Tuesday, January 20, 2009

My date with JURY DUTY


Cue the orchestra of sympathetic and tragic violins.

I was trying to be a good sport, like, "oh hey, maybe justice will be SERVED and maybe, I'll get some dirty, sticky fingered, scum bag off the streets! Take that mufucka."

Oh but no......I was summoned for a TRAFFIC VIOLATION. Some asshat who was pleading not guilty, even though he DIDN'T HAVE A LICENSE. No license=no driving. Driving with no license= traffic violation. Violating laws= guilty. This asshat's case= waste of my day.
When they questioned the jurors my smack talking mouth couldn't help but answer completely honestly and say, "Well, this doesn't seem to be a grey matter to me- I think he's irresponsible."

AND BAM, dismissed! That was after I'd spent all day long reading Women's Day Magazine and trying to memorize what power foods I should try to incorporate into my meals on a daily basis (which influenced tonight's dinner; cottage cheese, yogurt, an apple, a handful of granola and a can of black beans?), then listening to 25(or something) jurors list their occupations, interests, parents occupations, favorite radio stations, etc. etc. It felt more like a blind date with incompatible strangers. Side note, listening to excruciatingly slow-talkers name TEN different reality shows they like, and for what reason should be a new form of torture- for your worst enemy, boss, Al Quaeda, whatevs. I digress. Then, after learning that I'm nearly the only person in my county who doesn't watch Fox News, it was already 2:00. Holy hell.

So, I shuffled off uncomfortably the same way people do in airports, cafeterias, to execution, on eggshells, etc. You know the shuffle I'm talking about- the one where you don't want to move too much cause any twitch out of the ordinary could send the already high tension atmosphere into a frenzy of nervousness and who knows, accidental trigger pulling.

And might I add to anyone who designs a courtroom- fluorescent lighting is uncomfortable, we already don't want to be there so if you could at least put a dimmer in that shit, it'd set a better mood. It'd even lend to the somberness.....a pitcher of water with fresh cucumbers and raspberries would be a nice touch too. A spa in a Dixie cup.

So here I am- catching up on all the exciting Inauguration coverage and swooning over the Prez. Michelle, cheers.

Tomorrow my day will resume, back to it's semi-normalcy which will involve: arranging a photo shoot, picking out some radical costumes- 1940's marching band uniforms anyone?, rehearsing, writing, and catching up on some blog shiz. In the meantime here's some EAR CANDY for you- the band I sing in, Eleanor just had some amazingly successful shows this weekend, the goal- coming to a city near youuuu soon!

It's your turn, I need a jury; where would a band like Eleanor perform in your town???


Brunhilda said...

I know there are tons of cool places bands play around here (Seattle) but I can't think of ANY right now! I'll ponder.

Also, my boss just had jury duty; I asked him if it was like Law & Order. He said "sometimes." Haha.

Bella@That damn expat said...

I'm the only person in the world who craves jury duty.

JUST ME said...

My town's in the middle of the woods. Come to Boston!!!

CIP said...

What a stupid, stupid cause to have to do jury duty for! Ugh, I've never done it, but I really don't want to!

Herding Cats said...

AND they loved Fox News? Good lord.

Anonymous said...

1. Fox News scares the living be-jesus out of me.

2. You? Stole my heart when you uttered these words: Take that mufucka. I nearly peed myself.

Lindsay said...

Ugh, that sounds like a horrible day. I'm glad they let you off, being stuck with tons of people who watch Fox News is a sick form of punishment.

Kimberly said...

Just getting that little sheet of paper in the mail saying I may be summoned, makes me feel sick. Let alone actually going and having to be in a room filled with strangers and their strange ways, blech.

Dolce said...

Jury duty is miserable! Luckily, I've never been picked to actually be on the jury.

Whoo Hoo!

megabrooke said...

sometimes i look forward to jury duty. but that sounds kind of painful. glad you're done for a few years!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

sequined- Seattle, we're definitely coming out there at some point, Seattle is such a good spot for music. !

JUST ME- Boston would be bad as well!!

and as far as the Fox News thing, I'm so glad you all share my sentiment, I mean- would you really want a full jury of Fox News lovers??? oh GAWD.

Anonymous said...

Both days I had jury duty they didn't even have cases for us. We sat around for a few hours and then were excused. Sounds boring, but I had my trusty iPod filled with Sex and the City episodes to pass the time.

Better than work!

sarah marie p said...

Hey, you should totally come to Fresno, Calif.!

We need some more good indie rock in this town!

