Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It's okay to ASK. For more PARMESAN. For more cuddles. For help. ASK, ASK. ASK.

I lifted my heart to the heavens and asked that it be filled.

Ah, isn't that such a vulnerable moment, the ASKING.

...The asking of anything, really; permission, grace, advice, guidance.... ten more minutes, unapologetically declaring the need for more pleasure, or some damn directions. Extra cheese. Real answers. Proof. A little more time. There's great confession is ASKING and when there's a confession, you also reveal a wound or a "heart-piece." A, "hey, I trust you enough to tell you what I need right now." Asking is RAW and when something is raw, it is tender and when something is tender, it is when we are in the place of asking we're admitting that we ourselves are fragile and that no matter what emotional facade we may build up around us, we are not made to be emotionally, physically or spiritually bulletproof.

Almost two years ago I went through what is my deepest ache-the one that left the floor and Iintimately familiar. Yes, while seemingly trite it was my first, real, true love heartbreak. See, I'm acutely aware that a breakup isn't an ounce of the pain or heaviness that people struggle with in the larger scheme of life, however, the dark hours that followed for me were as a result of this experience. The point isn't that specific experience but the things that I carried from it as a result; you will not feel this depth of pain, to this capacity forever. Even when it feels like it now, the Gods above will grant you some respite before you crumble. And, the most important one was this;
It is our job to lift people up.
Caring, is not a "special personality trait" it is what we are here to do. If we aren't genuinely caring, unconditionally loving, connecting- holding and selflessly giving to those around us, what matters?

.... remember how supportive all of you were, when I was revealing my cringeworthy pain to you?

When I was heaving in a ball, clutching my heart and a pack of cigarettes, you were planning, scheming, sending prayers and notes. With no expectation, just to 'wave hello' that you were out there, thinking of me. I didn't realize the expansiveness of what it felt like to be HELD until I went through that. But, the thing I also didn't prepare for was; In order for me to heal, part of what I needed to do was reveal to those dear the parts of me that were still aching.

While, I see infinite magic, miracles and awe in this singular precious life that we're living, I recognize and acknowledge that there is true pain and heartbreak happening. That we're all surviving and navigating through our own suffering. We're experiencing loss of our loved ones, our visions, our self-control, our fortitude. Our minds. We're hurting. We each have different degrees of pain, on different timelines, wearing different outfits. But all of us have it. Which makes this whole COMPASSION thing, pretty essential.

Be there before someone needs to ask. Rush to their side. Assume they need tequila. Assume they need you to listen. Assume they need a bowl of spaghetti. Be still and silent. Expand your own heart and test your humanity by beving brave enough to truly comprehend what they must be feeling. When the words on the tip of your tongue are just answers for YOU, reevaluate them and give words made for who's in front of you. Take yourself out of the picture. Reserve your need to find a solution, or be right, or make a judgment and realize that by presently being with someone the answers you thought you had for them, actually work both ways and that there's something they're teaching you too. Make a little more space in your heart.

Pour one out for the homie. Dedicate a prayer, mindfully.

Send out a practice. A poem. A card that says, "...we'll find our 'happy.'" Send pears, or cabernet, bad chick flicks, or text messages full of emoticons.

Feed. Nurture. Nap with. Peel. DO THE HEAVY LIFTING. All for someone else.

...and if you are in the place of asking; it's okay.

Declare what you are and what you are not. What can be and what you need a little help with for awhile.

Give your pain a name and let the people who love you, snuggle up next to that distinct, bitter anguish and let them endure the thing with you. When you feel stale and vacuous, ask for a sip of their light to start the engines again. Then let them sweep you away from the ache, if even for a moment and make you smile again. Let them distract you. Take you on an adventure. Stimulate your senses, through food and music and newness. Let those around you make you feel alive again, when you're enduring the deepest opaque moments, when you think it isn't possible- feel. alive.

There's a reason we have the ability to hold each other. So keep your arms open.

If sleep, or the night. If food, or the mirror. If loneliness, or the silence. If unanswerable questions, or the confusion. If the ability to make a five minute plan, let alone a 5 year plan is plaguing you, we're here.

When you need a ride. Someone to tell you a story. A partner in crime. Physical presence. A light. Someone to count to three for you so you can scream on four. A person to look you in the eyes and say, "'re going to be okay." When you need these things, ASK. But more than asking, be these things. This is our job, it is part of the human condition to take care of one another.

Let's stick together shall we? I got you.



Dash said...

I too received/experienced care and love online during painful times, and in hindsight, although I didnt realise any of this then, care in whichever form is uplifting. We need to teach our children this.Love.

Stevie said...

Oh man, I really needed to read this right now. I'm dealing with some stuff in my life right now...not as much on the personal level, more on the administrative side, as it were. But I guess it's all connected. Especially when I realize that I'm terrible about asking for help, asking for support, specifically during the times when I need the help and support most.

