Thursday, July 28, 2011

Then Something Major happened. AKA Winning. Almost.

Here’s the situation.

...that almost works, just a period, no explanation- just---hey bitch, there’s a situation- that’s it. There is a situation.

The situation is this in a nutshell; I’ve been planning to move to New York City in October with my man candy since June--- mid-Feb of this year, I left my previous job and went back to the world of freelance. For those of you that are all, “Oh freelance! How dreamy! Ponies! Cozy sweatpants and endless creativity all! day! long! SPRITZERS WHILE I’M ON A CLIENT PHONE CALL AND THEY’LL NEVER EVEN KNOWWWWWWWW” yeah, for you guys? Lay off the crack pipe.

It’s more like: What up Morning, what do have for me today ::while you put on your Rocky face and camo gear:: then, feel tempted to do laundry since you’re sitting in your laundry all day, but don’t do the laundry because you have to ACTUALLY WORK, thus you stare at the laundry and start to feel like a hoarder by 2:30, then wonder where the hell your boundless creativity went, the nagging creativity that was begging for you to pay attention to it when you had your last job, where you didn't sit on top of thongs and crunchy sweat pants all day.

So then... you’re all--- FINE. I will lean into the discomfort of my dried up brain and I’ll WORK THROUGH IT. Then you eat some cheese. And watch a YouTube video of Marble Machines, then you cry about Amy Winehouse---but maybe you're not crying about Amy Winehouse, maybe you're crying about yourself? But whatever.

....Meanwhile, you've already applied to 25 jobs, THIS. MORNING. ALONE. Then, you follow up with 10 potential new clients. While also working on your current clients.....interspersed with the other ideas that have yet to make you actual money. Then you write an invoice, then hassle someone who hasn't paid you yet, then you take 4 phone calls that a lot of them, end up wasting your time....

....the whole time you're thinking....this is an investment. This is all worth it.

Then you pitch six thousand ideas and most of the time people are like, “meh?” , then you check and you’re like HOLY BALLS!!! How long can I stretch (insert abysmal amount of coin here) and you’re like, "no, look..." (and you start crying inside, then outside when it’s about 5 and there’s been no progress), I need these ideas to work because it turns out that I have a credit card bill and insurance and rent and a phone bill and you know, normal people shit that needs dealing with---and that last client? Yeah, that only lasted so long, it was a contract, that’s over.....then you remember your mom saying, “Patience is your life lesson” so you sit on the porch and meditate for 6 minutes, then go back to MANICALLY PURSUING SHIT.

....Then you remember some thing, some successful person said to you and DING! generate word of mouth, that’s the KEY! So you start by mouthing off to so many people your mouth hurts, so that they’ll mouth off to their people about how awesome your mouthing off is and boom, tipping point, snowballing, “oh man, I’m so booked---hit me back in a year.” BOOM. (This is unicorn shit, people---this happens somewhere in a land with Chupacabras and fuckin’ unicorns. And a couple other bloggers who we all love--you know who you are, and yes, I’m jealous--but that’s another blog and I love you anyway.)

THEN! SOMETHING! ALMOST HITS! Something really major---the kind of something that Cuba Gooding Jr. was all naked and screaming at Tom Cruise about. And you’re like, finally I don’t have to consider becoming an Atheist! And that “Something” is drawn out for about a year---this really big deal, that you’re really stoked on, YOUR CALLING (angels sing, fairies dance, glitter and absinthe abound!) and you think, after the last 10 years of constant rejection, it has to end at some point? There was a reason you didn’t book Lady Gaga, or Rihanna, or Maroon 5, or why Glamour and Marie Claire and Cosmo and Elle and Self and every magazine on the planet never wanted any of your million stories, or why those twelve business ideas you had bombed like Clear Pepsi and why your book ideas suck balls … was all for this thing, you mini-celebrate inside and Google, “Yacht.” Wee! Take that The Man!

