possible. Not every one has the courage to explore their love - their desires so publicly. Don't ever stop.

Nicole said...

Wow, there aren't much words than that but I loved it. Also I'm very sorry.

<3

laura said...

This was beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes.

Anonymous said...

I can wholeheartedly relate to this post...tell me, do you think you will be able to love another so deeply again? I am afraid I never will

VML said...

beautiful in every word. "The love the sits in the corner and doesn't see anyone else in the room. The love that slow dances...the cinematic kind" I got chills.

TravisGGhG said...

wow, that was powerful. I have those photos from the past and ones now, I hope this time, I don't look back and remember a time of happiness that no longer is.

Elly said...

There are so many comments here that are really interesting and useful to me thanks artificial grass las vegas

Elly said...

Congratulations on having one of the most sophisticated blogs Ive come across in some time! Its just incredible how much you can take away from something simply because of how visually beautiful it is. Youve put together a great blog space --great graphics, videos, layout. This is definitely a must-see blog!!! Commission Droid

udemy crusher said...

It is nice to find a site about my interest. My first visit to your site is been a big help. Thank you for the efforts you been putting on making your site such an interesting and informative place to browse through. I’ll be visiting your site again to gather some more valuable information. You truly did a good job

 
ss_blog_claim=1c43e45eb4927c96edea5f154138fe95