But receiving compassion, love, help, and support when we least expect it is one of life's most beautiful gifts.

Nicole said...

Beautiful post, Chels. I have been recently helping my friend through her PTSD and she's been helping me with some issues that my boyfriend and I have been having, but are trying to work out as best we can and we both never asked each other for the help, we just give it freely and as soon as a look of sadness washes over both of our faces. It's amazing what we as human's are capable of if we just let ourselves be open to things.


Jill of All Trades said...

You FUCKING BLOW my mind! Please don't stop.

Anonymous said...

....Just read this, for the first time,and I admit..I try NOTto read your Blogs, because I am too closely intwined and I feel that I should not be here..But, I just can't NOTsay this.You write my feelings,in a way that I cannot.Because ,number is obvious you are a much better writerLol! AND,You don't know this.I'm very gingerly hitting the keys,because I think it will make you see the feeling in my soul,that makes me afraid to scare you off, like you're a tiny kitten that I'm trying to befriend..I'm just so afraid to let you get away,yet I need to tell you,even though you don't need to know,that I am not a just little proud,evenif I can't sleep,even more,now.And.I always can't sleep.>?You have inherited the most over-powering and over-whelming ability,to freely Love ..he ones,that you love,and that makes you a prime object of affection, for those who need the deepest and most heart wrenching love.And, when they take thatlove, they are so high and pacified,and then like eating a delectable bit of sweet chocolate laced with some illicit drug,they are addicted to it,and must have that fix again, and again, and until youhave no more left..they are satisfied, and have gone to a new planet, to get off the addiction, of too much love..leaving us devastated.I guess, my precious B,I know ,in my case, it happened more than once for me.And, it 's good, because I know you are smarter than I am, and you will learn faster,just who is capable of handling an overwhelming love, like ours..But..the best news is, it is worth waiting and shopping carefully, for that one..I wasn't careful, or patient.I didn't even accept how "in-humane,or un-able" a few of my ex loves actually were,of true love, for anyone. Long story to tell you how amazingly capable of love, you are! And, though your talents are many, you are also gifted in being capable of the kind of love that stories are written about.Your life is going to be very full of everything that you want and love the most.<3I'm so happy for you.And, I don't want to be an embarrassment,as I can be, so this is not going to be re-peated, or mentioned.<3<3<3

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, sweet Chelsea, I truly have found the perfect love.It was a long time ago, when we were younger , so you know,but you won't believe it., until you have it..Don't u think that the first love is the best.. no..Love truly does get better with each year, when it is real..I mean that, though it can take years, you will feel very good about the past. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Your words are beautiful, you have such a gift with language and emotion. It's always a little bit of a thrill to see a new blog post here and make myself a cup of tea and sit down and soak it all in. I think there's a cycle in the world. There's too much pain for any of us to handle, so we offer what compassion we can, and that compassion spreads and grows and travels among us. I feel like I'm always giving and accepting a little help. Some days I give more, some days I take more, but it all evens out in the end. The biggest blessing is having friends that back you up, and allow you the opportunity to back them up a little bit as well. Thank you for giving me a quiet moment to think about LOVE this morning- your posts always make me smile.

Aline Beatrice said...

"There's a reason we have the ability to hold each other. So keep your arms open."

Beautiful and inspiring post, thanks for sharing, Chelsea!

spleeness said...

Chelsea, I just love you. Thank you for this. I just facebooked it. <3

elle said...

i really needed to read this.


Sheridan in the City said...

you have such a way with words and this post moved me so much. I will likely be thinking about it all day and many days from now. I'm always excited when I see you've written a new post, and this time was no different. Thank you!

Aaron said...

Resonating. Thanks Chels

Anonymous said...

"I got you" How easy do those words come!! So much easier than "can you please" OR "can I please" right?
If only they both came as easy as one another.....wouldnt this world be such a nicer place.

Thank you for this today, some food for thought, for sure!

Louise xo

Nahl said...

Beautiful mind you have.

Fizzgig said...

very well put! being able to accept love is just as important as giving this post!

Brandy said...

Love this so so much. You hit another one outta the park, Chelsea!

Anonymous said...

love this post.

srsears said...

I love this! Thanks for this. :)

Anonymous said...

what a great post! i too went through a terrible break up and it shattered my heart but in the end i learned so much about myself, and now i am the strongest version of myself yet. As far as helping someone today, yesterday was a though day at work and one of the ladies i worked with cried. so i brought her some recipes she asked for, gave her chocolate, and a big hug...made her day!

Phoenix said...

Yes times one thousand.

Mandy said...

This is a beautiful post Chelsea. I really needed to read this today. Asking. Being there. I need to do more of that. Thank you for the amazing reminder.

Ioana-Carmen said...

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Unknown said...

I like this :)