Then, Something Major doesn’t happen.
And you want to die. Which is dramatic, but sort of true. Especially because Something Major has been a whorey little tease knockin’ at your door during dark hours, night after bleak night.

Then, you do your laundry. But only one load, because you want to feel sorry for yourself and drink Gin instead and see how many creative egg and pasta based dinners you can make until your next paycheck comes.

THE SITUATION IS THIS: I don't want to live like this forever. I'm ready and excited to get back to the city and have actually found some opportunities that I would be HAPPY to leave the world of freelancing behind for----excited, even. Free samples at the bakery, kind of excited. I just need to get hired. Or booked. Or....for someone to take a chance on me and the ideas that I know. deeeep, deeeep down are STELLAR.

The Something Major that I wanted so deep in my loins (yeah I said it) hasn't happened yet.....but, Something Major and I will meet eventually. Right?



Katie [Blogs] said...

The more proverbial shit that you throw at a fan, the more is going to come back and hit you in the face! As a fellow freelancer (Freelancer's unite) - There are two kinds of freelancers: Ones who like the short-term, vast variety of opportunities. (not me), and those who look for those few special freelance positions that end up being positions that you really care about.

I'm not about to get all "Here's some freelance advice" on you, because, well, that would be unsolicited, but as far as rolling in the dough, leading a comfy life, doing things you love? It's all about different approaches, the way you write a proposal (sell yourself), and choosing the right jobs to apply for.

(Does this comment come off as bitchy? I wasn't going for that! Not in the least!)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Katie--- no not at all. I hear you. I've been a freelancer for 6 years, as you know some years are good, others are rough, some weeks KICK ASS, others don't. I understand what you're saying---you do make a good point.

Anonymous said...

My something major would be two-fold: Get into my Ph.D. program of choice and find the husband a good job in that city.

Pipe dreams, but I'm holding on.

Linda said...

I wish I knew what my something major is. :(

We Are Not Martha said...

Girl, we live the same life. I mean, I'm literally sitting here in my bathrobe with 4 different documents open ready to start writing, but, but, I had to check FB. Then I saw your post and had to click that. Now I'm commenting. I FEEL so motivated, but my head is swimming with so many things I have to do and want to do that it's hard to pick just one and focus.

It doesn't help that one of my favorite things to write about is cooking... And buying lots of food costs $$.

I KNOW the big things will come for us eventually... knew it since our days at GS :) I also know I'll get dressed at some point today and maybe even unpack from last week's trip. And maybe, just maybe submit some work.

I always say I'd leave the freelance world in a second for a super appealing job... But that job hasn't come yet :)


Katie [Blogs] said...

After I wrote it, I was all "Dude, don't preach to someone who's been in the business, KATIE!" :)

I know I've gotten lucky with freelancing. I've only done it since 2008, and luckily, I've landed only 5 jobs. All of which I still hold on today.

I always like to ask: (because I know everyone has different preferences in freelance) if you prefer having several different jobs that are short term, or would you ideally like one or two that ended up full time positions?

R said...

Sounds like we are in the same boat! I, too, am waiting for that "something" to happen so I can move away to NYC. Trouble being that my landlord doesn't freaking care how creative I'm being in my downtime, he wants his check.
My something major would be a to find a great paying job so that I could quit my job at the mall, pay off my debt, and save for moving to the city.

Anonymous said...

Well, I was much like you, so much so that I just caved and got married too young and had a family, and was disappointed..Not in them, but, in me.My gift was to be a Dancer,an Entertainer and an actor.I'd worked on that, all through school!But,I'd been rejected so many times,I thought it wasn't meant to be.I turned down my one big chance, and I wasn't getting anymore...My biggest mistake was not knowing what my gift really was, and going for it, until I got it.I didn't kn ow that I could have had it all. Remember to ask yourself "What is my GIFT?" Oh yes, I know that girls like you have many, but "What is your real GIFT?" That is what you should go out and do.....Don't be like me, and have regrets all your life.

Berrak said...

