Thursday, March 10, 2011

THIS IS SHOW TIME: My Manifesto, on NOT being vanilla, on never being the last to leave and knowing when to take center stage.


There's something that needs to happen right now. I mean, literally right this second.


The other day I was chatting with my friend and I said, "Do you ever feel like you're waiting for your life to START?"
As in; when my life starts I will [fill in the blank], when I finally start [fill in the blank] I'll be better at [fill in the blank], someday I'll [fill in the blank], once [fill in the blank] happens- here's the problem with this sort of thinking- THERE IS NO SOMEDAY, there is no "fill in the blank," there is no "when-this, then-this" scenario.

There isn't a dress rehearsal, a "trial-run," a "30-day test," this is literally all we get- I don't get to re-do my twenties, I don't get to re-do yesterday, I don't get to try that crazy headstand in yoga "someday," I get to fall on my face TODAY. There is no, "I'll tell him later....", there is no, "I'll love her later...when I'm more [fill in the blank]" Love her, today- while you have each other....stop letting imaginary fears suck away your potential for joy; fear will feed off of your insecurities and make a nice cozy, infested home inside of you....imagine what you could fill that space with if you simply renovated?

FILL IN THE BLANK NOW. If it's literally impossible for you to; physically, financially, even emotionally, I get that- those are legitimate reasons; the point is, put into action, removing the things that interfere with your progression- don't accept road blocks as a "way of life", a "way of being," if they're withholding you from your WANTS, from your growth and from you happiness, rent a bulldozer, hire a therapist, yoga your face off until you're that crazy bitch who cries in Child's Pose in the corner. Talk through it, cook through it, work an extra hour, send another resume, ask the question you're afraid of asking, put your balls out there for god sakes.

Admit the truth, challenge your beliefs, challenge their beliefs, ask for MORE, refuse, push back, feel like a fool, do that "thing," start-off on another foot, dust yourself off, question authority, give yourself an inner-monologue.


Follow impulse, MOVE THROUGH DISCOMFORT, look your "right now" directly in the face and welcome it- "right now," may be the courier to your next destination, if you'd simply accept the ticket and take a seat.


I don't get to, "once I'm finally confident enough, I'll......" NO, No, I get to test out "confident enough" TODAY- there is no magical Confidence Fairy that's going to come around and fix all my imperfect bits, personality flaws, jiggly parts, or fill-in awkward silences and whisper in my ear how awesome I am when I start doubting it- she doesn't show up like Glenda in a bubble, with pixie dust and three-wishes, YOU ARE YOUR OWN CONFIDENCE FAIRY, there is no Stage Manager giving you cues and letting you suck at least once so that you can be better "next time," no, no...... THIS is SHOW TIME. Suck less, today.

Sure, I can sit here and say, "Live in the moment," but by saying that it could sound like, "learn how to love your really shitty job that you don't love at all, or wait for Publisher's Clearing House to knock on your door, cringe and yourself in the mirror one more time and just put on a parka, or keep accepting the fact that he's being a douche-hole and voila!" Living in the moment can be misconstrued as laziness, or apathy- if you're truly living in the moment there's action involved. There's active listening, active asking, active acknowledging, active acceptance, active healing and active challenging, mostly of yourself, when a situation or person seems challenging you're smack in the middle of some gooey, delicious, rich growth and ripening. That sentence sounds like the beginning of a food-porn novel, and now I want some bacon dipped in chocolate, but whatever.

THIS IS SHOW TIME.

Today there are challenges, for me, for you....for US, consider these, right now;
set a standard- something you refuse to accept less than. STOP. BEING. DESPERATE- desperate to succeed, desperate to love, desperate to be loved- desperation has the opposite affect, it splinters the intention into a million directions and never gives you the desired outcome. Ask more questions; be curious about someone, your job, the future- find genuine interest in what/who is in front of you- give them/it the stage. Don't be surly, you are not sour milk- rancid shouldn't be associated with anyone as a personality trait.

Wear your odd-shaped, over-sized, bleeding heart on your sleeve- you know why we don't do that? Because we're afraid to. Because we think "reserved" and "controlled" are appealing to the general "palette" you know what else is preferred by the "general palette?" VANILLA. And, we're afraid people will gag on chocolate-covered-Bing-cherries, with a side of cookie dough. Or, that they'll throw it out.
BE SOMEONES PREFERRED FLAVOR. You don't have to be "everyone's" vanilla.

