Thursday, September 22, 2011

Butterflies. Booze. and HOLY SHIT SO MUCH IS CHANGING.


On my way to see My Love the other day I noticed a group of girls, about eight or nine years old....skipping alongside a reservoir, picture perfect really--- I loved that they had time to skip, I remembered having that time, what it was like....to be joyful enough to just skip, unprovoked.

….these little ones, skipping, were holding a net. Probably for bugs, or fish....or maybe, for butterflies. I was charmed by that idea.

The idea that when you leave your house, you will encounter a butterfly and that butterfly will willingly, settle into your net, long enough for you to marvel at it.

I loved the optimism of it all...... capturing a butterfly, with no door, no motivation or expectation- no way to cage it in, just for a moment, to marvel and let it go.

Sort of what we do in life right? Look for something delicate and miraculous, something so fancy and unique and utterly beautiful, so we can hold it in our hands, open palms and just hope that it stays.

It’s been interesting. This change.

I heard my inner voice fighting without my rationale, “But I still love him” and gently, like a a schoolteacher placing her hands on top of your tiny ones, fumbling and frustrated trying to your laces, my Other Voice said, “Then, love him.”

Then, love him.

...so that’s what I did. Just, loved him--with no real place of belonging for that love to land. Just, Open heart, flexible mind...sort of love.

I spend so much time PLOTTING life-- writing lists, planning the next step, plotting “the way.” Almost, like I’m trying to find a loophole so that everything can go the way that I planned it, instead of they way fate plans it. Dodging under beams and ladders. Starting with a running leap. Anything to just make sure there’s no mishaps.

...then you realize, life happens to you. it HAPPENS to you, whether you’re plotting, dodging, scheming, or not. It just. happens.

Let it... (Ohhh, HA! so that’s surrender, gotcha Lesson.)

Then, the way the new pieces fit into your life will feel less clunky, less awkward---they’ll settle into their nooks....in due time, of course. You’ll walk around holding all this New in your hands, thinking, “what in the fuck do I do with this? I don’t know where to put this.” Until, eventually...you’ll decide to replace certain pieces and it’ll feel like surgery, it’ll feel like sticky, reluctant excavation...but you’ll do it anyway. To free up your hands.

Life is shifting in the most bittersweet and beautiful way...... and all I can hope, is that I’m here palms up, open, ready for my Butterfly to land. That’s what I wish for you.




ARE YOUR PALMS OPEN OR CLOSED??


49 comments:

Clare - Never Niche said...

And again I get to be the creepy first commenter. I'm so proud.

My palms are open too, Chels.

Nuit said...

what a beautiful post. Palms are open Chelsea!! xo

Dash said...

amazing post as usual, and what a lesson!

surrender was such a surreal word for me until you put it in context.

and from now on, its definitely palm open!:)

Stephenie Zamora said...

Beautiful post. Sending you loads lof love... xo

kelly summers said...

absolutely beautiful post. thank yo so much for sharing your interesting journey through this process.

Nicole said...

Beautiful post as always..my palms are open as well. :)

doniree said...

Beautiful post, love. My palms are open and I hope your butterfly lands soon :)

simplysolo said...

This is beautiful. So happy for you.... I really needed to read this today :)I have a hard time putting away all the goals and the lists and just enjoy :)

hungryandfrozen said...

Lovely metaphor, and it sounds like your inner voices are pretty smart :) I sometimes struggle to let things just happen, am always trying to rush ahead, to make sure it's going to happen the way I need it to...

DaniellaBella said...

I had a professor who once said "Grasp loosely and release firmly". Let go...

Days Careen said...

I love your description of 'plotting life' and nice to know other people do that as well!

MissBliss said...

Great post, Chelsea...

It reminds me of a sweet girl I once babysat... she would sit in the back in her car seat and when I opened the car windows, she said,

"oh good, butterflies might come in!"

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

MissBliss- MOST. AMAZING. COMMENT. that made me smile.

Trouble said...

This is just lovely. Heartfelt...

Anonymous said...

You don't find the way, the way finds you.

prateek_sethi said...

nice post...
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Monique said...

such a great post and very inspirational. i was just discussing the idea of not forcing love with my friend as this is often the case. palms open

Allison M. said...

love love love this post. (not channeling RHONJ Teresa but I really liked it that much.)

San said...

It's amazing how positive you are, Chelsea. Beautiful post!

Fizzgig said...

im open! hopefully i find my match that is also open too!

denvermusicscene said...

You touch my heart so deeply so much of the time. You are an angel.

denvermusicscene said...

And... what a touching blog. You are so talented.

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