Friday, October 19, 2007

Time. Remembering. Questions.

The universe always has an interesting way of reminding you of who you are when have somewhat lost your way.
Nothing makes this more true than when you come home. All of the ego based emotions, all of the walls you've bult as a means for protection, all of the new insecurities, and barriers, or on the opposite all of the things you've done that make you feel "accomplished" don't mean as much, you're still little Johnny who picked his nose in 6th grade, or Little Sue who cried when she wore tights to ballet cause they were itchy.

On one hand I suppose it keeps you grounded, on the other- I can't imagine what it would be like to never leave home- how do you ever grow out of that image into your own personal adult identity? It's as if the last three years of my life are on a pause button, while I reverse back in time.

Is that why the idea of living in different states is so appealing to me? Besides the fact that I'm constantly seeking an adventure- the only option is to start NEW. There is no one who knows you as "this", there are no reminders that remind you of "that", there is absolutley nothing that puts you back into where you've been. Everything is new. And the opportunity to grow into something new, is far greater. You give yourself a fair shot for opportunity. Don't get me wrong sameness isn't always bad thing, and each personality has a different reaction towards it- it's just more of a struggle to move into change consciously when you're on auto pilot.

I've been taking my time. Time has always been a seriously nagging part of my life- i'm never late. I'm always planning, and I seriously feel that I never have enough of it. Woa, shocker, I'm sure i'm not alone there.

I stared at a tiny red spider spin a web for a solid 25 minutes while I waited for my mom in the car- Now, my normal reaction would be to kill the little monster- because they freak me out. BUT, I sat in awe as he made this incredible home with such precision. He made me feel suuuper untalented, I actually came to have a great liking towards him.

The colors- OMG the colors in Colorado are so, so, so incredible- I want to wear them. Or eat them. They're that beautiful.

Yesterday was my sisters very first dance performace at her new school (my old school) and rather than checking my cell phone for the time, every 10 minutes to see when the torture of "dancing" that resembeled a rave, or a bad SNL spoof would end- I let myself drift and enjoy- bad dancing completely disappeared and I fixated on the green and yellow unitards for who knows how long and thought about corn. It would seriously be the perfect Halloween costume - Green spandex leggings- Yellow spandex leotard- POOF! You're a corn husk.

Time. Grounding. And remembering have been the keywords for my week.

One of my fellow bloggers who I adore and is awesomely inspiring- Flaming Renaissance- Megan, wrote me the most amazing letter in regards to some of my current situations. And she posed these questions to me:

*What excites you?? What gets you so pumped up you talk super fast about it, and your friends just wish you would shut up cause you can't stop talking about it???

*What do you want your life to be about?

*What do you want to leave behind??

*What do you want people tothink when they think of you?

*What do you really want with your life?

On the surface I think I know the answers to all of these questions- but they've been on my mind heavily...and the the answers the them I find still need some developing.

Those are good questions to consider....


Anonymous said...

Chelsea! you are so awesome! your insight never ceases to amaze me. really. and quirky things like the corn costume just make you all the more adorable!

heres to you!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

awwww Justin thank you~ hahah. I dont know if thinking about corn while you should be appreciating your little sisters talent is a good thing or not, but! CHEERS ;)

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