Stop sneering at people; pretty girls, people that are different than you, people that you're jealous of, jealousy is easy to sniff out. Jealousy just makes you look insecure. Honor girl-code; don't make excuses for sleeping with/texting/emailing, and looking with "intent" in the general fucking direction of someone else's man- there's enough to go around, if he were meant to be with YOU, he would be, so have some respect for yourself and set a standard to not be "that girl," it ain't cute. MAN-UP. Accept responsibility and don't let it overwhelm or crush you under the pressure- redefine "pressure." Stay, when you're about to run.

BELIEVE IN SOMETHING. Anything; Buddha, Christ, Monday night football, morning sex, your lucky rabbit foot- I don't care what it is- just stand, somewhere, firmly, rooted and with open arms.
Be gracious. Try to be less serious for a minute, laugh at the absurdity of it all. Don't be a pushover, nicey-nice is easily replaceable/forgettable. Know when to leave..... this is a gift; don't be the last to show up and don't be the last to say "ciao"- being able to gauge the the temperature of the room is as close as you can get to being psychic.

Assemble a "tribe," every person in it should have their special skills; the friend who opens your eyes, the one who will say "yes," without asking why, the one who has wit that keeps you on your toes, the one who will nurture, the one who will teach, inspire, or defend- a "tribe" has to be DYNAMIC otherwise you'll never survive a winter, a war, a birth, a restoration, or a victory together. REFUSE TO BE ONE DIMENSIONAL.


Will you take center stage? Cause the spotlight is on you baby....the audience is waiting, TODAY.



What are you waiting for??







60 comments:

Nicole said...

I'm waiting for my family to be finally happy, for my job to suck less (or that I get a better one soon),for the chance to move out on my own again and actually BE ABLE to thrive. I don't want to be someone else's vanilla!

Shannon said...

I'm waiting for the chance to travel.

You've inspired me to book a trip to Europe. Tomorrow I'm telling my work that I'm taking a week off in May to see France and Italy for 2 weeks.

Thank you.

doniree said...

FUCK YES. This is one of those things I will end up PRINTING and hanging up. You're like... cake batter ice cream with chocolate, caramel AND sprinkles on top. And tiramisu on the side. Or something.

Anonymous said...

Refuse to be one dimensional. I freaking love it. Something that has REALLY washed over me is the idea of finding your passion. Passion isn't about one thing..it's about a balanced array of awesomeness. It's about what gets you up in the morning, it's about what's written in your eulogy, it's about what people miss about you. I really think it's about finding passion.

I need to work on this.

Marcela said...

Such inspiring words :) Love this post, thank you!

Barbara said...

I couldn't agree more. If you spend all your time waiting to live life, you won' ever get to live it.

Annie said...

This was slap me in the face inspirational. Amazing.

LLandL said...

hm. being the person you want to be has to start somewhere. i agree, let's all pick NOW.

Vee said...

This is absolutely beautiful advice. I love every bit of it, and NEEDED to hear a lot of it. THANK YOU.

P!nky said...

I know we haven't met but um, did you write this post specifically for me?!?!? Because everything you wrote is what I have been feeling. I'm WAITING for my life to make sense and come together. Thank you for having such an amazingly raw writing style that speaks. This post will be bookmarked and reread when I feel myself being 'lazy' living in the moment. I don't know what I am going to do to get my life to start, but today, I'm going to do something. Thank you!

Kelly said...

I was that girl who would say once I get accepted or once I get a call from a future employer I will leave my job. I'm waiting for my heart and mind to finally accept that I am not perfect that living my life for me is okay. That it's perfectly acceptable to let go of certain things in my life in order for me to move on and fly away. IT kills me when I see myself compensating my feeling for someone else, it hurts when I mold myself when in reality I should be "fuck it! Who the fuck are you to tell me that?!??!"
Chelsea, everytime I come to your blog I always hope there is a new blog post and this morning I woke up and I nearly squealed with delight. You are absolutely amazing and you need to write that book, or just assemble all your essays from this blog. You've inspired me to take the next step, my mind tells me: Ok you got your bachelors degree, what is the next step from here? Thank you Chelsea!