You should play the starline

Or Tokyo Garden

Or Club Fred

Oh, and yeah, jury duty TOTALLY SUCKS! I had it about a year ago and I was stuck listening to people's interests for THREE DAYS until the case was dismissed. UGH. And yesterday I got another jury duty slip in the mail! Nooooooooooooooooooo! I think you've just inspired me to blog about it.

nicole antoinette said...

Um, yeah. I live in white soccer mom suburbia so I doubt your band would have much luck here, haha.

Anonymous said...

I was supposed to have jury duty last week, but alas, it was canceled day of! Whew.

And thanks for reminding me that I totally need to sign up for traffic school due to my own traffic violation (the one in which I was going sub-70 and the jackass cop "visually estimated" me to go NINETY-FOUR, thus slamming me with reckless driving...I appealed and the judge STILL found my guilty. I hate the judicial system).

Crystal Rae said...

i havent had the pleasure of jury duty yet, thank God

Jaime Randle said...

a) my mom told me i was summonneeddd, but i escaped jury duty since i'm living overseas. they rescheduled my date for like... the minute i come back basically. perfect.

b) Fox Snooze is heinous, so good for you. My dad has banned it in the house.

c) what are the power foods? i need to know, please and thank you because whiiiiile living in europe i have morphed into shamu. more perfection.

Beelzebub said...

That'll teach ya to be honest. At least it beats having to actually sit through the lyin' asshat's testimony.

I watch Fox News but only for the ironic lolz.

And a band like Eleanor (or any band) would never play my sleepy little redneck town in the armpit of America. But a city (kinda, sorta) near me would be Baltimore.

L.L. said...

If I ever get called for jury duty I'm going to claim I'm racist and homophobic. That should cover my bases.

Katelin said...

you are so much luckier than i was when i was called for jury duty. it was three days that sucked my life away and i wasn't even called up to the stand. agh.

Tash said...

Screw fair trials. Let's just throw everyone in jail. I'm sure most of them would deserve it.

Jeanna said...

I'm from Seattle - and I can think of a TON. You must come here!

Some of the most popular venues are (a bit for larger venues, or grouped with other bands):
Showbox at the Market or Showbox Sodo
El Corazon

Some great bars who host awesome Indie bands:
The High Dive
The Tractor

Let me know if I can help in anyway!

Sebastian Anthony said...

Have you ever seen 12 Angry Men?

It's old, and pretty famous -- it's a film purely about the deliberation of a jury, after a trial.

I have a fantastic image of you, sitting at the table, swishing your hair and saying you have to be somewhere...

Blogstiny said...

I have never had jury duty, but if I ever do, I will get out of it by simply saying "I feel like pooping right here!" or something to that effect. Come play in my city :-)

Larissa said...

I've had jury duty twice, and was bored out of my mind both times.

Come to Los Angeles. I just saw a concert at Club Nokia in downtown LA...very cool place!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...


Cesia said...

I actually got picked for a jury once. I thought it would be all cool and Perry Mason/Law & Order/12 Angry Men-esque ... not so. It ended up that some punk teenager beat up another punk teenager. Wow. Like that doesn't happen every day in the ghetto town I live in. :P

It gets better ... the skinny punk smashed his skateboard into the punk-with-a-girlfriend's girlfriend's car window, so the latter punk and said girlfriend chased the skinny punk down and beat the pulp out of him. Mainly the girlfriend. She had already plead guilty.

Yeah, that was sooooo not glamorous. (And I didn't even get a full day off work.)

- Cesia.

Envious Leigh said...

Ugh, I went to a college where they sell your soul to the jury pool if you live on campus, so in my senior year I was called in to serve my city in the court of law.

I was in the first round of people to be interviewed for a criminal case that would likely last several weeks. They called me in to meet with the judge and the lawyers. I answered all the questions "correctly," and they seemed to like me. Finally, the judge asked, "Is there any other reason you don't think you can be a fair juror?" or something like that.

"Yes. I was the victim of a crime and I did not like the way the city's judicial system handled it."

Bam. I think the judge was actually amused, but I was out of there so quickly. Then I had to wait in the big room for another six hours while they questioned everyone else before someone finally came in and said "you are dismissed."

Ironically, the case sounded really interesting, and I don't think I would have minded serving. I didn't have anything better to do, anyway.

Anonymous said...

In Los Angeles? All you have to know are the places you SHOULDN'T play, since there are venues within 2 sq. miles of each other.

But really in LA, most good shows take place in Silverlake and Echo Park (echoplex, spaceland, tangier, silverlake lounge, etc.).

Shila Shila and Cult Jam said...

I always get out of jury duty by immediately proclaiming that I'm racist.

Eh. It's embarrassing at the moment, but the shame passes once you're in the car driving home to resume your LIFE.

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