Tuesday, August 7, 2012

On Taking Breaks......


To break.....

the definition:
To exchange for smaller monetary units

To crack without separating into pieces.


To part or pierce the surface of



To find an opening or flaw in


I broke. Three months is a long time for me to stay so far removed from this. But I broke. I needed breaking. 

See, when you "exchange for smaller units" the smaller units get the attention that perhaps they needed, the neglected get nurtured. With less surface area to cover, it's hard to miss a blemish. Concentrated attention in spoonfuls. Saturated revolution. 

The empty bedside journal, cracks its spine and the pages become worn. Bits and pieces of truth come out often, in waves...so you start to make room for their sporadic arrival. Focused room. Prepared to keep these pieces of "ah ha," solely to yourself.  When we break, we honor our internal seasons, the ones that people don't teach us about. The seasons that aren't granted "holidays." We give our souls permission to regenerate and we give parts permission to die, so that new life, new patterns, new energy, can grow in their place. 



I'm in the final week of what has been a three month yoga journey- (I will be an official Heated Vinyasa teacher by the end of the week), a three month returning to my CENTER period- finding my voice again and using it, and a three month adventure of consciously focusing on experiencing radical joy, self examination, intentional energy-giving and utmost, humble gratitude. During those three months, I've left a job, started a new one, watered new relationships and let others fall away. I've rewired thought patterns, and refocused. 

"To crack without separating into pieces..." is when we allow the light to shine through. The cracks are there for you to see something that was locked up behind that wall that you were always curious about, but didn't have the key to find out for yourself. And then, something cracked. Enough room was made for you to peer into the other side. 

That veil lifts and you get a glimpse of what you've been visualizing for years and hadn't yet tangibly experienced. When you see through it, keep looking. Stay there. That crack wasn't a flaw, or an accident, that was a new visual barometer to guide your next steps. 

When you see what it is that you want, stop questioning whether it's yours to have or not. It is. If you know you need to make art, if see yourself on a stage, or in front of a classroom....that is yours. Trust that timing will do the rest. You don't need to fall apart, or go off course trying to find it without a compass or proper hiking shoes....you've got this. Stay there. 

You know what it feels like when you experience a "breakthrough," but it's never one singular BREAK. Breakthroughs are gradual shifts, tiny cracks..... a small "piercing of the surface." And they're ACTIVE. We're constantly given the option to break.... but we rarely commit to the "through," part. Because that means that we have to acknowledge the "break," and when we really, truly start noticing them we have no other option than to shift our actions....through and forward. 

Break often. Find the "flaw" and see through it. Take a break from the internal chatter that no longer serves you. Tell yourself it's okay to feel GOOD and be happy and not give an actual DAMN about what anyone thinks about how you did it, or why you're doing it, or what their idea of the "right way" is. Take a break from giving a damn. 

When we break, we have to find a way to make use of the TIME we spent on old habits. When we break, we begin something fresh. When we break, we spend more hours spooned in bed with your favorite book or your new favorite person, you take an evening to watch the moon affect the ocean tide and you don't worry about what time it is....or who you're "obligated" to meet. When you break, you cut-off the flow so when you finally unwind again you're flooded. Ahhhhh. 

Break for oranges and patios. Break for happy hours and beach houses. Break for sweaty mats and silent meditation. Break for new relationships and precarious territory, perfect for fancy footwork. Break for audible sighs and 3pm snuggles. Break for fresh eyes and eager ears. Break for the juiciness in anticipation and breathlessness. Break for a good sob and surrender. Break for daisies. Break because it is the most pure form of faith. Break, because taking yourself so seriously is overrated. Break for complete rebellion and barbaric barefoot dancing. Break to challenge your own ideals and exercise your beliefs. Break for what you can't get enough of and devour it. Break for what will expand your mind and have you clenching your heart, because it's all. soo. much. Break.

When you break the "big deal" thing, is less of a big deal and more a friendly neighbor. A trusty companion. 

Break. Break, because contrary to what "breaking" infers which is isolation, imperfection or delay- the truth is that breaking means movement and light, both of which are beautiful, sacred and profoundly gratifying. 

Back, but still breaking.

xx




















28 comments:

Morgan said...

Congratulations, Chels! How exciting to be certified!

Amanda Blair said...

I'm getting my training to in Vinaysa, I'm done at the end of August. This post sums up pretty well my experience so far and how I hope it keeps going. It's the most exciting thing ever to finally be seeing me, underneath all these layers of things put upon me. Congrats!

Hillary said...

Beautiful words, lady friend. I'm excited to see where your journey takes you. xo

Shannon said...

Ah I missed your blog posts. Good to see you're back writing.
And congrats on the teacher training! :D That's fantastic!

Annie Sisk said...

Have you seen this? Your post shares a common heart with this piece, I think: http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/riveting-story-behind-that

Allison M. said...

welcome back and congrats on the certification. I love my hot yoga instructor.

Nicole said...

Congratulations Chels!! I've missed your beautiful words.

likealotus said...

It's been a while since I've commented, but this post speaks to me! I'm still around reading, though, not as much as I used to sadly enough. Currently in my own stage of "breaking" and it's hard, but so worth doing.

Phoenix said...

This post cracks open my heart to let the light shine through it just a little more. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Chelsea.

Luiza, Victor e ManĂº said...

I realy love your post! breaking is a part of life, the philosophical cycle of maieutic and hermeneutics, deconstruct to reconstruct something new! ;)

DShan said...

Bam.

Anonymous said...

So great to see you back!

Clare said...

This redhead missed you. <3

Alexia said...

Chelsea, I have been carrying this post around in my pocket for days. By trying not to break I have, in effect, allowed myself to be broken for years. Thank you (!) for verbalising what I am learning.

fabulousjunk said...

wow.. I just love your posts. I don't even know how to put it into words.

becks
http://fabulous-junk.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

It was so nice to finally see a post. I have been waiting for a long time (three months to be exact)I almost feel off my chair when I saw that you were back!! And of course, your words always flow so lovely!!! We all need to break and you have inspired me to seek this journey!

Mawn said...

Thank you for this post and the last. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks and feels these things. You're so eloquent about it!

Lizzy said...

I absolutely loved this. Your writing has a way of encouraging and strengthening a person!

look a little closer said...

This was a lovely post. I just found your blog and love it so much! Congrats on the yoga and generally being a rad human being! Xo

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Desmond Webster said...

You are a content generating machine. From the looks of things you probably have a couple of books worth of material. Taking a break to figure out who you are and what you want is always a good thing.

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