Kitty said...

And the brilliance continues. I tell you what, dude, I really needed this today. Lately. Life has been full of standstills and stagnant air and I am almost going insane in the mess of it all. "Suck less, Today!" I <3 it. A wonderful mantra.
I really thank you for this.

Once again, you are the shit.

That one girl said...

I totally agree!

I was waiting and waiting to start a non-profit that I always wanted to do and finally decided to TRY and maybe even fail but guess what?! It's totally coming together and it's awesome. Yay!

Amy said...

Needed. this.

Great post, my love!

Melanie said...

What a great post for today. I am trying to find myself again through the collapse of my marriage. Trying to grab hold of the balloon strings to get me up because I know once I leave the ground I will be able to fly on my own.

I'm using my birthday (which is in 11 days) for a day of rebirth!

And today is going to SUCKless.

Herding Cats said...

BE SOMEONES PREFERRED FLAVOR. You don't have to be "everyone's" vanilla.

This really resonated with me.

I was having a really really bad day at work yesterday and I was feeling unliked by some of my students. Well you know what? That's okay. I can't win them all.

Clare said...

I'll be happy when I can stop saying I'll be happy when.

I have a few friends that call me out on being a constant open book: "this is how I'm feeling/doing/thinking." A guy friend once told, "Clare, you care way too much. It's not healthy."

But you know what? Eff that remark! This is my highway, not yours and I will care about it to death!

I believe in this and you, so much.

Michelle said...

The best part about this? Is that it applies to whoever you are, wherever you are in life.

It's not a manifesto that only works if you're "finding yourself" or "losing yourself" or whatever.

So, it actually IS a manifesto. Kick ass.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Shannon- YES! Those are the comments i like to hear, good for you!

suki @ [Super Duper Fantastic] said...

Not a fan of waiting. :) I lack the patience at times. I'd rather just go and do things. The only thing holding me back is my procrastination. I need to kick that. Great post, Chelsea!

flipflopsintherain said...

Yes. Yes. And yes. Where was this post a year ago when I really needed it?! :)

Cordelia said...

Reading your posts is like attending a slam poetry session with that artist who holds the whole room breathless. So much awesomeness coming forth all at once...I dig it. :)

Desiree Love said...

This post came at the right time...
much needed

AHHH - I LOVE YOU!

Rachael said...

What am I waiting for...that's exactly it! I'm always 'waiting' for my life to start, like you said in your post! I don't know why I do that!! But you're right. I need to live in the moment, because I deserve to!
Just what I needed to hear!

Phoenix said...

Hells yeah! I'm actually waiting for today to suck less, but maybe, just maybe, I have the power to make that happen instead of just waiting around for it to happen.

Hmmmmm....

Larissa said...

I am printing this out and pasting it on my mirror, as I do with so much of what you say, Chelsea. Thanks for the inspiration.

Kelly said...

What everyone else said, except times a BAZILLION. I'm want to be like you when I... er, right now!

hklover86 said...

I like everyone else here am gonna print this out. Seriously where do you come up with this? LOL its like reading one of those inspirational books.

Nora said...

This is why you're so awesome. Posts like this. I'm waiting to share some great news, I'm waiting to dive in head first, I'm also waiting to not be afraid... I have been wearing my heart on my sleeve lately, no holds barred. And the return? Is pretty freakin' awesome (at least so far).

Love this post. Love you too (even though I'm the worst commenter ever lately I think you're absolutely fabulous)

Kaci Johanna said...

YES! Cheslsea, YES. I tried to express this to a friend recently, but the best I could come up with is that lately, I feel "bored, in a general sense." But what I meant was I FEEL VANILLA and yes, despite the fact that I may actually love vanilla ice cream, I do NOT. WANT. to live a vanilla life. I want to live MY life, the way *I* want, doing what *I* LOVE.

Johan said...

Wow, the self-involvedness behind the original 'insight' as well as the responses, is quite overwhelming. How about spending just one line of text on inspiring people to think of needs OTHER THAN THEIR OWN? The world in which you come up with these self-involved, so called problems, is actually full of real problems: hunger, lack of health care services and exposure to natural disaster. Grow the fuck up.

