Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The one where I talk about having a weird sort of affair with "The Divine." OR SOMETHING.


Telling stories is sacred to me. Completely, utterly, down on my knees at the alter, while incense nestles its way into my nostrils sort of sacred.

With sacred things there's always an amount of fickleness, DETAILS and ceremony involved-it's like each story is spun into something beautiful, but only if each individual thread is woven, perfectly.

My threads are strewn through so many different outlets right now. At the moment I'm writing a TV show, writing a book, starting a new business (MORE ON THAT LATER), booking music shows and writing bits of scenes everyday and then when I come to sit at my blog, I've used up all the threads. I'm delegating where all of my stories belong, "Ah, that story has to go into the book...." then a lightning of inspiration will come up and My Love will say, "Write the down! That has to go in your show," or, "OMG- stop what you're saying, write it down before it gone...." clinging to the words....donnn't gooooo.....


I live for these moments. LIVE. When The Divine opens a door and welcomes itself into your brain without permission. Why hello, yes you may have a seat- you ask if The Divine would like some tea, or a glass of whiskey (depending on how The Divine is feeling, of course) and then you sit, in reverence and awe- give it to me baby, give it to me, I am here and I am basking. Sometimes The Divine stays for whiskey and other times it's all, "Hey can I use your bathroom? Sweet, then I gotta run." And you're left sitting there alone with your whiskey, or your crumpets or whatever else, just a faint outline of this mystical beings apparition is left. Why, that was.....glorious?.....or....what the fuck was THAT?


Well thank you for giving me the most beautiful, sacred, inspiration-fucking and running, ever. Fantastic, I wasn't finished, punk.

That's just how inspiration works. Indulge it when it knocks at your door, but don't spend all day staring at a tray of stale crumpets waiting for it, sometimes it's a house guest that uses your shampoo, eats all of your dried cherries, cleans our your liquor cabinet and then leaves a Thank You note signed, "Until next time...." Other times, it uses your restroom, gives you a swift kiss on the cheek and leaves you hastily. Welcome its visits, but don't welcome them with expectation, or you'll be disappointed.


This has been the LITERAL THEME OF MY LAST WEEK. Notice how I did that, with the caps? Yeah, that's called Anger Typing. See, I'm trying to be all "unattached" to it, but the what happens when you get an inspiration "high" and the high isn't received, you feel a bit like someone spit cotton candy right in your face. Why cotton candy? I don't know, I wouldn't reject cotton candy. Or apples if you prefer a healthier bent on the analogy.


The point is, my projects are all hanging in various parts of the air..... I'm IN FULL FORCE DREAM WARRIOR MODE. Don't risk takers get rewarded? Right now, I'm thinking no? the words, "DON'T FUCK WITH THE SYSTEM" are stewing in my head, knees close to buckling....

Truthfully, I could use a little nudge. Like, even one tiny bone.


BUT HERE'S THE THING- I'm truly not complaining; I'm surrendering, I'm invoking, beseeching (especially beseeching, in an English accent), affirming, worshiping this beautiful, odd bravery that one must have in order to GROW. Reminding myself everyday, in each challenge, I am setting fire to fields infested with burs and that I am blazing a new trail, where only my foot steps can show me the way there and then lead me home again, when I've covered all the land and am ready for a new adventure.

I am gambling with the most TENUOUS emotion; TRUST and I'm forced to believe in myself, again and again and again- instead of timidly believing in myself without ever experiencing the push of opposition.

And then, I'm finding lightness- a little silliness that's squeezed itself under the Heavy, for instance;

I spent 6 hours last night after a long day painting the characters in a carved wall hanging of The Last Supper neon chartreuse- I know how that sounds, ridiculous?
A. because I'm not Catholic, or particularly "religious" or particularly into Jesus-
B. I was painting a wall hanging of The Last Supper chartreuse. For what purpose exactly? That's the thing. There really wasn't one- other than, I'm on a crafting quest to make old things beautiful, make serious thing playful, and turn trash into treasures and because I have this idea that that "supper" was a lot more colorful than we're lead to believe, so, I painted it.


My Love sat across from me painting a vintage chest, transforming it from evergreen to bubblegum pink, with black accents- one of my pickings from an impulse thrifting spree- paint fumes mixed with garlic cous cous and turkey sausage mixed in the air and The Weepies played in the background, "I made due with gray, but I didn't stay. I was made for sunny days, and I was made for you."


....the sound of living happened outside, and I thought to myself, "Ah, this isn't so bad." I'll just make sure to have whiskey next time The Divine comes to my door, maybe it'll stay longer.




HOW DO YOU BRING IN "LIGHTNESS" WHEN YOU'RE IN THE "HEAVY?"





50 comments:

Ash said...

I love you.