My Something Major WAS being a full-time freelancer and being happy and BAM, I'm there.

Next step for Something Major?

Finish school and my first book.

Because, ya know, I CAN'T STOP WRITING.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

We Are Not Martha----Oh man, I hear ya! AND YES, on the food bit--I understand that aspect and I'm not even a food blogger. I know you know the kind of money we used to make ;) Sigh. The good old days hah!! Keep doing your thing sister, you're incredibly talented!

Katie: No worries, I'm open to any and all comments, always! I hear you- every word. I prefer fewer clients, I've done both really---where I have 10 clients at once, to pay the bills---then years, where I only have 1, or 2 and those I prefer. It helps my creativity stay focused and gives me more freedom to save some of the creative juices for my own projects!

Anonymous--- Thank you for sharing your story :) I definitely know what my gifts are; singing and writing mostly. Acting and songwriting second. Then of course we all have secondary gifts; the way we interact with people, energy, the way you write a kick ass email, etc. that can't be taken for granted.....good reminder ;)

Berrak- yay! Good for you lady!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

The Remarkable Redhead--- I used to live in NYC, a few years ago and was a freelancer the entire time I was there---it IS possible, the city in general is amazing, whatever gets you there- freelance or not! It'll happen for you!!

Laura @ Musings of an Orange Sheep said...

I feel like your post is so relatable to such a large portion of young professionals who graduated college and can't find a decent job!

My Something Major was moving to New York City and I did it a month ago! Now I can't find a job in my field (education) due to budget cuts and hiring freezes so I am literally looking anywhere and everywhere for someone to respond to a resume or email.

I hope your something major happens soon :)

missy. said...

i've never freelanced before so props to you lady. as for something major.. i know my SM will kick in soon. just have to do word of mouth and generate clients, just like you :)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Laura- that's fantastic, congrats!! and yes, you make a great point- it isn't just "freelancers" it's ANYONE trying to get ANYTHING; job, dream, move off the ground. Here's to someone answering your email today :)

Missy- thank you!!! Your SM will come ;)

B said...

My something major would be to leave my super secure job and work for MY man-candy who started his own web development business last year (started mostly as free-lance stuff) and probably do some of my own free-lance stuff on the side. I want it to happen soon but it may not be until next year. And it's what I want but it'll be scary as shit. I LOVE your description of "working for yourself". I know that's exactly what he has been dealing with over the last year.


Garnet said...

I could never be a freelancer. Ever. I know myself and my strengths and they just aren't compatable with that lifestyle. That being said, I admire the shit out of people who can not only pull it off, but succeed. You have natural, beautiful talent and Something Major WILL come in time.

Also, get your ass to the East Coast : )

doniree said...

My SM was freelancing, and here we are! And I can relate to every single thing you mentioned here (minus the part about Gaga, because well, I'm never going to audition for Gaga). My next SM is passive revenue. So that I can sit on that yacht WITH you and watch the dollars just rolllll in :)

JUST ME said...

I know this feeling. I know it so well.

Being a creative type - you have to learn to assuage your desire to vomit or kill every time Something BIG doesn't exactly happen.

I LOVE that you're moving back to NYC. Sometimes, I wish I was doing the same thing.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

B- give your Man Candy a big old hug at the end of the day and tell him to keep on keepin' on :)

Garnet- I'll get out there!!

Doniree- I like this yacht plan.

Just me--- are you still going to LA LA LAND?

Kerri W. said...

I adore this post something fierce. You captured the reality of it, Chelsea - it's not like everything is always puppies and rainbows when you're out there chasing your dream. Some days it's just poo and bills.

I'm not sure yet what my "something big" is, actually. I keep thinking I know, but then it changes as life goes along. I kind of feel like motherhood will be one of my biggest accomplishments (mostly because it's something I've always dreamed of) but I feel like even after that happens I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. A few dreams left to dream (creatively, especially).

