Thursday, June 2, 2011

BEING A HARD ASS IN A HAMMOCK JUST DOESN'T ADD UP.


I am writing this blog from a hammock. Yes. A hammock.

As if there isn't enough of a reason to find writing from a hammock suitable, I will say that, it's also slightly dangerous for both my body and my computer...and I kind of like living on the edge...which brings me to another point entirely;

...while I'm swinging back and forth here, unsteady and a little unsure of what's going to happen next in my "story"- the weather is that perfect kind of balmy that the onset of summer teases us with, there's just enough of a breeze to cue the background orchestra of tall neighborhood trees, doing their thing, rustling in sync. Fresh cut grass, the smell of chives, English lavender and lilacs mingle in the ether and My Love picks bundles of thick purple asparagus and Swiss Chard to cook up, "look baby! We're going to eat this!" The childlike-gleam in his eye that's still amazed we can grow our own food and eat it.

My point is, I see it all. I smell it. I NOTICE. What's happening around me, right at this second that is perfect.

It would be really easy for me to get discouraged right now. To bellyache, to over plan in an attempt to find some comfort in the unseen twists and turns and ya know what? Usually, I am so Goddamn wrapped up in the "next," and the hustle, and the general lack of faith in my future that I've gotten used to surviving in this general state of, "worried."
I spend an unfortunate amount of time being absolutely riddled with this unshakable worry that I. just. won't. figure. it out. and you know what? It's fucking exhausting.

What's happening next? Who do I need to call that I haven't? Who should I be emailing? What best-seller have I yet to write? What way have I not yet considered that is going to be the key to abundant wealth and validation!? What pitch, what idea, what person have I not met, not considered, not CONJURED UP- WHAT AM I MISSING?!?!

Ah, yes- what you're missing? You aren't missing anything, but you're missing everything right now.

When you're busy talking about how "lost," how "uninspired," you aren't listening if guidance were to appear- to seeds of inspiration. When you're looking for the next destination, whether you're Googling it, or frantically scrolling through your iPhone for "Best Margarita spots within five miles" you've driven past three perfectly suitable patios, you've missed approximately 15 minutes of that story he was telling you, you've decided that the majority of your options "aren't good enough," and you've generally lost the point entirely. I know this because, I am this and frankly, sometimes I'm a pretty fucking miserable, asshole. I mean, I can be heinously difficult and discontent and it's not fun to be around for any party involved, myself included.
There's a difference between living on the edge and being the edge, especially if the edges are getting a little too sharp.

Today is about this hammock. And this weather, THE ABILITY TO BE HERE. OUTSIDE. BREATHING, eating a Costco size bag of Craisins, surprise kisses from the man I adore on my forehead in between planting new patches of raspberries, peach trees and potatoes. I see it. I smell. I hear. I'm here. Softening.

The phrases; it's just hard right now, things are difficult, I'm feeling stuck, I'm a little lost- are all banned from my vocabulary- I say them too often, thus I enforce them as fact when they really aren't they're bellyaching, they're discouraged, they're irritating- they're done.
I can be fully present, fully ambitious and fully inspired- I can exercise gratitude for the things that I have and the things I do not have, (thank you for not making me a Pussycat Doll even though this was once an actual, serious, and close goal- hindsight is 20/20.) There's a difference between persevering or being driven and being hard, which is simply, sometimes being, immovable.


I hope whatever you're going through, wherever your brain is today (thinking about tomorrow,) that you can find softness, NOTICE. see.




WHAT ARE YOU MISSING THAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU????













49 comments:

doniree said...

YOU HAVE A GARDEN!? I want that! What's right in front of that I'm missing out on? Yoga in my routine. Duh, it's there. The studio's a 10 minute bike-ride from my house. My mat is sitting by the door. Yet, I make excuses because billable work needs to get done. It's bullshit. I call bullshit on myself. I love that you're present in your hammock, love - you deserve that - and guess what? I know for a fact that in those moments you, we have our breakthroughs.

melifaif said...

A lot. But, WORD UP on this post. We all do this. WE make life complicated. Er, I should say MORE complicated than it has to be. Good luck with that balance thing. Ahhh, yes! That's it. Balance....I need/want balance. That's all. Is that too much to ask?

Peter said...

Complaining about not having stories to tell is keeping me from having, you know, stories to tell.

Magdalena Viktoria said...