That's some divine shit right there.

sleepmoveeat said...

I think that defining a spirituality for yourself is so important. How do you find the light...that is awesome. I was just thinking about this today after getting some feedback that I am hot headed. The light for me, is sleep...moving...eating well...and keeping things into perspective. It's less abt the future and more about the now.

Hilary Nicole said...

you have an amazing blog! After reading your first entry, I already feel like I know you. Great job!

XO Hilary Nicole
http://thehippinista.blogspot.com/

Scribe said...

That was great! How do I find light in the heavy? Sometimes I don't but most times I sit on the floor and play with my dog, letting him put his two paws over my shoulder and shower me with kisses. It always puts laughter in my heart, especially when he tries to french kiss me. And other times, I write. Poems, blogs, shopping lists or write my name over and over so my autograph will be perfect for when I'm famous.

Did I tell you this was a great post? Well, it was.

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

Hope inspiration comes again soon. :)

mackenzie said...

oh man, i am SOO right there with you, sister. that divine is totally playing with my heart strings. the saucy minx.

Jen said...

What a fantastic post!

Walking or yoga usually helps to bring my lightness back, and sometimes writing.

P.S. I LOVE the Weepies. So glad you said hi on my blog. :)

meme-and-he said...

what a fantabulously written post! Love your cute blog!

Fizzgig said...

I havnt mastered this yet. Im great with meditation and finding my white light of peace when things are just stressful, or hectic, or sad.

But when I sincerely hate someone, I find it difficult to find this place. It's replaced with images of harming the hated person. Maybe I should seek therapy.

Katie said...

thanks for the comment:)

I like to dance alone in my room. It works.

danielle said...

I think you have to stop pretending to care if the divine visits. Then when it realizes you aren't all OBSESSED with it's appearance it will stay longer, maybe even OVERSTAY it's welcome. It's like the popular girl in school doesn't give a fuck about anyone else but everyone wants to be her friend. Treat the divine like you aren't interested and maybe it'll come around more often? Well, that's what I would do but you can't take too much advice from a crazy person.

denvermusicscene said...

danielle- you definitely have a good point here, I think you're right and I'm also a crazy person, so now worries ;)

Cylia said...

Sometimes it takes a change on the outside to change something in the inside.. like 'forcing' a smile when you don't feel like it. It's not always a process on the inside, sometimes we have to reach out ourselves to make a situation or our lives better!:) there's nothing fake about it, it's just living the life you want to.. or not.

Sophie Isobel said...

Nice bit of reading material there, I enjoyed it :)
x

iris said...

There's a strong research literature on "narrative" and what it means to tell a story. It might be worth to dig a bit into Google Scholar and see if you can relate?

Emmy said...

Yes inspiration really can come at the most random times. I just try and remember him and soak in all the details before he is gone. And yes, has to be a he as girls like to stay around and talk. :)

Colleen said...

I love this post. It captures the feeling perfectly. The divine has been all to fleeting a guest in my life of late. It's like when you start to sneeze or yawn and it just fizzles out, unsatisfied.

Great post.

Also, this: "I have this idea that that 'supper' was a lot more colorful than we're lead to believe, so, I painted it."
LOVE IT. I'm not Christian, but I'm pretty sure you're right.

Thanks for stopping by Cheap Wine and Cookies! It's been a while since I've heard from you.

Ashley said...

Love your blog and thanks for stopping by mine. Hope you have having a good end to your week:0

Manon H. said...

Beautiful !

http://cuteredbow.blogspot.com

Francesca R said...

I like the way you write, you're great
love
http://dontcallmefashionblogger.blogspot.com

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Ash- UM, you are divine my love. you.

Anna said...

Beautiful. I'm so glad you got your blog back up. I'm a faithful reader, but I've never said hi before...so, hello!

How do I find the lightness? With a glass of wine, my ukulele and my love, jamming out with all of the windows open. You can't be heavy while playing the ukulele. It just doesn't happen. <3

Natasha said...

Thanks for the nice comment, you've got a cool blog. Nice entry too, you've got a way with words. xxx

Shelby said...

thanks so much for commenting on my blog...

i'm in love with yours, your writing is completely brilliant. this post especially struck me because i'm still figuring out how to find my light. usually its through music and dancing and yoga (sometimes one is enough, other times it takes all three). when those don't work a bottle of dark red wine in my bathtub works. <3shelby

www.makemesparkly.blogspot.com

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

This was so good to read! I can't believe you are doing so much! It sounds like inspiration will come to you soon :)

Marisa said...

Finding the light in the heavy....I suppose I run if I'm feeling bogged down. It always clears my head, makes me put things into perspective.

CHECKS AND SPOTS said...