I truly admire you for still following your heart and dreams - you're definitely one of those people who WILL get to where they want to be and WILL change the world. Hugs, m'dear.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

wishcake--- thank you so much my love! I have to say, I understand what you mean about being mother and for the record, I think you'll be an INCREDIBLE mother---I can't wait to read all about it. Thanks for the extra nudge, you're the sweetest.

chelsea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chelsea said...

I don't think I know exactly what my "something major" is yet. I'm in school to be a counselor, which I think is so important and I am really loving. On the other hand, I really love anything creative, especially photography and making jewelry. I love blogging. I think my "something major" might be finding a balance between those things.

Good luck with everything you do! I'm sure that freelancing is super stressful but also really rewarding. I hope you find all the opportunities you are looking for ! <3

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

That is so exciting about the move! i have no doubt that your Something Major is right around the corner :)

Also I think being able to survive off freelancing for six years is something pretty major in itself! I have just taken on my first freelancing job, just to see what it's like, and boy does the pay suck!!!

The Lewicutt's said...

Eh, I think my something major is home schooling my kids. Is that weird???

I have a great job that I really love and it pays well... and it's fulfilling.

But, I don't know... being able to home school kind of sounds like a blast to me. Plus, my kids won't get ridiculed by all these hellians that the world has raised.

Lisa said...

Ah man. I totally get it! I'm just transitioning into working for myself too, and I had to laugh at the part in the beginning when you just expect to calls to start coming in. And then...crickets. :( It's tough and I think the hardest part is sticking it out and knowing that eventually there will be a HUGE payoff. Even those we admire so much had to start somewhere you know? There are other photographers that I DROOL over and I just have to remember that they started off somewhere too. And it probably took a lot of hard work, dedication (blood, sweat, tears?) to get to the superstar status they're at now. I believe this is my starting off point, and I plan on pressing on. Maybe one day I'll be superstar, too!

<3 Lisa

Emily said...

Were you talking to me? Or is that just me? Only I did move to new York, unemployed, and I'm just waiting for someone to say, "yeah, you! You're bitchen and talented and creative and I can't see us continuing as a successful company without you!! oh, and we will totally give you all the time, space, and money you need to pursue your love of dance in the city...!!!" so let's just say, if you do make it to and your love and me and my love (at the very least) meet over drinks and brainstorm this shit out. At least I feel like you could be a great sympathizer and Idea maker.. Think about it...


Camels & Chocolate said...

I'd say our Something Major is moving 2,885 miles IN THREE DAYS. Ahhhh. Yeah, no bigs. And then follow that with four months living on a ship in the middle of Some Ocean, and our whole year turns into a Something Major.

Heather said...

You go, lady! I know your Something Big will come. Keep being awesome. I don't think my Something Big has come yet. Hopefully one day ;)

Anonymous said...

I hear ya! I've been a freelancer for almost 4 years and it has it's major ups and downs, but I don't really know how I every could work "full time" for someone else again. Now I'm juggling two home based businesses. My current one as a video editor and my present-future one as a life coach. To juggle the two has been...interesting.

Michelle said...

I adore you. that is all.

Ashley said...

Ahhh I totally get where you're coming from! Freelancing is the worst, especially while also working for free aka "interning" - I'm so broke. Cry a tear for me too, lol :)


Nic said...

Oh dear. I'm sorry. It's certainly no comfort to you when I say you are such a lovely person, but I hope deep down you know how kickass you are. I really admired you when I met you in Vegas for BiSC- you hate people too!- and you love ModCloth! And you're tall and pretty and have such amazing style and are talented in so many ways it's almost ridiculous to the rest of us. You are uber fancy.

And I know I sound like some janky ass stalker chick, but I hope you take it to heart and aren't all "what the fuck weirdo?!"

Also, and this is striking at least to me because I NEVER think this, I kept thinking this is one of the best posts I've ever read!

Pretty Zesty said...