Today is about this hammock. And this weather, THE ABILITY TO BE HERE. OUTSIDE. BREATHING, eating a Costco size bag of Craisins, surprise kisses from the man I adore on my forehead in between planting new patches of raspberries, peach trees and potatoes. I see it. I smell. I hear. I'm here. Softening.

This was fantastic.

kwerk said...

Word!

I think I've been missing the forrest for the trees. Missing out on the fun because of all the little details, missing out on being creative & productive for trying to hard to be creative & productive...something like that.

You're amazing, miss. XOXO

Micah said...

OMG. Get out of my head. But stay in the hammock. I really want one!

suki said...

we are trying so hard to have a garden too :) what's right in front of me? lots of quiet time. i'm just so go-go-go all the time. i need to RELAX. :)

San said...

Yes, yes, yes... sometimes we are too busy to plan our lives that we're actually miss living them.

Camels & Chocolate said...

Dude, I've been feeling that our entire road trip! Which is just silly as a) the purpose of a six-week road trip was to chill the fuck out, b) I did enough work in the first quarter of this year so I could take a quarter (or two) off and be A-OK financially and c) we have subletters so it's not like I have bills to pay back home. WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS? (Products of the Age of Information, no doubt.) Sucks.

Amber said...

This post smacked me right in the solar plexus on a few different levels. So thanks for writing it, my dear. And here's to hammocks and lavender and bizarre yet delicious vegetables.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Camels and Chocolate- GAH, it's so interesting right? You're doing the exact thing you WANTED to be doing and you've more than earned it, it's likely what you work so hard for anyway- this time to really do whatever you gosh darn feel like and spend time with the one you love and stillllllllll...there's the creeping sensation- gosh, sigh. What to do, what to do? I do suppose it's good that we're AWARE of it, yes?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

AMBER- amen!!!!!

Fabiana said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog. I am now following you, and I'm happy to find your blog. It look like it will be fun to read! I'm new to this whole blog world, and it look like you've been doing this for a while. Any wise words of advise?

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Courtney said...

Wow. You have no idea how badly i needed to read this. Goodness... Thank you!

Kaci Johanna said...

Chelsea, I'm serious - how do you manage to BLOW MY FUCKING MIND with every single thing you post? I love it, I just love it.

What am I missing that's right in front of me? ALL THE LOVE. There's so much going on for me right now, with the engagement and the wedding and the baby and all of the awesome things that I tend to get a little overwhelmed... and I miss out on the LOVE and the HAPPY that this should really be all about. I notice it from time to time and do my best to take a step back and breathe it all in and enjoy it, but in my normal, day-to-day routine, it's seriously lacking.

(Jealous of your hammock.)

me said...

Brillz.

LyddieGal said...

We do have a tendency to make things hard. To not appreciate what we have and only focus on what we dont.
If only we could just remember to look at all the wonderful things in our lives and be happy.
Instead we only think about what we need before we can be happy.

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

That is wonderful that you have a garden. And a HAMMOCK!! You pretty much just stole my dreams...
I love how positive this post is. It's so easy to get lost in the business that is life, always striving to move forward, that we forget to appreciate the now. Thank you for reminding me of this :)

BigLittleWolf said...

What a great question... I'm going to ponder that one... Of course, what's right in front of me is mess and more mess (and behind me, and beside me). But also - great kids, and an environment where people feel free to be themselves.

Thanks for stopping by my site last evening!

The Dame said...

Absolutely fantastic post, I get caught up in the "what if's" and "why nots" and "how can i's" far too often and these should be a reminder to stop and smell the roses and be thankful that they are there instead :)

Just M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just M said...

I am an over thinker. An over analyzer. And my "friend" is as well. We will both what if ourselves out of pretty much anything and push ourselves in to a frenzy over wondering what's next. You're right. It is exhausting. Completely. I'm learning to just let it go. Just be. Just be still. Accept things as how they are and find the things that I WANT to change to the things that I think might possibly need to change. Deep breaths and a lot of talking myself down.

Garnet said...

Hammocks are little pieces of heaven.

I too am trying to stay very grounded and present, to enjoy sincere gratitude for the right now. So happy you are in a lovely place. Inspiring as usual xo

Bonnie said...

I have everything.

That's a lie.

I want more relaxation. What I mean is -- I want to get better at relaxing. Actually relaxing and chilling out and being all, "Heyyyy, maaaaannnn. This is cooooool." (Relaxed, not high.) I'm a high-strung person, so I think I am missing out on the relaxation that I am sure is right in front of me.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Mistakenly Misunderstood said...

