FRIDAY is FOR: Vegas, Beer, LINKY LOVE and hot dogs. HOT DOG!

IT'S FRIDAY! And I'm going to do something new and different today........because I believe in evolving, or at least flipping switches, shape shifting, and pattern busting.

Rather, than wrangle you all into my emotional revelations, which is better left for a Monday... we're going to keep it simple, because Friday is for beer and Friday is for letting your hair down and kicking off your heels, for relaxed thinking- for picture books and ordering in.....ya know, easy.

I returned from Bloggers in Sin City on Sunday night and the best way for me to sum up the weekend isn't vagina's, or inflated tits, or hangovers....no, it's actually much more, er, sweet than that..... Nicole, Doniree, Grace , Jenny and Rachael, aren't just my "blogger friends,"....

they're my bridesmaids, my 4am call phone call, my inappropriate text message, they're there whether I'm "On" or "Off," they're the ones who have hopped on planes to be there for me, to kiss my head and eat pizza in bed (sans shame) with me- they're the first ones I know will be there even if they're thousands of miles away. These are friendships that have developed over years, new blog designs, new boyfriends, CHANGE and through all of that- they've become a part of my core. And they all have great tits, there ya go (must. not.leave.Vegas related post without being at least slightly raunchy) Vegas, yee-haw.

The amazing thing about Bloggers in Sin City is that, it wasn't just those girls that made it amazing- it's the fact that I met people who I know will become a part of that bond....and who are building bonds of their own with other bloggers on that same level as well.

From online to offline, we're creating friendships that defy all the distance, the 2D, and the "differences." We're CONNECTING, hilariously, boldly, ::TIPISLY?:: and joyously.

Whenever I'm around a large, fabulous group of bloggers I'm reminded how lucky I am to be a part of this community of people who are putting it all out there; to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be laughed with, to make people smile, to make people say, "oh no she didn't just say that....," to put their BALLS OUT!

I love that, about all of you who were there and all of you who read, who write, who share and who show up bravely to owning all the parts of theirs lives they're proud to be, have and desire-good and bad.

I LOVED MEETING YOU ALL- I LOVED OBSERVING, TAKING IN, MUSING ON ALL THINGS BLOGGERS FOR THREE FULL DAYS. Thank you dolls.

Without FURTHER adieu, Happy Friday- here's some further reading for your weekend. Eat hot dogs and be merry:::

I opened an Etsy Shop- she's called The Sponge and The Storyteller; vintage, customized goodies and all that jazz.

In two weeks, I will be beach side in MIAMI with my family at The Besty Hotel. Any Miami recs, food/drink?

What I Want on my Wedding Day: Happy WEDDING to Habbala, who I was lucky enough to drink margaritas with before the very lucky baby that is now in her belly arrived. You'll be an amazing wife and mother.

An Announcement: Congrats to Grace on her new job at Kapost!

The Hashtag Dance, that I choreographed (after a few margaritas, naturally) should be a blogger flashmob- right? Filmed by the lovely Apocalypstick.

I Hate Thinking That My Boyfriend has had Sex with Anyone but Me: I'm obsessed with

Thought Catalog, after my breakup-reuniting, this one particularly hits home.

Peanut Butter Bacon Cookies- How Sweet It Is is daily inspiration for what I would

cook....if I wasn't too lazy....I am making these this weekend.

I've had an obsession with street art for a longtime, in fact, I used to tag- my name was Siren, TRUE STORY- this blog Street Art Utopia is the greatest.

Life, As of Now- I adore Meg and I hope that when I'm back in the city we can be friends, her posts always hit the nail on the head.

Alexandra Franzen, of Unicorns for Socialism is like a sip of a freshly poured spritzer, sparkling, bold, intoxicating-this post spoke directly to me- Have you ever called yourself the "A" word?

I recently had a "No Strings Attached" viewing party, with my girlfriends- the movie was surprisingly adorable, Can Natalie Portman do anything wrong? and we made Sprinkles cupcakes with their new mix- if you're looking for a good Girls Night In, I suggest this- (also, My Love found the movie pretty charming too, ahem, dudes.)

From Oprah's last episode, I'll leave you with these gems:

"What are the whispers in your life right now? And will you hear it? Your life is speaking to you right now, what is it saying?"

"There's a difference between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of being happy. Your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough."

“Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to find it.”

"I wait and listen to the guidance that is bigger than my meager mind."

"I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’"

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SHARE THIS WEEKEND?

SET THE WORLD ON FIRE. IT'S A MONDAY, let's shake it up.

I haven't been sleeping well.....

However, despite all of these very odd dreams that are mostly riddled with fears, I woke up with this scribbled next to my bed:

"THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE CAN DO IS SET THE WORLD ON FIRE. WHEN YOU SET ONE THING, ONE PERSON ON FIRE....IT SPREADS. EFFORTLESSLY."

Now, I'm not an arsonist, but I wrote this, because I know thats the powerful that we do when we share, when we write, when we are willing to share GROWTH.

This last week, instead of setting my life on fire, I've allowed my fears to suppress the little flame to a perfectly contained furnace....I don't "do" perfectly contained anything.

My Love went on tour again and after betrayal in the past, the ability to bid him farewell with a long kiss on the lips and a cooler full of snacks for the road wasn't my go-to emotion, FUCK THAT, rather, I wanted to curl inside myself so that I would be portable too- pack me?