Such a bang-on post and so perfectly written.
Sometimes it's hard to shift gears out of 'the heavy'...but running often helps. Bizarrely enough I find it a bit meditative. The rhythm of my feet and breathing always seems to bring in light.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

anna- thank you so much, it was almost a TRAGIC MOMENT, i'm glad it brought you out of the woods though and that you said hello! :)

Shelby- AH, it sounds like you do the things that I do to in tune and into "the light"- cheers to that.

The many colours- I hope so indeed....

Marisa- RUNNING, I NEED TO RUN!

Checks and spots- well thank you so much :)

Sarah said...

That is most definitely how inspiration works. Poetic and true words. ♥

Stephenie Zamora said...

Yessssss! Chelsea's going pro. Stoked for you and so excited to be witnessing your brilliance! xo

Dotty said...

I have been in my own "Warrior Dream Mode" this week. It truly is a test of self. This post seriously made me stop and laugh.

I find the Divine comes knocking when I turn on music or watch some random Disney film. Usually though during those moments its just a glimpse. Then I go get ready for bed, finally get in that really comfy spot and about ready to drift into sleep. That's when it hits like lightening. The light bulb of epiphany makes me sit straight up in bed with more energy then what a red bull could ever provide. My problem is sometimes following through with it right there in that moment. If I try and sleep, I usually have a restless night and lay there when my alarms goes off regretting the fact that I did not get up and go actually fulfill whatever idea pounced its way into my heart. But I find it usually nags are the corners of my heart if its one that really is amazing and meant to be.

I have one art project that has been calling to me for over a year and I just began work on it. But I find that because of waiting it has kinda gotten much better over time like a good wine. It's given me a chance to visualize more and more details of how I want so and so to be.

Good luck on all your projects!!!

Margot said...

That sure is a lot to think about :) Thanks for the comment at my blog! If you are looking for some garden inspiration, I am going to be doing a series starting May 1 about the gardens in my yard! Some easy how-tos :)

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

Beautiful! You write so well!

wilybrunette said...

oh the divine...if only it would show up more often.

my goal for the month of may is to sit down for an hour each morning and write and if the divine shows up, great, if not, great. but by opening myself up to more opportunity for it, i'm hoping it will come more often. does that make sense?!

adore you and YOUR DIVINITY. xo.

magdalena viktoria said...

oooh, this spoke to me. :)
thanks

Jenni Austria Germany said...

ah, so glad i just found your blog. and glad that you love vienna, too. :)

Stephanie said...

great post! so lovely and well-written. great job.

thanks for your comment over at Big Mario. :)

xo,
Stephanie
http://bigmariolife.blogspot.com/

Kristin said...

i loved that. and the concept of the ellusive inspiration is so spot on.

are you one of those girls too, then, who will wake up in the middle of the night and scribble a seriously genius thought down on a pad only to read it in the morning nad think, "what the hell is this?" I feel like that's my life most days. ;)

A Casa da VĂ¡ said...

This is seriously the theme of my life... I hear you... I often feel those highs and then it is gone... I like your take on what it is inspiration and how it comes, or not! I tend to meditate, helps to put thoughts in order because I also feel like I have 10 projects with great potential but I find challenge to devote attention to one of them at the time... May the divine visit us for longer!!

Following you!

Hugs & kisses from Rio!
http://acasadava.blogspot.com

Chelsea said...

I am far too impatient to wait for the divine to come. the problem is that i'm pretty sure it never visits if you're just sitting around waiting for it. i guess until it decides to drop by, i'll just keep taking photos and listening to music and painting and doing yoga.

you are lovely. i can't wait to hear how all of these upcoming projects work out for you. XO.

Jiu Jitsu Los Angeles said...

A bottle of wine and a few laughs go a long way. My lightness comes from a few obscure conversations with my roommate and dancing around our living room to obnoxious 90's hits on full-volume. It's great!
Ava

stephanie duncan said...

I'm on a crafting quest to make old things beautiful, make serious thing playful, and turn trash into treasures and because I have this idea that that "supper" was a lot more colorful than we're lead to believe, so, I painted it.

......one of the best things i have read in a while! thanks for the comment! thrilled to find your blog and inspired by your honesty! following!

sewa mobil said...

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emma said...

When I'm gray I hula hoop. Sounds silly, but you should seriously try it. You're a lovely writer and thank you for stopping by my blog! Feel free to do it any time- but don't eat all of my dried cherries...

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M.L. Curry said...

I think I should get advertising out of the subject of this blog - the comments which are good, I must say.

I have written the book "Affair with the Divine", a memoir about my personal spiritual experiences with grief when my (very psychic) husband died, and my subsequent travel to France and Italy. I DID GO from seriously heavy to understanding.

Every person's psychic experiences relate specifically to their his or her's own life.

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