Susan said...

Every time I see a new post from you pop up in my reader I think, my day will take a different direction after this - and it does. Thanks for always challenging us to push our limits.

Miss Caitlin S. said...

Oh, how right you are! Your write so well, always such an utter delight- I'm going to try and suck less.... starting... NOW!

Janie said...

I've been waiting to quit my serving job and I just did tonight! No more "would you like some more water" for me! It's onward to bigger and better things!

Joelle said...

Thanks for taking such smack. I'm not the only one who needed to hear it. Now I'm out to assemble my tribe.

Chelsea Lane said...

anything is always more fun than vanilla! this is such a great wake-up post :)

Fizzgig said...

i totally agree, i waited 3 years for someone else to start my own life. it wasnt until we broke up that i realized i was allowing him to hold me back.

Michi said...

Fill in the blank now! LOVE it! :)

Thank you for this post! I needed it!

Michelle said...

It's so nice to hear that people feel the same way I do about 'whens' in life. Thanks - great post. I've already read it twice.

hungryandfrozen said...

Aw, I've missed reading your blog. You're right, there is (alas) no confidence fairy waiting to help you out, and while it seems unfair that some people are basically their own confidence fairies anyway, continuing to not speak up isn't going to do anything about it. Your words are wise and will be remembered :)

hellotaylor said...

You, my dear, are truly an inspiration. Cheers.

JenBetweenDots said...

I love, LOVE this post. Pink elevator love it.

mn said...

very nicely said, good points. try as i might to inspire myself, the job mkt brings me down on a regular basis, not much you can do about it. i can be strong, faithful, inspired, yet still not land a job. going on three years now. i'm tired and fed up at the lack of progress. sometimes you have to accept things for what they are. job = $ = ability to make decisions = ability to do the things you really want to do like travel or just plan a family trip. i really don't know how people can plan things of happiness while piling on credit card debt, not the life i want to lead. self esteem is one thing, when you are thrown in the mix and can rise, but it's quite another if you never get a chance. enjoyed the post. def been waiting for my life to start and have for years. i do try to live in the moment but sometimes to do it all alone is just plain hard.

hellodove said...

sing it sisssta friend!

your blog rocks, you rock.

the end.

-Color
http://hellomydove.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

This is such a fantastic post. I've been thinking about a lot of these things lately; how I'm always looking forward as to how the future may or may not be...when I should really be focusing on being my best self right now. Thanks for reinforcing this!

Anonymous said...

Oh. my. gosh.

Hey, Thanks.

dbunnies said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ebunola Adenipekun said...

Why have we never e-met before?! Love this. Followed.

The-Dame.com said...

I really needed to read this today, thank you so much for writing this!

imlivinginadream said...

You're SO right! This is a fantastic post. You don't get to re-do anything, might as well live in the moment!!

LiBBy said...

"STOP. BEING. DESPERATE- desperate to succeed, desperate to love, desperate to be loved- desperation has the opposite affect, ".

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

Ouch. This hurt a little bit.

Thanks for the nudge.

Kris said...

What a great post. It's so true. It won't happen unless you just do it!!! NO one will do it for you. :o)

Coco Coterie said...

Lovely ~ xox Alexandra

Jacqui. said...

Thanks for this! Awesome article, could really relate to what you said.

Now I think I'm gonna go talk to that guy :D

xx

byebyebitters said...

I absolutely love this - so true! Very well written - I'm going to print this and hang it on the wall!

Belle de Couture said...

This couldn't be said any better. You inspire me to stop "waiting" and just take the plunge on things I've been putting off.

xx
Jen

http://belledecouture.com

Alycia (thecuriouspug.com) said...

Great post! i have to admit I am sometimes guilty of thinking that way about waiting for life to happen. I hate how I take things for granted, but I've been working really hard on it since I realized I was doing it. Life is too short.

Dotty said...

I love this post. Friends and I shared it around Facebook and plurk.
You seriously are inspiring. Because of your words, they helped me to finally be willing to stand in the spot light.

Whenever I feel down or like I am far from what it is that I want, I come and reread this post. It truly helps recenter and ground me.

Thank you.

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