I'm now following your blog! Thanks for commenting on mine!

martine@martinelouisedesign said...

Hey Chelsea. Thanks for visiting my blog. Love this post! True that! Def need to focus more in all areas, think it will free up head space and time for all the lovely things in life.

Rachel said...

This post has given me a good ol' boot up the ass. I spend SO much time worrying - it's all a load of 'what-ifs'. Pretty rubbish way to live really, I think I need to start taking life as it comes a bit more. Great post - and v.jealous of the hammock!x

musingsofheather said...

Hammocks are kick butt. Gardens are awesome too. I wish I had one of each....maybe one day. I have an excuse every day why I'm not exercising and eating right. It's time that I stop it. It's time I start living my life and making my own stories. It kind of ridiculous of me to complain about not having stories to tell when I'm not doing anything about it. It's time I start doing something about it.

Fizzgig said...

snaps! this gave me the warm fuzzies!

i love moments like this!

Brandy said...

Nobody can say what I don't realize I'm thinking better than you, Chelsea.

Lesley said...

I'm glad you visited my blog or I would never have landed here. So glad I have. Your words are so wise and true!

genevieve, sandbox romance said...

Chelsea, somehow you always manage to say the most perfect things. "Ah, yes- what you're missing? You aren't missing anything, but you're missing everything right now." Seriously, brilliant. You're amazing. This is like a snapshot of perfection: a hammock, lazy summer moments, and little garden delights (why does garden delights sound like the name of some pseudo-healthy food?).

Vanessa said...

Hey Chels, I completely relate to this one. I also worry and stress all the time. I want to make things happen so bad, to achieve or work on something that makes me so happy (ever elusive) and in the end scramble to keep up. I worry about whether I am just a miserable person or whether I keep making bad choices and focus too much on outcomes and immediate results. I worry I am too difficult to be loved by a good man. I'm going to europe so soon and cant wait to leave it all behind but more importantly, when I come back, I want to enjoy life more and appreciate my qualities and what I have (gratitude) and not let others indifference impact how I feel about myself.

Jamie said...

Oh man - I wish I'd started out the day reading this. I may have saved myself about 5 hours of stress about all the things that HAVE to be done today.

Dionne said...

Yep, nicely put. Life totally gets filled with meaningless busy-ness. I need a hammock to remind me to slow down!

colleen said...

if you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space!

aki! said...

You're a great writer.

My friend was talking to me about how she wasn't satisfied with her job and I was thinking about how lame it is that I am. But now that I've read this, I feel foolish. I'm happy with what I have and ... I'm upset about that? That's... just silly.

Thanks for brightening my day.

sevenpercentsolution.blogspot.com

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

colleen- AH HA!

aki- oh, I'm so glad it could brighten your perspective- woot, woot! xo!!

Kristin said...

interesting that just yesterday I also had one of these aha! moments of contentment. I was making a strawberry rhubarb crisp, looking out the window at the beautiful birch tree swaying in the breeze, and just getting totally caught up in the moment and realizing that I really do have it all. my home. my family. my hobbies. they're what make me feel happy and alive. they don't happen often for me, those moments, and so i relished every fleeting bit of it.

... the rhubarb crisp was quite delish, too. if i might add...

happy hammocking!
xo, Kristin

Isabel said...

sounds like you are having a great day ;)

Emily Marie said...

I loved this post. (You are such a talented writer!)
I do the same thing - I tend to run my mind a million miles a minute don't take enough time to notice the many wonderful things right in front of me. This post was a nice reminder to stop and breathe.

I'm your newest follower. :)

PorkStar said...

wow damn nice post, love the writing. Missing in my life or in front of me? basically life itself and taking greater risks. I do live on the edge right now and being on the edge gives me vertigo, which makes me NOT do other things I have in mind.

amber wallace said...

I love hammocks! And loved this post! So easy to get caught up in life sometimes that you don't see the things you should.

Buffy said...

This was a fantastic Friday post. I need a Hammock and some Craisins.

craft said...

It's so true what you just said. I'm always unsatisfied, want more and always looking for something better, but I forget that I'm so lucky, I've the opportunity to go to college, have fabulous friends and family, sometimes I forget this.

YnR said...

I agree, we should all take in what's around us and be more aware. I'm going to try to keep that in mind more often :)

vanessa said...

"Ah, yes- what you're missing? You aren't missing anything, but you're missing everything right now."
- i love that!!
you're a great writer girl!
p.s. i love hammocks

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