Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Lizards and Lasagna just don't go together.

Rachael Ray attempting to play coy makes me want to throw kitchen knives at the television set.
It's the same wrathful feeling I get when Sherri Shepard speaks. I could turn the television into a dartboard between 9-11, while Rachael Ray and The View are on. I usually find Rachael to be quite entertaining, mostly because watching food on TV is my food porn, and is pleasing to me no matter what form, but this morning she strayed from the standard- snack of the day, ee-vee-oo speak, and kitchen goddess, into pseudo pet lover, animal planet extraordinaire. I'm not watching the Discovery Channel, i'm watching an 'effin cooking no, African millipedes are NOT interesting to me, gnocci is. Or pretty much anything I can eat, and maybe millipedes are a delicacy somewhere else, or maybe owl is REALLY delicious...I just don't need to watch you play cat and mouse games, and whine for 25 minutes over why you don't want to touch anything slimy. And really, must we name the game " What am I touching?"...and anymore phrases like, "If you take it out, I'll touch it with one finger..I promise." are probably really stressing out the FCC with regulations on what's exceptable "day time talk". Screw the FCC, considering the amount of red states we have you're probably not doing a whole lot for your viewership. Prudes.

I understand this is probably not your fault, you probably have some angry (uncreative) producer who is seeking revenge for making him gain 15 pounds since joining the show, so this whole "cutesy" lets play with animals and bring a handsome pet-lover who flirts with you and makes the housewives swoon idea is, not your fault. I'm sure you'd rather stick with what you Meatballs. And thankfully you redeemed youself with a recipe that made me want to dump my apple cinnamon cheerios in the sink and eat meatballs for breakfast for the rest of eternity.

SO, no more animals. First of all, no one will ever be Steve Erwin, everyone else is second class. Keep the felines, reptiles, arachnids, and such where they belong, which is not in the kitchen. Thank you.


Nilsa S. said...

So glad you found me Chelsea Smack Talker! Nilsa here from SoMi (so touched I already made your blogroll). I'll be checking in here, too because every Midwestern girl needs a good dose of L.A. from time to time!

TheyDHD said...

Too too true. I've never even watcher her show though. More of a fan of food network, how it's made, and such. Not a big fan of people playing 'nicey little fruity poppins-perfect' and 'homestyle cheap & easy' on TV.

Michelle and the City said...

doesn't her voice sound like she's smoked cigarettes for about 50 years? lol

thanks for stopping by my blog. nice to "meet" you :)

Jamie Lovely said...

I foudn you on 20 somethings. I must say this is the beginning of a bloggy smackfest. I too enjoy talking smack.

You so have a new reader.

Renee said...

Rachel Ray blows donkeys. Can't stand her. And that's the worst Photoshop job I've ever seen. Whoever did it trimmed about 40 lbs off of her.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

hahahaha.....Its true, she does look a bit small, considering the amount of food she eats. FHM does that for the male eye. assholes.

Bob said...

hahahaha its so true!

B said...

screw FHM.. I bet even rachel was like, "that's NOT me"

aside from that, her voice kinda bugs me.

a lot