My something major is planning a wedding I can't afford so in return I just don't even want one. Le sigh. I'm not the "bride" type. I feel like I've been married to my husband-to-be for 10 years already. A ten year relationship will do that! :o)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

michelle- well thank you :) I adore you too.

ashley- the tears are fallin' darlin'

nic- oh my gosh, I'm seriously smile/laughing right now, this is quite possible THEE BEST COMMENT EVAAAAH. "you're uber fancy." is going to run through my head anytime I start feeling low---seriously, thank you for ever single thing you said here-- you made my day.

Kris- oh man, I can imagine--- try to enjoy it as much as you can, after all, it's ONE BIG ASS PARTY---everyone loves parties.

Honey Bee said...

I noticed the question mark at the end of the second last line."Something Major and I will meet eventually. Right?".
What if you don't?
Is it necessarily the end?
I'm just asking, not to send you in a frenzy of such pessimistic thoughts, but because I often wonder the same about myself and my SM. There are billion people...a million of which, or atleast thousands who are dreaming the same dreams as me, as hard as me. What if they get chosen, and I don't? Someone has to lose. What if that person is me?

Natalie said...

I love your face paced writing but I'm not looking forward to freelancing!

Kristin Wyly said...

Freeaking something majors. Bitches and hoes, man. Theys all bitches and hoes.

Claire said...

As someone who has considered taking a dive into the freelance pool, your post has me kinda terrified. I'm totally with Kristin Wyly there. Bitches and hoes, man. Just bitches and hoes.

Really though, you'll get there. SOMETHING major will happen. Even if it's not the something you'd planned on. I swear.

the Tsaritsa said...

Freelance is hard work. People who don't do freelance don't realize this and think that because we work from home we must be messing around all day. Not true at all. It' so much harder to set your own hours and create your own work schedule.

My goal is to keep pushing and find a way to write for a living. I would love that.

Anonymous said...

Oh god, I've been there too my dear! During my last year of university I completed my pride and joy, my heart's work, my Very First Novel that I was so happy and excited with because I was actually proud about it and satisfied with it and it shut off that negative little voice in my head when I read it! And then I started trying to climb the impossible mountain called finding an agent. And then I had the unbelievable good fortune to be whisked over that mountain when the writer in residence referred me to a respected published author who read my novel and recommended me to his agent! And then she blew into town, whisked me out to a fancy dinner and took me on as her client! And then cut to a year later and she wasn't able to find a home for my book (being right in the heart of the recession probably didn't help) and she had to let me go. Ouchie!!!!

Now I'm working on a new book, preparing to try the whole terrifying thing again. At least I have an agent with an open door, but it's daunting to put your heart on the line again. Hang in insane creative types have to stick together!

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Monique said...

Freelance has a lot of great benefits.
1. You can work out whenever you want and never work on Fridays

the Downside:
you spend a lot of time in your PJs and eating too much.

Anyways I totally loved your post and can relate. As a recent college grad I'm freelancing and while the work is fun and everything is always new, I find myself wanting more.

That's why I created my Food Blog. It's my little baby. My little piece of work that I can feel proud of.

Keep rockin the blog girl.

paddle to shore said...

Chelsea, thanks for visiting my blog. I'm so glad you did because now I'm trying to catch up on your life haha! Ohh I wish I knew more about your "major something" you have me VERY curious. Kim, xo

Poppy Gets a Life said...

Chelsea! Just been catching up on your blog.

My BIG THING is actually incredibly close to yours!

I've got a flight booked from Melbourne to New York City, leaving on Sunday morning. (Yes, THREE DAYS FROM TODAY!)

I've quit my job, and have three months to find work before my visa runs out.

I'm equal parts terrified and excited. This was the right time for me personally, even though the economy is looking pretty rough.

I can't wait to arrive though! Please drop me a line when you get there. You know you will.

Poppy xox

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Raquel said...

Just came across your blog and I'm already inspired. My something major is quitting my shitty day job and being a full time photographer. Fear seems to get the best of me but I'm working on it everyday! :)

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