And while I am incredibly bendy, fragmenting the pieces of me to fit inside him isn't an option. While Fear was enjoying this chewy piece of discomfort, gnawing the shit out of it and licking the bones raw- my higher voice gave me the only TRUE solution; TRUST HIM. Lower self responds: "ew, sticky, ouchy, I don't like it! my insides want to kick someone! I can't, just give me another What If, to swirl into a nice devastation cocktail, I'm thirsty for more masochism." Clinging. Chained inside my own thoughts, my own illusions.

Our relationship is healthier and happier than it ever could have been had we not gone through the difficult period we did- we are communicating TO each other and not AT each other, he's doing everything he can to make me feel safe and loved and wanted, yet- I can't seem to let go of the fear that I'll have to endure a traumatic blow from his recklessness, despite his unfaltering patience, growth, and devotion to me.

Interesting huh? When you can't let something go, it does the opposite of what you actually want. He shows his dedication to the progress of our relationship and carries the weight of all my dreams, fears, wounds without complaining about how heavy a load that truly is. AH, we're actually. GROWING- truly....scooping out the weeds, so there's room for more, for better, for fucking fantastic.

Right before things are about to change, even in the most positive way, there's a natural instinct to cling to very last layer, to savor its presence, even when you want to be rid of it; fears included.

The thing about clinging is that we FORGET that it's in the letting go that actually allows us to break patterns and move beyond our fears. Easier said than done, when you've been clinging with Super Glue, eh?

Whatever emotion is taking away your life force, we have to remember there is ALWAYS an opposite standing beside it.....

When you're feeling powerless, choose to feel empowered- empowered in spite of whatever it is that is seemingly stripping you of your strength. There is no person, no scenario, no dollar amount, or corporation that can take away your power- its in our minds that we allow our innate powerful nature to be silenced.

FEEL FIRE, FREEDOM AND SUNSHINE AND TRUST AND ALL OF THOSE THINGS, WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE THEY'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

Embrace what honors you and say "fuck off" to anything that doesn't (out loud if necessary.)

On my yoga mat the other day, my teacher said, "Now when you're ready (she pauses)....or, let me correct myself, we're always 'ready' we just have to be patient."

I am ready to trust, I just have to patient with my letting go process- I'm ready to find the abundance I'm working so hard for, I just have to be patient- We're always READY, for growth,, for change, for newness, FOR HAPPINESS TO HAPPEN TO US, to go outside our comfort lines....to stop. clinging. we just have to be patient, when we finally acknowledge that, change happens, patience dissolves and action occurs.......

WHAT ARE YOU "READY" FOR THAT YOU CAN'T SEEM TO LET GO OF????

Where I put up an unnecessary "Facelift" picture- because, I couldn't find a good picture for, "What should I do?"

Oh goodness have I been thinking about LIFE......take a seat.

The other day Chelsea Talks Smack, the entire blog was deleted for approximately, 2 hours.

The entire thing.

Before I delve into how dramatic that ACTUALLY was for me, I should probably mention a couple things; A. I don't back anything up, likely because I run on a combination of faith meets head in the sand and B. I'm entirely inept when it comes to computers. I know, I know, I'm "online," but not in the way that most bloggers i.e. technically savvy people are. I write the blog, I click publish. I meet my muse, we do our dance, we share.

I don't pay attention to things that happen in "tech" (read: I don't particularly care), I don't "update my look at feel," or organize my social outlets- I don't network, I mean I. don't. network. I don't make buttons, or return emails promptly- I generally have a hard time treating my art like my business, because it's like trying keep your eyes open during an orgasm to make sure you don't miss anything- when really all you want to do it have the orgasm, because it's so lovely. The problem is creativity is my life, so my life has to be my business.

While, I've been a basically a fulltime web/blogger/internet chick for the last six years, I'm a little burnt out on the whole thing, EXCEPT for my blog- which really should have been the focus from the beginning; my voice, my brand, my creativity.

Which means, I should stop flipping off the internet with one hand while love petting it with the other.

All that to say; when my blog was suddenly erased entirely from my life, I realized- I better start taking this shit a little bit more seriously. Hey yo.

My blog in the darkest of times, or the most LOST I've been, has been the one. constant. steady. thing. When My Love and I broke up, it was the only reason I didn't retreat into woodsy area twenty miles off a dusty road to be eaten by wildebeests and rabid Praying Manti' (Mantises?) whatever (ooo good one, dramatic Chels, really nice)- my blog has seen me from Los Angeles, to New York City, from the Road to the Roots and everywhere in between, it's like a thumb, neglected, but necessary. As she then thinks of all the things one could do with only four fingers....::walks around, picking things up::

I'm starting to wonder if perhaps there needs to be a rebirth of Chelsea Talks Smack....

....after almost losing her completely, I recognize how important she is to me, but that she needs a fresh coat of paint. The thing about paint is that there's so many different things you can do with it- I want to remain genuine to the VOICE of CTS, but maybe there needs to be some added detailing;

There are days when I consider scraping the whole thing all together, becoming a Hare Krisha or a children's book author and giving up the web entirely..... (until eventually I'd end up writing a blog about giving up blogging) hm.

More love talk, more inspirational juju? Pictures, videos? More grab-life-by-the-balls-and-twist-it? Less of that? These are the questions that I'm throwing around in my head.

I read once that Anna Wintour's greatest quality she said is decisiveness. Looks like if I want to be taken seriously, I need to make some more serious decisions.

WHAT "serious" DECISIONS DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE?