Saturday, January 5, 2008

Must we PLAN it?

Plans are not my forte. I suck at planning on so many levels: creating a plan, remembering a plan (speaking of which, I need a new planner, they make me feel like a real adult). Plan is a word that stresses me out. When I PLAN something, It's likely I will not do it, just because i'm that much of a rebel. :) It's the whole idea that I am making myself do something, rather than just doing it that really turns me off. I'd rather have impromptu meetings, or go to grocery store cause I'm craving bananas not because it's in my planner. When it comes to a date, planning too far in advance gives me way too much time to think of what a disaster it could be. And then I mull over how I hate having a first kiss at a door, or in a car. Then I probably talk myself out of being interested in you before I can find out.

There are very few things I've MADE myself do that I've enjoyed, lets start at the beginning; Joining the Brownies- NOT FUN, quit after one day. The social pressure wasn't enough to make me sew,trek through the wildnerness, sell or knit anything.

Visiting the doctors office- any kind of doctor. Dentist, orthodontist, gynocologist...not once have the lollypops at the end, or the stupid bear stickers they put on my hand been worth it. Stickers= "I'm sticking a fat needle in your arm, your mom lied when she said it was a 'check up' so I'm also stripping you of your trust. Here, have a sticker."

Going to prom- The idea seemed sweet, the corsage and the fact that my date and I reconnected from being boyfriend/girlfriend in 1st grade. Well, a lot happens to boys between 1st-11th grade, one thing in particular- they become assholes. This asshole attended an all asshole boys school...making my evening at the Museum dancing in a pretty dress, while getting accosted by sweaty lacrosse players- rubbing their junk up against my leg- less than perfect. To say the least. Plus, he was a bad kisser and a "boob guy"...which I have very little of.

Driving in the snow- My legs tend to go numb from fear, about 2 minutes into the driving. That's not safe. Snowing=hibernating.

Soccer, Tennis, Swimming, or any other games that involve people chasing or throwing things at me- Swimming doesn't really count, however I was traumatized when I was 12 and my Swim Coach looked like an extra from Baywatch. Unlike some girls, I began having crushes at birth, not after I hit puberty...So, a one piece-goggles-frog legs- and my lovely lifegaurd=traumatizing. I hate playing sports. Don't even ask me to join in on a game of touch football, or I will pummel you before the whistle blows.

Sitting through my cousins "performace" of the Nutcracker- BLASPHEMY. Baryshnikov would drop dead if he saw this "production" and then he'd tell the snow fairies to lay off the holiday cookies, and the Sugar Plum Fairy to take a ballet class every once in a blue moon.

Checking my bank account today- Instant panic.

Eating low-sodium soup- What a horrible idea...not good, not good.

Wearing tights-Almost everytime I wear tights, I have a panic attack. They're not sexy and frankly, I'm not a senators wife, so hosiery makes me feel a lot like what a sausage probably feels like. And incredibly old. An old sausage. An old, first-lady, sausage.

Unless the plans involve booze, tropical islands, men- who aren't trying to take me to dinner, or caffiene in some form, they just aren't really my schtick. Ya feel me?

Is there anything you've made yourself do that you know you'll never do again??


Jamie Lovely said...

I will NOT get a hair cut if I plan it in advance. It has to be last minute decision and pray I can be squeezed in because I hate cutting my hair. HAAATE.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

DAMN, that should have been on my list! I agree. It just never looks right for at least two weeks...and then its about time to cut it again.

nicole antoinette said...

I'll never take dance classes again. God. Train wreck.

And I need to lose weight before I even *consider* wearing tights again.

Oh, and I laughed so much at this: "a lot happens to boys between 1st-11th grade, one thing in particular- they become assholes."

Lisa said...

I will never perm my hair again. I did it when I was eight. My aunt talked me into it. Oh, the horror. I've disowned her, btw.

Buddy and Grace said...

I agree. Low sodium soup is just gross. How about this. I will never stay at my parent's house, or anyone's parent's house, for longer than a night, ever again. Too traumatic!

JUST ME said...

Isn't low sodium soup the worst? It tastes like flavorless ass.

Oh yeah, and I was in brownies. I quit that shit after one week. I was like, "you want me to sew WHAT, bitch?"

Maxie said...

I forced myself to dye my hair because I had never done it... It ruined my hair for a couple years because I kept trying to let it grow out but didn't have the patience.

B said...

I loathe planning.

Abhor it, even.

Gah! I like to to turn my nose up against it as well. Stoopid plans.

And this post was fucking fantabulous. For seriously. I know whose blog I'll be catching up on tomorrow.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

YAY THANKS DEUTLICH! Planning sucks, its a chore...a mean, mean, chore.

B said...

it really, really is.

might I also say that I fucking love your music player. LOVE love LOVE love LOOOVE.